Weird things your teachers told you in school

number10a

Give us some examples of the weird and fúcked up things that you were told in school by your teachers.

I'll start off with one of mine that arouses a few giggles (and that I ashamedly believed :rolleyes:):

- According to my biology teacher, weasels have pockets to store food in for later. I only found out a few months ago that this was not the case.

Also, my nana was told a few odd things by the nuns when she was in school:

- It was a sin to use a black toilet.

- Hair is turned grey by spirits coming and taking away the colour.

brummytom

I've said it before, but my maths teacher told me I was impotent.

I was pleased I followed it up with one of my most daring lines in school: "Is it any wonder when I'm stuck looking at you?"


Our science teacher in Year 9 told us he killed someone in Iraq

R0ot

I was told id never lose my virginity, now I've got a child on the way.

davyjose

number10a wrote: »

Give us some examples of the weird and fúcked up things that you were told in school by your teachers.

They kept trying to drill some weird, obsolete language into me ... mad stuff altogether

peabutler

" Reilly why do you always sit on the left hadn side of the classroom, you are slanting the floor and my glasses keep falling off the desk"

To the lad beside me

same teacher

" Reilly I notice you enjoy the frequent nose pick, but your technique makes me sick... Remember lads pinky does the trick."


" Smith, Is that you talking...Huh it is. Fine take that bin go outside the window stand in it and sing a Britney Spears song "

alwaysadub

That there was a mincing machine hidden in the wall where the bold kids were fed to. It was when we were in junior infants. Believed it for the 1st few years of school!

xw2lj9uspm1eyh

I shaved my head and next day in school the teacher announced in front of the whole class I looked like a neo-nazi.

Nforce

I was told that I'd never amount to anything....and look at me now!!!:D






Ohh...wait...:(:o

AvaKinder

We were told to sit with our legs closed or the devil would fly up your skirt!

cadaliac

"He will never amount to anything"
Classy stuff from a member of the clergy running a boarding school. He actually said it to my mother (about me)

m83

"This is our little secret"

number10a

AvaKinder wrote: »

We were told to sit with our legs closed or the devil would fly up your skirt!

I never say lol in a post, but I have to because I actually did lol!! :pac:

airscotty

Our religion teacher had many the mad story for us....one such being when she was walking through the desert for days and became so thursty she had 2 drink camels piss!! another was when she was chased by a sworm of killer bees and hadda jump in2 a swimming pool and swim underwater from end to end then take a breath cause the bees were waiting over head!!

Dartz

One day, the knowledge that Patrick Kavanagh was really jealous of all the dancers going to Billy Brennands barn tonight, but lacked the social grace or self-confidence to truly express himself and willingly joing in... will save our lives one day.

Black Magic

cadaliac wrote: »

"He will never amount to anything"
Classy stuff from a member of the clergy running a boarding school. He actually said it to my mother (about me)

Were you not sexy enough for him!

You were lucky.

MetalDawg

I was told these was this invisible man in the sky who saw everything you did. Found out later it was total bullsh*t

Black Magic

AvaKinder wrote: »

We were told to sit with our legs closed or the devil would fly up your skirt!

Ironic that.

He didn't like the females and gave no advice to the boys on how to save their genitals from abuse

wilson10

The square on the hypotheneuse is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides.

DancingQueen:)

wilson10 wrote: »

The square on the hypotheneuse is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides.

Is that not true? :eek:
I was told if you failed any test in 6th year you'd fail the leaving, really glad that wasn't true.

stovelid

Using tongues is perfectly acceptable for a greeting kiss.

BluesBerry

I before E except after C ....... LIES!!!!!

wilson10

DancingQueen:) wrote: »

Is that not true? :eek:
I was told if you failed any test in 6th year you'd fail the leaving, really glad that wasn't true.

I didn't say it wasn't true but isn't it weird.

ToniTuddle

My 5th class teacher(a female) told all of the girls to always :

• hold in your tummy
• stick out your chest

That's the proper way to walk.


Same teacher had a human skull in her desk.
Plus made us do a play in class in which we were short of costumes and so made us wear her old nightdresses.

Cool Running

Never forget being constantly reminded that all we needed to do to pass Irish was reach the magical number of 240 between the written exam, aural&oral and it was so easy he only needed to do about 10minutes teaching a day and the rest talking to the other teachers in the corridor before,after and during class.

Sulmac

Shakira used to be a man called George.

I mean, wha'?

bogtotty

You could get pregnant from sitting on a boys knee.
When travelling by public bus, you should always put a newspaper down on the seat or, again, pregnancy could result.
Babies came out your bellybutton and the nurses caught them on a silver tray.
I had the divil in my eyes. That one might be true.
If we didn't learn to embroider, we'd never find a husband, or if we found one but we couldn't sew, he'd beat us.
A foetus was a perfectly formed but microscopic baby from the moment of conception, could think, hear and see and was capable of singing hymns in vitro.
If you burnt porridge you'd go to hell.

All of the above gems from Sister Marie Louise, God rest her soul, my Religion and Home Economics teacher in 1st Year in the late 80s. Think she might also have been special advisor on women's affairs to the Taliban.

FloatingVoter

Geography teacher to a classmate years ago:
"I don't know whether its that you've been hit too many times or not enough..."

Tomebagel

''Yes,you do use algebra in everyday life.'':rolleyes:

InkSlinger67

Teacher: (Shouts) Stop looking at my tits young man!!!! :mad:
InkSlinger: Sorry Brother Lynch!!! :eek:

citizen_p

"you would see better manners in a romainian orphanage"

principal at assembly
"johnjoe, up the town at lunch you need to buy yourself a large bottle of cop on"

Dudess

A nun told us we should never dance with a boy if we were wearing shiny shoes, as he would be able to see up our skirts in the reflection. She also told us we should always put something under us when sitting on a boy's knee.

cloneslad

PE Teacher during swimming lessons: "If I take my finger out you'll sink"


Didn't realise he was lying till I went on hols with my g.f and she almost beat the shit out of me

cloneslad

R0ot wrote: »

I was told id never lose my virginity, now I've got a child on the way.

I was going to make a smart arsed, disgusting comment but I figured I would behave myself!!

Gulliver

Our geography teacher was always banging on that "we'll be able to buy cars from anywhere in Europe in the next two years".

In 1996.

we'llallhavetea_old

BluesBerry wrote: »

I before E except after C ....... LIES!!!!!

DRILLED into my brain!

stovelid

Our social studies teacher told us in fifth year (in a kind of sex education/responsibility lesson no doubt designed to try and stop students from 'deprived' areas ending up pregnant or impregnating somebody before they sat the Leaving ) that (she thought) oral sex was 'disgusting'.

I assume that the 2-5% of the class not already doing it subsequently learned otherwise.

phasers

A Geography teacher told me that America had 52 states...

dambarude

phasers wrote: »

A Geography teacher told me that America had 52 states...

Our Geography teacher tried to tell us that the Great Famine happened in the 1950s.

phasers

dambarude wrote: »

Our Geography teacher tried to tell us that the Great Famine happened in the 1950s.

Judging by this thread Geography teachers are all retards

bonerm

Had a science teacher who told me a mate of his went messing with the mains electricity of his house and (after he'd been missing for a number of days) all the investigating police found was a pair of shoes and a pile of ashes.

Probably total bs. Even if you touched a pylon the worst that would happen to you (besides dying of course) would be severe burning of skin, melting of the retinas and removal of hair.

orourkeda

How to speak irish

Elba101

My biology would say "get a mirror and have a look girls".

Sulmac

phasers wrote: »

A Geography teacher told me that America had 52 states...

Same thing happened me once, but I managed to prove that there are only 50. He wasn't too happy about me showing him up.

Also had to disprove a history teacher who was insistent that Poland and West Germany bordered each other... :rolleyes:

Odysseus

My religion teacher espained marturbation by telling us of a six year ago girl who sat with her doll between her legs and got sexual pleasure out of this. 30 years later as a psychoanalyst I can understand the theory behind this but as a 13 yr old, I could not make the connection between that and cracking one out.

phasers

Odysseus wrote: »

My religion teacher espained marturbation by telling us of a six year ago girl who sat with her doll between her legs and got sexual pleasure out of this. 30 years later as a psychoanalyst I can understand the theory behind this but as a 13 yr old, I could not make the connection between that and cracking one out.

As an 18 year old, I can't make sense of it either.

What kind of 6 year old gets sexual pleasure from anything?

Nervous Wreck

phasers wrote: »

As an 18 year old, I can't make sense of it either.

What kind of 6 year old gets sexual pleasure from anything?

The type you wanna get to know when she hits 17.










Eugh, that's gross....

jd007

number10a wrote: »

- It was a sin to use a black toilet.

How racist!

sheep-go-baa

We had a h-dip in first year come in and announce that today would not be a good day to piss her off as she just had a bikini wax :eek: and threatened to show us if we didn't shut up :pac:

Odysseus

phasers wrote: »

As an 18 year old, I can't make sense of it either.

What kind of 6 year old gets sexual pleasure from anything?

All of the I did say I was a psychoanalyst check out the theory of infantile sexually, better go for the original on read Freud's Three Papers on Sexuality 1905. Don goggle it buy the text it only cost a few euros

MickTipp

R0ot wrote: »

I was told id never lose my virginity, now I've got a child on the way.

whos the childs father??:D

ToniTuddle

phasers wrote: »

What kind of 6 year old gets sexual pleasure from anything?

They don't know it's sexual as such I'd say.

Most of my teacher didn't really say weird things, they just acted weird.