Boyfriends expressions & cursing!!

LegacyUser

Hey Guys,

This is probably going to sound very strange but I really need some opinions on this matter.
I've been going out with my boyfriend for 6 months and I really care about him alot. It's not love yet but it could head that way. We are both 27.

He grew up with very strict religious parents and cursing was always seen as 'devils talk'. As such he got into a habit of saying things like sugar or flip when something went wrong. He told me even the word damn was frowned upon and considered a curse word.

Now I don't curse that much but I do curse and he told me to keep it very under wraps around his folks. That's not a problem. I would never curse in front of parents. The thing is, he says things like oh fiddles! when things go wrong and it's driving me crazy. I'll give you a list of things he says so you get the idea. If he stubbed his toe for example, he would say any of the following -

Flipping heck
Janeymackers
Janeymac
Oh fiddles
Flip it
Sugar
Darn it

I know this sounds silly but I find it soooooo unattractive that I'm actually considering breaking up with him. It's embarassing when we're out with my friends and he's telling a story and he says things like 'So I told teh guy to go and flip off'. It's mortifying!! I just find it really unmanly. It's not that I want him to curse, it's just that it's off-putting to hear a man speak this way.

Please advice me cause I feel like I'm going out with Ned Flanders. I really think I'm going to end it over this as I'm losing attraction.

Thanks

LegacyUser

Ohfiddlestick wrote: »

Hey Guys,

Please advice me cause I feel like I'm going out with Ned Flanders. I really think I'm going to end it over this as I'm losing attraction.

Thanks

You are going out with Ned, tell him this is 2010 not 1810
Think you need a talk with him
While its admiral that he doesnt curse its an "outdated mammy's viewpoint" at odds with the modern world. Everyone curses its part of language now.
Too much curse and just for the sake of it is where most people draw the line

BTW if someone told me to "flip off" I'd laugh in their face and wind them up even more for being a p*ssy, time for him to grow a pair and stop living like mammy

kenbrady

unreg1231 wrote: »

BTW if someone told me to "flip off" I'd laugh in their face and wind them up even more for being a p*ssy, time for him to grow a pair and stop living like mammy

If someone was annoying me enough, to make me do something about it. It wouldn't matter if I said "flip off" or "f**k off", I'd get the message across either way.

Ohfiddlestick wrote: »

I just find it really unmanly. It's not that I want him to curse, it's just that it's off-putting to hear a man speak this way.

He's either a strong and manly or he's not. The language he uses has no bearing on that. There has to be more to it than the sayings he uses.

Xterminator

i think he is entitled to use whatever expressions he likes, and if he finds cursing is not for him , then so be it.

You didnt clarify if he doesnt like cursing, or these expressions are just habit from his upbringing. Habits can be changed, if you want to.

I can understand this annoying you, but i wonder about you being prepared to break up with a nice person, over an issue that seems trivial.

G-Money

I think you need to be careful about trying not to change him.

Can I ask you a question though. Do you drink pints? My reason for asking is that some people think that women drinking pints is unladylike. Imagine he said he wanted to end it with you because of something like that?

miec

I have to say that I think your complaint is highly trivial and if you are prepared to break up with him over such a small issue then I think he is too good for you. However, if this is just the tip of the iceberg and there are deeper issues then I would focus on those. How religious is he? Does he have his own viewpoints or is he brainwashed by his religious upbringing and does this annoy or worry you?

To be honest a man who doesn't swear like everyone else is more of a man because he is being true to himself instead of being a sheep, that is my definition of masculine / manly behaviour.

LegacyUser

miec wrote: »

I have to say that I think your complaint is highly trivial and if you are prepared to break up with him over such a small issue then I think he is too good for you. However, if this is just the tip of the iceberg and there are deeper issues then I would focus on those. How religious is he? Does he have his own viewpoints or is he brainwashed by his religious upbringing and does this annoy or worry you?

To be honest a man who doesn't swear like everyone else is more of a man because he is being true to himself instead of being a sheep, that is my definition of masculine / manly behaviour.

Hold on a second...how exactly is he too good for me? I happen to find it very unattractive when he speaks that way much the same as some people might find it unattractive if their partner put on weight. I'm being honest.

He's not religious at all. It's just habit from growing up with strict religious parents. It's embarassing when he's telling stories or when say his pint spills and he says Oh fiddles!
I find it hugely off putting and I'm not gonna pretend to like it..

Bonito

You've found a man that by the sounds of it, will never curse at you, verbally abuse you or even raise his voice to you and, you're complaining? While his form of "cursing" may be considered out dated in modern day society I see nothing wrong with it. Perhaps you're just over-reacting. The way someone swears is not a well enough reason to dump them, unless you're quite shallow. He was obviously masculine enough for you when you met so where's the problem? Just because he says "oh sugar" every now and again doesn't make him any less attractive or masculine than when you 1st met, he's the same person. Unless he has constant reasons to use his curse words I don't see why you're complaining, I doubt he says fiddle-diddle-dum-dum-dee 24/7.

D-Generate

Wow OP, I can't believe people are getting on your back for finding this unattractive!
It sure as hell is unattractive. There will come a time when you want to have passionate sex and dirty talk and the most this guy will be able to muster up is to say flip as you have sex in the missionary position.

Expose him to cursing! Namely the video by Channel 4 called "What's Your Favourite Curse Word" which can be found on Youtube. I am sure he will find one he likes there.

G-Money

Is there some other issue that's the real problem here and you are latching onto the non swearing as it's easier?

I know a guy and he never swears, ever. He never says f*** and loads of other very common swear words. I don't know this guy very well, but I know him a bit and some of his circle of friends and none of them think any less of him. Neither do I. I found it a little surprising that he didn't swear when he first said it, but not surprising as in it was bad or unnatural. Just not very common.

I have to admit it sounds like a very trivial issue OP. I'm surprised it's bothering you so much. Just don't dump him because of it, then after a few weeks or months decide that it wasn't that bad and then try to get him back.

Taltos

OP - I think you need to dump him.

He deserves to be with an adult. Someone who is not going to be led by peer pressure into forcing him into being someone he is not.

Harsh - yes.
Honest - maybe.

In the grand scheme of things it really surprises me how something apparently so trivial can cause someone to throw away a perfectly good relationship. So I am with miec here - what is really going on?

I worked with a guy similar to your oh. In fact he called me up on cursing one day - have to say - I might not agree with his views - but I definitely saw him in a new light and valued his morals / conviction. Especially when you look around today and see all the small ways our society is slipping/changing.

LegacyUser

D-Generate wrote: »

There will come a time when you want to have passionate sex and dirty talk and the most this guy will be able to muster up is to say flip as you have sex in the missionary position.

I used to know a girl. What people would call a church mouse, very quiet, polite and gentle. She was also the dirtiest girl I ever slept with. In terms of the language she used and what she physically did to me and begged me to do to her. Pure filth, bless her little heart.

Bonito

I belive we all have our little alter-ego's in the bedroom and have the ability to say/do things that would shock/excite our partners in the heat of it.

surfjunkie

my boyfriends brother curses all the time. especially after a few drinks. he tells a story and each sentence is littered with expletives. he is a little man thinking that he is a big man because he uses such 'tough' language. its gotten to the stage that i distance myself from him when we meet new people because of how he chats to them. so offputting.
noone is going to think less of your boyfriend because of the words he uses. nobody wants to listen to a guttermouth all the time either.

omahaid

I'm a man and I've no problem admitting that I would have less respect for another man who swore using phrases like "fiddlesticks" and "darn".

OP, I understand how you feel, all I can suggest is that you swear in the sack and he might join in.

jenga-jen

OP I was about to hop on the band wagon here but it's such a hard call to make the more i think about it.

I know if the bf started using the 'nursery curses' my jaw would hit the floor :eek:

However, I think you need to forget about that for a minute, forget what's irritating you and think: do you want this man in your life?

Cursing/Not cursing aside, is this someone that you want to spend your time with and, eventually, maybe move in and do all the associated coupley stuff with?

I think it would be a shame for you to get 10 years down the line and regret having ended it because he refuses to curse like a sailor while having a few beers BUT on the other hand, if this is something you can't get past and will rear it's ugly head over and over then you might be better off out of it. Neither of you will want to have the same row for foreseeable future, especially not for NOT cursing

Either way you need to talk to him about this directly but kindly, this is how he was brought up and is no different to any other habits we've all had beaten/coerced/trained into us since childhood

Wurly

Look OP - it is what it is.

You are choosing to view this as a bad thing. This is a quirk that he has. Deal with it or move on.

You could choose to see it as endearing. A bit different. Something that makes him unique.

I'm from Dublin and my boyfriend from the country. We both have different expressions that we use. I have my Dublin slang and he has a different slang originating from where he comes from.

In my snobbier years, I would have looked down on the country slang - maybe would have found it a bit cringeworthy. And he would have done the same. Now, we still slag each other but it's all in jest. We are different and that's a good thing.

Is this issue stemming from the fact that you're worried what others may think? Well if that is the case, then you shouldn't be with him really. You should be proud to show him off.

If you care what others think, then you'll be at the mercy of other people's opinions for the rest of your life.

If this is just about you - well remember - you are choosing to feel this way. You can help the way you feel.

The guy deserves to be loved for all his little quirks. And if you can't do that - let him find someone who can.

Good luck.

daisybelle2008

+ 1 to Jenga Jen

Honestly, I think I would find it a turn-off too. I know it seems trivial but adults saying 'janeymackers' really annoys me for some reason. I just find it a bit repressed and childish.

While it is a trivial thing, trivial things can be a huge turnoff and that is a problem. I think the OP should mention it to him. No nursery cursing would be an improvment. I think he should know that this is affecting your libido, he may be happy enough to address it. Give him the option anyway.

LegacyUser

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

+ 1 to Jenga Jen

Honestly, I think I would find it a turn-off too. I know it seems trivial but adults saying 'janeymackers' really annoys me for some reason. I just find it a bit repressed and childish.

While it is a trivial thing, trivial things can be a huge turnoff and that is a problem. I think the OP should mention it to him. No nursery cursing would be an improvment. I think he should know that this is affecting your libido, he may be happy enough to address it. Give him the option anyway.

Thank you for understanding!! It absolutely drives me crazy when he says 'Janeymackers'. For some reason that annoys me the most.

When you're a child you're taught to say things like oh sugar and fiddlesticks but not when you're a grown man. he's 27 years old. It makes my skin crawl when he says it.

I don't usually care what my friends think of who I'm dating but this time I do. We were in the pub over the weekend and he was telling a story about a guy in work and he said something along the lines of 'Janeymackers he's an awful fool so I told him to flip off'. I was scarlett!! It's just so cringeworthy hearing a grown up talk like that.

It's not that I want him cursing all the time, it's that I'd rather he didn't curse at all or he did (but properly).

To me it's a breakup-able (sp) issue, it really is and I would liken it to someone putting on weight and their partner not being as attracted to them. I don't want to sh*g a guy who says gosh darn it. I don't fancy Ned 'flippin' Flanders!!

bangersandmash

miec wrote: »

To be honest a man who doesn't swear like everyone else is more of a man because he is being true to himself instead of being a sheep, that is my definition of masculine / manly behaviour.

Indeed. Bizarre to see that some people equate manliness and maturity with swearing, or have a greater respect for someone because they sound like a character out of Shameless.

OP you don't say how frequently this occurs. Does he actually riddle his sentences with placeholders for expletives like Ned Flanders? Or are you simply irritated that he does not curse like a sailor when he stubs his toe or forgets something?

If it's the former than I can understanding how it might be irritating, if only because it would make conversations just as grating as if they were riddled with expletives. But if it's the latter then it sounds like you're looking for an excuse to let him go and you've picked something trivial.

krudler

Saying something like "fiddlesticks" or "oh fudge" in an ironic jokey way is funny,i do it myself, saying it as you're afraid to say "f*ck" is a bit odd for a grown man, what if you wanted to talk dirty and he said he was going to "flip you senseless" or ask you if he could "fiddle your yoohoo" or something, i'd be mortified lol although I swear like a sailor, so does my girlfriend and i love it, its actually very endearing. If its that annoying to you then its a valid reason to break up, dont listen to people who say small things arent worth breaking up over, any reason is worth it if its going to flip up your relationship

LegacyUser

D-Generate wrote: »

Expose him to cursing! Namely the video by Channel 4 called "What's Your Favourite Curse Word" which can be found on Youtube. I am sure he will find one he likes there.

Oh come on... What rubbish!!! I think its nice to meet an irish person who does not use a foul word every second word. I am no saint and my bf and I both pull each other up for cusirng cos it is manky, vile and disgusting...

If usting the f, c and b words are the onl way you can express yourself then I would seriously worry.

You are lucky you have a guy who knows what he likes and doesnt like and sticks to it... You should be commending him. There is more to this than his few 'swear' words - be honest about why you want to dump him. If it is by some chance only this then I suggest you have a long hard think about how hard it is to meet a man you are mad about who treats you well...

Faith

Have to say, OP, I get where you're coming from. Saying stuff like that once in a while, or in an ironic way, would be grand. But I'd be driven mad if my OH spoke like that all the time. There are words he can use that are somewhere in between perhaps - "frick", "nuts", "balls" etc.

It's kind of like that scene in Notting Hill where Julia Roberts ridicules Hugh Grant for saying "whoopsadaisy".

Moomoo1

It's sad to see that the use of swearwords has become the norm rather than the antisocial behaviour that it really is...

krudler

Moomoo1 wrote: »

It's sad to see that the use of swearwords has become the norm rather than the antisocial behaviour that it really is...

"antisocial behaviour" is a bit much, they're just words, f*ck is one of the best words in the english language, see below:

"****" can be used as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, pronoun, or interjection and can logically be used as virtually any word in a sentence (e.g. "**** the ****ing ****ers"). Moreover, it is one of the only words in the English language which could be applied in the middle of a word (e.g. "Am I sexy? Abso****inglutely!") It hence has various metaphorical meanings. The verb "to be ****ed" can mean "to be cheated" (e.g. "I got ****ed by a scam artist"). As a noun "a ****" or "a ****er" may describe a contemptible person. "A ****" may mean an act of copulation. The word can be used as an interjection, and its participle is sometimes used as a strong emphatic. The verb to **** may be used transitively or intransitively, and it appears in compounds, including **** off, **** up, and **** with. In less explicit usages (but still regarded as vulgar), **** or **** with can mean to mess around, or to deal with unfairly or harshly. In a phrase such as "don't give a ****", the word is the equivalent of "damn", in the sense of something having little value. In "what the ****", it serves merely as an intensive.

The Big Red Button

Ohfiddlesticks wrote: »

To me it's a breakup-able (sp) issue, it really is and I would liken it to someone putting on weight and their partner not being as attracted to them. I don't want to sh*g a guy who says gosh darn it. I don't fancy Ned 'flippin' Flanders!!

Well then break up with him, to be honest, if it's that big a deal. Every individual determines their own "dealbreakers" in a relationship, and you shouldn't have to justify that to anyone. I can see why you'd get a bit frustrated listening to that granny-type language from a grown man the whole time; I'd find it a bit odd too.

Besides, if you spend so much focussing on that one little quirk, well he can't have that many attractive attributes to distract you with! I don't mean this as a slight on him - I know nothing about him. What I mean is, if the relationship was really fantastic and ye were totally compatible in every other way, you probably would be able to overlook the way he talks.

If the situations were reversed ... well, personally, if a guy I was going out with was that put off by my swearing I'd rather he just broke up with me rather than secretly fuming away on the inside or, even worse, trying to change the way I talk!

dudara

TBH, I personally think that you're being really trivial and immature here. He grew up a certain way and has chosen to continue that way.

If you find this trait of his embarrassing, then you you should let him know.

Having worked with a fair few different cultures and nationalities, it's become clear to me lately that we swear far too much in this country. For me, it's gotten to the point where I'm consiously trying to say 'flip' now instead of the f-word. Why? Because once I heard myself speaking in another country with colleagues I realised how foul-mouthed I was, and I'm a normal irish person.

I personally hate when people are embarrassed by their friends or partners because of something like this. He isn't doing anything 'wrong', this is his personality and he deserves better than to be with someone who goes 'scarlet' when he's just being himself. I'm sure if it wasn't these phrases, it would be his accent or his mannerisms or something else. You can't mold people into what you want them to be - I'm sure there are things about you he doesn't particularly like as well.

I hate how swearing is so normal in Ireland. It is NOT normal in other countries to use 'f**k', '****', 'c*nt' etc in normal conversation. I don't even swear much for an Irish person, and I still get some looks over here in England when I accidentally say f**k in a conversation after having a few drinks. People just don't do it to the extent they do in Ireland, it's seen as crass and low class. I really make an effort not to swear because I don't like giving that impression of myself - as your teachers always said, it's not big or clever and it doesn't impress anyone.

jenga-jen

Ohfiddlesticks wrote: »

Thank you for understanding!! It absolutely drives me crazy when he says 'Janeymackers'. For some reason that annoys me the most.

To me it's a breakup-able (sp) issue, it really is and I would liken it to someone putting on weight and their partner not being as attracted to them. I don't want to sh*g a guy who says gosh darn it. I don't fancy Ned 'flippin' Flanders!!

I have to +1 some of the other posters and refer to the above to follow up on my previous post.

While I did and still do think that I'd personally find this behaviour rather irritating, as chatterpillar has said there seems to be no mention of redeeming qualities?!

IME when you start giving you partner nicknames/making comparisons about them in a derogatory way, i.e 'Ned Flippin Flanders', I would always question if there are deeper issues at play here and the 'nursery cursing' isn't just a symptom of these problems?

I think at 27 you would be hard pushed to convince him to do anything other than tone down the use of these phrases but I think you should prepare yourself that he might in fact be hugely offended by your attitude when you broach the subject with him.

Either way I'd suggest proceeding with caution if indeed you do want to carry on being with him.

Stella777

I would find this sort of cute or endearing. That said, does his Ned Flanders behavior extend to other areas, or just cursing? If it comes out in all facets of his personality, I could see why that would be annoying.

Toots

OP, I see where you're coming from, I don't think swearing like a sailor all the time is attractive by any means, however these 'nursery curses' are a massive turn off. For some reason janeymac or janeymackers wrecks my head too, it's just so stupid!!!

I think if other than this he's a lovely guy and you are starting to develop strong feelings for him, I think you should discuss this with him. If it's something you're prepared to leave him over, then he has a right to know. I wouldn't get him to start cursing, but make a deal with him, if you refrain from the everyday cursing, he'll keep his nursery curses to himself.

Stella777

[quote=[Deleted User];63835003]
I hate how swearing is so normal in Ireland. It is NOT normal in other countries to use 'f**k', '****', 'c*nt' etc in normal conversation. I don't even swear much for an Irish person, and I still get some looks over here in England when I accidentally say f**k in a conversation after having a few drinks. People just don't do it to the extent they do in Ireland, it's seen as crass and low class. I really make an effort not to swear because I don't like giving that impression of myself - as your teachers always said, it's not big or clever and it doesn't impress anyone.[/quote]
I'm a foreigner and the different attitudes to cursing has taken some getting used to. It makes it hard for me to tell when people are really angry sometimes.
Cu*t is a word used much less liberally in the States. There it's only used for females, never men, and it's pretty much the worse thing you could call a woman. It's like 1000X worse than dirty whore. It has very strong mysogonistic undertones. I know that in Ireland it has more of a joking connotation. Fu*k has its place and doesn't really bother me.

John Mason

i have lived in a few different countries and tbh it is really embarrassing how much irish people swear.

i remember moving back to ireland after 3 years and spending 6 months cringing at the language that is used in ireland, its horrible and crass. unfortunately, i have fallen back into the swear words habit but i even embarrass myself sometimes.

it is a horrible disgusting trait IMHO, you should be happy you have a respectful bf.

Gyalist

I note that you said in your OP that though you've been going out for six months, "It's not love yet but it could head that way". I would have thought that most people know if they are in love after six months even if they haven't made any formal commitment to one another. Are you sure that you aren't focusing on his not cursing as a get-out clause.

I've actually dumped someone for swearing constantly. I don't swear but neither do I use substitute words for swearing. I did tell her many times that I found the constant swearing unnecessary and aggressive and I guess that she thought that I was joking. I wasn't born in Ireland but I have lived more than half of my life here and yet it still sometimes surprises me how often people swear in the course of perfectly ordinary conversation.

stripysocks85

Daisy Belle; "Honestly, I think I would find it a turn-off too. I know it seems trivial but adults saying 'janeymackers' really annoys me for some reason. I just find it a bit repressed and childish.

While it is a trivial thing, trivial things can be a huge turnoff and that is a problem. I think the OP should mention it to him. No nursery cursing would be an improvment. I think he should know that this is affecting your libido, he may be happy enough to address it. Give him the option anyway."

I work with children, so saying any swear word, even damn or crap, is not something I can do if I get annoyed. Therefore, I resort to the likes of "Janeymackers" etc. I'd often find myself saying them in front of my boyfriend, and I would be really miffed if he had a problem with that.

I think it's very very childish.
Not his 'nursery curses', but your attitude to them.

And to the other posters who said it would be a turnoff - this girl is going out with him 6 months. He was clearly doing this from the beginning so if it irritated her so much she didn't have to develop anything with him.

I'd say leave him to find an adult who doesn't get annoyed over something so silly.

LegacyUser

we curse too much in this country.

anyway, we only curse like f***ers until we have kids then we are all flip and janeymacking ned flanders-alikes around the Little Pictures with Big Ears

seriously, either you ask him to swear more (in which case he will either refuse, or be uncomfortable trying to please you) or walk away.

Faith

Use your words.

As far as I'm concerned, it comes down to this. Either swear, or don't. Don't substitute swear words with pseudo childish "swear words". If someone angers you, either say "F*ck off, you gobsh*te" or end the conversation by saying "You have irritated me and I'm not continuing this conversation with you". Rather than "'So I told teh guy to go and flip off'", your boyfriend could say, "So I told the guy to go on away". We're all taught as children to use our words rather than swearing. If your boyfriend has such an issue with swear words, then he needs to reacquaint himself with this concept. The English language is huge, and there's no need to ever use curse words or fake curse words.

I have to say, I admire the people who'd have no problem with that behaviour. I was out with my friends last night and asked them about it, and they all agreed that it would drive them mad. It reminds me of Eoin McLove, and that's not a good thing.

carolmon

I think people are not fully understanding the OP.
I don't think she's asking her boyfriend to take up cursing, just not use the infantile words he's using to express himself.

TBH it would drive me crazy to hear a grown man saying "fiddlesticks" and "janeymac" when angered, it's completely unsexy....

It reminds me of the scene from Fr Ted when Mrs Doyle is listing all the terrible swear words...........
"Flip me sideways" just wouldn't do it for most women!

Hrududu

I understand him not wanting to swear. Surely he can do that without replacing the bad words with Ned Flanders-isms. I knew a girl in college who never swore. But she would come out with things like "Oh jeez louise", which made her sound like a 5 year old.

Barracudaincork

What did he say when you spoke to him about this? (and dont say "Oh flip!")

Does he understand the effect this has on you?

daisybelle2008

stripysocks85 wrote: »

Daisy Belle; "Honestly, I think I would find it a turn-off too. I know it seems trivial but adults saying 'janeymackers' really annoys me for some reason. I just find it a bit repressed and childish.

While it is a trivial thing, trivial things can be a huge turnoff and that is a problem. I think the OP should mention it to him. No nursery cursing would be an improvment. I think he should know that this is affecting your libido, he may be happy enough to address it. Give him the option anyway."

I work with children, so saying any swear word, even damn or crap, is not something I can do if I get annoyed. Therefore, I resort to the likes of "Janeymackers" etc. I'd often find myself saying them in front of my boyfriend, and I would be really miffed if he had a problem with that.

I think it's very very childish.
Not his 'nursery curses', but your attitude to them.

And to the other posters who said it would be a turnoff - this girl is going out with him 6 months. He was clearly doing this from the beginning so if it irritated her so much she didn't have to develop anything with him.

I'd say leave him to find an adult who doesn't get annoyed over something so silly.

I don't think my attitude towards nursery curses is very very childish. Too much swearing can be a turn-off too, is it really really childish to dislike that? People like or dislike certain things, if we all felt neutrel about everything the world would be a boring place. 'Janeymackers' sounds ridiculous to me. I think you will find a lot of people agree, and probably cringe when you say it too, just like some people might cringe if they heard a child say c*nt. It doesn't quite fit or sound right and you would certainly get them to stop.
As it doesn't turn your boyfriend off then you don't have a problem, however the OP does and I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
I would definitely say it to him. I agree with the poster who said either swear or don't, it reminds me of lick-arses back at school who just wanted to show off how good they were in front of the nuns by using these words unneccesarily. A little holier than thou if you ask me....'Fiddlesticks I hurt my hand' instead of 'Ouch I hurt my hand' or 'F*ck I hurt my hand'.

LegacyUser

To those of you who asked have I spoekn to him about this, the answer is yes.
Everytime he says 'flip it' or 'janeymackers' I instinctively cringe and say David (fake name) please stop saying that, it drives me mad.

I have sat him down properly and explained that I find it very unattractive but he gets defensive and says he's been speaking that way for years and he's not going to stop now. he also says they are just words and to get over it.

That's not good enough though. If he told me that my breath smellled and it was turning him off, you can be damn sure I'd be buying mouthwash, breath mints and chewing gum.

I think I need to end it cause I really find this too embarassing for words (pun intended).

Thanks to those of you who got it..

Chips Lovell

I think the problem is not that the OP's boyfriend doesn't curse, but that he uses these infantile words.

krudler

Ohfiddlesticks wrote: »

To those of you who asked have I spoekn to him about this, the answer is yes.
Everytime he says 'flip it' or 'janeymackers' I instinctively cringe and say David (fake name) please stop saying that, it drives me mad.

I have sat him down properly and explained that I find it very unattractive but he gets defensive and says he's been speaking that way for years and he's not going to stop now. he also says they are just words and to get over it.

That's not good enough though. If he told me that my breath smellled and it was turning him off, you can be damn sure I'd be buying mouthwash, breath mints and chewing gum.

Good point, people always get on their high horse and claim you should "love someone for who they are" well thats all well and good but meanwhile, here in the real world, people have annoying traits and habits that a grown adult shouldnt, i wouldnt have an issue with someone not swearing or very rarely, but substituting curse words for something a 4 year old would say is infantile, even "feck" is grand, use that all the time

Peggypeg

kenbrady wrote: »

If someone was annoying me enough, to make me do something about it. It wouldn't matter if I said "flip off" or "f**k off", I'd get the message across either way.


He's either a strong and manly or he's not. The language he uses has no bearing on that. There has to be more to it than the sayings he uses.

I'd have to disagree with that, if my very manly boyfriend said oh fiddles instead of f*ck it I'd be losing the attraction too, he's not very likely to rip your clothes off in the bedroom if he's that's mannerly is he? Attraction is a funny thing anyway but I'd agree with the OP that it would embarrass me hugely and turn me off.

bangersandmash

krudler wrote: »

Good point, people always get on their high horse and claim you should "love someone for who they are" well thats all well and good but meanwhile, here in the real world, people have annoying traits and habits that a grown adult shouldnt, i wouldnt have an issue with someone not swearing or very rarely, but substituting curse words for something a 4 year old would say is infantile, even "feck" is grand, use that all the time

There's a pretty insular mentality in many of the posts here. Like use of slang, swearing is a pretty localised cultural thing.

It's ridiculous to suggest that there's one universal list of swear words that are acceptable/adult/manly/mature or non-infantile. As others pointed out, if you regularly travel or work with colleagues who are not Irish, filling your sentences with f*ck or feck will likely make you sound like an irritating gombeen stereotype. If the OP travelled to parts of the UK or east coast of US, she'd be the one who'd be getting the embarrassed glances, not her other half. Even within Ireland people will swear or not-swear in different ways.

The OP and her partner seem to come from different backgrounds or were raised differently, and she is finding that difference hard to deal with that. If that's a problem that's insurmountable, fair enough.

Barracudaincork

Ohfiddlesticks wrote: »

I think I need to end it cause I really find this too embarassing for words (pun intended).

..

Best thing to do really, not just cause this does your head in, but he made no attempt to even understand how you feel, regardless of changing his ways, he should at least try to see it from your point of view, he didnt even try to. You at least tried to get other point of views to see if you were OTT etc

Dump him and find a man you are attracted to! Bless of luck!





PS I keep thinking would Ned Flanders be hot, if he cursed........................so far my conclusion is yes!...... oh dear!

krudler

It's ridiculous to suggest that there's one universal list of swear words that are acceptable/adult/manly/mature or non-infantile.

Course there is , fcuk is a swear, fiddles isnt, that something a child would say not a swear word

Beetlebum

Krudler I agree 100% with your post as usual..

This thread has me in stitches. I keep picturing that Simpsons episode when Flanders challenges Homer not to swear. He's building a dog house and he steps on a atc and says 'Oh fiddle dee dee...that will require a tetnis shot'.
I fully understand where you're coming from OP. It's not attractive to you and it's that simple. Maybe try sitting him down one more time and explain just how much this is turning you off. If he won't even try adapting his 'curse' then call it a day..

jenga-jen

Barracudaincork wrote: »

PS I keep thinking would Ned Flanders be hot, if he cursed........................so far my conclusion is yes!...... oh dear!

+1 scarily enough, remember nearly choking on the dinner the night he took off his top to rippling pecs

OP sorry to hear that it might be the end of the road. Now that you've explained that you've sat him down and he refuses to consider the impact these words are having, I can totally understand how your frustration goes beyond the mere words themselves.

Best of luck whatever your decision.

Monkey61

I understand how it could be cringey, but I also think that if you were mad about him it wouldn't matter.

If you think that the only problem is this issue then tell him that you will have to break up with him if he doesn't stop it because it bothers you that much. Let him know that it is that serious. I am sure he doesn't realise.

He will either tell you to flip off and that's the end so. Or he will change.

Also explain to him that you don't actually want him to curse - but just to not use those words instead.