So, I Burn Bridges

LegacyUser

Well I'm a 18 year old male, good looking so I'm told, I am confident around girls, enjoy talking with girls, enjoy being with girls. My problem arises when finishing it with girls. I really do not wish to be portrayed as an asshole in this thread but this is often how girls see me. I have a terrible habit of finishing relationships on a bad note and i know ye'll say it will come with experience but I've burned so many bridges now that I'm on bad terms with over half the girls in my year! A girl once said to me that someday , but this girl was really nice to me and I liked her a lot as a friend, she was ok in the looks department but her personality is what i was mad about, I still am.

We'll call her girl X and I girl that I am currently seeing as girl Y. X and Y have a mutual friend. who I am also friends with. I told X that i liked her in confidence while i was seeing Y. She swore she wouldnt tell as i was keen on Y but realised at the time I shouldn't have said anything as this ALWAYS bites me in the ass, but its often my penis that thinks for me! So of course X used to say that "I'm going to get a terrible boot up the backside one day" and of course you dont need to have brains to work this one out, she delivered that kick, with a bang!

Well of course everything got back and this is another relationship ended on bad terms! The worse thing is girl Y is in my class. I've to see her everyday, I sit next to her for some classes!! I'm deeply hurt but what happened but am under no illusions that it was 100% my fault. I need to learn how to stop ending on bad terms! Any advice? Sorry for the long post.

christina_x

hmm..ok im not 100% sure what went on here but from what iv gathered (and correct me if im wrong), you told one girl you liked her (knowing she likes you) while you had a girlfriend?
well.. seriously, think about it! of course thats going to end badly!
you have a girlfriend. thats very unfair on her, shes trusting you and likes you enough to be with no other guy and you go around telling other girls you like them aswell?! Thats gonna create a bad rep for yourself, and its not very nice to be on the recieving end of that kind of treatment.
Also, the single girl that you like will tune into this aswell fairly quickly. Shes gonna be thrilled at the start that you like her, but she will get annoyed very quickly if she sees you with your girlfriend after being told by you thta you like her. She'll feel that she was being messed around with, leading to two angry girls.
you sound like you like the chase alot. so id suggest apologising to both girls and not to go steady until your sure you can stick with one girl, its not fair on anybody in the long run otherwise.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply.

OK so you have the general idea of what went on but I do not have a girlfriend, we call it meeting where i come from, where its nothing official and nothing serious. We both agreed it was for a bit of excitment from the start. So when i told the other girl who used to like me the way i felt about her she got extremely pissed off.

Sophsxxx

For a guy that seems to have a good bit of experience with girls, you still seem to be oblivious to the fact that girls talk....about EVERYTHING!! Believe me, nothing is deemed off topic between friends. Learn that lession sharpish!:D
And tbh, even though you're not going out, it would still hurt girl Y that you'd rather be getting it on with girl X. When you want to end things with a girl, you don't involve her mates, you say to her 'you're a sound girl but I don't think that anything this is going to work, so let's end it now and stay friends'-amicable and no one gets hurt.
Then if you have your eye on someone else, give it a week or 2 before trying anything there.

Good luck!:)

leggo

How do you burn bridges? Going on the fact you said it was because you "think with your dick", I'd guess cheating has played a part a few times before then yeah?

You're 18! If you're unprepared to stay faithful to women then why are you getting into exclusive relationships? And in saying unprepared, I mean being susceptible to temptation. You've shown here you're not.

There's no rush man. It seems like you've no problem finding women now...well that skill won't go away! You've got all the time in the world to settle down and happily be with one girl, without wanting others, so why are you pressuring yourself?

What is burning you bridges is the fact that you're not being honest with yourself and, consequently, not being honest with the girls you're with. They believe that you're willing to commit to them...when obviously your eyes still wander and you still 'think with your dick'.

Trust me, I've been on both sides. I've been the guy who's lied to himself and told him he really wants to commit to girls...then both nearly cheated and actually done the deed. And I've been involved with girls who know that I'm seeing other women and are perfectly happy with that arrangement. If they're not, we won't see each other anymore in that way. They're happy, I'm happy, we remain friends.

Clearly, you want to be young and enjoy your freedom...but also like the closeness involved in relationships, just not the commitment. So because of the latter, you disregard the former, and it comes back to bite you on the arse.

Are you afraid if you let a girl go you won't find someone else? Or do you just like (man to man here) the regular, guaranteed sex that comes with a relationship? Either way, you've nothing to fear on both accounts trust me.

Why do you not try to have your cake, eat it and see if it works for you and others? 18yo girls don't want to be in a committed long-term relationship either! They just want to a man who values them for more than one thing. If you want to go off and see other women in the process, and are honest with them about that, you'll be in for a very pleasant surprise at the amount of women who'll be fine with that.

Because, again, what is burning you bridges is your inability to be honest with yourself about what you want.

LegacyUser

Now if I were you this is what I'd do...

First of all, meet up with the two girls, preferrably on the same day before the two of them meet each other to discuss the fact that they have/will meet up with you.

Man up, admit you were completely in the wrong, it was very immature of you and if anything, you've learned something from this and that you know that you've completely messed up. Easier said than done though, but for the sake of an easier life.

Don't mix with girls in your year, you don't want anymore hassle, and since you're 18 I'm assuming you're going into Leaving Cert, study your ass off to get into college, that's where the real lookers (with brains) are

If you're going to ignore that advice, fine. But at least hold off scoring anyone in your year for a month, a time of grace is always necessary for things to blow over.

Also you said that your penis does the thinking for you, let your hands do the thinking for your penis. For now.