So she dont love you back??

LegacyUser

Hey guys would've posted this over in PI but I'd rather a mostly male opinion on this.
You see, I'm absolutely in love with this girl.
Shes ****ing epic, proper down to earth type no bull**** with her. She's different from all the others. I know most guys wouldn't rank her very high on the looks scale but she's gorgeous to me. Big green eyes, lovely figure, ****ing great legs and oh her voice and her accent.......
She's deep too the first thing that attracted me too her was her ability to think for herself and read between the lines of other people, she just makes all the others look like ****ing silly bimbos tbh.
So I got talking to her.
Now I decided she was different from the start, so to win her over was going to require a different approach as shes very shy and seems to get ignored by the "cool" girls.
I decided it was worth the risk of falling into the friend zone, because even if I couldn't pull it off she'd make an awesome friend anyway, so I got very friendly with with her.
It was soon revealed that she never had a boyfriend or even been asked out.
So when I felt the time was right I asked her out despite this.
And then the old line I thought I could avoid hearing "I think we should just be friends"
This upsets me alot, we're still great friends afterwards, probably even better friends.
Does this mean there might still be hope?
I never felt like this about a girl ever and as much as I'm willing to move on and hopefully one day find another who I can feel this way about. I cant help but think "Whats wrong with me??"
I try to be all the man I can be, I look after myself, Im kind and generous to everyone and I'm defo not shy with people.
So what the hell???
I know I cant expect her to want to be with me just cos she's never had a boyfriend and that.
But I've never felt so in love, we have so much in common we have some pretty deep conversations and similar ideas about the world and life.
I feel like **** now.......

PK2008

Sorry mate 'Lets just be friends' is just code for 'I dont fancy you'.

If you hang around with her you're just gonna torture yourself.

DazMarz

PK2008 wrote: »

Sorry mate 'Lets just be friends' is just code for 'I dont fancy you'.

If you hang around with her you're just gonna torture yourself.

Have to agree with the above. As much as you might want to be with her ''as friends'', if in the back of your mind you still want to be intimate and to be more than just friends with her, it will never work and you'll just be torturing yourself needlessly.

They say you should never quit and persistence is the key and all that, but in some cases it just doesn't work.

I'm sorry to hear this didn't work out for you, man. It always hurts, no matter what.

Will

Nothing wrong with ya man, she just feels there's nothing there. "Let's just be friends" is her saying (i think) "im not that into you". Heard it myself and it is not nice to hear at all. Just move on, because unfortunately there's nothing in the whole wide world that will make her like you more than a friend :-/ sorry

star-pants

As a female 'I think we should just be friends' is exactly that.
It's a 'I'm flattered but no' / 'I enjoy your friendship and want nothing more'.

I've been in that position and had to say that to a guy and then I hope that he doesn't take it as a 'wait for me' type statement.
Also - sometimes you make a great connection with a guy, but as a friend, and that's all. It can be as fantastic as you say, but if the sparks not there it's not there. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, just means you're not the one for them.

redorblack

Hey, theres nothing wrong with you, we've all been knocked back the thing is put it behind you now, don't try to be friends with her either, you will just continue to feel rubbish if you do.
So many girls out there don't waste any time on someone doesn't want you, best of luck.

nxbyveromdwjpg

ddeeeaaad wrote: »

I decided it was worth the risk of falling into the friend zone

Why did you do this?! Dont you know its a one-way system??

LostinBlanch

Agreed, lets be friends = adios time. Friend zone = dead zone so move on and forget about her, she's not worth it. Not in a bad way, but since you're both looking for different things i.e. not each other, you'd be wasting your time so just wish her all the best and forget her.

sesna

nm wrote: »

Why did you do this?! Dont you know its a one-way system??

LOL

LightningBolt

Do not torture yourself. You still obviously want something more from this and to be honest I'm doubtful it will happen. Just because you both have things in common doesn't mean you're made for each other. Open your eyes, seriously. I was talking to a girl over xmas who I've always been pretty keen on but timing was never great. Things came to a head and it just wasn't gonna happen so it was left to be. Cut contact. You'll be moody for a couple of days and she'll be in your head, imagine having that feeling for the next couple of years as you hang on to every single little gesture, every word, every out of place laugh. Not worth it.

On the flip side I've been rejected by another girl I was mad about before so I stepped back and cut contact for a a couple of months. After a while I'd lost interest and got talking to her again, she's now one of my best mates. You need to be in control of your emotions otherwise you'll end up headfúckíng yourself.

Bottle_of_Smoke

To be honest I think when girls are friends with guys they put a guy in a category and are very unlikely to ever change. You're in the nice guy friend category.

Should you continue being friends with her? tough one - you still like her for who she is obviously, but are you going to feel really really awful when she starts seeing someone? - Yes

If you like her this much there's at least ten guys at this very moment who feel the same.

Will you see a lot less of her when she starts going out with someone? Yes

I think you should treat this the same way you would if you just got dumped by a girl you were in a relationship with. Back off from being good mates with her. Might be safe to be proper mates when you meet someone you prefer to her, but even tread carefully there.

Sorry for your troubles. Sympathise with you big time.

Wibbs

nm wrote: »

Why did you do this?! Dont you know its a one-way system??

I have to agree. Bad plan. Almost never works. If you're looking to make someone your girlfriend, look at the word itself. Girl comes before Friend and its a good guideline. Approach the woman first, then become friends.

Can you recover this? IMHO anythings possible I doubt it. I have seen friends become lovers, but from what I saw they followed certain patterns. Most of the time there was something there on the woman's side. Maybe not "oh I would" but defo "well it wouldnt be horrible". The other pattern Ive see was if they didnt see each other for a period of time and then bumped into each other and the time and distance made them realise they had something. Thing is you cant really make that kinda stuff happen.

Plus what do you do now. Clearly you're mad about her and love her company. My worry is that if you stay her mate you'll end up in an unhealthy feedback loop and stuck in an emotional dead end. Holding her up as this fantasy creature in your head, which will stop you seeing other women objectively. I've known a guy that wasted his 20's on a woman who was never going to return his affection.

This is soooooo much easier said than done, but if you want my advice I'd say you have to put emotional distance between you and her. For both your sakes but mostly for yours. It wont be easy, but I really do think its the best for you.

Dont worry about finding someone else. You will. I know it may not feel like that now, but you will. And they'll be better too.

fonecrusher1

I feel sorry for ya OP. Ive been there.

Once you enter the infamous 'friend' zone with a woman its usually irreversible.
Unless your happy being mates begin to distance yourself from her or else your heading for a cul-de-sac at the bottom of unrequited love street.
Your relationship with her is flawed.

If you're able to be friends with her, fine keep up the act.
If not, say goodbye & save your time & energy for something else

Good luck.

Greyfox

ddeeeaaad wrote: »

"I think we should just be friends"

Your only torturing yourself by staying friends with her, and by keeping her on the pedastill you've put her on your making sure its ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE for her to feel any attraction towards you! I've been in your position befor and so have most guys who are reading this as it happens a lot, once a girl says these exact words to you it means it's almost impossible for her to ever love you!

globemaster1986

Greyfox wrote: »

Your only torturing yourself by staying friends with her, and by keeping her on the pedastill you've put her on your making sure its ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE for her to feel any attraction towards you! I've been in your position befor and so have most guys who are reading this as it happens a lot, once a girl says these exact words to you it means it's almost impossible for her to ever love you!

Have to agree dude, if you wanna get in her pants (hope thats not too crude;)) the "friend zone" is broadly equivalent to a "no fly zone" and you will get shot down if you stray in there!

Sorry it happened to ya OP, you seem like a nice guy, but as suggested by some other posters its time to back away now you'll only torture yourself...

Overature

use a hammer

Will

Overature wrote: »

use a hammer

First warning. Inciting violent acts will not be tolerated, even in a jokey fashion.

LegacyUser

Going anonymous for this one. This is something that has happened to me quite a few times before, the advice you are getting here is sound. Don't dwell on it. If you do, it will be incredibly painful. It is nearly almost better to think that there is a strong chance that you will be rejected first, so you can deal with it. Expecting that people will say yes to you immediately is going to hurt you, and believe me it's hurt me before in the past.

Secondly, I also went through a period of asking and questioning about who I was, how good was I, why wasn't I good enough, and so on. However, this is only reasoning that is going to throw you into depression which has happened to me also. You just have to accept that you are a human being with a lot of good sides to you, it just happens that you didn't suit the preference of this particular girl.

The world is a painful place, but if you try to live positively, it will help you to get through it more easily.

I wish you the best of luck as always.

okioffice84

All of the above advice is good advice. I've been where you are a couple of times and have fúcked up chances with some girls because I was still pining for the girl I really wanted. The Italians call it core n'grato, we call it unrequited love, and trust me its a massive headfúck.
Distance yourself and move on as soon as humanly possible (difficult, I know) For God sakes don't try to stay friends just yet, this can come later. You'll feel like shít for a while, probably loose sleep over it (if you haven't already). In a sense its a kind of mourning as you fell the loss of the relationship you were hoping for and probably built up in your mind, but in the long run its best to move on. Hope all goes well, and it will in time.

rosenstocktakeh

I'm in the same position myself.

Great friends with girl. Was going to ask her out, but then she got with anohter fella a year ago. Contact was cut significantly but not wholly. She moved in with him, got dumped, she went back to him but doesn't know what she wants. If he did it once.... and from what I hear it is near an end. Since then she has increased her contact with me.

My head was clear, and now it's a mess again!

redorblack

rosenstocktakeh wrote: »

I'm in the same position myself.

Great friends with girl. Was going to ask her out, but then she got with anohter fella a year ago. Contact was cut significantly but not wholly. She moved in with him, got dumped, she went back to him but doesn't know what she wants. If he did it once.... and from what I hear it is near an end. Since then she has increased her contact with me.

My head was clear, and now it's a mess again!

This old chestnut keeps popping up, oh she was a great friend but now I fancy her. You just cant be friends with girls, just can't.

Deanopride

I have never posted in this section before but i saw your post and felt strongly about trying to stop you doing whatever it your doing/thinking of doing.Please bear with me as what i may say might seem harsh but its whats needed at a time like this.I was in the exact(i mean exact/no boyfriend,i think shes beautifull/we connect on such a deep level,im a great bloke etc etc)position as you and wasted a lot of time ona girl like this.Notice how nobody has told you that if you hang in there,be there for her,let her call you whenever she wants,generally be her best friend that in time she will she the amazing relationship yous will have together and tell you she feels the same way as you do.It aint gonna fuc*ing happen mate.You are coming from a place of neediness,a lack of abundance and you pretty much did everything wrong to begin with if you wanted a sexual relationship with this girl.If you stay in this position one day(ITS A PROMISE) she will come and tell you/or youll hear that she has met this amazing guy she really likes(ur just like one of her girlfriends now and the constant head fuc* you have been going through has destroyed your confidence and self belief)she will say how hes so confident,challenges her,is his own man,is not needy,is living his life and not giving a fu*k what others think of him and you will be even more crushed.Tell her you like her too much to be "just friends" and if she respects you she needs to give you space and not contact you(that means no e-mailing/texting/late night crying"please talk to me,you are my best friend" bull****)/Walk away with what self confidence you have got,man up,believe in yourself and your ability to find someone who will want you as much as you want them,start new hobbies,hit the gym, become the man women are attracted to and maybe"MAYBE" you will see her again in few months and something may happen but if you do what i said you will probably have met some girl that blows your mind and the lust will be gone. Simply put :Man the fu*k up,expect the next few weeks are gonna be hard,expect she might not understand why you dont want to be her firend,and believe in yourself and what you have to offer yourself,the world and some other lucky girl.Peace
Deano

L31mr0d

PK2008 wrote: »

Sorry mate 'Lets just be friends' is just code for 'I dont fancy you'.

If you hang around with her you're just gonna torture yourself.

About 10 years ago a girl I knew for 2 years previous and whom I was writing letters to sat me down and said she only wanted to be friends.

We are coming up to our 5 year marriage anniversary this year.

OP, follow your heart on this one and don't listen to a bunch of guys on the internet giving you the "rules" or the "code". Real life isn't as black and white as that. It's better to try and fail than to never try at all.

G86

I've been in her position before a few times, and to be honest I don't think she'll change her mind, I'm really sorry mister, I know it's harsh to hear. The thing is though that she probably really likes you as a friend, and you shouldn't let this ruin your friendship. Just because she doesn't want THAT kind of relationship doesn't mean that she doesn't want any kind of relationship with you, trust me.

Fair play to you for putting it out there though, that took guts, and at least you know now and you can move on and find someone as mad about you as you are about them

Wibbs

L31mr0d wrote: »

About 10 years ago a girl I knew for 2 years previous and whom I was writing letters to sat me down and said she only wanted to be friends.

We are coming up to our 5 year marriage anniversary this year.

OP, follow your heart on this one and don't listen to a bunch of guys on the internet giving you the "rules" or the "code". Real life isn't as black and white as that. It's better to try and fail than to never try at all.

Oh it does happen. I know one couple it happened for, but as a general rule its very rare. Hopefully the OP is one of the rare ones.

Skuxx

Sorry to hear this OP, I know exactly what your feeling as the very same thing happened to me last summer! I was really good friends with a girl for about 18months previous and I really liked her for about 6 months before I said anything only to get "your one of my best friends and I don't want to spoil that by taking it any further" which basically means I'm not interested!
Unfortunetly we have almost lost complete contact now bar the odd text! It hurts a lot especially because we were such good friends and now we hardly ever talk!

Do I think you can pull yourself out of the just friends zone?- No, but be happy to stay there becuase its alot better than loosing her completly like what happened to me!!

L31mr0d

Wibbs wrote: »

Oh it does happen. I know one couple it happened for, but as a general rule its very rare. Hopefully the OP is one of the rare ones.

Is it rare because the girl never changes her mind, or is it rare because the guy tends to give up once the girl says she "just wants to be friends"?

The OP's situation mirrors my own somewhat, in that my OH hadn't really dated before me either. Years later I asked her why she just wanted to be friends back then and she said it was an unknown that she had no experience with and didn't want to risk a friendship that she knew was good for a different type of relationship that she was uncertain of.

I knew some girls like this in school also, who never dated who I became friends with (had no intention of dating) For the few I knew the reasons they gave for not dating came down to some line their parents had fed them about "what guys are really like" and it had just put them off the idea.

For the OP this situation may also be true. It may not be a case that the girl is not attracted to him, rather she is apprehensive of what the change will do to their current relationship.

Wibbs

L31mr0d wrote: »

Is it rare because the girl never changes her mind, or is it rare because the guy tends to give up once the girl says she "just wants to be friends"?

Possibly yes. IMHO in many cases it's because the guy keeps pushing and pushing and crowds the woman. This turns her off him and whatever may have developed is throttled at birth.

In my experience where it has gone from mates to lovers, there has been a time apart and when they met again they realised they missed each other there was the oul "spark". Or the person who said lets be friends(usually the woman) had a bit of a "maybe" about the guy and he didnt smother her and it developed from there. Or they were older, like mid 30's kinda thing and went for it then.

For the OP this situation may also be true. It may not be a case that the girl is not attracted to him, rather she is apprehensive of what the change will do to their current relationship.

A good point and I could defo see how this would happen. Especially with a woman who isnt experienced with relationships. I would also say most times the woman is concerned she'll lose the guy as a mate. She may even hint that "maybe down the line" to keep the guy around hoping he'll go off her.

PK2008

Yeh there are exceptions to every rule plus some women may 'settle' if a guy hangs around long enough but for the most part Id say the guy is wasting his time.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies lads
I don't know what to do now.
But heres my plan and hopefully I can pull it off.
1. Stay as her friend, hang out etc
2. Get some new hobbies on the go and maybe meet more people
3. Hopefully find a girl through that.

After I've found a different girl I may loose interest or at least if I haven't, she might start to see me as my own man again.
I'm not a needy guy. I like to be alone and hate seeing someone constantly.
Part of me worries that I've actually broken rule number 1 "Be yourself".
Not entirely sure where to go with this.
I dont want to break contact because she is a great friend all the same and I wont mind talking to her once I'm over it. I'm getting there though.

mr_happy

fonecrusher1 wrote: »

I feel sorry for ya OP. Ive been there.

Once you enter the infamous 'friend' zone with a woman its usually irreversible.
Unless your happy being mates begin to distance yourself from her or else your heading for a cul-de-sac at the bottom of Unrequited Love Street Lower
Your relationship with her is flawed.

If you're able to be friends with her, fine keep up the act.
If not, say goodbye & save your time & energy for something else

Good luck.

I looked up Google Earth, no such street.

Go fo it dude.

Get a catering bucket of Nutella and a big paint brush and arrive unexpected at her gaff in the early hours.
Women love surprises and a few thick coats of chocolate

loki87

was good friends with a girl,we had a casual sex deal,started feeling more for here than friendship,she only really wanted a good time but everytime i saw here wit someone else it ate me up inside i mean physically sick.had no choice but to cut all ties for everybodys benifit.

time heals all wounds my friend.

Dragan

nm wrote: »

Why did you do this?! Dont you know its a one-way system??

No it's not.

OP, move on mate, she ain't down with your frown if you would. Be here friend if you can JUST be here friend. But if you remain her friend in the vain hope that someday she is gonna fall in love with you, that's a bit tacky.

shellyboo

It's not impossible to get out of the friend zone - it all depends on how you act. Being there for her emotionally, shoulder to cry on, all that ****e is a surefire way to stay in the friend zone tbh. That's what a bf does, and you're not her bf - so don't do it. Be her mate, not her BFF. Get on with your life, let her see you're not hanging off her waiting for her to change her mind and IF her feelings are going to change, they will.

rosenstocktakeh

Why is it that fellas create this problem for themselves?

I have loads of girls that I am friends with but yet have slipped into this difficulty. Loads of us have here.

And at the same time many girls want to be settled and secure and with a friend they may have the best chance but most just want that sense of adventure with a new fella in their lives.

It's a crock of ****!

je suis awesome

worst feeling ever, wish i could get we can still be friends im too much of a loser :mad:

thethedev

^^ Jesus mate don't beat yourself up!
I know a guy who constantly ended up in the friend zone until he changed how he did things and that was it.
I knew the girl he ended up with fairly well, she was always moaning about how her boyfriends never listened to her or weren't there for her when she needed them.
I haven't heard any complaints of this nature since she started going out with him.
Some of us guys are just to caring for our own good. If you are that type then you just have to learn to play it cool and then when she becomes your girlfriend let loose as the guy just full of love and care she'll never want to leave you.
Some guys are just naturally less caring about women and from what I've seen they don't really make good boyfriends even though they seem to be able to end up in a relationship at the drop of a hat.

I think you need to hold some of yourself back at all times until the time is right.

BTW why is "hit the gym" always the mentioned in these types of threads??

Snowie

way i see it is whats the point chasing after the girl things dont always change sometimes they do....
Find your self another lady, no point howling at the moon over one when theres a lot of single girls out there.

Wibbs

rosenstocktakeh wrote: »

Why is it that fellas create this problem for themselves?

I reckon for a few reasons. Broadly men and women take different approaches to the mating game(pretty much th only diff between the genders IMHO), so men often try to engage with women the way they'd like to be engaged with. So they do things for a woman to show her they mean well, rather than try to attract her directly.

Fear of rejection another reason. Rather than come out with what they actually want they act like a mate and hope the sexy stuff just happens. Women usually spot this and know what the guy is after and this often puts her off him even more as he's not being honest and he's showing a lack of confidence in himslef and what he has to offer. If he doesnt feel he is "worthy" enough to just spell it out, why should she? kinda thing.

Than you have some women(usually young women) who like to have a few guys floating around as "mates" who they know like them. Its both a support system and an ego boost. Makes her look better to her peers too.

And then you have the media, movies and TV and such that paint a slightly skewed notion of how this stuff works(for both genders too). The movie where the "geeky" guy while being the lead womans mate gets her in the end over the good looking bad boy. In a helluva lot of cases the reverse is true in reality.

I think as well that now more than ever men and women engage with each other socially more than they ever did in the past. This is great and bloody welcome, but it does mean that more men dont know how to step up to being lovers with women.

My 3 cents anyway. As a general thing obviously.

metrovelvet

Yes. Women like to see you can take a risk.

fonecrusher1

thethedev wrote: »

^^ Jesus mate don't beat yourself up!
I know a guy who constantly ended up in the friend zone until he changed how he did things and that was it.
I knew the girl he ended up with fairly well, she was always moaning about how her boyfriends never listened to her or weren't there for her when she needed them.
I haven't heard any complaints of this nature since she started going out with him.
Some of us guys are just to caring for our own good. If you are that type then you just have to learn to play it cool and then when she becomes your girlfriend let loose as the guy just full of love and care she'll never want to leave you.
Some guys are just naturally less caring about women and from what I've seen they don't really make good boyfriends even though they seem to be able to end up in a relationship at the drop of a hat.

I think you need to hold some of yourself back at all times until the time is right.

BTW why is "hit the gym" always the mentioned in these types of threads??

I think they think that if you go to the gym & become muscle-bound then the girl in question will start to feel different about you because your more attractive? Sounds like a load of rubbish to me.
Where does that strategy end? Get plastic surgery, get teeth whitened, change your personality?
Nah thats going in the wrong direction all together.

Lets face it, if your a bit of an ugly bugger with a hot female friend & your thinking you want to become more intimate with her then you really are fcuked.

Daftendirekt

OP, I'm just going to post to emphasise what others have said.

The best thing you can do right now is to move on and forget about her. Completely. I wouldn't recommend staying friends with her for two reasons:

1. You'd just be torturing yourself. In this regard, letting go is better for you.

2. You'd more than likely simply be playing the role of a friend, but constantly hoping and waiting for her to give you a chance. To put it bluntly, you wouldn't be much of a friend (no offence intended here, by the way, just my own experience). In this regard, letting go is better for her as well.


I think every male goes through this at some point, and I really feel for you,
but the best thing you can do now is put it down to experience, learn from it, and move on. Soon enough you'll be over her completely. But for your own sake, don't waste any time pining over someone who just isn't interested.

Best of luck!

Daftendirekt

fonecrusher1 wrote: »

I think they think that if you go to the gym & become muscle-bound then the girl in question will start to feel different about you because your more attractive? Sounds like a load of rubbish to me.
Where does that strategy end? Get plastic surgery, get teeth whitened, change your personality?
Nah thats going in the wrong direction all together.

Lets face it, if your a bit of an ugly bugger with a hot female friend & your thinking you want to become more intimate with her then you really are fcuked.

I'd take it to mean that if you start looking after yourself more (i.e. excercising and eating right) it'll help boost your self-esteem and confidence, hence making you more attractive.

FracturedBeat

fonecrusher1 wrote: »

I think they think that if you go to the gym & become muscle-bound then the girl in question will start to feel different about you because your more attractive? Sounds like a load of rubbish to me.
Where does that strategy end? Get plastic surgery, get teeth whitened, change your personality?
Nah thats going in the wrong direction all together.

Lets face it, if your a bit of an ugly bugger with a hot female friend & your thinking you want to become more intimate with her then you really are fcuked.

Most the time it gets mentioned because the guy comes off as being about as confident and assertive as a 2 day old baby foal.

Physical challenges can lead to a strengthening of the soul, or so they say.

davmol

Just to go against the grain here(yea theres always one) and forgive me if my post is out of context but i skipped alot of what was written.
An old college mate of mine was mad into a lass and pursued her for ages.He got the old adage 'better as friends' .anyway he kept pursuing this girl and one night they were with eachother and now are living together..HAPPILY!!
Obviously this is maybe an isolated case but if he'd of given up he never would have gotten the 'prize' so to speak!!

fonecrusher1

davmol wrote: »

Just to go against the grain here(yea theres always one) and forgive me if my post is out of context but i skipped alot of what was written.
An old college mate of mine was mad into a lass and pursued her for ages.He got the old adage 'better as friends' .anyway he kept pursuing this girl and one night they were with eachother and now are living together..HAPPILY!!
Obviously this is maybe an isolated case but if he'd of given up he never would have gotten the 'prize' so to speak!!

Not sure if this is good advice TBH.
I think you might be giving the OP false hope. Regarding what happened with your friend, yes it does happen but very occasionally in my opinion. 99% of the time once a female thinks of you as a good friend she essentially sees you as one of the girls no matter how much you may try to change her mind.
Sorry its sh!tty but its true. Not unless your prepared to become a completely different person in order to meet her criteria.
Is it really worth all that?

nonsmoker

fonecrusher1 wrote: »

99% of the time once a female thinks of you as a good friend she essentially sees you as one of the girls no matter how much you may try to change her mind.

Im female and have been good friends with a guy I work with for about a year now, I did see him as one of the girls for a long time but now we have got so close I really like him and want to be more than friends

thethedev

nonsmoker wrote: »

Im female and have been good friends with a guy I work with for about a year now, I did see him as one of the girls for a long time but now we have got so close I really like him and want to be more than friends

I think your also giving the OP false hope here.
Did this guy ever ask you out? Has he ever expressed an interest in being more than just friends?

Anyway I for one would hate to be seen as "one of the girls"! If I thought that was happening I'd be gone like a shot!

nonsmoker

thethedev wrote: »

I think your also giving the OP false hope here.
Did this guy ever ask you out? Has he ever expressed an interest in being more than just friends?

Anyway I for one would hate to be seen as "one of the girls"! If I thought that was happening I'd be gone like a shot!

My point is that feelings can change.
Have your feelings never changed for a friend after you have gotten close?
What is wrong with being seen as one of the girls? I have quite a few close male friends that I can talk to about anything just like I can talk to my close female friends about anything. Men say their good female friends are 'like one of the lads'

fonecrusher1

nonsmoker wrote: »

What is wrong with being seen as one of the girls?

Are you being serious? Its pretty much a blokes worst nightmare being thought of in this way, especially if you fancy the girl thats saying it.

As an experiment, say to one of your male friends that you consider him to be one of the girls & see how he reacts. I guarantee they wont be too pleased.

cocoa

fonecrusher1 wrote: »

Are you being serious? Its pretty much a blokes worst nightmare being thought of in this way, especially if you fancy the girl thats saying it.

As an experiment, say to one of your male friends that you consider him to be one of the girls & see how he reacts. I guarantee they wont be too pleased.

nice that you've been elected to represent all of the males in the world, funny that I wasn't given a voting card but oh well...

I'd be happy to be a close friend to a female friend, assuming I didn't fancy her.

OP, it's a nasty situation and it's hard to deal with no matter what course you choose. If you learn nothing else from this thread, know that you are not alone. I think one thing that could really help you make up your mind would be asking her exactly why she only wants to be friends. Sure, it might hurt to hear for sure that she plain doesn't fancy you, but it might be that she has other reservations. But don't dwell on considering the possible answers, if you're asking, ask now.