Thats how to deal with Protesters

Hootanany · 10-01-2010 11:01am #1

http://glossynews.com/society/201001070305/activists-missing-after-declaring-war-on-leather-at-motorcycle-rally/

bertie4evr · 10-01-2010 11:08am

They were asking for trouble.

Hootanany · 10-01-2010 11:09am

And only 3 of them

**Timbuk2** · 10-01-2010 11:13am

*copy and pasted from a famous post from metafilter

Kill them.

First, be smart from the very beginning. Pulverize all teeth, burn off fingerprints, and disfigure the face. Forcing a DNA test to establish identity (if it ever comes to that) might introduce the legal/forensic hurdle that saves your ass down the line. An unidentifiable body can, in a pinch, be dressed in thrift store clothes and dropped in a bad part of town where the police are less likely to question it. I don't reommend that disposal method, I'm just saying an easily identifiable body is an even bigger threat than the opposite.

Assuming you have it inside a house where you can work on it a bit, the first thing you want to do is drain it of fluids. This will make it easier to cut up, and slow decomposition a little bit. The best way to do this quick and dirty is to perforate the body with a pointed knife, and then perform CPR on it. Cut the fronts of the thighs deep, diagonally, to slit the femoral arteries. Then pump the chest. The valves in the heart will still work when dead, and the springback of the ribcage can put apply a fair amount of suction to the artria. Do this in a tub. Plug the drain, and mingle lots of bleach with the bodily fluids before unplugging the drain to empty the tub. This should help control the stench of death, which would otherwise reek from your gutter gratings. Do everything you can to control odors. Plug in an ionizer, burn candles, leave bowls of baking soda everywhere. Ventilate the room in the middle of the night, but otherwise keep it closed. Keep the body under a plastic sheet while it's in the tub.

If you want to bury, I recommend seperating the body into several parts, and burying them seperately. For one thing, it's easier to dig a deep enough hole for a head than for an entire body. this reduces your chances of being discovered while you are actually outside and digging the grave.
That is the one thing you can't do inside the doors of your house, and represents a vulnerable moment you want to keep brief, under 2 hours. Do it between 3 and 5 am. It's also less likely for someone to call the police if their dog digs up some chunk of meat, than if they dig up an enitre body. They may assume it's an animal carcass disfigured by decomposition, and leave it alone or dispose of it. It's also more likely that the dog will consume all of it before anyone knows the difference. A whole skeleton is another story. You can cut a body into 6 pieces faster than you think. It's not much different than boning a chicken, but it takes more work, a big knife, and time. A hammer will be useful for pulverizing joints or driving the knife deep where it doesn't want to go. Anyway it's wise to crush as much of the skeleton as you can along the way. It will aid in making the body less identifiable for what it is as it decomposes.

Don't return to the same site 6 times for 6 burials.You'll attract suspicion from anyone nearby, and you'll wind up placing the body parts close enough together to be found by any serious investigation. Put them in plastic bags with lots of bleach, and store in a freezer until you have enough time to bury them all.

Depending on what tools you have available, you may find that you're get really good at deconstructing the body. You might prefer to slowly sprinkle it down a drain without leaving your house. This avoids the long-term risk of discovery associated with burial, and the overwhelming supply of bacteria in a sewer accellerates deconomposition, whil e providing a convenient cover smell.

Truly grinding down a body takes a lot more work, and you run the risk of fouling your plumbing and calling in a plumber. So don't try it unless you know how to clear bones and meat out of a drainpipe. A good food processor can be useful. But don't over-use it, or power drills or saws. They're noisy and they attract attention. And forget the kitchen sink. It's better if you actually remove one of the toilets in your house from its base, which will give you direct access to one of the largest sewer pipes that enters your house. Follow any disposals with lots of bleach and then run the water for 5 or 10 minutes on top of that. And plug that pipe when you're not using it, to prevent any sewer gasses from backing up into your house. Usually, a U-trap inside the toilet does that for you.

blinding · 10-01-2010 11:15am

There you go

bonerm · 10-01-2010 11:16am

Those who resisted were allegedly held down while several bikers “farted on their heads.”

Kerouac would be proud.

Hank_Jones · 10-01-2010 11:17am

“I…I was trying to show my outrage at a man with a heavy leather jacket, and he…he didn’t even care. I called him a murderer, and all he said was, ‘You can’t prove that.’ Next thing I know he forced me to ride on the back of his motorcycle all day, and would not let me off, because his girl friend was out of town and I was almost a woman.”

Love this bit, especially ''You can’t prove that.’

Messing with bikers, not advisable I would think.

PullMyFinger! · 10-01-2010 11:44am

Did anyone else rush read this as "Thats how to deal with Pornstars"?

bluto63 · 10-01-2010 11:58am

wrote:

Next thing I know he forced me to ride on the back of his motorcycle all day, and would not let me off, because his girl friend was out of town and I was almost a woman.”

Brilliant

Hootanany · 10-01-2010 12:00pm

PullMyFinger! wrote: »

Did anyone else rush read this as "Thats how to deal with Pornstars"?

Put your specs on

biko · 10-01-2010 12:07pm

Glossy News is a satirical news publication. All articles contained within, however near to actual stories appearing in the news, should be assumed to be of a fictitious and satirical nature. Except in the case of public figures, any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental.

weldoninhio · 10-01-2010 12:12pm

You do realise that the story is not real??

Hootanany · 10-01-2010 12:15pm

weldoninhio wrote: »

You do realise that the story is not real??

Well i never:eek:

stovelid · 10-01-2010 12:28pm

As useful as that lad Jonathan Swift's proposal for feeding the public?

Capt'n Midnight · 10-01-2010 4:11pm

stovelid wrote: »

As useful as that lad Jonathan Swift's proposal for feeding the public?

well if this freeze lasts any longer ..

Hootanany · 10-01-2010 4:31pm

stovelid wrote: »

As useful as that lad Jonathan Swift's proposal for feeding the public?

What proposal

Lockstep · 10-01-2010 4:33pm

Swift made a satirical proposal that Irish kids should be sold as food.

Hootanany · 10-01-2010 4:41pm

kickoutthejams wrote: »

Swift made a satirical proposal that Irish kids should be sold as food.

Thanks is he in the DUP then

m5ex9oqjawdg2i · 10-01-2010 4:47pm

“motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them using it…ergo, they should stop.”

I mean, wtf? This is a prime example of why you stay the fcuk out of everyone elses business. Stick to your own and live your own life the way you want to, but don't force that shít on other people... expect some nasty shít to happen to you if you do.

Good job from the bikers...