Suicide

Midnight_EG

Decided to post known, as I'd rather do it this way, no other reason.

This morning my best mate hung himself, no reasons given, no note, nothing.
His last form of contact was last night, he sent his girlfriend an unhappy face(:().
His family went out shopping today, they came back and his doting Dad found him, nothing could be done.
I got word of it, the day went on. I don't want to tell everything about what I done, but right now I just don't know what to do or say, or how to react even, anybody got anything I can try do?

Appreciate any input, and Merry Christmas to ye P.I. inhabitants.

Graham_B18C

Jesus pal very sorry to hear it.

Chin up and be strong for his family would be the best thing I suppose. But, I've never been in the situation

Midnight_EG

Grahamo999 wrote: »

Jesus pal very sorry to hear it.

Chin up and be strong for his family would be the best thing I suppose. But, I've never been in the situation

Well I've never seen you in P.I. before, following me from motors? :L

As I got to the hospital I promised I'd keep strong, it didn't last long because I'd gone in thinking he wasn't dead, because what I knew of was that he'd been found breathing, the first thing I was told was was that he was dead >.<

Broke down in front of his mam, dad, sister and his body, which was utterly sickening =[

Zaph

I'm very sorry for your loss Midnight.

Midnight_EG wrote: »

Broke down in front of his mam, dad, sister and his body, which was utterly sickening =[

Why? You're only human and your best mate has died, so why wouldn't you react like that? Don't beat yourself up over something as silly as that. We all like to think that we have an inner strength when it comes to moments like this, but until confronted with the reality of it none of us know how we'll react. You might wish to contact Console, who specialise in counselling people bereaved by suicide.

Midnight_EG

Oh, no I meant seeing the body was utterly sickening, sorry

I don't think I need consolation, more I just wanted to get it out and have peace of mind because my phone has been hopping all day with phonecalls and messages.

But thank you, anyway

Warfi

I'm sorry to hear what happened to your friend , poor guy must've been in a very bad place to do that.
Can you ask his sister if there's anything you can do for them? They might have people coming around to the house to sympathise, even something simple like getting food in, making sandwiches, tea, serving drinks can be of help (to them and you). There's not much else you can do besides this at the moment.
Take care

Midnight_EG

Warfi wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear what happened to your friend , poor guy must've been in a very bad place to do that.
Can you ask his sister if there's anything you can do for them? They might have people coming around to the house to sympathise, even something simple like getting food in, making sandwiches, tea, serving drinks can be of help (to them and you). There's not much else you can do besides this at the moment.
Take care

That was the thing about him, he never spoke to anybody about his emotions or feelings, he always kept to himself and himself only
So many things are running through my head as to why he did it, but the doctors reckon depression, so who knows.
I've already been in contact with his sister, well, she contacted me, and in the process scared the shite out of me, she rang off the deceased's phone, so his number came up!:eek:
I promised to end rumours and all this, let everybody know what happened, and so far it's been fine, all the messages and phonecalls I've gotten throughout the day have been returned and everybody knows the story, so it's a bit of relief I suppose, and an honour to think that everybody felt I was closest to him and contacted me first.
Support throughout the day for both the family and myself has been utterly brilliant, and I know they wont see this but I'd like to thank everybody that has passed on their worried thoughts.




I knew boards was the best place for this :P

Warfi

Midnight_EG wrote: »

That was the thing about him, he never spoke to anybody about his emotions or feelings, he always kept to himself and himself only
So many things are running through my head as to why he did it, but the doctors reckon depression, so who knows.
I've already been in contact with his sister, well, she contacted me, and in the process scared the shite out of me, she rang off the deceased's phone, so his number came up!:eek:
I promised to end rumours and all this, let everybody know what happened, and so far it's been fine, all the messages and phonecalls I've gotten throughout the day have been returned and everybody knows the story, so it's a bit of relief I suppose, and an honour to think that everybody felt I was closest to him and contacted me first.
Support throughout the day for both the family and myself has been utterly brilliant, and I know they wont see this but I'd like to thank everybody that has passed on their worried thoughts.




I knew boards was the best place for this :P

Well already you've been a huge help to the family by fielding calls, that would've been hell for them.

Even if your friend had spoken to you about what was on his mind, and you gave him advice, it doesn't necessarily mean that he would've listened to the advice. Sometimes some people are in such a black place, they can't hear anything that's been said to them. There's only so much friends and family can do, the rest is down to the person themselves.

You and his family are in my thoughts.

LegacyUser

Op so sorry to hear of your loss. you do not have anything to berate yourself about
RIP

midlandsmissus

Hi Midnight Eg, my friend passed away two months ago in a car crash, so I know somewhat what you're feeling.

First of all you'll be in shock. I'm still in the 'can't believe it' state two months on. Then you'll prob start to think what was the last thing you said to him/did with him, and beat yourself up about what you did/didn't do. This is all normal, just try not to drive yourself crazy with the what ifs.

Don't think about what you should do or say or how you should react, you're grieving, just do what you feel like doing.

I'm thinking of you and sending you love,

Take care o yourself :-)

dellas1979

I am so so sorry to read about your friend.
Good place to vent.
My sympathies are with you.

Ickle Magoo

Hey Midnight,

Six years ago my friend killed herself. I was the last one to speak to her & I called the police to break her door in. She was depressed and we spent night and day talking and getting her meds & getting friends and family around - and it still wasn't enough. She told us all she was feeling so much better and was looking better and then....

Nothing you could have done would have been enough if your friend had made up their mind to take their own life, please don't blame yourself. I did a lot of that too. I was just in a complete daze, then I got really upset and guilty and then I got really angry. I had a lot of questions and no-one to ask.

I think you just learn to live with the ache - just remember all the great times you had and all they gave to your life. We get together with the people that knew my friend and have great reminiscences. It's hard because it reminds us that their loss seems so avoidable and it feels like such a waste of a life but at the same time the happy "them" lives on in the stories.

Feel free to PM me if you want to ask anything. Thinking of you. *hugs*

Midnight_EG

The hardest part is moving on, he wasnt even 18 yet....he had a car, he had a well paying job, he had a girlfriend and loving parents, I just don't know why he done it

I know it'll never leave my mind, because of what I've been talking to a mate about lately.
The deceased was a typical boy racer in his car, always messing about, but thats not to give him a bad name, he was still my best mate.
I told another mate that he(the deceased) would kill himself on the roads with the icy streets and how he acts in the car.....that came true...but not in the same way, so I feel somewhat shitty about the whole thing

Thanks to everybody though, all of you are amazing, and I might take up the PM offer before I get too bad

Canard

There's never one person to blame with suicide, so dont feel guilty anyway.

You were right though, we can relate now, heh.

I know how you feel a bit anyway, so we could talk too, but I suppose Jenny'd be the best for that.

Ickle Magoo

Midnight_EG wrote: »

...so I feel somewhat shitty about the whole thing

Don't, seriously - tho I think it is completely natural. For weeks after my friend killed herself, everyone kept going over and over what they'd said, how she'd reacted, what she'd said. Reading into everything. You just come away with a mountain of "what if's" that you can never answer. xxxxx

Toots

Midnight just wanted to say I'm very sorry for your loss. My cousin killed himself several years ago, and like your friend, nobody had any idea that he was going to do it. He'd just got a new place, started good job etc. Nobody saw it coming and that made it very hard for everyone to come to terms with. Don't blame yourself, and don't feel bad about anything you said before, it's natural to overanalyse everything when something terrible like this happens. The only piece of advice I can give you is to try your best not to do it, it doesn't help and will only make you feel worse. My thoughts are with you, look after yourself.

Midnight_EG

God I'd never think of doing it, I believe it's the most selfish thing a man (or woman) could do as it puts a terrible burden on the people closest to you, what may end your troubles only gives way to others.
So that thought is most definetly out of my mind. :] Thanks for your concern though, everybody is of the utmost help.

bronte

I am so terribly sorry to hear what happened Midnight.
I think you're handling it as best you can, please go easy on yourself over the next while.
My thoughts are with you.

Blogger50

I am so sorry for your loss. While I fail to understand why people choose to take their own life I do feel there is nothing you could have done to prevent this.My cousin committed suicide in April this year with little reason and no explanation. The loss and unbearable suffering that the people left behind go through is imeasurable as is the victims suffering.

Take care OP.

Denerick

Hi OP. Went through something similar myself a couple of years ago. Here's a poem by W.H. Davies which really helped me through the grieving period, its so terrifically layered and poignant... Anyway, hope my small act of sharing might bring you some security of mind:

"Leisure" by W.H. Davies

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

DagneyTaggart

OP I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

One thing I will say is that if you like to do something for his family and a better way than leaving it up to them is to see what's needed maybe, food, responsibility in a certain situation, spending time in silence with friends and family, listening to story, telling a good story of your friend to help your friends and his family get through this time etc go ahead and do it.

Try to remember your friend - not just the sadness.

tim0ney

My heart really goes out to you Midnight. My best friend of 23 years hung himself last year so I definitely know where you're coming from. Don't expect to feel any certain way, don't think you should feel any certain way, and just take each day as it comes. It's so sad when people can't see any other way to end their suffering - please don't think that there's anything you could have done to prevent it, because that's a losing game. You'll be in my thoughts this Christmas

LegacyUser

Hi Midnight.
So sorry to hear about your friend. A friend of mine killed herself at Christmas time a few years back. Everyone was in shock. She never let on to anyone that she was feeling low/suicidal. she gave everyone their presents a day early and was in "mighty" form and then we got the news.

You're doing a brilliant job already for the family, keep it up. Make tea/coffee/drinks, get food anything to keep busy. Tell stories of ye're happy times together, it's amazing all the different stories/experiences people have had with a person and these are nice to hear for both you and his family.

My thoughts are with you

Atavan-Halen

Nick (Midnight) I'm really sorry to hear that. Thankfully I've never been affected personally by suicide but I know people who have and it's a very tough thing to go through. If you ever need to talk or vent or whatever just drop me a PM or msn me. My thoughts are with you and your friends family.

Midnight_EG

The body got taken home today, I sent out a mass text to every person that knew him in some way, pretty much most of them replied
Then I brought about 15 of them to the house on family request and showed immense support.
I then got a very special request from the deceased's mam, she asked me could I get a couple of mates to walk the coffin into the church on Tuesday, picked 7 of the best IMO :P
She seemed ever so grateful and I'm delighted I could help so much

Atavan-Halen

That's great, I'm glad you got to show your support for the family and how good a friend you were.

Adelante

Sorry for your loss.I hope you find some solace here.

Midnight_EG

I'm very sorry to ask this, but could you get rid of that song, it was played at a mates Dads funeral not long ago and its stil very fresh in my mind, I haven't listened to the song since.

Don't think I'm ungrateful, I appreciate it but it's just a little poignant, thank you.

Midnight_EG

Adelante wrote: »

Sorry mate,

Thank you graciously

Midnight_EG

As I've said, I had to pick people to carry the coffin....well now somebody is being ungrateful and saying he would have liked to do it >.<


Not my fault he wasn't there when I chose who to do it was =[

He also just texted me asking if I reckoned someone would let him take their place

star-pants

Midnight - I'm really sorry for your loss

Regarding the person who wants to carry the coffin - unless they're closer than the people you've chosen, you can't really ask someone to *not* carry it. It's a tough position to be in, but you've already asked the amount of people needed, it'd be a bit harsh to ask one of them not to, unless (as said) the other person was a lot closer. Don't let him make you feel bad, you had to choose people and you did, decisions made pet.

Midnight_EG

I swear some people are trying to send me on a guilt trip now, another has said he'd have liked to do it >.<

The first guy is now talking to an original carrier so I'm sitting out of that, let them sort it, already have enough on my plate without this childish behaviour

star-pants

Midnight_EG wrote: »

I swear some people are trying to send me on a guilt trip now, another has said he'd have liked to do it >.<

The first guy is now talking to an original carrier so I'm sitting out of that, let them sort it, already have enough on my plate without this childish behaviour

Sorry, but UGH some people, seriously like this situation isn't hard enough.
Aye let them sort it amongst themselves if they want to swap places with someone. You don't need the hassle *hugs*

Midnight_EG

Thank you, the second person has let it go already and don't know what's happening with the first. To be perfectly honest I don't give a flying fuck, it's their choice not mine, I was just asked to choose and he clearly didn't accept that decision =[

star-pants

Well that's someone who I would perhaps like to highfive in the face for you.
Hopefully other people leave you out of their squabbles, don't let it get to you

Midnight_EG

He's gotten his way and somebody has stepped down >.<

I'm not even gonna try argue.

star-pants

Don't - let them sort it - you just concentrate on what you have to do.
My heart really goes out to you, and your friends family/friends.

Midnight_EG

Thank you



I like that sideways ice cream :P

brian ireland

Sorry to hear about your sad loss of your best friend. Its so sad. Hope you are getting through it but, I can only imaging it must be hell. Sorry pal my thoughts are with you..

Novella

So sorry for your loss. I can't think of anything to say here that hasn't already been said but my thoughts are with you.

shinny

Midnight, just wanted to say sorry for your loss as well. It's always hard on friends because sometimes they get overlooked with everything that is going on and ironically probably know the deceased better than anyone. It sounds like his family are involving you in everything, which is great.

I'm guessing you must be around 18/19 yourself? Well, you are handling this unbelievably well. You sound like a young man with a lot of sense

Make sure to spend some time with his other close friends and remember the good times you all had with him. I lost my best friend in a car accident over a year ago and we made a point of reliving some of the good times the night of the funeral.

LadyMayBelle

Thought with you tonight Midnight EG. Have no words to support you but just hope you'll be alright. Such a sad thing to happen and especially at this time of year x

Midnight_EG

shinny wrote: »

Midnight, just wanted to say sorry for your loss as well. It's always hard on friends because sometimes they get overlooked with everything that is going on and ironically probably know the deceased better than anyone. It sounds like his family are involving you in everything, which is great.

I'm guessing you must be around 18/19 yourself? Well, you are handling this unbelievably well. You sound like a young man with a lot of sense

Make sure to spend some time with his other close friends and remember the good times you all had with him. I lost my best friend in a car accident over a year ago and we made a point of reliving some of the good times the night of the funeral.

Yeah I'm 18 and have a lot of things to worry about and care for this year such as family, leaving cert, car and girlfriend, so t'is hard enough without this.
I was pretty much his only mate, save another guy (the one causing the fuss over the coffin carrying) who doesnt know him as along as I do, so I knew quite a lot about him, and sort of know why he did it. Well...I have reasons floating around my head, but I'm not releasing my thoughts to anybody at all until I find out the complete truth.
His family are including me yeah, which I think is amazing at such a hard time and am so honoured to be able to say I'm doing this for him and them.
Today was brilliant though, a lot happened that helped ease some peoples pain and I truly hope his family can overcome all their thoughts and just let him be, the words said at the wake today made me think they're moving on gradually, which is a good sign I suppose. He looked so happy, his face was made up in a smirk, looked as if he'd just burst out laughing and scream " I got you all, bahahahhah!", but alas it wont, he was stone cold, in a better place, somewhere he wants to be.


So I guess I'm happy for him and his family that he doesnt have to put up with everything that seemingly made his life hell, now he can literally Rest in Peace and carry on in a spiritual way because I know he's looking down on his Father and guiding him...he loved him so much, heartbreaking to see his Dad today. Although he seems intent on believing myself and the deceased had a falling out, which we did in some sort, but I was only with him on Friday, he seemed fine, I tried to tell his Dad that, he just won't see it from my side. Being able to bring all of our social circle into the house and letting them pay their respects meant so much to me, and I know his parents appreciated it a hell of a lot too, his Mam was amazed at how many people came, as was his Sister, his Dad couldn't respond, maybe in happiness or he was disillusioned, who knows. All I know is he's happy, he's where he wants to be and I'm glad I could help on this side of it to give him a proper sending off.

I have a plan for the funeral procession, I want to follow the family car in my Civic, and have a friend drive the deceased's Civic behind me, both are black so they correlate to the event, he loved his car and I hope he can see what we're doing for him, we'll be right behind him, making noise as lads do and smiling to ourselves knowing he would have liked it. It's perfect in my head and I hope it goes to plan.

I'm borderline eye floods now, I'm glad I could say all this here, and hopefully be able to help somebody else that might be in this situation and tell them there is always something you can do, be it a little thing or major thing, anything helps, anything matters :')

opinion guy

I'm sorry for your loss OP. I found this thread from the AH thread on the same topic by someone else. Sounds like you are dealing with things extremely well. Stay strong brother.
As regards the Dad getting some notions - word of advise. Don't let it bug you. However this is for you, its times ten for his immediate family. They are totally overwhelmed and doubtless probably not thinking entirely straight. It will take many many months and years for them to fully process this (as it will you too). All you can do right now - is bear witness to everything. Be the strong one - be there for them all in however you can be until they don't need you anymore. Trust me, not only will it distract you from your own grief which you can deal with in time, also it will make a difference to his family that words cannot begin to convey. Because at times like this the only thing you can do of any consequence is be there, bear witness to it, hold hands when needed and provide a shoudler to cry on when needed.

My sympathies.

WesternNight

I'm sorry to read this.

What you're doing though, helping to organise things, that's something that the family will be so grateful for in the future. People have so much to sort out for a funeral that they barely have time to even process what's going on before it's all over. And often, by then, they feel like they haven't really been able to say goodbye. So them not having to do everything means the world...even if they don't know it.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with it at all though.

hunter164

Midnight_EG wrote: »

I have a plan for the funeral procession, I want to follow the family car in my Civic, and have a friend drive the deceased's Civic behind me, both are black so they correlate to the event, he loved his car and I hope he can see what we're doing for him, we'll be right behind him, making noise as lads do and smiling to ourselves knowing he would have liked it. It's perfect in my head and I hope it goes to plan.

Play his fave song out of your car?

Midnight_EG

He wasn't one for music, just the note of his exhaust, which I think will do more than enough, thanks though

Jigga

Hi Midnight EG, sorry to hear about your friend's death, I've lost friends the same way, a very close one in particular which still hurts. Your friend causing the fuss over the coffin carrying might be just reacting to your friend's death in a different way to you, people react to suicide in different ways as it is such an awful shock and he may want to isolate himself to grieve himself, look out for him too as I'm sure he is hurting too. Fair dues to you and look out for his family particularly whenever its his birthday or at Christmas.

Midnight_EG

His birthday is not even a month away

Jigga

Midnight_EG wrote: »

His birthday is not even a month away

Dear god what a tragedy, good friend of mine killed himself just 3 days before his 20th birthday. It's a very sensitive topic I know, so fair play to you for being able to grieve here and stay strong man.

Aurora Borealis

I am so sorry for your loss.

A very close friend of mine hung herself this year so I know how you're feeling. I, like you, was very involved in the funeral arrangements and it was the hardest week of my life to date having to sit down with family members trying to thrash out the whys and what ifs of it all. She left a note but it wasn't the girl I knew writing and it confused me more than anything. You cannot figure it out, no one knows but them and I think it will only deepen your pain trying to. I hope you've someone to lean on yourself at the moment because it is a very confusing time.

Sending you strength.

A.B.