Stay with him for sex

LegacyUser

Ok I was with a guy last year, he's amazing in bed but when we're not in bed he annoys me, we have little in common.. We ended up drifting apart last summer.. He's back on the scene now and wants to meet up to go out for dinner.. It was fine texting while I was drunk and having a bit if craic but then when i was sober his texts were just really boring and annoying.. I have been single for awhile and would love an evening of good sex... But the thoughts of having to go through a full dinner listening to him (he's very generous so will probably insist on paying and will only go to good restaurants) I will probably have to have a few drinks beforehand just to make his stories more interesting.

I suppose my question is... Is it wrong to stay with a guy purely for sex (I know guys probably do it all the time.. correct me if i'm wrong..)?? and on the flip side would you leave a guy if the sex was bad?

Gyalist

misstulip wrote: »

Ok I was with a guy last year, he's amazing in bed but when we're not in bed he annoys me, we have little in common.. We ended up drifting apart last summer.. He's back on the scene now and wants to meet up to go out for dinner.. It was fine texting while I was drunk and having a bit if craic but then when i was sober his texts were just really boring and annoying.. I have been single for awhile and would love an evening of good sex... But the thoughts of having to go through a full dinner listening to him (he's very generous so will probably insist on paying and will only go to good restaurants) I will probably have to have a few drinks beforehand just to make his stories more interesting.

I suppose my question is... Is it wrong to stay with a guy purely for sex (I know guys probably do it all the time.. correct me if i'm wrong..)?? and on the flip side would you leave a guy if the sex was bad?

This could only work if it is established at the very beginning that it is only going to be about sex. If the guy has hopes of an LTR with you, it would not be either honest or fair to string him along and to take advantage of his generosity.

For my part, I'm attracted to intelligent women and there wouldn't be enough good sex or great looks to make up for her being intellectually incurious. Your brain is your largest sex organ so I just wouldn't waste my time as there would be little chance of stimulating interaction outside of the bedroom and I would begin to resent her presence. Many people though stay with their partner just for sex, but that's just usually through inertia or lack of options.

TitoPuente

misstulip wrote: »

Is it wrong to stay with a guy purely for sex

Yes. Very wrong. Unless he's in on it and has agreed that that's all he wants as well.

misstulip wrote: »

I know guys probably do it all the time

Only idiots do that. If a man can use the same person for sex on a regular basis without any emotional attachment, all the while leading the woman on that he's into her, then it speaks volumes about the kind of scumbag that he is. Real men don't do it.

cafecolour

I think it's grand as long as you are both on the same page - that he's not madly in love with you or anything. Why not have a f**k buddy until you meet someone you're interested in. One regular partner is better than multiple ones from clubs when you get drunk and horny.

Go to dinner. About half an hour in say, "Look. To be honest I never really felt like we had much in common in a relationship sense. But I'm single and you were fantastic in bed. As long as we're both single, I'd rather enjoy if we could continue something of a regular physical arrangement."

He may have thought he's died and gone to heaven. I mean why do you think he's taking you dinner after not seeing you in a while anyway

Would I leave a guy if the sex was bad initially? No. Would I leave a guy if the sex stayed bad over a while despite me giving him hints and explicit instructions? Yes. Because that's an indicative of much larger problem (either an unwillingness to please or an inability to change).

Eve_Dublin

misstulip wrote: »

Ok I was with a guy last year, he's amazing in bed but when we're not in bed he annoys me, we have little in common.. We ended up drifting apart last summer.. He's back on the scene now and wants to meet up to go out for dinner.. It was fine texting while I was drunk and having a bit if craic but then when i was sober his texts were just really boring and annoying.. I have been single for awhile and would love an evening of good sex... But the thoughts of having to go through a full dinner listening to him (he's very generous so will probably insist on paying and will only go to good restaurants) I will probably have to have a few drinks beforehand just to make his stories more interesting.

I suppose my question is... Is it wrong to stay with a guy purely for sex (I know guys probably do it all the time.. correct me if i'm wrong..)?? and on the flip side would you leave a guy if the sex was bad?

At least your honest! I was seeing a guy for a while just like this...lets just say we didn't have the most stimulating conversations in the world to be nice about it...but the sex was off the hook! I made it very clear to him that I just wanted to be FBs...but the thing is, we had to hang out before and after sex and after a month or two of this, I couldn't take it anymore. We had NOTHING in common and I wasn't willing to compromise my free time and rapidly depleting brain cells from mundane conversation for good sex and it ended there.

As well as this, because we didn't click on any kind of emotional or intellectual level, the sex became strangely bitter between us. Kinky and experimental but essentially hallow and cold. Maybe that suits some but it didn't suit me.

And it turns out he wanted a relationship (and can't think why...when I say we'd nothing in common, I mean NOTHING!)...and from my observations, these FB relationships are rarely without some emotional attachment or feelings for the other from either party.

LegacyUser

As long as he knows where he stands and is happy with it, then use each other for sex.

PaddyInChelsea

OP, it's not wrong to stay with somebody just for the sex, in the short term. But long term, I think you'll eventually part. Maybe you should put some time into finding someone who's great in bed and whom you click with. They are out there.

LegacyUser

OP here.. I suppose I'm still confused on what to do.. I suppose I don't wanna feel like a hooker where whenever he comes to Dublin he has an easy ride all he has to do is take me out for dinner.. However I don't really want him to put in the effort either cause he basically just annoys me.. Probably just have to get it into my head that we are gonna be using each other.

CDfm

OP - would it be different if you paid for dinner and did the asking.

star-pants

Is it wrong?
Not if that's what you've both agreed.
But until you talk that part out you won't know.

TBH I've no idea how you could be with someone like that though, I couldn't.
You don't like him as a person, he annoys you, you have to have a few drinks to even tolerate his company. So to me it sounds stupid.

My advice? Tell him you're only interested in being fck buddies, that you don't want dinner, you don't want chats, and if he's up for it then so are you. Because that's the truth.

kenbrady

misstulip wrote: »

I have been single for awhile and would love an evening of good sex...

If you are happy and want to remain single. Meet him, but tell him you are not looking for a relationship. Otherwise go out and find a new boyfriend. There are plenty of us guys who are great in bed and good fun/interesting people.

LegacyUser

If it was a guy posting here, I can't help feel the responses would be completely different.

OP it's clear you haven't let this guy know you're only interested in sex otherwise why would he bringing you out for dinner and paying for them. You are with him under false pretences, aka using him. You need to be honest and if he's up for your arrangement then so be it, but at least if he's not he can leave with some dignity and self esteem intact.

TitoPuente

misstulip wrote: »

However I don't really want him to put in the effort either cause he basically just annoys me..

Wow. Why would you want someone that annoys you in your life at all? It sounds a bit nasty on your part to be perfectly honest.

As everyone else has said, make a decent person of yourself and allow this guy some dignity by telling it to him like it is - that you just want no-strings-attached sex. If he agrees, happy days. If not, end it.

CDfm

TitoPuente wrote: »

Wow. Why would you want someone that annoys you in your life at all? It sounds a bit nasty on your part to be perfectly honest.

My thoughts too.

As everyone else has said, make a decent person of yourself and allow this guy some dignity by telling it to him like it is - that you just want no-strings-attached sex. If he agrees, happy days. If not, end it.

Its not as easy as that he may be" game" -if he has relationship expectations or emotional needs -he deserves more.

I just wonder what about his conversation style or personality you don't like OP - have you considered that you contribute or start conversations too and may not be the wittiest.

I was being serious when I asked why don't you invite him to dinner and you can choose where to go and the activities, not just that if you want him in the sack that you should pick up the tab.

LegacyUser

OP here

Just an update how we got on... We did end up meeting up.. I ended Up meeting him a little tipsy.. I basically put it as one night of passion take it or leave it.. We had exactly as i said it would be one night of passion we were texting for a few days after but then it fizzled again.. I think it worked out well we both had a good time in bed but i don't think we click as proper a couple.