Eating Disorders

qwerty2

I was talking to a few friends today about eating disorders (anorexia and bulimia mostly) today. I'm a teenager at an all girls school and can honestly say I've never intentially set out with the goal of losing weight through unhealthy practices. However, out of the group of girls I'm closest with, I'm probably the only one who has never had an eating disorder of some description. It seems to be considered "normal" almost for teenage girls to hurt themselves physically and emotionally to gain their "ideal figure". I'm often baffled when talking to people who have struggled with eating disorders and still can't get my head around why anyone would do that to themselves. It's also so much worse when you're told that their ideal goal is your body!! (Happened to me on several occassions) It's obviously today's society and projection of beauty which the media puts out that's having this affect on my friends. I'm also friends with a lot of other people in other schools and it seems the situation is the same everywhere you go!

My question is how many of you out there have either had an eating disorder or known somebody with one? And also if you know somebody with one what's the best way to approach trying to help them?

Edit: Just sitting here thinking more about my friends, I can truly see how fcuked up some of their attitudes to weight and food are. Some will go days without eating, go out at the weekend, down a bottle of wine or a naggin (which they don't seem to realise has plenty of calories) without a mixer or else only with diet coke. Their bodies simply can't handle the drunk without any food in their systems and they just end up vomiting more. Btw, I'm only posting this as the girls in question are quite open with their problems to me. I do not intend to undermine their privacy in anyway, I'm really just trying to see some sense in the situation.

Wibbs

Great idea for a thread from qwerty2, but please lets all stick to the basics and avoid trigger type posts for people who may be too close to this. Thanks

allandanyways

qwerty2 wrote: »

I was talking to a few friends today about eating disorders (anorexia and bulimia mostly) today. I'm a teenager at an all girls school and can honestly say I've never intentially set out with the goal of losing weight through unhealthy practices. However, out of the group of girls I'm closest with, I'm probably the only one who has never had an eating disorder of some description.

That is absolutley terrifying to me. I went to an all girls school as well, and there were about 4 or 5 girls whom everyone knew "didn't eat", cos that was "her thing". One of the girls in my group never, ever ate. She's now got a liver and kidney problems and has been told she only has a 15% chance of ever conceiving because she's done so much damage to her body. She weighed something under 6 stone at one point. But when I was in school (2007) girls with eating disorders would have been in the minority.

qwerty2 wrote: »

It seems to be considered "normal" almost for teenage girls to hurt themselves physically and emotionally to gain their "ideal figure".
I'm often baffled when talking to people who have struggled with eating disorders and still can't get my head around why anyone would do that to themselves.

Not normal, but I think the "pain is beauty" motto has taken on a new significance in recent years.

qwerty2 wrote: »

It's obviously today's society and projection of beauty which the media puts out that's having this affect on my friends.

I'm making a huge generalisation here, but if you look at some girls with eating disorders (and guys, but mainly girls), there's been a huge upsurge in pro-anorexia/bulimia websites in the last 5 years or so. I won't go into a rant about them (but I could) but I know for a fact (and I will not defend this enough, it is a fact) that my sister had no anorexic tendencies before she googled pro-ana websites in order to lose weight to "look like Kate Moss" (that's what she said on her pro ana blog). If you were to look at some of these disgusting websites, there are basically communities of lonely girls who make friends who tell them how to starve themselves and hide it from the people who actually love them. My sister became sucked into this "community" of girls who do damage to each other. Some of these girls genuinley have eating disorders, and you can tell by the way they describe their lives that they have other contributing factors. But some, like my sister, want to be skinny for the sake of being skinny and that's what I think has brough about a frightning upsurge in eating disorders amongst young girls in recent years.

qwerty2 wrote: »

My question is how many of you out there have either had an eating disorder or known somebody with one? And also if you know somebody with one what's the best way to approach trying to help them?

My sister has anorexia, and my parents do not know. I knew what was going on (call it a sister thing) and asked a friend who had previously been involved with these pro-ana sites what kinda sites should I check. Yes, it was sneaky, but she was 16 (now 17) and had no right to privacy imo when she was abusing it like that.

My parents gave her a laptop on the understanding it was for downloading music and studying, and she used it to find a network of "ana buddies" whom I know she is still in contact with. She was 7 stone 10 pounds at her lowest weight and she looked disgusting. She lied to everyone, including me, and she doesn't give a shít about what she's done. She promised me when I found the blog (and to answer your q about approaching her, I just went into her room, closed the door and I said "Right the lying's over [proana username]. Let's talk about what's going on" and she fed me some bull story about just being bored etc etc and she wasnt doing all the things she said she was etc etc. All lies since she's now turned (very obviously) to just throwing up everything she eats) She has pictures of Mary Kate Olsen, Victoria Beckham and Kate Moss all above her desk and tells my mam their her "icons" because they're "fashionable" and she's just turned into a compulsive liar, no matter how much my Mam (who just wants her to eat normally) and I cry and beg her to talk us through what's going on, she says she's fine.

Sorry for the big long rant, but I think the prevalence of anorexia/bulimia amongst young men and women is frightening and I do think it's largely down to the media emphasis on being thin. It's disturbing and extremely upsetting to see what wanting to look like Kate Moss can do to a person and to the people around them. My sister's situation has screwed me up psychologically, I can't trust her, I can barely look at her sometimes, and I have nightmares about her being a skeleton. It's horrible. All because she wanted to look like fcuking Kate Moss.

Novella

qwerty2 wrote: »

I was talking to a few friends today about eating disorders (anorexia and bulimia mostly) today. I'm a teenager at an all girls school and can honestly say I've never intentially set out with the goal of losing weight through unhealthy practices. However, out of the group of girls I'm closest with, I'm probably the only one who has never had an eating disorder of some description. It seems to be considered "normal" almost for teenage girls to hurt themselves physically and emotionally to gain their "ideal figure". I'm often baffled when talking to people who have struggled with eating disorders and still can't get my head around why anyone would do that to themselves. It's also so much worse when you're told that their ideal goal is your body!! (Happened to me on several occassions) It's obviously today's society and projection of beauty which the media puts out that's having this affect on my friends. I'm also friends with a lot of other people in other schools and it seems the situation is the same everywhere you go!

My question is how many of you out there have either had an eating disorder or known somebody with one? And also if you know somebody with one what's the best way to approach trying to help them?

Oh, I hear ya OP!

I'm not a teenager anymore and I'm finished school but I do work in retail where the atmosphere is pretty much the exact same. The girls constantly talk about what they're gonna have for lunch, what salads from M&S have the lowest calories etc. I'm so tired of hearing, "God, I'd love a chocolate bar but I'm going out at the weekend and I don't wanna have a belly".

Sometimes I feel like work is a bit of a competition. Are we all buying size 8 jeans, that kinda thing. It's weird. You can wear something in one day and then someone will admire it and follow that with, "So, what size did you buy it in?". Who fcuking cares what size it is!!?!

I never diet but I have often starved myself for periods of time. There have been weeks when maybe all I'd eat was an apple a day and just drink water or Diet Coke's. It's pretty messed up really 'cause I know I'm not overweight at all.

I'm a size 8, a size 10 maybe. I'm not stick thin, I'm not straight up and down, I have curves but (and I don't know why!) I do feel pressure to be smaller. It's pretty hard to work in an industry where everyone is obsessed with being skinny and goes to such extreme lengths to be that way. I actually think it's really depressing.

I remember a few months ago, it was suggested that instead of our usual drunken work night out, we'd all go for a meal instead. The amount of people who suddenly became unavailable and who just weren't interested anymore was unreal. I used to really enjoy food. My mam is a good cook, quite adventurous and we'd often go out for a meal as a family. It's gotten to the stage where I don't enjoy that at all anymore.

I don't have an eating disorder, more an unhealthy attitude to food and I think this is the way it is with SO many girls, not just teenagers but maybe even women in general. It sucks.

I have rambled on so much here and it's a bit of a messy post. I'm not too sure how you'd approach someone to talk about them having an eating disorder though. I'd advise leaving the accusations at the door though, no one wants to be accosted.

Jules

I have know a few people with eating disorders. Mainly my best friend. At one stage she was jsut under 7 stone and 5'2 she was so so thin, always cold. She always had such a low opinion of herself, but she was beautiful they way she was when she weighed 8 1/2 stone. No fat on her but when she looked in the mirror all she saw was an overweight unhappy person. She had issues going on in her life, things she could not control. And they only thing she could take control of was what she put into her body and i think this is where the issue came from. A lack of control.

Now i have my own food issues myself. I am over weight, now let me clarify im actually over weight not one of these people who is thin but still thinks they are over weight, and i am trying to doing something about it. I have lost 2 stone over the last few months but atm im having a tough time, emotional time and tbh the first thing i do is put food in my mouth. Anything i can eat. People will say im greedy, or im lazy but when im eating, i say to myself, ya don't want to do this, you know its bad you know you're gonna put back on weight and be miserable but i do it anyway. And then i feel absolutely horrible about it, i don't make myself sick or anything after, cuz them i say, oh god im bulemic or whatever. So i sit there an feel miserable about eating and what do i do, go and eat something else cuz sure wtf i have done it already. People look at me, and i know what they think. And i pretend it doesnt bother me, but it does. I have been diagnoised with an underactive thyroid and i have pcos, which doesnt help with the weight, but times i don't help myself either. It doesn't help that when i was growing up my mum used to call me names, thinking she was helping but it just made me worse. And i have always been big, again not an excuse but im about 5'10 and i am far from small framed. I will never be 12/14 stone, my doc actually laughs at me and says im one person who can actually say im not jsut fat im big boned .. sorry gone off on a tangent there....

Im not happy about my weight, and tbh some days i wish i could be like those girls who could have eating disorders. I know people think that is stupid or wtf or whatever but sometimes i do. but then sense washes over and there is only one way to do it.

qwerty2

Thanks for the personal story allandanyways. I understand its not easy as I can relate a lot to you! Watching people you love hurting themselves on a daily basis is a constant struggle for me that has reduced me to tears on occassions! I'd never come across these "pro-ana" websites so googled it.. I am horrified at the results that came up!! The google images were so shocking I could look no further than the first page. And as for the communities/blogs/forums etc, I really cannot understand how these are allowed?! I'm sure each day (as in the case of your sister, I'm sorry to hear) these websites suck in girls/guys into its vicious circles and way of life. It sickens me to the core and only hope that all those people recognise that they need help before its too late.

Twee.

Great post allandanyways.

What really gets to me is when people say "Gosh I wish I was anorexic for like a year so I could get a figure." My friends have said this and I know they're joking, but I hate it. No you don't, you REALLY don't. Someone close to me suffered with it. And boy do you suffer. It's not just just your body, it's your mind too. This person is over the bulimia, but has battled depression, suicide, alcohol abuse. Still trucking on and has made an unbelievable recovery, but all the same lost about seven years of their life being so sick. And getting better isn't cheap. Rehabilitation is expensive business.

I will admit that like Novella, I can have a bad attitude to food, won't eat pasta/bread before a night out kind of thing. But I have never starved myself, and don't intend to. Something I can actually credit our school system with (shock!!) is Lc Home Ec. I know a lot about food and why I need it.

Lia_lia

I have a few friends with serious eating disorders. Mainly guys, strangely enough. Personally I just don't have the mindset for an eating disorder. I love food. People used to think I had one though, because I had bad depression when I was younger and was very thin. But that was mainly due to appetite loss...and a fast metabolism. I will reply to this tomorrow when I am not drunk.

brianthebard

qwerty2 wrote: »

However, out of the group of girls I'm closest with, I'm probably the only one who has never had an eating disorder of some description. It seems to be considered "normal" almost for teenage girls to hurt themselves physically and emotionally to gain their "ideal figure".

This seems statistically improbable tbh. I don't want to come across as condescending but from your position as a teen it may appear as if eating disorders are more common than they are, but if you look at the figures and the wider population I think you would find that true eating disorders are very rare.

Jules

brianthebard, please do not start talking statistics. This is a thread about effects of eating disorders and they can range from very slight issues to much much biggers ones. I don't want numbers and such thrown into this, as qwerty2 has said, is about the emotional and physical hurt girls and women do to themselves to get the "ideal figure".

qwerty2

brianthebard wrote: »

This seems statistically improbable tbh. I don't want to come across as condescending but from your position as a teen it may appear as if eating disorders are more common than they are, but if you look at the figures and the wider population I think you would find that true eating disorders are very rare.

This is actually one of the main reasons why I started this thread. In my social circles (which run mostly among teenagers/young adults) it IS the majority of girls who have problems with eating disorders. I was wondering if this was true for a other generations/age groups or if its all part of a teenage fad to gain the ideal body to try fit in/be accepted etc

Maple

Yes, i've dabbled with eating disorders.

I was a deathly skinny child due to being sick but at the age of 9/10 I morphed overnight into this blimp, probably due to a combination of hormones, parent issues and being bullied and generally all round feeling pretty miserable. I found comfort in food.

My mother put me on a diet, in fairness she was probably doing her best but my unhealthy relationship with food began then.

The diet worked and then we moved house and emotionally I was much happier, didn't need food and I lost all the weight. Was actually so thin that I was approached by a teacher who asked if I was eating properly.

But over the following years, I'd binge and vomit, used laxatives, would starve myself eating only one meal a day and maybe some fruit. It was never at hospital point, thankfully but yes I had a seriously unhealthy body image obsession for a good number of years.

Wibbs

I was wondering is this more an "irish" thing or say an irish/us/uk thing? The reason I say this is that I've gone out with various latins etc and while the "I need to look a certain way" is defo present, if not more so, this I suppose obsession with food in particular seemed less. I have noted if I'm with a group of Irish women, the chat turns to food much more. Not in an obvious way, but talking about nice meals and calories etc. Or is it that the foreign women hide it more? They would have been more gym obsessed though. Much more. So maybe same thing different expression?

IMHO I dont think most men get this. I certainly didn't. The connection of food with comfort say. Not to the same degree anyway. I have a mate who reckoned he was getting a bit stodgy and the wife felt the same so he cut back on his portions and started walking more. The walking was fine for her, the food was much much harder. There does seem to be some broad difference there.

Some very honest posts here I have to say. Fair play.

dublingal80

Its funny because I was just thinking about this this morning on my way to work. When I was a teenager, which was about 12-15 years ago, I had no issue with my body at all, which is strange because I spent most of my teenage years in a swimsuit as I swam a lot during the week. I never once looked at one of my team mates figure and wish I had it or envied them what so ever. I guess its because it wasnt promoted the way it is now in magazines.

Now Im 29 and i do struggle to accept my body. Its funny cos you would think it would be the other way around. Be 15 and all self conscious and be nearly 30 and be confident with it

Trashed

Having being a gymnast for 17 years so thinking about food has always been a constant.

When I gave up I sudden gained alot of weight because I wasnt training and I was eating whatever whenever. I was really unhappy and only ate one meal a day and went to the gym constantly. It was my best friend that sat me down and told me straight. she helped me with meal planning etc.


Now that I coach gymnastics I try to make the kids aware of food choices etc.



While it is annoying when people constantly talk about being fat and losing weight etc deep down they really could be in trouble and sometimes they need someone to reach out to them before it gets to far. so while it would be easy to ignore it and pass it off as attention seeking or whatever you could be in the one to make a difference in someones life

Any key?

Hi I had a fairly bad eating disorder as a teen. It started about 9 years ago when I was 14 til I was about 21 and even though I eat like crazy now and deny myself nothing its something thats always inside your head that you deal with everyday.

The truth is NOBODY can help the girls with eating disorders but themselves.The skiinier everyone told me I looked the more successful I felt. My family just became a dull noise in the background. I thought everyone was just jealous because they were all fatter than me......given that I was a size 4 at 18 and I'm 5'7 I look back now and think thats hilarious.

My friends at school were amazing. The best thing they could have done and many people will disagree is NEVER comment on my weight loss, any reaction would have triggered me on (positive or negative) They were never going to give me an incentive. They made it clear without being horrible that I was head wrecking If I talked about food and would change the conversation they let me see how I was missing all the fun by constantly having to have every second controlled. They would stuff their faces and never complain about feeling too full or too fat. Eventually I think you grow up,fall in love,need energy to work or want to go out at night and have a drink without worrying about the calories in the beer and It just gets easier to not be in control but It is always going to be the person themselves who has to realise its not worth giving up so much of your life to be skinny.

I do think It is very big in all girl second level schools. It seems to spread like a trend.

brianthebard

Jules wrote: »

brianthebard, please do not start talking statistics. This is a thread about effects of eating disorders and they can range from very slight issues to much much biggers ones. I don't want numbers and such thrown into this, as qwerty2 has said, is about the emotional and physical hurt girls and women do to themselves to get the "ideal figure".

I don't understand the problem the op stated that in the first line that the conversation was about anorexia and bulemia. I was trying to provide some perspective, I don't see why numbers need to be separated from the issues you mentioned.

Silverfish

brianthebard wrote: »

I don't understand the problem the op stated that in the first line that the conversation was about anorexia and bulemia. I was trying to provide some perspective, I don't see why numbers need to be separated from the issues you mentioned.

Because the point of this thread is not to debate or disprove, its to discuss the emotional and physical effects on women. The OP feels her friends feel it's 'normal'. This is the issue, however 'statistically improbable'.

Now can we stick to the topic. Thanks.

rannerap

its something ive never had to deal with in my group of friends,or in my family,everyone in my family has a very fast metabolism and we were always encouraged to eat as much as we wanted and never to deny ourselves anything. but i have worked in places where all the girls would eat was salads etc and it was a bit scary.

Jules

brianthebard wrote: »

I don't understand the problem the op stated that in the first line that the conversation was about anorexia and bulemia. I was trying to provide some perspective, I don't see why numbers need to be separated from the issues you mentioned.

I know Silverfish has already responded to this but i wanted to add myself. The emotional side of issues with food or haivng an eating disorder is imcomperhensible to someone who has not been within it. This is NOT about numbers or statistics or reports. This is about a feeling an emotion and sharing. This is about a group of women sharing views with other women, younger women, whom i hope we might be able to help. To understand what its all about and to maybe not fall into the traps the the ones who went before did. I think the best thing you could do, brian, is bow out of this conversation, unless you have a personal point of view to add.

Tbh i think this is what the Ladies Lounge should be about.

Seren_

This was a really good idea for a thread.

Eating disorders are unbelievably common nowadays, I don't care what the statistics say.
I had periods of bulimia and anorexia when I was at school and in my first year at college, and within my closest friends, three of them have had eating disorders as well. One of them is still pretty bad with her anorexia, and it's awful. It's horrible to watch somebody you love hurt themselves, especially when they don't think they are.

I had a lot of issues with my body and weight when I was younger, and I used to visit pro-ana sites. It's crazy how easy they are to find. I got sucked into it, and I think it was the feeling of community that the sites give across, because at the time I was really depressed and felt I couldn't talk to anyone about the way I felt. The thing is though, I never really saw myself as having a problem. Like I wasn't exactly a bad case, as in I never ended up at anything approaching an extremely low weight, but then people always think that you have to weigh 6 stone to have a eating disorder. This generalisation needs to stop, it really does. Common sense kicked in a bit when I got older and I went to counselling It's always there at the back of your mind though.

Sorry if this post doesn't really make sense It's something I don't find overly easy to talk about.

IceICEbaby

Hey,
I've had what can probably be decribed as anorexic tendencies since I was about 11 years old. I'm 19 now.

Last Christmas, for example, I weighed little over 7 stone (and I'm 5'9) and I was at the point where my friends and family were constantly crying and worrying about me. It sounds selfish, but I honestly didn't care. I just did my own thing and was convinced it was best.
I ate (exactly) two cans of kidney beans (30 something cals each), a slice of brown bread and two rings of pineapple everyday. I honestly don't know how I'm still alive. Usually I wouldnt eat until about 7 at night - just so I wouldnt be kept awake with the hunger pains. I didn't have a period for 3 years.

I've since gained a bit and I'm now 8 and a half stone. I'm still underweight and I haven't had a period since August so I guess its still not ok. Honestly, the only reason why I even gained the weight was because (and I'm no doctor) I'm pretty sure I was dying or at least on my way. I couldn't even climb stairs I was so weak, I'd faint pretty regularly. Even getting up to stand upright would send me into a spin. I also had pretty serious chest pains. All of which I somehow hid from my parents (who are pretty distant at the best of times anyway).

But what's funny is that I never lost weight to get guys or anything. I just always felt that if my weight isn't where I think it should be, I've lost control. I've always been a bit of a perfectionist, I'm seriously competitive and have what is probably classed as very mild ocd.
What is even weirder was that even when I was ghostly thing, girls would still envy my size. If I looks back at pics, I feel sick. I was so skinny. But nonetheless, girls would be jealous of it. And there was a lot of guys who liked it.

Its easy for me to write about it here. I remember a while ago, one of my close friends and my sister practically cornered me and seriously questioned me about my eating habits. I found it so hard, really wanted to run away and totally denied anything was wrong. I literally bawled crying for hours...but it still didn't stop me restricting.

For the record, I don't look sickly or anything but I am pretty bony. Not as much as I used to be...I used to not be able to lie on my tummy cos my hip bones would stick out so much it'd hurt.

My whole confidence lies in being thin. I'm quite a pretty girl and I know this, but sometimes if i'm having a 'fat day', nothing else will matter and I'll feel terrible no matter what. I hate the feeling of food in my stomach. I've pretty much forgotten how to eat right.
I'm going out tonight and (like you said) I have a naggin and a diet coke. I know the naggin contains 400 cals..so I didnt have anything else today.:( But I am so used to not eating that I'm honestly not hungry right now...I guess our bodies can adapt to anything.

All I can say is that it IS mental. I was never (at least for me anyway) about the need to score guys. Idk...but I cant see my habits changing any time soon. And about helping your friends, idk, if they're anything like me, no-one will be able to make them change except themselves. Just support them and show them you'll be there no-matter what.

Anyway, sorry for the long post! xxx

iffy

Great idea for a post.

I've been struggling with bulimia for the past 4 years. It is a very debiltating disease. I think its very difficult for other people to understand, its not about the food for me its more about the control. I still don't fully understand it myself. Its a very selfish disease too and very hard on partners, family etc my mood swings are all over the place, the lies i tell to hide it. It is a very lonley place to be. my every thought is based around eating and binging.

I think the media has a huge part to play. The majority of girls those with and without eating disorders see these perfect women on the tv magazines, it seems that being happy is connected to what weight you are.

I started counselling a month ago, finding it hard to let go of MY disorder it has become a security blanket for me for so many years. I'm scared of what i'll be without it.

Dreading christmas i love my family, but i feel so guilty for what i have put them through. Broke up with my boyfriend too, my confidence has been shattered.

Sorry for the vent, great thread and hey i have made the first step, things can only get better, cant they?!

midlandsmissus

I flirted with bullimia when I was a teenager. I think for alot of people with eating disorders it's about control more than the actual way you look. I did it to have some control in my life at a time when my family situation was totally out of control. The only thing that copped me on and stopped me was d thought that my teeth could fall out from all d throwing up. I look back now and I'm disgusted that I could even have done that to myself.

midlandsmissus

Iffy, my heart goes out to ya hun. I know exactly what ya mean about control. Ya have to find out what's in your life that's making ya feel helpless, cuz that's why ur tryin to have a bit of control wit bullimia. That's d way to beat it. It can be done, I've done it. I'm so much happier now. I know you can do it.

beks101

Well done and thank you to all the ladies who have been so honest about this on this thread. I know what a massive, massive deal it is to even acknowledge that there's a problem when you have an eating disorder, as for so many of us, the secretive aspect is what keeps the cycle going.

Personally, it angers, saddens, outrages and upsets me no end how obviously prevalent this problem is - how it's now practically the norm to struggle with some sort of eating distress and put your body through the horrors, for the 'glory' of being underweight and having a visible rib cage. And for what??

I don't want to speak too much about my own experience as I'll be here all day, but I've been there - and IceIcebaby I can identify hugely with a lot of your experiences. The control, the perfectionism, the absolute fear of weight gain, the 'glorification' of your painfully low weight by other women. This for me was probably one of the most difficult aspects - feeling like death and having people tell you you look 'fantastic' and having other girls eye you up and down jealously. The strange, messed up kick and sense of superiority that gives you, even though you know that the cost is that your immune system is on the floor and your mental health is fraying at the seams.

I remember at one particularly low point for me (weight wise and in general), going for one of my 26 mile cycles, seeing a giant billboard ad with a model in a bikini, with visible ribs under her bikini top, and taking such pride and joy in the fact that 'I now look like that.' Media portrayals of 'attractive females' certainly have a lot to answer for.

The pressure is always there, and those character traits that have made you susceptible to developing an eating disorder, will always be there, but it is entirely possible to recover and let it become a part of your past.
I still get bad days and triggers every now and then, but nowadays I look back on that time I struggled and see a sad, lonely, hurting child who knew no other way of dealing with some serious issues than to act out through her eating and exercise habits. And I'm truly horrified and appalled by some of the things that I did in the name of being 'Skinny'. Never, ever again.

damselnat

Hey, I'm so glad to see this thread and see it's so much more common than most of my girlfriends will admit! I don't want to go into too much detail (be here all day!) but I struggled with eating disorders for about 5 years from when I was about 11 or 12, not eating for days, getting up at ridiculous hours of the day to exercise before school, measuring the worth of my life by the numbers on my jeans and the scales. I like to think I'm "better" now (or as better as you get), I still don't have the healthiest attitude to food, and like a previous poster said, if I'm going out drinking I won't eat, and to be honest I still live mainly on cereal and still calorie count, but I weigh a healthy weight now and I'm able to enjoy food, and all the great things that go with it, family meals, people's birthdays etc, something I never could have imagined three or four years go.

I won't ever get away from it, as I don't believe you ever do, and also because I have mother who, despite being very slim all her life, was always obsessed with her diet and her weight, still is, and I can see it rubbing off in my younger brother, who was always quite chubby as a child, but once he became a teenager he developed a keen interest in food and cooking and the weight fell off. He is very skinny, not underweight but quite skinny for a teenage boy, and when I come home I hear that so much of the conversation between him and my mother is about food, about fat and calories and what they did at the gym today. I don't think my brother has an eating disorder, and his attitude to food is much more healthy than mine or my mother's was, or ever will be, but I still try to keep an eye on him just in case. The thing that kills me is that I have to try never to get involved in their conversations or diets or anything as I know it might be a trigger for me, and I'm torn between wanting to help and never wanting to put myself through what went before, selfish as it may seem, and though I've tried saying things and having words with both they see nothing wrong with it, even after the hell I know they've been through with me, that I put them through, and my dad, much as I love him, is useless, and admits that he "just keeps out of it."

I also have a friend who is bulimic, and though I try to be sympathetic, knowing a little of what they're going through, now I find myself on the other side I feel completely lost, like I should know what to do to help, but I find myself in the position I've put others in in the past and I find myself reacting in much the same way, I just don't know what to do, even though I feel like I, of all people, should know how to help....

Anyway, sorry for the big long rambling post, didn't mean to go on so long, it's nice to get it out though, as no one I know would really "get it" if I tried to explain the situation I'm in. Thanks for this thread anyway, it's great reading other people's experiences as well

The Black Oil

Do children or teenagers get any education on their mental health/well-being whilst in school? I don't recall mental health being mentioned at all, but I finished school 8 years ago so maybe things are different. When you arrive at college it's as if they says 'oh hey, you're an adult now so we can trust you with this stuff' and there's generally a wall of leaflets on depression, sexual health, pregnancy, etc. Not in school, though, just CAO forms and prospectuses there. I suppose things are more worrying now with the bombardment of images, thinspiration, etc and all of these stuff is a lot more accessible because of the ubiquitous nature of the internet.

I do know someone with an eating disorder and it can be incredibly isolating. I can't imagine what it might be like to be in those shoes because sometimes people are just clueless or ignorant and focus on what is/is not being eaten rather than her actual feelings which are surely the main thing that underlie a lot of this stuff. It's as if they've to be hyper-vigilant and then they will end up isolating themselves because of questions, questions and more questions. It's also worth bearing in mind that people can and do die from these conditions, when I was in first year someone was supposed to have died due to complications from an eating disorder, although that rumour was about fourth hand when we heard it. I don't know if this is true for most Irish people, but I suppose a lot of the time we tend not to be honest about our feelings if we're feeling down. We don't have to all Dr. Phil about it, just more at ease in our psyche to seek support for mental health issues. Easier said than done given the stigma. Then of course there's the issue of how woefully under-resourced the area of eating disorders is which is another thread in itself.

I don't really agree with some of the points in the thread, but that's my input, anyway.

Some links people might find interesting to watch/listen, hopefully not too triggering..

http://news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_7907000/7907244.stm

http://www.tv3.ie/ireland_am.php?video=5985&locID=1.65.74

The Sweeper

I have a friend in her thirties who has been anorexic / bulimic all her life.

Her potassium levels have been so low that she's done permanent damage to her heart and is on heart medication for the rest of her life. She's around a UK size 6, and all of her teeth are capped because she vomits up everything she eats. She snacks on antacids like candy treats.

She's in cognitive behavioural therapy now as part of a new push to understand eating disorders - her doctor gave her three choices. Stay the way she is, and die; be hospitalised and sign yourself over to a treatment plan that takes away almost all of your free will; sign up for this new research project to see if medicine can get to the bottom of what's behind anorexia.

In my personal experience, anorexia and bulimia are all about control - it's really not about food at all. The problem is that some people really believe it's about not eating so you look slim and pretty. If only it were that simple.

Crumble Froo

great thread

im firmly of the belief that eating disorders should be talked about more.

a strong memory for me during my teens was the decision that was made that my siblings could not find out i had eating disorders, in case it meant my sister (or to a lesser extent, my brother) would develop one too. this meant so much lying and covering up of things, and really just enhanced the feelings of shame, inadequacy and guilt.

so yeah, i'm not far off 22 now, and have been struggling with eating disorders for the last decade, pretty much (:eek:), though between 19-20 i really thought it was just a part of my past, but the last year has proved me heart breakingly wrong on that count

in my experience, it has been less about body image, and control, and more just as a means of coping in general (i suppose the 'control' thing could be part of that label, but i wouldnt tend to associate it so much). i tend to be quite an emotional person, and have gone through a few extremely stressful sets of circumstances in my life and basically, bulimia was the way i had to cope with things that made me feel numb, if only just for a while.

my partner (male) was anoerexic for a number of years, and while 'okay' now, he still has huge issues around depression, OCD, social anxiety, agoraphobia and food. on top of that, his teeth, heart, digestive system and probably lungs (his lungs collapsed twice at the peak of his anoerexia) are all impacted now, almost 15 years later.

a friend of his (they met in hospital) and mine is anoerexic and still (15-20 years later) doesnt eat properly. he has a permanant prescription for those nutrient/calory drinks and he would really really freak out if they were suddenly taken away. he's still in counselling, and for all that the behaviours 'look' bad, i would class him as being a lot healthier, mentally and physically than my partner, who just started eating so they'd let him out of hospital.

i think what im trying to get at there is that there is a huge huge aspect of eating disorders that come from a place much much darker than just wanting to conform to a certain size. maybe that is the ultimate goal, but the reasoning and thought processes behind that is quite important and something that warrants a lot of attention, i believe.

for me, coming to terms with my eating disorders was quite a journey. aged 11-12, i genuinely didnt know i had an eating disorder. it wasn't until i was 14-15 that i realised there was something wrong, that what i was doing wasnt normal (i think a part of me knew before then, but was kept very suppressed). it was while trying to deal with it myself, that i was the most suicidal, i dont think i understood at the time that my eating habits were a method of dealing with life and that i needed to put something else in place to deal with things before i tried to just 'eat like a normal person'. 16-18 was a big struggle, but i did have professional help and it really made the difference. 19-20, i thought i'd beaten it. it wasnt a part of my life, i didnt think about (bar one or two absolute crisis moments), but i truly thought it was behind me. now almost 22... yeah, it's as much a part of my life as it always was. im struggling to try and eat 'normally' and understand why im back where i am. i think im slowly coming to terms with the fact that, as an instinct, or coping mechanism, it's always going to be a part of me, always lurking in my mind.

i dont really care all that much about how i look. im happy walking up and down the street in my wetsuit, ffs! it's really not about how i look, and it does irritate me no end when the people who assume it is about my weight go on to comment on my weight and draw my attention to it, whether ive lost weight, or put it on, people do notice, while simultaneously trying to tell me not to care what people think.

i dont know what im trying to say at this point. i think eating disorders are often simplified by the media. you cannot tell by looking at a person if s/he has an eating disorder. some people are naturally skinny, scrawny even, doesnt mean they're anoerexic. ive been virtually anoerexic for the last two months (it's amazing how much fun it can be convincing yourself that you have things 'under control' by eating the minimum to get by :rolleyes:) and you wouldnt guess it to look at me; im a healthy, active, outdoorsy, sporty person.

my heart goes out to anyone whose loved ones are going through this ****. it's heartbreaking knowing someone you love is harming themself like this, especially when they are in a place where you seem to be the enemy. i can see this one from both sides, and i have lost one close friend, and a couple of less close friends to complications that denying your body food brings about. all you can do for the person is be there. my mates never encouraged me, or discouraged me, just let me talk if i needed to talk. and for the love of god, please dont corner someone into talking about this. it's hard to explain just how personal eating disorders can be. talking about it, especially to someone interrogating you about it, it's like exposing a part of your soul, it's so... i can't explain the uncertainty and vulnerability that i used to feel when i was interrogated on the matter, but... just.. go gentle if you feel you need to bring the subject up.

eviltwin

I struggled with bulimia for years. It started when I was about 20 and I've only managed to really start to deal with it this year.

The trigger for me was my parents finding out I had been sexually assaulted as a child. My mother told me openly that she didnt believe me and that she believed I only made it up to get some attention.

I don't know what made me turn to bulimia to deal with it but it became my way of dealing with stress for the next 11 years..college exams, starting a new job, my dad dying, fights with my boyfriend, getting married...you name it if it was in anyway stressful I would binge and purge.

Sometimes it would be only the once and that was it for months..in other cases like my dad's illness and death it was as much as five times a day for weeks at a time.

It wore me out completely physically and emotionally..it made me a terrible wife ( my poor husband just didnt know what to do with me ) and probably affected how I sometimes was a mother to my daughter.

The only thing that stopped me was getting pregnant with my son...I've not gotten sick in ten months now, a personal record for me, but I still do find myself actually LONGING to do it again when I feel my stress levels rising.

The only thing that has stopped me doing it is the fact that I don't want to go back to that way of life again but I know its only a matter of time before something comes out of leftfield and blindsides me. I'm hoping the fact my daughter is 12 and pretty much picks up on everything will stop me crossing the line...I really dont want her seeing her mum like this not now not at this age.

I have never gotten help..I'm 32 and I feel I should be over this now, I should be old enough to know its not helping, I know it doesnt make the stress go away it just adds to it so why am I doing it??

Jules

Its great to see people talking about it effects them and how they deal with it in everyday.

It's a first step and every one of you should be congratulated for your honestly. Then you should take those feelings and take step number two. Tell a friend, a family member, anyone in your real life and then get them to be there with you for the rest of your journey to making yourself better.

MsHolloway

I just want to second that and congratulate everyone on their honesty here.

Whats really shocking for me is how differently I saw things when I was a teenager which was about 10 years ago now. As a teenager I felt a huge amount of pressure to look a certain way i.e thinner. When I look back at pictures of myself as a teen, there was barely a pick on me and still at the time I thought I was huge. I drowned myself out in huge jumpers, baggy pants because I was convinced I didnt look "right" (whatever right is really meant to mean)

In my teens, a close friend of mine lost way too much weight, so much so that she developed a bald patch from hair loss. Thats how little she was eating, how little nutrition she was getting! Part of the reason was that her bf wanted her to be thinner. Whats shocking to me now is that I didnt even see it as a bad thing, I actually admired her and how thin she was!

Very very shocking now altogether. Luckily we both got over that part of our lives and I like to think I have healthier approaches to food. But at the same time I still feel pressure to look "better" than what I look.

allandanyways

The stories here are incredible, and I think/hope they will help me understand my sister's situation more.

It's amazing how much something like food can impact on lives and relationships. Reading the stories here, I feel awful for the way I feel about my sister. I'm so, so, so angry at her, and I've had to take down photos of her from my room because I find it so hard to remember how good things were when she ate normally. I'm so angry at her for being, what seems to me, so selfish, she has told me several times since I told her I knew exactly what she was up to that she doesn't "give a shít about what fatty thinks" (fatty referring to me or my mother) and that she'll starve herself if she wants to, she just wants to feel her bones, and that we're all jealous. This period of honesty will last about a week and then she'll go back to saying she's "recovered" and denying anything's wrong.

I'm trying to understand her, I really am, but she won't let me and she doesn't intend to. When I posted earlier about the girl I knew in school who's more or less ruined her chances of having children because of her anorexia, I didn't mention that she was molested as a child, she constantly felt inadequate and when she did eventually get help, this was all repressed and turned out to be the source of the anorexia. With my sister, we are/were a very close family and nothing truly awful has ever happened to us (thank god) that would have the effect that the molestation had on that girl, or any kind of childhood trauma would have on anybody. We had as normal a childhood as you could get, and she wrote in her proana blog and told me that she was doing the "ana" thing because she wanted to look like Kate Moss and wanted her hip bones to stick out. That's what makes it hard for me to understand. It's not a coping mechanism, and I don't want anybody to ask "How do you know that?", because I do. We are still a close family despite everything and I know that she is not "coping" with anything.

I'm just ranting here now, but my question is, I suppose, do you think there are two types of anorexia triggers? And back to the OP, one being the effect and lure of super skinny celebrities and models in the media, and the other being (and I hate saying it like this, but hopefully you will understand what I mean) "actual" or "standard" anorexia, triggered by something deeper, something mental and psychological rather than by wanting to look like people like Kate Moss and Victoria Beckham?

Varyn

I am so thankful I've never experienced having an eating disorder or witnessed any of my friends suffering with one (touch wood, I hope I never do). Obviously I had moments when I wished I was slimmer as most girls do and I do remember once googling pro-ana because I heard about it on tv, but it just disgusted me. Of course comparisons happen amongst girls. For example a friend of mine who is naturally slim always says she wishes she had my boobs or hips, while I say I wish I could look good in that teeny figure hugging dress she's wearing! But ultimately we're happy with ourselves and I really hope it stays that way (we're all 20 now).

However something that has always stuck with me is I remember being in the Gaeltacht when I was 11, I was the youngest in the house and within a week everyone realised one of the girls (she was about 16) had bulimia. We would hear her throwing up in the bathroom after dinner etc. The oldest girl who was 17 said it was none of our business to talk to the girl but discreetly said it to the bean an ti who said it was for the parents to deal with and nothing to do with her Even though I was so young and to be honest didn't fully understand the situation, I still feel guilty, wondering whatever happened to that girl.. Having since worked as a cinire in the gaeltacht, there is no way I could have let one of my students slip away if they had a problem like that like our bean an ti did.

sunnyside

This thread is really interesting, it's not something that has personally affected me in any way so I don't have much to contribute but I have a question if that's ok.

Teenage girls where I live tend to frequent places like McDonalds/KFC/Gloria Jeans and other coffee shops. They eat popcorn at the cinema and talk about favourite flavours of Ben+Jerrys ice-cream. They appear to like food but are generally skinny. Is this some sort of cover for eating disorders?

Obviously there's no "one answer covers all" but it never occured to me before that some of these girls might have eating disorders. I would believe it though, I know loads of people who suffer from depression but it would never be visible to the world in general.

iffy

allandanyways there is no black or white way to look at why someone turns to bulimia or anorexia. I do think the media has a huge part to play, but I dont think it is as simple as wanting to copy your favourite celebrity. Eating disorders are not pretty, sticking your fingers down your throat, your eyes watering from the wrenching, abusing laxatives, starving yourself to the point of fainting, a rational person in a good state of mind would not do this. You say you come from a normal family, you were brought up the same hence you should be the same?! My brother is an investment banker, i'm a college dropout! Everyone is different, depression and other mental illnesses are associated with eating disorders this could be a reason for her doing it, not being able to control her emotions and finds that this helps in some way.

This is all speculation as i obviously dont know you or your sister but please dont get angry with her, she is not doing it to hurt YOU. Anyway your sister does need help but she wont come to you with the attitude you have towards her. Talk to your family, your gp, there are some good programs out there now for eating disorder recovery.

Good luck to you and your sister.

LivingDeadGirl

I wouldn't say I have an eating disorder, but I think I possess the kind of personality which would be more prone towards these kinds of illnesses. I'm a perfectionist who expects a lot from everyone, especially from myself. Image is very important to me and my weight is a big part of that. I used to be heavier than I am now (size 14 at my biggest I believe) and it was a long struggle to lose the weight (I did it reasonably healthily, but was pretty obsessed with the scales). It takes a very, very long time to stop thinking you're fat (not calling size 14 fat btw, I just personally felt fat at that size). I've come pretty far but still think about my body shape and size far too much. I'll never stop watching what I eat to maintain the weight loss, maybe that's why.
Just for the record, I'm 5 foot 5 and a half with a broader than average frame, size 8-10. For a long time I weighed around 9st 6lbs. In recent weeks I've dropped down to 8st 12lbs due to a break up and illness, but the weight seems to keep coming off rather than going back on. I know it doesn't sound like drastic weight loss but it's quite noticeable. I have to admit that I love seeing my bones more pronounced, I love my collar bones and seeing my ribs and the bones in my shoulders exposed. It sounds so sick but I love it. It scares me that I think it's beautiful and prefer looking like this, because I start wondering would I love being lighter even more? I wouldn't like to go back up to my normal weight, not the whole way anyway. Is this media brainwashing or is this my perfectionist personality zooming in and trying to improve myself?

Sorry for the rant, it's been on my mind.

AudreyHepburn

Firstly thank you and well done to all those who are sh 2ing their stories. i know how hard that must be to do but I think it needs to be done more often.

Thankfully I've never suffered an eating disorder nor has anyone close to me, although obviously like most young women my gal pals and I have our Im-so-fat-I-need-lose-X-amount-of-weight days.

I admit to having dieted in the past to lose weight but I was genuinely over-weight at 5ft and 9st 2lbs. I've lost just over a stone and want to lose maybe a few more pounds but I absoulty have no intention of starving myself or looking like Posh Spice!

My aunt is a Physiciatric Nurse and she works with Anorexia suffers and the stories she tells would scare you off dieting for life.

I know a lot of it is physcological but I do feel that there is a lot to be said for how celebrities and the media portray beauty and the perception they give that skeletal is the way to go.

Allandalways I think the only way to deal with some-one in the grip of an eating disorder, or addiction of any kind, is to let them know you're there for them and just let them come to you when they are ready to so. Everyone knows that the first step to sloving any problem is to admit you have one and ask for help. Your sister has to want to get better herself.

Best of luck to both of you and hang in there. Don't be angry at your sister because when she does decide to get help she'll need you on her side.

Crumble Froo

LivingDeadGirl wrote: »

I wouldn't say I have an eating disorder, but I think I possess the kind of personality which would be more prone towards these kinds of illnesses........

heh, just spent the last 10mins replying to this and then deleting my reply, but do want to quote it and say i can relate to a lot of that... just... look after yourself, and... be careful? none of that is how i want to say it, but it's the gist of what i want to say

LivingDeadGirl

Crumble Froo wrote: »

heh, just spent the last 10mins replying to this and then deleting my reply, but do want to quote it and say i can relate to a lot of that... just... look after yourself, and... be careful? none of that is how i want to say it, but it's the gist of what i want to say

Would like to have read your reply but I won't ask you to type it all out again heh. Thanks

The Black Oil

Wibbs wrote: »

I was wondering is this more an "irish" thing or say an irish/us/uk thing? The reason I say this is that I've gone out with various latins etc and while the "I need to look a certain way" is defo present, if not more so, this I suppose obsession with food in particular seemed less. I have noted if I'm with a group of Irish women, the chat turns to food much more. Not in an obvious way, but talking about nice meals and calories etc. Or is it that the foreign women hide it more? They would have been more gym obsessed though. Much more. So maybe same thing different expression

I'm not sure about it mostly being an Irish/US/UK thing. When I was in college a couple of girls in my class did a stint on Erasmus on Lithuania or Latvia (I think) and they said they were really shocked by the attitudes the local students had towards food and their bodies - that they felt under enormous pressure and they'd eat very, very little. I think we just have to remember that people can be very adept at hiding some of these behaviours and the feelings around them. Admittedly, this is just anecdotal so I don't know how true you could say it is on a wider level, but I'd imagine if you had a look around research databases you'd find some material.

Here's another clip worth looking at.

chocgirl

I don't think any of my friends have true eating disorders but maybe have disordered eating patterns which is a totally different thing. I've noticed that a lot of my friends limit what what they eat during the day or on certain days of the week and then will treat themselves in the evenings or on certain days of the week. I suppose I do this as well to. stop myself gaining weight. I also up the amount of exercise I do at times such as christmas to stop any noticeable weight gain

I think in general though society has a huge fascination with undereating as opposed to overeating which is a much bigger problem that we tend to ignore. Funny that these kind of threads always tend to focus on undereating and ignore our obese counterparts.

stripysocks85

I always think a picture like this shows the power of the mind. There was a similar one in my Home Economics book at school a few years ago.

I've got an eating disorder, in that I eat too much of it. Sometimes I hide it, or if someone leaves the room I'll scoff a chocolate bar. Sometimes I lie about food that I've eaten. I feel guilty eating it, and know that I shouldn't, but I just can't help it.

I know it sounds wrong, but sometimes I WISH I was anorexic for a while - purely for the ability to control food intake,and their desire to be thin. I know it's wrong, and I would never go down that road, I suppose I just wish I could click my fingers and I would be a reasonable size.

Even when I did lose a bit of weight before, I didn't believei t when people told me. I'm 5'2 and ideally I'd like to be a size 10/12, although I'm fearful of when I get to that size, will I be happy at that size? Will I want to be a 6/8 instead? I know for my height that I should weigh about 8 stone, but realistically I will NEVER weigh that little, and nor do I want to either.

I'm surprised at how prevalent eating disorders are, and I definitely agree with the media influences. Comments that Kate Moss made about "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" horrifies me, as she is considered to be a role model for younger girls.

qwerty2

I'd just like the reitterate the thanks to all those who have taken their time to share their own personal stories. I know it's not easy and I wish anyone suffering from an eating disorder to a speedy recovery.

The Black Oil

Just a quick FYI and maybe this is a little early, but Eating Disorders Awareness Week is February 22nd-26th.

Crumble Froo

stripysocks85 wrote: »

and this is how so many people end up with multiple eating disorders, really. i started off overeating, then bulimic, and in trying to get better, i'd really restrict my food intake, so i didnt feel full and feel like i need to throw up... which would then result in not eating until i liked the feeling of not feeling full, and feeling hungry, there was an element of power and control in there, which was quite different to the indulgence/guilt/numbness i'd associate with the bulimia. cue flicking from one to the other for years and years.

im not sure there is something for it in ireland, but i know there is an overeaters anonymous in nz where i am, which offers telephone nad in-person counselling to help deal with issues around overeating etc.


best of luck whatever you do, chick.

mahamageehad

Hi guys I just want to add a little something to this thread that has been kinda touched upon but not really discussed.

Before I start I'd just like to say that I don't have an eating disorder and have never had one. I'd like to loose a little weight at the mo but I'm a bit lazy for now, til i go back to college.

I went to an all girls school in primary and secondary school. I'm currently in 2nd year college. Growing up I never encountered anyone with an eating disorder. Sure, sometimes a group of us would make a pact to give up the sweets and go to the gym but we'd usually get bored or give up after a week.

In the last year, however, 3 girls I know have been hospitalised with anorexia. They range from 18 to 24. I had always believed before this that an eating disorder happened in the delicate adolescent growing up stage.But in my experience it seems to be mainly affecting young adults. Now I know that this is only my experience and may not be a trend over the country but i found it very shocking.

These girls have severe mental issues. 1 felt she needed to take back control after her parents divorce. Another found it hard to cope as she's the youngest, her family are all away at college or work and her mam passed on. The other girl has bounced between being over weight and under weight in very short periods of time. The attitude towards these very sick girls was "sher just eat something, make her eat something", and even "she's only doing it for attention, its not harmful.."....until she's hospitilised!

Sorry for the long post it's just something i'm coming to terms with recently

nicegirl

I went through a phase in final year in college where for 6 or 7 weeks, I had a severly bad appetite. I remember one week, (the week before my finals) on the Sunday, I managed to eat a piece of bread, and on the Wednesday, had another piece of bread. I was drinking water, but whether it was water of the pieces of bread I ate, it was all coming up again. I lost alot of weight, and was skin and bones! My clothes didn't fit me! I am 9 stone, but back then I went down to 7 stone! It was a horrible time. To this day, I do not eat very much, my appetite is still pretty poor, and can only manage to eat once a day! I know that sounds bad, but I genuinely do not be hungry

Konata

Crumble Froo wrote: »

and this is how so many people end up with multiple eating disorders, really. i started off overeating, then bulimic, and in trying to get better, i'd really restrict my food intake, so i didnt feel full and feel like i need to throw up... which would then result in not eating until i liked the feeling of not feeling full, and feeling hungry, there was an element of power and control in there, which was quite different to the indulgence/guilt/numbness i'd associate with the bulimia. cue flicking from one to the other for years and years.

This is exactly what happened to me. At 16 years old I was diagnosed with anorexia. I had been a normal sized kid up to when I was about 10 when I began to get bigger. I'd always wanted to lose weight, always hated the way I looked. Eventually I managed to do it but it just spiralled completely out of control. It ruined my life at the time, my thoughts were filled with food and exercise 24/7 and I withdrew from all my peers and normal teenage activities. By the time I was 18, I thought I had made a pretty much full recovery. I was at a normal weight (although just barely) and ate enough but only the bare minimum. I was still very concious of what I ate - I kept up my willpower and resisted almost all sweet/sugary/fatty foods. I used to get very anxious if I didn't fit in my exercise for the day. I was better definitely but in hindsight I was far from normal.

I understand now that I never really learned how to deal with the feelings that mad me anorexic in the first place. I never learned the coping stragies or how to survive in a normal way basically. I was wracked with guilt about everything that I did in my life, and with a deep feeling of self-hatred.

Eventually, as things in my life got more complicated and I still couldn't deal with any of my feelings, I began to eat. And eat. And eat. Something inside me snapped and suddenly I was wolfing down every 'forbidden' food - stuff I hadn't touched in years. This binging and overeating has been going on for a year now and obviously, I put on alot of weight as a result. But my image of myself was still in self-hatred, anorexic mode and I thought I was disgusting. Even at a normal healthy weight I thought I was huge. But it coudn't stop me eating. Food was my only comfort until eventually everything in my life fell apart for the second time.

I'm now getting alot of help and treatment and getting my eating under control. It's ironic but when I was binging I longed for the days when I was anorexic, when I had will-power and control, even though I knew anorexia had ruined everything at the time. Most importantly, I'm learning to deal with the feelings and perceptions that caused me to turn to either eating disorder.


Amongst my friends I know very few who have had eating problems like me. The majority - on the outside at least - eat normally and have a fairly healthy attidtude to food. I knew of girls in secondary school who had easting disorders but they were few and far between. However, what was abundant was poor body image. Everyone wanted to be thin, so there was always a basis for eating disorders to develop in the future.

berri_satine

Im so glad this thread was started!

I was always bullied as a child about my weight and It really affected the way I saw myself. When I was in third year I started throwing up and eating very little. Teachers in school noticed and so did my friends. They told my parents who were just so upset. But to tell you the truth, the fact that they noticed me losing weight spured me on. It gave me a huge feeling of satisfaction. I used to weigh myselg every day at my friends house because mum wouldnt allow a weighing scales.

This continued on till about 5th year, not the throwing up or anything, but I kept my weight down and was very concious of what I ate. However, in the last few years (Im 20), the weight has creeped back on and Im now overweight. Not just saying that, I actually am, my bmi says so, although not by much. In the last year or so its really been getting me down especially when I see my friends swapping clothes with eachother, when I cant because Im bigger then them. All the control I had a few years back is gone, and I do wish I could get it back.

I know my mentality is not healthy and I shouldnt be thinking this way. But I think about food constantly and about what I eat. I always feel disgusted with myself. I hate eating at home becuase I feel like a pig. I know my mum thinks I should lose some weight. The worst thing is that one of my close friends is a size 8/10 and hardly ever eats, saying shes fat etc. It really hurts because I know Im bigger then her, so what must she think of me??

Ugh sorry everyone this is just on my mind alot lately