One Night Stand or Possibility?

LegacyUser

I'd love some insights here cos I'm very inexperienced in this field.

I've never slept with a guy having only met him as I've been in relationships for years and am only newly single. Anyway met a gorgeous guy last w-end and we were really into each other and kissing and he was all over me saying how pretty i was etc and we hung out for the whole nite (about 5 hours including nightclub time and food time). then we went back to his and i still wasn't sure if i was gonna sleep with him but i was dying to as I was so attracted to him and I'm human with needs like everyone.

anyway i'm wondering now is it very cut and dry in his mind and he'll have no interest now cos i slept with him? I never thought i'd do that cos why would a guy respect a girl after that but things were relaxed and i went with it instead of resisting which i've done a few times recently too. he was very cuddly afterwards and the next morning and encouraged me to stay but i left early and he rang my mobile in the nightclub so that we'd have each others numbers and he actually saved my name with the number while we were there too (not in front of me, but i saw my name when he went to ring his friend).

he said he'd call but is there not a chance cos i hopped into bed with him?
I'm a big girl and i can handle it but would love to see him again. He was hot.

Wagon

hotguyinclub wrote: »

he said he'd call but is there not a chance cos i hopped into bed with him?
I'm a big girl and i can handle it but would love to see him again. He was hot.

If it's been a week and you still haven't heard from him, id say forget it and move on. And yes, a suprisingly large mount of blokes will have no interest in you for a relationship if you sleep with them on a one night stand. And no, i dont know why.

I don't think it's a good idea to sleep with a guy right away if you want a relationship. I don't think I've ever known that to work out. And the cuddling and taking your number don't really mean anything, a guy I was with one did the same and never called (I had no interest beyond the one night so didn't care either way). If it's been a week I doubt he's interested, tbh.

colly10

Wagon wrote: »

If it's been a week and you still haven't heard from him, id say forget it and move on.

Ye a week is too long, surprised if you'll hear from him now. As for your question I don't think it makes any difference, it never has in my mind anyway but then I usually know it has relationship potential anyway so it won't really be a one night stand

LegacyUser

colly10 wrote: »

Ye a week is too long, surprised if you'll hear from him now. As for your question I don't think it makes any difference, it never has in my mind anyway but then I usually know it has relationship potential anyway so it won't really be a one night stand

sorry my mistake, I meant to say that we met last nite and he texted me this evening so I'm really pleased with that. Thats nice and quick isn't it? a good sign? It doesn't sit well with me at all that I slept with him so quickly. I'd never do that again and i hope he doesn't think less of me and he's cool about it. He asked for us to meet next week so thats great.

i'm just wondering colly10, how would you know if someone has relationship potential so quickly?

sarmer

If he texted you this evening that's a very good sign!!

It's definately possible to start a relationship from a one night stand. It happened to my best friend, she's in a very serious relationship with a guy she had a one night stand with on holidays last year!!

Eve_Dublin

I've begun 2 relationships after sleeping with the guy the first night. Depends on the guy. If he wasn't interested, he wouldn't have in touch again. Simple as that.

Firetrap

Looking good I guess the next thing is to see if he likes you for being you or just wants you for the sex. Hopefully it's not the latter :cool:

fits

I think its much better to go with your gut on these things rather than follow any 'rules' about the first night. You're both adults.

Actually most things I've been in, I havent hung about. Its when I've had doubts that I held back, and the doubts were generally justified.

cafecolour

hotguyinclub wrote: »

sorry my mistake, I meant to say that we met last nite and he texted me this evening so I'm really pleased with that. Thats nice and quick isn't it? a good sign? It doesn't sit well with me at all that I slept with him so quickly. I'd never do that again and i hope he doesn't think less of me and he's cool about it. He asked for us to meet next week so thats great.

Who knows, maybe it was the mind-blowing sex that made him call again

Definitely do not tell him next week 'I'm so embarrassed I slept with you on first meet, I never do that. I hope you dont think i'm a slut or anything.' And also don't suddenly stop having sex with him because you want to see if he's into you without it. Both of those make you seem unstable and coming on too strong.

At the most, you can flirtatious say something like 'you know, you're the first guy i've ever actually gone home with on the first meeting like that. Cant say I'm complaining.'

Monkey61

hotguyinclub wrote: »

I'd never do that again and i hope he doesn't think less of me and he's cool about it. He asked for us to meet next week so thats great.

Hope he doesn't think less of you??? Hope he is cool about it?? He was there too. He slept with you on the first night too. That sentence only makes sense if referring to you getting too drunk, groping his best mate and throwing up on his shoes...

Sex isn't a reward to be doles out to men once they have played their cards right and waited long enough. You are a grown woman and if you want to sleep with someone you can without worry about what they are going to think of you. There are no excuses or apologies needed and certainly no shame. This guy should be out to impress you as much as you are out to impress him.

As stated above, under absolutely no circumstances refer to it by apologising or excusing it and insisting that you are "not that sort of girl" - you want him to know that you chose to have sex with him because you wanted to, not that you were coerced into doing something you would never normally do and now feel terrible about.

If he likes you, he likes you. If he wants to be with you, he wants to be with you. There is no point forcing yourself to respect stupid double standards if they are against your own wishes and happiness.

iguana

As has been said forget about stupid rules and do what feels right. Seriously, if he was hypocrite enough to judge you negatively for something he had an equal part in you would have had a lucky escape. However it sounds as if he isn't a big hypocrite and probably had as good a time as you did and wants to see you as much as you want to see him. If it helps my husband and I slept together on our first date and I know plenty of other married couples who can say the same.

colly10

hotguyinclub wrote: »

sorry my mistake, I meant to say that we met last nite and he texted me this evening so I'm really pleased with that. Thats nice and quick isn't it? a good sign? It doesn't sit well with me at all that I slept with him so quickly. I'd never do that again and i hope he doesn't think less of me and he's cool about it. He asked for us to meet next week so thats great.

i'm just wondering colly10, how would you know if someone has relationship potential so quickly?

Ye thats a good sign. I wouldn't worry about sleeping with him quickly, he shouldn't think any different of you. My ex used to think like that, she slept with me on the first night but had made other lads wait, she felt bad over it even though I told her it makes no difference, if anything it let me know early on that she fancied me and is comfortable with me so I saw it as a good thing.
As for relationship potential, if I find someone attractive and I know there the same and theres zero awkwardness between us on the first date, we feel comfortable around each other and get on well then theres obvious relationship potential, you know when its no hard work, you enjoy being there with them and you know there the same

iguana wrote: »

As has been said forget about stupid rules and do what feels right.

+1 on this, where you follow rules then its all just a game and noone likes games. Id rather know what someones really like than have them say or act in a way thats not them cause they think its the right thing to do

LegacyUser

OP see how your next date goes and take it from there.
I'm in a pretty similar situation to your but think I'm going to back away from it now. I slept with this guy that there had been some pretty serious flirting with (posted about it here a while ago) and then wasn't sure where things may go from there. I was just out of a long term relationship which freaked him out a little and he had been hurt pretty badly by a girl that he'd gone out with for a few years and so was wary. I told him that I didn't want a relationship and he had his reasons for being hesitant for getting involved but we agreed that the sex had been pretty hot and we'd see where things went after Christmas.
Turned out that I was pretty hot for him (still not as a boyfriend but he is really good looking, fun and the sex is fantastic) and so spoke to him about what had happened and we fooled around again but didn't have sex that time. We agreed to go out for a drink the following weekend and that was that.
He started sending me suggestive texts and I replied and we had text sex which was fun and anytime I saw him afterward (we both see each other at an exercise class) the sexual tension was clearly evident. We went for a drink that Sunday and he stayed over and again the sex was fantastic and he seemed really delighted that I was so into it.
When he was leaving the next morning things were fine and he checked out when I'd be back in Dublin after Christmas and went out of his way to let me know when he'd be back.
I sent him a text to see if he got to work ok and we texted back and forth a little that day and then that was it. On Christmas Day night I had a little too much wine and sent him a text saying I hoped he was having a nice Christmas at home with his folks. He wrote back that he was and then that was it until yesterday when again I sent him a text to see if he'd had a good night out the night before. Again the texts went back and forth were flirty and fun in nature and then all of a sudden he stopped replying.
Now I'm thinking "what the fcuk", if he was keen he'd be in touch and that I could well be making a fool out of myself. I'm a little confused though as I know we got on well together, neither of us wants a full on relationship and the sex is fantastic and yet I think I'm being given the brush off?
Sorry for taking over your thread OP I just wanted to recount how my "maybe a possibiliity not just sex" thing has worked out for me as its a little further down the road.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for the replies guys.

You wouldn't believe how much i've been beating myself up for sleeping with him eventhough I know i'm a grown woman and was very attracted to him and wanted him and it totally felt right and relaxed. The replies here are just fantastic. Of course he'd be a major immature jerk if he thought badly of me !! I can't believe i didn't realise that myself. I think my self confidence is low as I was broken up with this year so I'm questioning myself.

I was gonna say all of those things that cafecolour said not to say so thank GOD i posted here!!! Thank you cafecolour. I'm never normally a rules person at all and I'm very genuine and sincere so I'll just be myself and what happens happens.

unreg191, don't be so eagre with that guy. he knows where you are and you gotta know when to back off babe. he doesn't know what he wants.

Hi OP, no point in beating yourself up either way. It's done now, and like others have said, if he wants to be hypocritical, you haven't really lost out anyway. I would always advise against sleeping with people you really like on the first night, as that way you save yourself these kind of worries, but lots of people would disagree. If you do feel bad about it, it's probably a sign that you're not comfortable with the first night sex, in which case you know for next time not to go for it, so at the very least it was good sex and a learning experience!

LegacyUser

um, unreg191, i guess you have to ask yourself what you are looking for with him?

just sex? or more?

LegacyUser

hotguyinclub wrote: »

Thanks so much for the replies guys.

You wouldn't believe how much i've been beating myself up for sleeping with him eventhough I know i'm a grown woman and was very attracted to him and wanted him and it totally felt right and relaxed. The replies here are just fantastic. Of course he'd be a major immature jerk if he thought badly of me !! I can't believe i didn't realise that myself. I think my self confidence is low as I was broken up with this year so I'm questioning myself.

I was gonna say all of those things that cafecolour said not to say so thank GOD i posted here!!! Thank you cafecolour. I'm never normally a rules person at all and I'm very genuine and sincere so I'll just be myself and what happens happens.

unreg191, don't be so eagre with that guy. he knows where you are and you gotta know when to back off babe. he doesn't know what he wants.[/QUOTE]

Thanks, I have backed off, I've little invested in this and have decided that he can do some of the running now. If it happens it happens if not well I've still had pretty great sex with a hot guy

LegacyUser

Re_unreg191 wrote: »

um, unreg191, i guess you have to ask yourself what you are looking for with him?

just sex? or more?

I'm not looking for a boyfriend and I've told him that. Equally he has been honest and said that he isn't on for a serious relationship either. We're both very attracted to each other, sexual tension is always present when we're together and the sex is great.
For the moment I think we're both happy with that. This is why I'm perplexed at the full on texting then backing off and getting in touch again. If we've sorted out what we both want from this then what is the point in the game playing?

nellyelly

That's amazing, my situation is exactly the same! (I'd nearly wonder if it was the same guy!) :eek:

hotguyinclub wrote: »

I'd love some insights here cos I'm very inexperienced in this field.

met a gorgeous guy last w-end and we were really into each other and we hung out for the whole nite. i wasn't sure if i was gonna sleep with him but i was dying to as I was so attracted to him and I'm human with needs like everyone. Things were relaxed and i went with it instead of resisting which i've done a few times recently too. He was very cuddly afterwards
he rang my mobile in the nightclub so that we'd have each others numbers and he saved my name with the number while we were there too. The next day he made sure that I had no boyfriend/commitments to anyone, checked he had my number and said he would text....)

Anyway, he did text the next night (I was surprised) and then text again 2 days later, we had a great laugh and brilliant banter, and when I had to go he said he would be in contact again (hopefully he will...)

My question now is, how do I avoid falling into the 'booty call' category, I really would like to see him again (cos we got on so well AND the physical attraction was great too!) but I would like to go for a drink etc before hoppin into bed with him again basically... My gutt is telling me that we should be arranging to get together in the next contact but I'm petrified it'll be a 'can I call over to you scenario' which, (as much as I wanna see him again) will only end up being an indoors strictly sex thing which is not want I want with him (he's too gorgeous, I'd prefer nothing at all than to mean nothing more than a booty call to him).....then again I did sleep with him on the first night so I've made my bed to a certain extent, or have I??

Half of me is saying just to go for it and let nature take it's course but the other half of me is saying that if I want this to become more I should be firm in what the next step is....

Any advise anyone? I'd love to hear from someone whose one night stand DID turn into a relationship and how they handled the first few meetings/dates/encounters......

Thanks

BraziliaNZ

yes last couple of girls I've gone out with we humped on first night. I don't see it as a big deal at all, neither should y'all.

nellyelly

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

yes last couple of girls I've gone out with we humped on first night. I don't see it as a big deal at all, neither should y'all.

yay! fingers crossed so.....thanks!

LegacyUser

OP don't worry at all! I think I'm exactly like you, I never did the one night stand thing but when I met my boyfriend I hopped into bed with him the first night (oops!), anyway he didn't look at me badly for it, and two years later we're still together and living together and as happy as we can be! Don't beat yourself up, you have needs, if he judges you for doing the exact same thing you did (ie. sleep with a stranger), then he's a feckin hypocrite! If it's going well, go with it!

nellyelly

didittoo wrote: »

OP don't worry at all! I think I'm exactly like you, I never did the one night stand thing but when I met my boyfriend I hopped into bed with him the first night (oops!), anyway he didn't look at me badly for it, and two years later we're still together and living together and as happy as we can be! Don't beat yourself up, you have needs, if he judges you for doing the exact same thing you did (ie. sleep with a stranger), then he's a feckin hypocrite! If it's going well, go with it!

Hi didittoo, can I just ask you how it developed after the one night, did he ask you out or what happened? I'm in a similar situation now and am wondering what to do, I really wanna see him again, he's been in contact and said he would contact again so should I just take his word for it and wait?

Babooshka

unreg191 wrote: »

I'm not looking for a boyfriend and I've told him that. Equally he has been honest and said that he isn't on for a serious relationship either. We're both very attracted to each other, sexual tension is always present when we're together and the sex is great.
For the moment I think we're both happy with that. This is why I'm perplexed at the full on texting then backing off and getting in touch again. If we've sorted out what we both want from this then what is the point in the game playing?

Maybe he isn't game playing? Maybe he just does want the sex without the text relationship too. That's reeling someone into a relationship zone IMO. If you both are just up for the sex, then I'll see you when I see you is probably safer for some people than getting into sending texts, and texts over the holidays that you spend with loved ones could have freaked him out a bit.... cos that's a bit too close to relationship territory.

So you may see why you're being asked what you're expecting from the guy...I guess what I am saying is, some people can handle the whole only sex thing, others can't, so ask yourself why you feel he is playing games with you if you only what him to play horizontal games with you anyway...that's all.

pretty-in-pink

If he likes you, and wants to go out with you, then he won't care

If he is only after his bit, then it also doesn't matter.

It could be read as positive that he has been in contact after you guys slept together.

If it turns out that all he wants is sex, then you can cut him out of your life (presuming you don't want a FWB), and its not a big deal.

You liked him, you had a good night. Don't stress yourself over it. Trust me, if he likes you, the next time you meet, you'll know. You have instincts, use them when you see him next. None of my male friends care when they sleep with a girl- they either like them enough to go out with them, or they are only in it for one thing- and tend not to contact the girl after they get it. But none of them would judge a girl based on how quickly they slept together.

Faith

nellyelly wrote: »

Hi didittoo, can I just ask you how it developed after the one night, did he ask you out or what happened? I'm in a similar situation now and am wondering what to do, I really wanna see him again, he's been in contact and said he would contact again so should I just take his word for it and wait?

Over a year and a half ago, I met a friend of a friend in the pub. I ended up sleeping with him that night, my first ONS. The next morning, I had to go to work so I crept out without waking him, without leaving a note or anything. Even though he could have easily gotten my number from our mutual friend, or come in to me at work (I worked with said friend), he didn't. Nearly a week later, I was out again and bumped in to him at the end of the night. Slept together again. The next morning he took my number, and texted me that afternoon. We saw each other casually for the next few weeks, made it official in August and have been blissfully in love since.

It's entirely possibly for a one night stand to develop into a relationship.

nellyelly

That's lovely to hear even if mine doesn't work out!

lulu1985

Hey guys

just new to this thing- loadsa good opinions on diff ways of how things can happen

i met a fella sat nite n in my drunkeness made arangments to see him again sun but to be honest i totally forgot- lil 2 drunk. ha

he had txt me twice at this stage n again later in the day wen i was finally alive..ha

so met up with him later that eve went over to his hse hung out n stayed der(nuthing happened just loadsa kisses n cuddles) cos the roads were so bad he cudnt drive me home- nxt mornin he drove me home- kissed me gudbye...i txt him that even n we made arangments to meet up fri in a pub- he told me hed like to see me again newho- nuthing since then tho...

im so afraid that hell stand me up or sumat...

what do e think? im just not used to bein treated so nice...am i freakin out 2 much? :eek:

Silverfish

Hi lulu1985, welcome to the site, just a reminder that textspeak is not allowed on this forum.

lulu1985

hey


Sorry didnt realise

Thanks

LegacyUser

nellyelly wrote: »

Hi didittoo, can I just ask you how it developed after the one night, did he ask you out or what happened? I'm in a similar situation now and am wondering what to do, I really wanna see him again, he's been in contact and said he would contact again so should I just take his word for it and wait?

Hi! Basically we were in constant contact after, rang each other and texted and really hit it off! We kept it light and casual for a while before deciding that we were a proper 'couple'. I think we both knew after a short period of time that there was something special, we are so alike! I'd say take his word for it for the moment and best of luck!

Millie

I hadn't done the deed in over two years as I would be the type that would berate myself for a one night stand.

However I met a guy last Feb and we fell into bed on the first night and I am happy to report we are happily living together now.

The following morning he just hung around my place for the day and even though I was nervous and out of my comfort zone it felt okay.
He left that evening and although I knew there was a connection of sorts my mind was still wondering if he would contact me again.
And being the sweetie that he is he sent me a text later that night to say goodnight...I was chuffed.

We didn't live in the same city at the time and I didn't see him for another few weeks but we texted each other and I'll never forget the first time we spoke on the phone (I nearly collapsed with nerves).
But he arranged to meet me the next time he was at home and when he came into the house I just knew I was attracted to him & as I said we are happy out and he has never once judged me in any shape or form for that first night.
In fact when I told him it had been so long he was chuffed that it was him!

rubyred

sarmer wrote: »

If he texted you this evening that's a very good sign!!

It's definately possible to start a relationship from a one night stand. It happened to my best friend, she's in a very serious relationship with a guy she had a one night stand with on holidays last year!!

I slept with my oh on the night we first met - and we're going out over six years now! Although, after that first night, we went on a few "dates" like cinema etc and made a point of not sleeping together just to make sure there was more to the attraction than sex.

Barracudaincork

A female friend of mine stopped counting how many men she slept with after 200, the majority of which were one night stands, so based on this i would say no one night stands dont add up to a relationship. 4 years ago, she had her last one night stand, why her last? well she is now living with that guy, they are getting married and planning babies etc so based on this i would say one night stands can add up to a relationship! Its not the one night stand, its the people who are having the one night stand that makes the difference.

Best of luck OP!

little angel

Hi I'm in kinda of a similar position as previos posts I have known this guy for a few months now just to talk to but ..but the last few weeks we have met up a few times on dates you could say ..I have to say we get on great flirting,kissing chating..And he is a bit of fun...he dont want to get in a relationship at the moment but did hinted it might be a possibility in the future...I dont really want one to but want some loving as im really pressurised at work at the moment and want some fun..but I am think all he wants is sex out of me...we have discussed a few times and he said he doesn't want to rush me...im the kind of girl that just doesnt jump into their bed after just meeting them..I have met him a few times and I think im ready for the next step though I am still unsure...what does people think or is he just using me??He did say he was with a girl for a month before christmas but its all over now! I probaly would of slept with him last time I met him but was just unsure...and im off the pill so didn't want to get pregnant...im so confused..

pretty-in-pink

I slept with my OH the week before we started dating. We were friends for ages before that though, so I didn't feel bad about it. Roll on 7 years, and we are together (though work has us in different towns at the moment)

Couple of glitches along the way,but it all worked out in the end. We're crazybout eachother, but we also give eachother our own space. It def can work out.

Asfor the above query, theres only one way to make sure you don't get pregnant- and thats to abstain. If you want to go on the pill, then you need to be on it a month before it works. If you think he just wants sex, and you want more, then don't even bother sleeping with him.

LegacyUser

Wagon wrote: »

If it's been a week and you still haven't heard from him, id say forget it and move on. And yes, a suprisingly large mount of blokes will have no interest in you for a relationship if you sleep with them on a one night stand. And no, i dont know why.

I know a guy who is actually leaving Ireland because he said the people are so narrow-minded on issues like this and he finds it suffocating. Its riduculous you said this and the op thinks it too. But I guess alot of people think this - and alot dont either.

nellyelly

Thanks didittoo, no word since and my buddies are saying to text him, my gutt is telling me to leave if and if he wants to get together he'll be in touch... I'm not playing hard to get it's simply because I don't wanna smother him. He told me he was badly messed around by the last girl he went out with (6 mths ago). I'm wondering if he's really over this girl and that's why I don't wanna push it if he needs to think about it....if I don't hear from him by Monday next I'll forget it and put it down to a great ONS....:(

little angel

little angel wrote: »

Hi I'm in kinda of a similar position as previos posts I have known this guy for a few months now just to talk to but ..but the last few weeks we have met up a few times on dates you could say ..I have to say we get on great flirting,kissing chating..And he is a bit of fun...he dont want to get in a relationship at the moment but did hinted it might be a possibility in the future...I dont really want one to but want some loving as im really pressurised at work at the moment and want some fun..but I am think all he wants is sex out of me...we have discussed a few times and he said he doesn't want to rush me...im the kind of girl that just doesnt jump into their bed after just meeting them..I have met him a few times and I think im ready for the next step though I am still unsure...what does people think or is he just using me??He did say he was with a girl for a month before christmas but its all over now! I probaly would of slept with him last time I met him but was just unsure...and im off the pill so didn't want to get pregnant...im so confused..

My problem all sorted anyways met up with him last night was goig to take things to the next level then he comes out I cant...i feel bad I was with my ex the other night.. so that was that he was obviously after one thing...last I shall be making contact with him..at least he was honest!