internet dating - photo issue

LegacyUser

hi,
i've been on here before about the merits of tryin the internet especially as a couple mths out of a LTR and thought it might be a way to distract myself and hopefully lift my confidence by trying a date or 2.

however! i'm a bit iffy of putting my pic on profile. bit self consciuos etc but ok with sending by PM if requested as i understand ( and me too) how most people like to see a pic.

SO! i've emailed a couple of guys and gradually sent on my pic via email. then- NADA!!!!

now that is NOT much help to an already bruised ego. i'm prepared to meet a guy without exchanging pics and had planned to meet someone last sat but we postponed cos of the weather so it's still game on. based on my experiences some guys dismiss u immediately based on the pic! which futher adds to my reluctance to post a public view pic cos i'm afraid nobody will contact me then. and i'm an attractive girl so i'm told and have had lots of BF's. my male friends tend to assume when i break up with a guy that it was als me who dumped (when it wasn't necessarily) so that's nice to hear.

i know "beauty is in the eye of the beholder etc" but it's pretty ****ty when u get a VERY obviuos knock back based on the picture :-(

shellyboo

If you just put your picture on your profile, you'll eliminate this. I agree that it's horrible! But if you put your picture up, only guys who are interested in you physically will get in touch. And while it takes a bit of bravery to do it, it's definitely worth it!

LegacyUser

I have been on-line dating for a while now and have come to the decision that if someone messages me and they dont have their pic up, i dont respond. I have my picture up, and they message me because they find me attractive. I have in the past started chatting to people and been interested in them, but when they put up a pic, i realised i was not attracted to them for various reasons. And then, this leaves the awkward situation of trying not to make it obvious that the only reason your not responding is because of their pic!
It may sound superficial, but it is a reality that there is no point meeting someone your not attracted to!!!
This is the big flaw of on-line dating, you dont get the full experience of meeting a person well, in person so if you dont find them immediately attractive, or they are not photogenic you miss the other things that can attract...!
But you wouldnt chat someone up in a pub if they had a bag over their head either now would you...!?!?!?!?

LeixlipRed

It's a cut throat world out there. Take shellyboo's advice and put a pic on your profile then you won't have to undergo the "rejection" part of things. Also, try invest some time in taking a picture that's flattering. Right light, angle and what not. Not something fake or unrealistic, but just something that shows you in a good light. Good luck

ash23

You have to put a pic up. I tried it for a while last year and spent weeks IMing and texting one or two guys and was interested and then met them "blind" and wasn't attracted to them at all. So I stopped responding to anyone who didn't have a pic or was wary about sending one.

If you put a pic you you aren't being so obviously rejected because guys will know upfront what you look like and won't contact you unless they are interested in you looks wise.

You'll also get more messages imo with a pic up.
I always feel that people without pics up have something to hide. Like they're not attractive or they're married.

Internet dating is a whole different ballgame to "normal" dating. You reject people with the click of a mouse. I got a snotty email from a guy once as he could see I'd visited his profile and wanted to know why I hadn't messaged him, what was my problem.
I replied that if he felt that way he might want to reconsider internet dating or perhaps toughen up a bit.
:rolleyes:

Sanjuro

confidencelost wrote: »

now that is NOT much help to an already bruised ego. i'm prepared to meet a guy without exchanging pics and had planned to meet someone last sat but we postponed cos of the weather so it's still game on. based on my experiences some guys dismiss u immediately based on the pic!

It's not just guys that do this. Unfortunately it's just part of the nature of net dating. It allows people to be more of a dick than they would in normal social circumstances! You cant really take it to heart. I know it bruises the ego, but just tell yourself, well if that's how they are, I wouldn't want to be with them in the first place!
But do put your picture up from the get go. It sorts out the wheat from the chaff, and you wont have situations like the one you described before.

Miss Fluff

confidencelost wrote: »

hi,
i've been on here before about the merits of tryin the internet especially as a couple mths out of a LTR and thought it might be a way to distract myself and hopefully lift my confidence by trying a date or 2.(

Tbh you need to be pretty thick-skinned and confident when internet dating to start with. You're not going to be everyone's cup of tea and they are not going to be yours, just go in to it with an open mind and you will have lots of fun. You definitely need to put your picture up though. That way, it is only people who find you physically attractive who are contacting you in the first place. It's awful when you are talking to someone back and forth by email, they send you a picture, and their appearance makes you want to hurl. Better get all of that out of the way at the onset.:)

unattendedbag

Internet dating is a shallow game all-round. In theory nobody should have to put up a photo as matches should be based on personality, charisma, and attitude. But where's the fun in that??

Plenty of people cant or wont put their picture up online either for security reasons, shyness, or even not wanting the other half to find out they are shopping for a one-night stand. Statistically though not having a photo seriously damages your chance of succeeding in online dating. Less people are already clicking on your profile in the first place. Less people are reading and responding to your messages simply because they cannot see what you look like. Thats the harsh reality im afraid and as much as i disagree with it, you have to follow the rest.

Kicks

Maybe they are scared of you... Guys can be intimidated by a girl who's goodlooking and they might be where you are with confidence, then they realise you're goodlooking and bail out of their own fear of rejection.

LegacyUser

ok folks. take that all on board. god it's cut-throat alright :-(
tried to up-load photos and they are " too large".
how on earth do i shrink them?
i got them both from other people via email so son't even know how you check the dimensions!
this seems too complicated :-(

bring back the ballrooms, i say! :-)

Nevyn

If you use a pc which has a windows operating system on it then it should have ms paint.
Open the picture in it and re size it there.

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

If you use a pc which has a windows operating system on it then it should have ms paint.
Open the picture in it and re size it there.

oh, i've tried this MANY times! the pics open up HUGE so you can't see the picture on the screen. i know how to crop a pic but i can't this time. And there doesn't appear to be any options to reduce the size. i've played with every function there!

and for whoever cares, the non-pic was out of shyness mainly