26 & STILL single

LegacyUser

The title says it all. I really am at my wits end. Not even the smell of a man near me and here comes another christmas & new year with my friends and family who are all loved up. I'm finding it increasingly hard to cope with this as the years go on. My sister is getting married next year as well and I'm really dreading turning up to that alone - as usual. Whatever about everyone I know being all loved up with each other, it's going to be so much worse when they all start having families etc. And I know I'm still going to be the only singleton at the table being asked how my love life is. Anyone in a similar situation I would really appreciate your thoughts on how to deal with this.

OxO-CuBe

I know exactly how you feel. Being single for any length of time and you are treated like a social pariah. But what you should be thinking is "I’m single and I like it" I have all my time free to do whatever I want
Couples in relationships (not all mind ) seem to have this superiority complex where they look down on single people like there is something wrong with them. This is wrong and you should see it as wrong.
But look at it from a different perspective... I know many couples where one (or both) of them "settled" and are not 100% happy in the relationship leading infidelity and other problems down the line. Do not let yourself fall into that trap!!!
I know that Christmas is tough when you are on your own but get out there and have fun. Don’t be sitting at home and feeling sorry for yourself. You will never meet anyone being the doom and gloom or the shrinking violet.

And to quote Eleanor Roosevelt "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" so be aware of the comments and don’t let them get you down.

John Mason

OMG - you are 26:eek:

seriously when you are 60 may be you should start worrying.

26 is still really young, you should be out enjoying yourself.

when i was 26 i went travelling around the world by myself and had a brilliant time.

This is be best time of your life, being able to please yourself, go where you want, when you want.

Why would you want to be tying yourself down at 26? seriously, ditch OMG i have to find a men quick attitude and go out and ENJOY YOURSELF

I spent years being the only single person at weddings and events and even to the point where i was at weddings and i person i knew was the bride or the groom. i had a ball, got to chat to loads of new people and make new friends, the odd snog here and there

i have meet so many people on my travels i have friends all over the world and if i decide i need a break, i have loads of people to go an visit

Life is there for a the taking ...............

krudler

Could it be a case of the grass is always greener? relationships dont fix all lifes problems, if anything they add to them tenfold why not embrace being single, go travel, do stuff you wouldnt be able to if you were tied down, as ncie as it is to have someone to cuddle on the couch around christmas it can be great to have no ties as well *looks over shoulder to make sure gf cant see this*

How Strange

OxO-CuBe wrote: »

Couples in relationships (not all mind ) seem to have this superiority complex where they look down on single people like there is something wrong with them. This is wrong and you should see it as wrong.
But look at it from a different perspective... I know many couples where one (or both) of them "settled" and are not 100% happy in the relationship leading infidelity and other problems down the line. Do not let yourself fall into that trap!!!
violet.

And to quote Eleanor Roosevelt "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" so be aware of the comments and don’t let them get you down.

Eh, this says it all really about your post. I'm in a relationship and I certainly don't look down on any single people and I don't know any normal rational attached people who do. It seems you're the one who has the inferiority complex about being single not the other way around.

OP, unfortunately we can only say the things you've heard 100 times. I think you need to look at how you evaluate your life. I was single until I was 30 (not a sniff of a man near me for ages on end too) and I did eventually meet my OH but I really had to change my mindset because life doesn't begin when you meet someone, life is what you're living right now so don't waste it worrying about what you don't have. Don't let being single hold you back, you need to have an independent full life of your own and then if someone comes into it then that's a bonus.

It's such a cliche but I decided when I turned 30 that I wasn't going to let meeting someone be a benchmark for how successful my life was, I promised myself I'd live my way and enjoy doing it. Then I met my OH. I personally think it was because I was more comfortable in my own skin that I'd been for years before.

BraziliaNZ

How Strange wrote: »

Eh, this says it all really about your post. I'm in a relationship and I certainly don't look down on any single people and I don't know any normal rational attached people who do. It seems you're the one who has the inferiority complex about being single not the other way around.

exactly, like what kind of friends/family would look down on you for being single? And who cares what anyone other than them thinks?

santana75

krudler wrote: »

as ncie as it is to have someone to cuddle on the couch around christmas it can be great to have no ties as well *looks over shoulder to make sure gf cant see this*

Brilliant stuff Krudler, very funny. Its true, if the girlfriend heard me say something like that I would be in trouble!

RealistSpy

I think boards should have a dating section.

As to your question OP 26 is still very young. Travel around, have fun, the right man will come trust me.

LegacyUser

At 26 you still have tonnes and tonnes of time. In fact many of the relationships of your peers will probably dissolve in the next few years anyway. Alot of people seem to do a shuffle as they approach 30.

When I was 26 I was living with a man. It broke up when I was 28. I wish I'd spent those 20 something years single because I had alot of learning to do then. After being coupled up for years I was probably quite immature in many ways.

You will meet the man. Relax.

dellas1979

Mary and joseph...

OP its not your situation that sucks lemons, its how you look at it....

As they say, there never is a problem, its how you look at it.

There is nothing wrong with being 26 and single. My advice would be to concentrate on yourself and ignore or laugh off the "what everybody thinks" thoughts.

You'll look back when you are 40 and say "yeah Id the time of my life when I was 26 and single" or you'll look back and say "yeah I was miserable waiting for a man".

Come on, I know which one Id choose.

BTW, think of it like this...you are 26. More than likely nauturally you will live to 75/80. Thats 50 or so more years in which you will, by law of averages, meet someone.

kjl

So OP from you post it implies that you have never had a relationship. Maybe its time to make a change in your life.

Start working out and eating healthy, you need to feel good about yourself before you can let someone else in. It takes a while but when you are ready you will start to notice more opportunities in your love life.

It's not a game, you are trying to find someone you like, so if that take longer the let it.

Amy33

RealistSpy wrote: »

I think boards should have a dating section.

As to your question OP 26 is still very young. Travel around, have fun, the right man will come trust me.

That's not necessarily true, there are lots of people out there who never meet anyone, but I do agree 26 is very young to be stressed out about being single.

MugMugs

Enjoy what you have ! I am 27 and in a relationship that is hell.... I have to wait until after Christmas to end it.

Believe me, Single life isnt all that bad ! It's like everything in life, it's what YOU make it !

Happy Christmas

star-pants

Depends on the reason for not wanting to be single.
If you're single and are happy enough, but wish you weren't single so as to fit in better, and be like everyone else, or feel you're falling behind, then I wouldn't worry at all, everyone finds their own way and you don't *have* to be part of a couple just because other people think so.
If you're single and aren't happy, would like to have someone to share your life with - that's different, because you want a bf for yourself, not for anyone else and not for the reason of 'omg I have to have a partner'.
I'm 26 and single, and yes I have single and non single friends, I've done some travelling and so forth. I'm not one to randomly kiss someone on a night out, and I'm not someone who loves being single. One think I really hate is someone who goes 'sure enjoy being single, go out and have the craic'.... you can go out and have craic whether you're single or not in my book. But having a partner is different to just having friends/family, it's a different relationship altogether. It's about wanting to share your life with someone special, to feel the things you only feel in a relationship, to explore things, learn things, about you and them. It's not always a case of 'omg I need a bf cuz like I'm getting old and should have a bf by now'. Least it's not in my case, I'm single, I'm 26 and yes I'd love a partner, not to fit in, or for anyone else, but for me, because I want to share my life with someone.

I'll just have to wait, see what life brings me, but if I stress about it, worry about it, and am constantly on the look out for someone, it won't happen. Cliché maybe, but things happen when you least expect it. I don't think you're too young to wish for a partner, but you shouldn't be worried that others have partners and you don't. Everyone moves at their own pace. I couldn't care less what other people think of me being single, I don't 'go and have the single craic' , and I do want some day to meet someone I can share things with. Am I too young to want that? No.

G-Money

I think half the problem with some of the advice here is that it's coming from people who are in relationships or who have been in relationships recently. If it's been a long time for someone it can be very hard to relate to that if you are currently seeing someone or if you just were.

OP, I'm 32 and single and I too feel like the odd one out as most of my friends are getting married and settling down. I was at two weddings last year, the first one was ok but the 2nd one I was completely miserable at as I knew no-one except the bride and groom. I definitely didn't have a great time.

I've went out more times than I can remember in my 20's, went travelling, "had the craic" and still nothing.

Most of the other areas of my life are ok, but the relationship side is so lacking it's beyond belief. It's not so much a case of thinking a relationship fixes everything, but if it's the only area that's giving you issues and has been for a long time, it can become massively depressing and frustrating.

I know I've started to go out more and stuff and have started to lose weight so I'm working on improving myself. I haven't a clue if it will help but I have to try something. I'm losing my mind constantly being single.

Good luck.

krudler

MugMugs wrote: »

Enjoy what you have ! I am 27 and in a relationship that is hell.... I have to wait until after Christmas to end it.

Believe me, Single life isnt all that bad ! It's like everything in life, it's what YOU make it !

Happy Christmas

OT but why? i dont get why people use occasions like xmas and birthday and such to put off breaking up with someone, if i was dumped i'd be pretty pissed the person was putting it off until some social event was out of the way first and as just stringing me along, if its not working then its not worth going through a relationship you cant stand purely because its the supposed festive season

LegacyUser

I have never had a girlfriend. I find comfort in booze and hookers and that is the truth. I'm 28 now, guess it's to late for me. Drinking and sleeping with prostitutes is how I cope. I hope you find a better way.

LegacyUser

alwaysalone wrote: »

I have never had a girlfriend. I find comfort in booze and hookers and that is the truth. I'm 28 now, guess it's to late for me. Drinking and sleeping with prostitutes is how I cope. I hope you find a better way.

That is very sad but at 28 too late? No way

LegacyUser

alwaysalone wrote: »

I have never had a girlfriend. I find comfort in booze and hookers and that is the truth. I'm 28 now, guess it's to late for me. Drinking and sleeping with prostitutes is how I cope. I hope you find a better way.

Hey you're not alone buddy, I'm 24 and hate people. As such I don't ever meet or have luck with women so in the new year I'm going to an escort for the first time. Kinda sad but I gave up a long time ago. Relationships are just foreign to me. Sucks but such is life.

CDfm

OP - you are 26 and old enough to take the initiative and strike up conversations with people and even ask them out.Dont be too picky as there are plenty of nice people from all walks of life.

Ireland has a perfectly equally balanced population - perfectly split 50% males to females.

Larianne

CDfm wrote: »

OP - you are 26 and old enough to take the initiative and strike up conversations with people and even ask them out.Dont be too picky as there are plenty of nice people from all walks of life.

Ireland has a perfectly equally balanced population - perfectly split 50% males to females.

I'm single at the moment (I'm 27) but so are most of my friends so it doesn't bother me so much. But I've been in the same position as the OP. It can be depressing sometimes when every one else is hooked up.

Striking up conversations can be hard for some people. But I do agree, go talk to people. Even if you're not interested. It will give you confidence. And you'll also have a laugh on a night out.

Do things you wouldn't normally do. Go places you wouldn't go - like an Art Gallery Opening or a music gig or a different pub you wouldn't normally go to. Get out of your comfort zone. You never know what you might discover. Say yes more than no.

Also, it is hard and might sound cliché but when you stop looking for it, it finds you!!

CDfm

Larianne wrote: »

Striking up conversions can be hard for some people. But I do agree, go talk to people. Even if you're not interested. It will give you confidence. And you'll also have a laugh on a night out.

Do things you wouldn't normally do. Go places you wouldn't go - like an Art Gallery Opening or a music gig or a different pub you wouldn't normally go to. Get out of your comfort zone. You never know what you might discover. Say yes more than no.

Also, it is hard and might sound cliché but when you stop looking for it, it finds you!!

And thats what its about taking a chance and staying positive.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, I am in a similar situation: 26 year old female, and never had a boyfriend. While everyone around me seem to have no problems going from one relationship to the next, I constantly remain single. I can't understand what the problem is cos i honestly think I have a lot going for me (excuse my "i'm great" attitude but i think this shows that its not a confidence issue on my part:)). If I am approached by guys on nights out in pubs/clubs (although this doesn't happen that often) it never goes anywhere as guys im interested in I never seem to hear from again & the few people that have showed an interest in me, I havn't felt the same way.
I know that the pub/club environment isn't the best for meeting people and I have tried other avenues such as taking up a new hobby & joining a club. While i now really enjoy this new hobby and have met a lot of new people through it, I still havn't met that special someone:( Also i work in quite a small company with mainly older married men & women so there is certainly no hope there.
I don't think im too fussy or come across as desperate (I've been out at times with single female friends who practically pounce on men (I've seen fear in some of these mens eyes), whereas I definitely have a more laidback attitude).

star-pants wrote: »

I'm 26 and single, and yes I have single and non single friends, I've done some travelling and so forth. I'm not one to randomly kiss someone on a night out, and I'm not someone who loves being single. One think I really hate is someone who goes 'sure enjoy being single, go out and have the craic'.... you can go out and have craic whether you're single or not in my book. But having a partner is different to just having friends/family, it's a different relationship altogether. It's about wanting to share your life with someone special, to feel the things you only feel in a relationship, to explore things, learn things, about you and them. It's not always a case of 'omg I need a bf cuz like I'm getting old and should have a bf by now'. Least it's not in my case, I'm single, I'm 26 and yes I'd love a partner, not to fit in, or for anyone else, but for me, because I want to share my life with someone.

I could have written this myself! However I am sick to death of people telling me it will happen when i least expect it etc...and I constantly reassure myself that it will happen eventually & to try and forget about it. But it always comes back to me wondering why while it happens for everyone else, it's never for me! I really can't see what else I can do (I'm not mad about the whole internet dating scene). Anyone else have any advice/insights? Thanks for reading.

LegacyUser

I'm in the same boat. I'm male, in my early 30's and my love life is non existent. I haven't snogged a girl for almost 10 years, and even then, she's been the only one. Since then, nothing. I've tried Internet dating and it hasn't worked out. Even now I'm in touch with a girl from an Internet dating site and while it's going ok so far, we haven't met up yet and all I can think of is how every other girl I've met online has led to nothing. Once or twice I've had them want some no strings fun but I over think it and chicken out.

I'm at the point where I don't actually remember what it's like to kiss someone, or to have sex. Having said that the 2 times I've had sex were drunken mistakes with hookers that I regret. So I'm in the situation where I'm single, only kissed one girl, never had proper sex (sober or came with a girl) and it's doing my head in.

I've heard the "it will happen when you least expect it" rubbish but I'm betting all who say that probably never go longer than 2 or 3 months without a partner. They simply don't understand the frustration and emotional upset that it causes.

I'm getting to the point where I think this will simply never happen. It makes me feel like a reject and a loser, but what else can I think when I spent so long going out socialising and nothing ever happened.

I also hate Reading about these people posting on boards, b****ing and moaning about how they slept with this person and that person and now they don't know what to do blah blah, yap yap.

I feel like telling them to cop on and there's others who'd love to be even able to say they had sex or met someone, but we can't. It's a bit like going to some starving person in Africa and moaning and complaining that you ate too much luxury food and expecting them to feel sorry for you.

Sometimes I just wonder if these bed hopping/relationship hopping people simply have very low standards. Is it really probable that they'd regularly meet suitable potential partners?

Maybe I'm just saying that in the hope it's true to make myself feel better as I feel like such a failure because of all this.

I have a friends wedding coming up in a few months and I'm starting to dread going as I hate going to these things single but I never meet any girl I like who's interested in me the same way.

I also found out that a cousin of mine got engaged over Christmas and she's about 8 years younger than me. It's like I constantly have to hide the shame of my non existent love life but i just don't know what to do to change it.

So there's a few of us online anyway, so you're not alone. I know that might not make you feel better but I don't know how to fix my current situation.

I guess it might help if I had some confidence and spoke to girls on nights out.

Even with this girl I'm texting from online, I'm already frustrated and thinking it won't work out as i've been down this road so many times before and I often think it will just never change

LegacyUser

see we are all so afraid of being alone. nature expects us to be part of a couple. like every animal has a mate. its part of old view of if ya don't have a mate at 30 your doomed to be the old lady with the cats in the old house down the road. we are all like Yeats afraid to be alone.


in order to be available you need to love yourself ...so love yourself 100%. a man or woman won't love you as much a you love yourself.

at weddings its all about the table so if you are bridesmaid your sorted sitting beside the bride and groom is fine. then mingle with all your friends and family. make a joke about having too many on the go to settle down:)

if not at b&g table sit at a single table are ideally beside other siblings that won't ask q's.

for a pick me up you need is to watch sex and the city.

Bad Seed

I am 26 and single too, I really wish I had a man at christmas.

CDfm

But there are lots of opportunities to meet people including things like boards beers and there are lots of activities.

You have clubs and associations all over the place where people interact and meet and you only need one person.

Massive Muscles

Sometimes I just wonder if these bed hopping/relationship hopping people simply have very low standards. Is it really probable that they'd regularly meet suitable potential partners?

Yes, why not? If you are a good looking person with a good social life in the city then you could easily meet/sleep with decent women/men every week or so.

Not having kissed somebody in so long tells me that your social life isn't quite right.

LegacyUser

Hi op. i was in a similar situation to you.i'm 27 and i never really had a proper boyfriend or anyuthing that lasted long enough to tell people about or introduce to my friends and family. in the last year i have had a really great time on my own and forgot about wanting a boyfriend and was happy not having one and then a man walked right into my life not so long ago and it was so unexpected. but it was fantastic because i wasn't looking. and it landed on my doorstep and this man is one i will be holding on tight too and will be introducing the friends and family too. so dont give up hope. if you are happy with yourself, enjoy your life then things can change for the better. like larianne said you should consider coming away from your comfort zone.

ladylouise

i am same poistion i am nealry 30 i never had boyfreind in my life either