Need advise or help on new girlfriend.

Trebor35

Hi everyone.

Just need some advise on how to over come an issue l have. In the past few weeks l have been lucky enough to have met this wonderfull girl. We have really hit it off and there is a real spark from both sides. My main problem is that we both chatted about our past. My girlfriend doesn't have any past history as with kids. I am divorced but didn't have any kids. I told her about this and thankfully she dont have a problem with it. But l have two kids from another relationship, which l dont know how to tell her this.

My fear is that she would walk, I dont know how to tell her. Can you help please. I am a full time dad and do all the dad stuff.

Thanking you in advance.

p.s hope a person could get a second chance.

LegacyUser

TBH, you should have mentioned it when you mentioned the divorce... She needs to know asap as some people may have an issue dating someone who has kids... Hopefully, she wont but dont leave it til she is emotionally invested before telling her.. Trust me, thats a killer and can kill the relationship.

estar

its important you tell her early in the relationship, maybe 3-4 dates in when you are sure that you want to get to know her further. i dont see what the problem would be. if she likes you she will like your kids. however i would wait for a significant time before i involved her with the kids ie. at least 6 months. you dont want to confuse the kids by introducing them to too many different people. if it doesnt work out they will wonder where she went!! keep your life as a parent and your life as a boyfriend as seperate as you can at first. remember you dont know her yet.

she doesnt necessarily have to pitch in as a mother either. they already have a mother. she could be more like a kindly aunt, there to feed and entertain but not to discipline. if i were her, that would be the role i would expect to play. if she thought of any future role in those terms it might be less scary for the uninitiated.

ash23

You need to tell her soon. Personally I would have mentioned the kids first and the divorce as an afterthought rather than the other way around.

I'm usually upfront about my daughter. I can't change the fact that I have her, she's always going to be part of the package and if someone walks because of it, well, they aren't the one for me now are they?

I would just say to her that you've something to tell her. Say you were afraid that telling her would scare her off and you really hope it won't and sorry for not mentioning it earlier.

Again, this is just me, but if I were dating someone for a number of weeks who had children full time and never mentioned them, I would be more wary than if he had been upfront with it. But everyone is different.
She will eventually have to know as you can only keep up the pretence for a short while, especially if they live with you. She's going to want to come over to yours and pop over etc. She's going to know you're hiding something.
Just be honest.

Your comment about the divorce but no kids was totally misleading, bordering on outright dishonesty. I wouldn't appreciate seeing someone for a few weeks without them mentioning their kids, if nothing else I'd wonder how important they were to the person if they hadn't even come up in conversation. I'd tell her ASAP if you already consider her your girlfriend.