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What Tiger should have done

  • 16-12-2009 9:41pm
    #1
    Mint Sauce
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,293 ✭✭✭✭


    Jack wakes up with a killer hangover after attending his firm's Christmas Party.He doesn't even remember how he got home. It's 8.30. What day is it? Thursday. His wife must have gone to work. As he struggles into consciousness through the fog of a pounding headache, his stomach plummets as he wonders what the hell he did last night.

    He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a little vase of sweet peas, freshly picked from the garden. He sits up. The bedroom is clean and tidy, - there is no trail of drunkenly abandoned clothes, fresh air is coming in through the window and all is serene. He stumbles to the bathroom, also pristine, and, squinting gingerly into the mirror, sees that he has a black eye. This is not a good sign, but no memories are returning.

    As he concentrates hard on getting the world into focus, he sees a post-it note stuck on the corner of the mirror. It is written in red, with little hearts on it and a kiss from his wife. 'I'll ring your office and tell them you won't be in today. Breakfast is in the oven. Try to eat something and go back to bed for the morning. There's snooker on TV this afternoon. Take it easy today; hope your eye doesn't hurt too much. See you tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian. x ' He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the newspaper. His teenaged son is sitting at the table, eating. Jack, bracing himself, asks his son what happened the previous night.

    'Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. 'Confused, he asks his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order, aspirins by the bed, a nice note from Mum and breakfast waiting for me?'

    His son replies, 'Oh THAT!... Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone you slapper, I'm happily married!!'


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