how to tell ex about miscarriage

LegacyUser

advice needed:

sadly yesterday i miscarried after 3 months. i am extremely upset + in shock about it. me + the father are no longer together + havn't been for the duration of the pregnancy. he wasn't there for me much at all during the pregnancy + i went to all doctor's appointments etc alone however he said he wanted to be involved + support me + our child.

the only people who knew about the baby was one of my friends who was with me in the hospital yesterday.

i don't know how to tell him about the miscarriage. we rarely meet face to face as he's always busy + mostly just text. however in this case i don't think a text is appropriate.

i'd like to hear people's opinions as to what i should do

Overheal

So tell him you need to speak with him and its important. Arrange to meet somewhere.

Im sorry for your loss.

LegacyUser

So sorry for your loss
you must be very sad, I wish you the very best,
I think the best you can do is arrange to meet.
If I was you tho, I would probably try to focus on myself, sounds like a tough time

amdublin

You poor thing. On your own for this is hard.

I think ring him and tell him you need to meet. Be prepared for him asking why and be prepared for him to force you to tell him over the phone.

Be also prepared for the fact that unfortunately he may not be very supportive to you when he finds out (I don't know how it ended etc)

Maybe arrange to have your friend close by after telling him. It could be over very quickly ie. he may not discuss it much and you could feel very low after telling him.

Good luck to you.

LegacyUser

Hi there,

First off sorry to hear you have miscarried and I'm sure this is a very emotional time for you. I really hope you get all the support you need and that your friend is there for you. There is also a councelling line and support available should you like to avail of it. I just googled it and it is http://www.miscarriage.ie/ The details of the support line are aldso on there.

To be honest, from what you have said this guy has not been there for you so far, and this miscarriage has only just happened. How about you take some time for yourself for now before you tell him since you have said that you yourself are upset and in shock. I would just be afraid for you that his reaction may not be supportive and could be one of relief. Maybe this reaction is not what you need at this time. I understand that the guy has a right to know, but I think now that you need to put yourself first this time.

I really hope that you get through this difficult time. Wishing you all the best.

LegacyUser

we ended quite amicably + remained friends.

he said he tried to be there for me + the baby and he did text every second day or so but I don't think that classed as being there for me. And any time I would try to arrange to meet him to discuss the situation he would cancel/make an excuse. Other times, when he was drunk etc. he would have his hand on my bump + tallk to the baby. It's hard to say if he was really there or not.

the only problem with not contacting for a few days is he'll contact me.

like some of you have suggested I'll give him a ring and try meet.

Thanks everyone for your support

St James

you also need time to grieve and whilst some of this will be when you are alone, you should have a good friend round for support.

thoughts and prayers are with you.

dudara

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear you miscarried. Take care of yourself now, both physically and mentally.

Secondly, you should really arrange a meeting with him and let him know. But if you don't feel up to it straight away, that's OK too. But do him the courtesy of letting him know in person.

jimmycrackcorm

I think you should simply text him. Sounds callous but from a male perspective, he won't identify with the same sense of loss. As you are now not in a relationship then if you call or meet then you will only be disappointed when you don't get the support you might anticipate.