Should i contact him or leave it?

andreac

Hi, heres the story.

I met this guy christmas week, all went well and we got on great, had a few nights out over christmas, dinner etc. We both got on really well and lots of chemistry etc. Both saidwe really like each other and so on.

Cue NYE, i was heading out with my friends and he was heading out too, had planned to meet in club that night, met him for a drink in the pub next door first, all great.
He was following us up to the club a little bit later. I was quite drunk and started hounding him with texts/calls etc wondering if he was coming up and so on.
Then he didnt get in and i was trying to get him into the club and again, more texts/calls.
Eventually he managed to get in but in the meantime i had obv wrecked his head with all these texts/calls (which is so out of character for me).
Anyway, he did come home with me but we had a chat and he explained he doesnt do all that texting etc. I apologised and felt terrible as thats so not me and felt terrible for doing it.

We didnt have any contact on NY Day and i text him then on sat just saying hi etc. He replied straight away and said he'd call me on sun.
So i get a text at 1am saying hes not sure if he wants anythign serious right now but really likes me and so on. I replied and said i was so sorry about the other night and i really like him and would love for him to give me a chance as we had a great time which he said we did.
He then said well actually, i read all you texts back again and he doesnt like being told what to do and it put him right off but he does really like me.

So i left it and contacted him sunday and asked would he give us a go as we did really click and had a laugh. He said to give him a few days to think and he does like me and im his cuppa tea (his words) all the way and would call me the end of the week.

Now i havent heard anything as of yet. Would you think i should just wait and see if he contacts me over the weekend and if not should i just take it that hes made his mind up and doesnt want to meet again? or should i even try to call/text and see what he thinks?

He obv wanted some space this week and i respect that and i havent contacted him at all.
Just wondering if dont hear from him is there any point in contacting or am i just wasting my time and making an eejit of myself by trying to make contact with him?
Thanks:o
Sorry for long post.

star-pants

I would suggest you leave him to it.
He's said he'll contact you when he's had a think about it so if you don't hear from him - then leave it. I understand you'd like to see him more as you guys got on well, but the NYE night seems to have put him off considerably so you'd only be reinforcing this idea if you contact him.

andreac

Thanks Star-Pants.

I know you are right, just part of me really wants him to make contact. Im raging with msyelf for doing what i did as its totally out of character for me and ive never ever done that.
My friends say that if he liked me as much as he said he does, then he wouldnt let a drunken mistake come between that and would give me the benefit and a chance.
I guess time will tell.

star-pants

Nah I can understand you wanting to contact him - especially as what you did wasn't your normal self, but who knows, he might have had a bunnyboiler gf before and is just thinking 'no I'm not getting into that again'. Not your fault, but just, it might have set off alarm bells in his head.

Wait and see I guess hun - but I guess also chalk this one up to experience and learn from it

Millie

I think your friends hit the nail on the head.
I don't think anything as silly as the volume of drunken text messages would be the reason for him going cool.
If I were you (as hard as it is & I know!) I wouldn't contact him.
If he wants to contact you then he will.
Hang tough!

Barracudaincork

Dont contact him, for your own sanity and pride.

You were OTT with texts on NYE, so what, its not like you hounded him for an answer to the question "burgers or sausages for dinner tonight" you were trying to sort your night out and get him into the club. Not really a dealbreaker in a relationship IMO.

If he wants to see you then he will contact you, he said as much himself.

Sephiroth_dude

Ya leave him to it,if he contacts you great and if he does'nt oh well......the ball is in his court now .

andreac

Thanks for all the replies, probably just needed to hear it from others that i shouldnt text him.
Its totally out of character for me and i was so sorry and he knows that. But as you say, if he cant get over a few drunken texts then no point in really worrying about it.

Millie

And don't be pounding the head off yourself saying "oh I shouldn't have texted so much" etc etc.....
No blaming yourself and over analysing as us women are so very good at

Men can be very fickle creatures!

andreac

Thanks Millie, i actually have been torturing myself over it and thinking have i just messed up a good thing and ruined our chances, as i honestly had a good feeling about this at the start and how it was progressing.

Just had my head wrecked that i might have caused the whole situation to go pear shaped, but maybe it was just an excuse he was looking for, instead of just telling me straight out that im not for him.

But they confuse you by still saying how much they like you etc, is that just to make you feel better? Because ive heard it so many times, but why say it if they dont act on it.

Beetlebum

Andrea, I could be wrong here but I would put money on the fact that it's just an excuse and a cowardly way of distancing himself from you. It doesn't sound like he's very interested in you while you seem scarily into him after such a short lenght of time. Texting him and calling him so much would be a very uncool clingy thing to do even as his girlfriend but we've all made drunken mistakes so no point dwelling on it.

Look at it this way, if he had texted you like that drunkenly but then apologised and explained it's out of character, would you brush it off and see him again? Yes you would. Why is that? It's because you really really like him. He doesn't seem to be willing to do that for you. Why is that? Well...I think you know the answer...

Try to just forget about him. Go out tonight looking smokin' and hoepfully have fun with a new guy. If he calls bonus I guess but I definitely would not contact him..

Miss Fluff

andreac wrote: »

But they confuse you by still saying how much they like you etc, is that just to make you feel better?

The fact is that they usually do mean it. They do like you. Just not enough.

I think you are being very hard on yourself. Tbh, if he can't handle a bit of over-enthusiastic texting, then he wasn't meant for you. If he was really keen on you, you could pretty much text him every five minutes and he wouldn't mind. Sounds to me like it's a bit of an excuse. Sure, maybe learn from it and know in future to chillax with the phone when you have had a few to drink in future, but no point in torturing yourself either m'dear!

daisybelle2008

andreac wrote: »

Thanks Millie, i actually have been torturing myself over it and thinking have i just messed up a good thing and ruined our chances, as i honestly had a good feeling about this at the start and how it was progressing.

Just had my head wrecked that i might have caused the whole situation to go pear shaped, but maybe it was just an excuse he was looking for, instead of just telling me straight out that im not for him.

But they confuse you by still saying how much they like you etc, is that just to make you feel better? Because ive heard it so many times, but why say it if they dont act on it.

That's called letting you down gently. Be a big girl and accept it. Any more contact from you is going to be totally counter productive and smothering. He is a big boy and will contact you if he is interested. Given a bit of time you might find you are not that bothered with him anyway. Right now you are getting a bit obsessive and beating yourself up instead of accepting the situation.
I am not sure what you are going to achieve by more contact, he is not going to suddenly say, oh look here is that girl that keeps contacting me letting me know she is interested even though I already know and have choosen to cool things off with her, oh wait this text bombardment is making me want her now.
Also agree witht the others, a little over the top drunken texting is not going to stop anyone if they are really interested.

andreac

Thanks Beetlebum, you are prob right with the idea, and i prob know thats the reason myself, but dont really want to admit it.

Yes, if it had been the other way around it wouldnt have really bothered me and i would have no problem giving someone the benefit if it was in a drunken state, esp if i really like someone. Lifes too short to let something small like that come between feelings if you do really like someone.

I do really like him, even after a short time and suppose thats whats hard, thinking it was going to go somewhere and then that happens.

andreac

sunflower27 wrote: »

Exactly - and it will go totally aginst you saying 'I dont normally do this'.

I dont think he's worth it to be honest. So he went home with you and then said he doesnt like all the texting. Could he not have said that before he got to your place? :rolleyes:

Thats the thing, he did say it before but still came home with me, lol.
Thanks everyone, i just needed to hear it that i shouldnt contact him and i deffo wont. I should prob delete his number now so the temptation isnt there.

The Nice Jumper

My advice would be to leave it. I am a man and have acted in this way before so I'm speaking from experience. If he really likes you it wouldn't matter if you were blitzing him with texts etc.

In the past when a woman who I wasn't that into blitzed me with texts, I just blanked her completely. It may sound mean to do this but at the time I just freaked out that she wanted me in "lock-down". My opinion is that he only saw you as a casual partner and possibly panicked. Also, men have a tendency to say things they don't mean when they have been drinking. Like I said, same thing happened to me in the past.

The Nice Jumper

star-pants wrote: »

he might have had a bunnyboiler gf

What's a bunnyboiler?

andreac

sunflower27 wrote: »

yep, delete it. Stuff him. Go out this weekend and have a good time

Oh i wish i was going out this weekend, dont know when ill be going out again:(

The Nice Jumper

andreac wrote: »

Oh i wish i was going out this weekend, dont know when ill be going out again:(

I know what you mean, I'm off the drink for January as well. Saying that though, pub may seem like the easy option but I don't think it's necessarily a great place for meeting quality women...or in your case men!

Ickle Magoo

OP,

I don't think calling or texting him when he's specifically said he'll be in touch is going to do anything but cement his view of your over contacting him. If he's genuinely interested in you then waiting will prove that the behaviour was completely out of character - if he's not interested or thinks you're too full on, contacting him is the worst thing you could do because it just confirms what he's worrying about.

Best of luck.

andreac

sunflower27 wrote: »

Get out the film Fatal Attraction with Michael Douglas and Glenn Close.

OP - Make plans to keep yourself busy... not being funny, but do you not get out much? May be why you kind of fell for this dude very quickly?

Oh i do Sunflower, im always out and about doing stuff, rarely around at the weekends, always over with friends,nights out, dog shows etc so ive plenty to keep busy.

We just seemed to hit it off and had a few nice nights together so thats why i kind of fell for him.

andreac

Well not surprising i didnt get a call:(

Suppose thats my answer really isnt it? Part of me really wants to contact him, but then whats the point, just setting myself up to be disappointed even more if i do.
Kind of hoped that he would but its a week now to the day and i got nothing, ah well.

starchild

i would say def dont make any contact again, i can see why you would want to but i dont think its worth it

you will meet another guy before you know it , and dont beat yourself up over the texts, we have all done it:D

Millie

I can feel your disappointment in your reply and I know how disheartening it feels.
But you'll brush yourself down and stop thinking about him and just get on with it again.....as we all have