Problems one on one

LegacyUser

Hi there.

i think I may have some sort of social anxiety disorder. I'm generally seen as an out going person.

When I'm in groups etc its usually no problems. I can chat away and so forth. Yet when I start to chat one on one with a person I don't know too well I start to get a bit nervous. I get ideas that I won't be able to keep the conversation going or that I won't be seen to be interesting to the other person.

All of this seems to go away if I was chatting to two other people in a group of three people for instance.

Is there something wrong with me or is this most people's reaction upon meeting new people ?

AARRRGH

There's nothing wrong with you. Plenty of people have the same "problem" as you.

But it's something you can easily overcome.

Everyone's favorite topic is themselves, so just ask them questions about themself. They'll think you're a great conversationalist.

thedeadpoet

Very sound advice above.

Fear not what people think of you, because the people that mind dont matter and the people that matter dont mind. When you begin to observe others rather than yourself I promise you that you will find similar traits.

Answer me this: Would you look down on someone in your company who seemed a little nervous?

aurelius79

Talking is overrated. Don't worry what other people think of you. Sometimes you meet people you just have nothing to talk about with.

Maybe you're hanging out with people you don't really feel comfortable around. Maybe you're just a bit anti-social. There's nothing wrong with it. Confidence grows with age.

nationalgeo

Just remember that most people feel the same.
If you are young now, you will move in different circles as you age, virtually all your friendships will move on too, so don't worry.

Don't try to impress people and do not act impressed by people that try to impress you. Remember a lot of people have other agenda's.

wylo

I had the exact same problem OP, felt pressure in a one on one situation and was always more relaxed in a group.
Ive learnt to overcome it by constantly reminding myself that theres only 2 possible things that could be occuring in that situation.
a: That person feels exactly the same, which means the situation is perfectly normal and you should have nothing to worry about.

b: That person does not feel like that and is quite comfortable in that situation, which gives you even more reason to not care what they think, i.e. if they dont notice it why do you???? Its all in your own head.

You just have to keep reminding yourself that other people either dont care at all, or are exactly the same as you. Its your own pressure your putting on yourself. They really dont care. Why should you have to be the one that puts on the chatty performance? Why not ask yourself howcome they are not more chatty?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice.

I think too that this problem I have seems to rear its ugly head when I imagine that the person I'm talking to are socially "above me". I'm guessing this is just me overthinking the situation ?

AARRRGH

Another Guest wrote: »

I think too that this problem I have seems to rear its ugly head when I imagine that the person I'm talking to are socially "above me". I'm guessing this is just me overthinking the situation ?

Yes, you're just overthinking the situation.

People aren't scary. You're just talking to them. If they're dicks they're dicks, and that's a seperate issue.