Post break up analysis

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm not sure what I am looking for here really, some advice and if someone has gone through something similar how they came out the other side or maybe just how best to deal with it.

I'm 26, I broke up with my GF of three and a half years, three months ago. It was my first serious relationship. It was my decision and something I had been on my mind for some time. To her, things had been going well for sometime, but not for me. It was a distance relationship, we saw each other most weekends and talked most days on the phone.

I broke up because I felt that I wasn't in love, and that to carry on in a relationship where I wasn't in love, or thought that I wasn't was unfair to the other person, that I was wasting there life, that I would only cause huge harm the longer I continued. That was the main reason, but not the sole reason. There was a time in the relationship near the start where I thought this is it I'm in love, but as the relationship went on I dunno, it just seemed that I wasnt in love. It was like my feelings dulled over time, but without me really putting the pieces of my thoughts together. It was only in the final few months of the relationship that the doubts about the depths of my feelings started to quicken.

There were other factors for breaking up in that I knew being in such a relationship wasn't healthy to me, some general relationship problems where things that hadn't bothered me initially were beginning to bother me, such as I felt that I was making all the effort, there was no iniaitive on her part, she was pessimistic, she was snappy, didn't believe / support me, becomming a serious nagger, interupting me whenever I was trying to just talk about general things with her and changing conversation, communication problems in that she didn't ever really open up and I found it difficult if not impossible to talk about relationship problems with her, and just became increasingly frustrated. I did at various stages bring up these things with her, but got nowhere. In hindsight, I should have made sure the message got through. However, these were not the reasons we broke up - the reason was how I felt or didn't about her.

It was not all one way relationship frustration, in retrospect, I could have made more travelling effort and other things etc. But this is only me realising it in hindsight, she never told me during the relationship that I should have been a better bf. It's only me thinking back and realising it.

She also had some great qualities in that she had a big heart, a great laugh, great with mates, generous, kind, looked after me when I was sick without complaint and really thoughtful and sweet etc.

There was no one else I was interested in, and I haven't been with anyone since.

I broke her heart. I know I have. Even though I don't think I love her, it breaks my heart to have caused so much pain and to have upset her so much. I still care a huge amount for her, you don't go out with someone for 3 years and not care about them. I'm not going to BS and say that she was just a really good friend, it was more than that but I don't think it was love for me.

She hasn't really spoken about this to too many people, as she doesn't have a big social circle. As such, we've met up a few times, and had some serious phonecalls of her just crying, opening up about all this etc. I've said to her I don't mind her contacting me about this as I would hate her to bottle it in, but it is putting a huge strain on my heart to have done this to her and caused that pain.

3 months on, I'm still thinking about it a great deal. I lose sleep over it, I've lost huge amounts of sleep over it. Even though I don't think that I was in love with her, the thought of her being with someone else tears me up. When I see photos of her, I feel really sad that I won't see her as often again, or be as close to her. That is probably natural in situations like this, I hope it is.

In my clear days of thought, I know I have to move on. I know that perhaps the best way is for me to get back out there and start dating again, the sooner the better. But then, I don't know if I should as I don't want to cause her any more pain. But, I know that I need to put that thought out of my head and move on. I also worry the longer I leave it to start dating again, the more I let all this stuff creep into my head. I don't even know the appropriate time period after which it's acceptable to start dating again.

All advice welcome.

Gyalist

Your ex is not a delicate, special flower. She will be perfectly able to deal with the fallout from the breakup if you would just let her be. Your guilt at breaking up with her is actually keeping both of you from moving on. You are doing her no favours by being in constant contact with her. What you are doing is trying to assuage your guilt and at the same time keeping her emotional wounds raw. Time to take an extended break from her for both of your sakes.

LegacyUser

I dont know what kind of people Gyalist knows but I think it is unlikely s/he knows the OP's ex partner. She may not be "a delicate, special flower" but you have no idea how much she is actually hurting as a result of this break-up. Few people can switch on and off emotions as readily as many posters here seem to think.
Any person who does the breaking up in a relationship always has the advantage in the aftermath of moving on and of accepting the new reality. This starts because few break up happen in a vacuum and the person doing the breaking up has thought about it over time, worked it out in their heads, prepared themselves mentally for it. In many cases, the other partner has no idea that their world as they know it is about to collapse suddenly, perhaps destroyed in an instant. Without any (or little preparation) the fall is great, emotions are shattered, the confusion total, the recovery long term.
I think it is good to see the OP who did the breaking up isn't cold or closed hearted and acknowledges his feelings about the hurt caused to his ex, even while justifying his actions for his personal reasons.
Breaking up shouldnt be easy. Hearts and emotions are fragile and can have bad reactions when severely hurt. They need time and the right environment to recover. I hope your ex gf can find peace in her heart and head after all this, as I hope the OP can too.

Gyalist

Your notion that the "dumper" has an ongoing duty of care to the "dumpee" is risible. It might be in the self-interest of the "dumper" to do so but it is never in the best interest of the "dumpee". Any justification from the "dumper" is usually self-serving b.s.

The OP's ex will find it impossible to move on as long as he keeps picking at the scab of their past relationship. He dumped her - let her grieve and move on.

LegacyUser

@Gyalist:

She really is a wonderful person, and the breakup is a massive massive judgement call for me to make. I have an awful lot of time and positive things to say about her.

I know what you are saying, however we have not been in constant contact, but we have been in contact. The reason we are in contact at all is that she isn't getting over this, as she isn't talking about it to her mates, and is just bottling it in. Even though I never felt she opened up to me during the relationship, by comparison to her mates, she had. Therefore, she is struggling to talk about it. I'd rather that she talked about it, than not. If it has to be me, so be it. I've been able to talk about it plenty to my mates, so I don't really need to talk about it to her to help me. I'm definitely not trying to assuage my guilt by contacting her. But I am struggling with the break up all the same and in pain, but I haven't told her that, just my mates. I would never contact her to assuage that.

I think you have to remember as well the breakup was at a time in the relationship where she felt everything was going well.

I don't think it's a duty of care and I don't feel it's such, but as I said above, you don't breakup and just stop caring, even if I don't think I was in love. I genuinely care alot about what happens her.

I think you may have read my post in that I am pestering her, and constantly in contact. But that's not the case. Sorry if I gave that impression.

@decorum

Agreed - I am struggling to switch off emotionally. It's not me, I am very in touch with that side of my personality.I agree - i think it's very easy for it to be said to switch off, but another thing to succeed. I think you have put it well, your entire post, I think you do get what is going on in my heart and my head. My heart is sad, heavy, and pained.

This was a massive decision for me, and as i said above a massive massive judgement call - taken predominantly because I didn't want to waste her time and felt it unfair to continue. It wasn't easy as there was so much right with the relationship. While I'm certain I shouldn't be in a relationship when I think I might not be in love, I am struggling with the pain and sadness after the breakup.

Both Gylist and decorum, thanks for taking the time to read through my posts and give me your thoughts. I appreciate it.

magneticimpulse

maybe she could talk to a professional. i went through a really bad break up, and like you my ex was meeting up with me/talking to me. this makes it more difficult to move on. you should not feel responsible or guilt towards your ex as you are the one who is putting her through this pain. the best you can do is just never be in contact with her again. you are just prolonging her pain. she is not made of glass. she survived before she ever knew you existed and believe me she will survive after. its been 3 months, its christmas/new years. of course she will find it stuggle. but she will get over it and get over you. stop thinking you have to help her, the only thing you need to do is never contact her again!!! if she needs help or someone to talk to, there are plenty of professionals which she can turn to.

Bad Seed

Have a cup of barrys tea, it always makes me feel better after a break up. Hope you feel better:D

CDfm

OP - it is serious. three and a half years is a lot of emotional investment a a lot of a slice of life to give someone.

One of the biggest things you can do for someone is look after them when they are ill. So she was in love.

I would find it very difficult to be with someone who is constantly pessimistic.I find soap opera watching awful.

All things considered she does sound like a special lady but she may not be the one for you. Maybe your standards and expectations are very high.

You should probably start dating again soon as tthe longer you leave it the more likely you are to question it.

Gyalist

I don't doubt that you care for your ex. What I'm questioning is the premise that she has to talk about the breakup with you because she doesn't talk about it to her friends.

People react differently to situations - there is no law that says that she has to talk about the breakup. Maybe she will eventually talk about it to her friends if you'd just give her space. You seem to be conflating your need to talk about it with what is in her best interests.

Give her space to grieve and come to terms with the loss of the relationship. That is the best thing that you can do for her.

kenbrady

pbupanalysis wrote: »

I broke up because I felt that I wasn't in love, and that to carry on in a relationship where I wasn't in love, or thought that I wasn't was unfair to the other person, that I was wasting there life,

I broke her heart. I know I have. - how do you know

Even though I don't think I love her, it breaks my heart to have caused so much pain and to have upset her so much. - how do you know she is in pain and upset

I still care a huge amount for her, you don't go out with someone for 3 years and not care about them. - maybe she didn't care about you

I'm not going to BS and say that she was just a really good friend, it was more than that but I don't think it was love for me. - certainly don't think it was love for her

She hasn't really spoken about this to too many people - maybe there is nothing to speak about

As such, we've met up a few times, and had some serious phonecalls of her just crying, opening up about all this etc. I've said to her I don't mind her contacting me about this as I would hate her to bottle it in, but it is putting a huge strain on my heart to have done this to her and caused that pain. - in these phone calls did you ask her how she feels, try and drag emotions out of her

3 months on, I'm still thinking about it a great deal. I lose sleep over it, I've lost huge amounts of sleep over it. Even though I don't think that I was in love with her, the thought of her being with someone else tears me up. When I see photos of her, I feel really sad that I won't see her as often again, or be as close to her. That is probably natural in situations like this, I hope it is. - not health loosing sleep about it, you seem to want to justify how strongly you felt how much you care, for some reason

Your post is full of my feelings and love and heartbreak.

I think that you are an emotional junky. You want to know she is suffering after the heartbreak and talking to all her friends about how much she loved you and misses you. She seems to have moved on and you haven't. You keep in contact with her to satisfy a need for emotional stimulation. Or you are still in love with her/ not happy she is not suffering as much as you.

Moomoo1

CDfm wrote: »

OP - it is serious. three and a half years is a lot of emotional investment a a lot of a slice of life to give someone.

One of the biggest things you can do for someone is look after them when they are ill. So she was in love.

I would find it very difficult to be with someone who is constantly pessimistic.I find soap opera watching awful.

All things considered she does sound like a special lady but she may not be the one for you. Maybe your standards and expectations are very high.

You should probably start dating again soon as tthe longer you leave it the more likely you are to question it.

this is actually what annoys me a lot about today's society: this constant need to act positive and always put on a strong and cheerful front in front of everybody, even the very people who are closest to you.

on topic, I really think that if you respect a person then you should talk to them when they want to talk, no matter what the circumstances. It's all very well to say 'it's for their own good that I don't talk to them' but it's incredibly patronising and suggests that the other person is unable to make decisions. I don't mean talk to them obsessively every day for several hours, but once or twice a week is absolutely fine.

CDfm

I am not talking about false happy clappy happiness. I work in business and life is tough and competitive enough without looking for the negatives all the time. I have a work colleague who is so unfailingly negative and moody its stressful to deal with her.

LegacyUser

Hi all, OP here again.

This thread is proving really thought provoking on my part, and me writing down my thoughts and getting your opinions is provoking my thoughts about the relationship. I suppose as a result of writing this thread I am suffering serious heartache.

One of the things I'm realising is one of the reasons we broke is due to her inability to open up, but that since the break up she's opened up a huge deal to me. Had she been that open in the relationship - I don't know what the result would have been.

When I say she's pessimistic, it's not about big things, it's about the small things. Just expecting things not to work out. She'd never have moaned about work or our relationship. I should have been clearer.

I know you guys seem to think that I have been in contact with her to assauge my guilt, but genuinely that isn't the case. I assure you. I know that you are probably getting that from how i've said that her heartbroken is causing me heartache.

If anything talking to her, has caused me more guilt and caused me some serious pain as she has opened up to me and been honest.

One of my friends turned this on it's head, and said is the reason I am feeling such pain is that I was in love with her? It's kind of put my mind in further turmoil. I've never felt pain like this before, and I've fallen out with family members for years. Some friends seem to be suggesting, I should give it another shot, if she has shown that she can open up and that this has been a wake up call.

I don't know anymore. I am getting chestpains thinking about all this.

Moomoo1

do you find her attractive? Do you fantacise about her in a 'physical' way? Do you miss her when she doesn't call for a long time, or do you just forget all about her? When you are happy, do you wish she were there to share that?

LegacyUser

Moomoo1 wrote: »

do you find her attractive? Do you fantacise about her in a 'physical' way? Do you miss her when she doesn't call for a long time, or do you just forget all about her? When you are happy, do you wish she were there to share that?

1. I definitely find her attractive.
2. I never fantacised about anyone else when we were in bed.
3. I miss her if she doesn't call for a long time, miss chatting to her. But I suppose I'd miss more the seeing her than the chatting. We were in a LTR, so I was used to the distance between visits.
4. I do and I don't, I don't really need anyone else to share happiness with me if that makes sense.

Moomoo1

on 2, I mean something different: do you fantasise about her when you are _not_ in bed with her? On 3, do you think that if she stopped calling for a month, two months, you'd forget all about her?

and your answer to 4 threw me somewhat.

LegacyUser

2. Do my thoughts wander to her in moments of quiet? - quite often. Do i miss her - Yes.
3. I think- I would have to be incredibly busy with something else such that it was all consuming that it didn't afford me time to think about her for that to happen.
4. What I meant was that, I was happy single before I met her, and didn't feel the need to share happy moments of my life with anyone. Do I find Christmas tough without her, and wonder what it would be like if she was here for Christmas, or I at hers, yes. I didn't think I would find Christmas tough.

CDfm

OP you are 26 and while yes its a serious issue -no its not the end of the world.

I think you are in an emotionally healthy place because you dont rely on her for your happiness. Thats good.

One probable reason why she didnt open up was the LDR aspects that you werent in each others pockets.

So a question if you did give it a shot would it be awkward. Do you see her differently than you did and do you find those character traits attractive.

Just say it did last are there things about her that really annoy you oe does she rock your world.

Alpha111

It seems to me that you really loved this girl,you said your feelings dulled this is natural at the start of every relationship we wear rose tinted glasses were everything is wonderful..... this last 6 mnts - 1 year after that we start to see the real person warts and all, this is when we either split up or we open up so that real love can grow, she's not perfect but the good outways the bad......... If this didn't happen everyone would be walking around in a euphoric love filled state, can you imagine..... nothing would get done.......:-)
Communication is key to all successful relationships lack of it can cause a lot of hurt and disappointment, and when someone lacks the skills it can be very frustrating you can start to question their every motive, so many potentially solid relationship collapse because of this very reason....... In my experience its fear that prevents people from opening up...... And thats very sad.:-(
I know you said you have been in contact with this girl, and maybe it was good because you got to hear a lot of things that were not said when you were together if you questioned her feelings for you but to be fair to her the contact should stop for now. Yes she is heartbroken, its perfectly natural we all go through it. Its the price we pay for loving someone. Its a process and it takes time but eventually will go full circle there is very little in life we don't get over. Give her time she will get over it, as I said intially it was good for you two to talk as you both had unanswered questions but now you should let her go. If contact continues when this girl begins to move on you risk hearing how well she's doing or how she's seeing someone else. And unless your completely over her that can be hard to hear.
From your earlier post I think the last thing you are is over this girl.............. and if you feel you've made a mistake you should act fast, its been 3 months thats 3 months of heartbreak, this girl may decide that its too painful to try again if your going to decide that you don't love her again..............
Sometimes we have to lose something before we realise how much we loved it.
If you decide that you want to move on, take sometime before getting involved with someone else, feel your pain deal with it and then let it go. Then you can think of starting with someone new otherwise your jumping into rebound territory and that rarely ends well your new girlfriend ends up paying for all unresolved issues:-(
Let go of the guilt....you have to look after your own happiness, If you have been honest and treated this girl with respect you have nothing to feel guilty about?
To me it sounds more like regret then guilt, if thats the case do whatever you can to make things right I hope its not too late for you both. Best of luck:-)

Moomoo1

pbupanalysis wrote: »

2. Do my thoughts wander to her in moments of quiet? - quite often. Do i miss her - Yes.
3. I think- I would have to be incredibly busy with something else such that it was all consuming that it didn't afford me time to think about her for that to happen.
4. What I meant was that, I was happy single before I met her, and didn't feel the need to share happy moments of my life with anyone. Do I find Christmas tough without her, and wonder what it would be like if she was here for Christmas, or I at hers, yes. I didn't think I would find Christmas tough.

yeah, you don't sound 100% sure. I don't know, it could be one of those where whichever way you decide you are risking something. If you decide to get back, then you are risking the old problems resurfacing. If you decide not to get back, then you are risking the realisation that the grass on the other side of the fence isn't actually greener.

I wouldn't have broken up in the first place: I'd have just said that I am not sure that this relationship is 'it', that as things stand I don't see this lasting forever. Then this leaves it up to the other side to make a decision. Yes, that can be interpreted as saying 'I am with you until I meet someone better'. But on the other hand you at least give the chance to the other person to improve things, rather than just drop the bombshell on them.

LegacyUser

@CDFM

You have put it well. I don't rely on any one person for my happiness. I would consider myself to be very happy in my own skin, and rarely need someone to cheer me up, motivate me etc.

Agreed - I think by virtue of the LDR - she didn't come out of her shell, whereas had we been in the same county she may well have. She is shy and introverted.

I do see her differently in that I never thought she had it in her, to admit that she never opened up to me was a suprise and the fact she's been able to articulate how she's feeling since the breakup has been a suprise. I didn't think she could discuss her feelings.

I definitely find someone able to communicate their emotions and problems attractive. Had she been like that in the relationship perhaps we could've worked on the other stuff. Also, perhaps her not letting me in is the reason I was so unsure and had such doubts. In fairness, I raised it a number of times to her during the relationship that she needed to let me in, but it never happened. I think this has been a wakeup call. I think she was afraid to open up as she was afraid of losing me, where that is part of the reason I broke things off.

I wouldnt say rock my world, nobody rocks my world. But if anyone was to come close to that level, they yes it would probably be her. Not even my family rock my world. But I do really care about her, and I definitely miss things about her.

There are definitely things that annoy me about her, nobody is perfect, as I am sure there are things about me that annoy her, but if we were able to communicate with each other, we could probably work on those, and sort the real issues from the non-issues.

@Alpha111
I agree and I expected things to dull after a certain period. But I suppose I also expected the level of emotional bonding and closeness to increase.

I think you are 100% right, and it was fear that stopped her communicating. I am beginning to think that was the overriding problem, that she didn't communicate and by virtue of that I couldn't get through to her either.

I really appreciate your post, I'm not sure what to do, but I am in a very different thought mode than a few days ago.

@Moomoo1

I am beginning to agree with you, that instead of breaking up - I should have sat down and did like you said. It wasn't fair on either of us. But, i never expected that she had the ability to communicate feelings with me. It has taken me by suprise.

If I went back to her and said that I shouldn't have broken up, I should've sat down and discussed this stuff with you and tried to work on it, and that I want to give it a second chance, tell her I am still not 100% sure how I feel, us both be real and honest that there are problems that we need to work on. It's a big risk for both of us that it wouldn't work. I think I am willing to take that risk though, as nothing in life is guaranteed.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and opinions - it's really helping.

LegacyUser

Hi all, OP here again.

I've resisted posting on this for the past few days, as I've been thinking intensely about all I've written and how I'm feeling. Since my last post, I've physically thrown up twice as a result of thinking about it, taken hours to get to sleep and had more chestpains. I don't know what these emotions are.

I think the reason that it took so long for all those feelings to come to the fore is that after the breakup I was on a high with finally doing what I had been thinking about, and the new found time and freedom to meet up with mates / do my own thing was great. However, I think once I got all of that out of my system, Christmas hit. I was forced to sit down and realise the consequences of my actions.

I realise that what Moomoo said is correct, I shouldn't have broken up - I should have sat her down, said I wasn't 100% sure, that I didn't know if I was in love, and there were a number of things bothering me about the relationship. I then should have given her the choice to end it, or for us both to work on things. I didn't do that. I hit her with a bombshell of I'm not sure if I am in love. I didn't mention the relationship problems at that point (even though i'd mentioned them whilst going out - but never driven the message home), as I didn't see the point since it was over.

I am still just as unsure as to whether I am / was in love with her, as I was 3 months ago. I don't know what I should do now, I clearly am not working through these emotions that I am feeling. I know what I should've done, but having made that mistake I don't know what to do. Should I go back, tell her all the things I believe we need to work on (both of us) and give it a second shot, knowing it still may not work. I just don't know. I realise that nobody can ever be 100% sure in a relationship, I realise that to not go back because it may not succeed after working on the problems is something I could regret for the rest of my life. I am also very worried that if we went back, tried to make it work and it didn't, that whatever point down the line, that I do huge damage to her. But I realise, that she is an adult, and that is a decision she should perhaps make and not me.

I can't continue down the path I am, of not sleeping, struggling to focus my thoughts coherently during the day, getting sick and suffering from chestpains. I've spent 3 weeks trying to resolve those emotions and I am only getting worse. We haven't had any real contact over christmas, just happy christmas and NY texts.

I am considering, but haven't decided - ringing her during the week, seeing how her christmas went, and depending on how the conversation goes telling her that I really struggled over christmas, tell her I did plenty of analysing - none the wise, tell her how I got sick etc. I also want to apologise for the faults I recognise of mine during the relationship, and I want to apologise for the fact that I landed the breakup on her, when she clearly didn't see it coming. I have to apologise for that, as looking back on it now, it wasn't fair to her.

The reason I am ringing her is I am clearly not dealing with these feelings on my own, or by talking to my friends / family. I also realise that if I do call her, I will reopen the wounds.

LegacyUser

Hi

Just read through all these posts and something really obvious hit me - you are saying she cannot open up & disucss her feelings, however when did you? If you are going out with someone for that long you should be able to tell them exactly how you feel. Instead you just ended it.

I understand how you feel with her been unable to open up, I am in a relationship with the exact same problem and I almost need to cause an argument to get him to open up & so we can sort out problems. But the other posters are right - what you should have done is sat her down and explained how you were feeling & asked what she thought. She would have opened up then like she is now.

You are suggesting in the last post that you may contact her. Really think hard about this. Judging between the lines I feel she may have taken great strides in getting over you as the minimal contact over Christmas is a good sign. However i think you are having a harder time and it is not guilt but rather your own feelings that are making you want to contact her.

I think you are very unsure of your feelings. It looks like you miss the relationship but not necessarily her - in that you do not like to be single, despite what you said. If this is the case you need to just move on, you broke up with her because of how you felt about her. If you get back with her it may be ok for a few months & then you'll be back at this stage, in which case you will hurt her even more.

Basically I feel you should really look at yourself & how you feel. Imagine your life in 5 years with/without her - that may answer a lot of questions.

Whatever happens, best of luck

CDfm

OP - yours is a very thoughtful post and you should call her.

The problem with family and friends is that they can influence you and your decisions should be your own.

LegacyUser

@Talktoher

I did open up to an extent, and it would've been more than she would of. But it's hard to keep trying to open up to someone who isn't opening up to you. I have thought hugely about the call. It will reopen wounds for both of us, but I can't get past this. I think at this stage the only way I am going to resolve this emotions one way or another is by talking to her.

I take your point on getting back with her, but I would only get back if we were going to be more open with me and discuss things. I would never put her in a situation again where she was getting caught on the hop with the breakup as I would have been talking about it with her / I would talk about it before breaking up.

I think I will call her at some point during the week. There are things she definitely deserves an apology for, particularly the way I broke up and some other things I realised subsequently from when we went out. I think she should get an apology for the way I went about the break up. I will also be honest and tell her, I found christmas tough, spent a lot of time analysing, realised that our communication was poor over the course of the relationship, that I am still no wiser as to whether I am in love or not, and that I can't see myself realising that any time soon.

CDfm

OP -dont you think you are over analysising and you said yourself that you dont rely on other people for your happiness.

Maybe you identified that that something is missing but you dont know what but you are suspecting it may be the girl.

Also - how do you know tat she is available now and maybe she met someone over Xmas.

Anyway - best thing to do is call her and ask her would she meet you for coffee a walk and a chat over next weekend. Do something simple and see how comfortable you both are.

LegacyUser

@CDFM

Thanks for all your contributions, and reading through all I've written, considering it and then posting your thoughts. I really appreciate it.

I agree - I think there is a strong chance I am over analysing, and over analysed during the relationship. It's my personality, and it's also a weakness. I do think though, the only way to get past over analysis is to talk about it, and if you are over analysing about someone the best way is to talk about it with them. That's my plan here on in anyway, and it's what I should've done three months ago and during the relationship. Hence the plan to call her.

I don't think anything is missing, but I can definitely identify all the things I miss about her. Even though my body is reacting to all of this a certain way, I don't think I am unhappy, under a lot of stress.

If she met someone else over Christmas and it's possible, then I have only myself to blame. It is a consequence of my actions, and something I will have to live with. I can't blame her for that. If I hadnt broken up, it wouldn't have happened (if it happened).

I wish it were that simple as to meet for a coffee and go for a walk. If it was I would do it now, but she lives a couple of hours from me. Therefore, I'd have to go down for a weekend, I've no problem with doing that, except I'd be worried about giving her false hope, and if it doesn't work that I would be essentially be redoing the breakup as in her watching me leave. However, I'm not against doing that, in fact I'd prefer to do it that way than over the phone, as I prefer face to face for talking about things. That said, I think I'll go with the call and if it goes well, I would defo be on for travelling to talk.