Put your foot in it

mfceiling

The missus has a mate living in artane.
The other night she was having a coffee in her kitchen with her sister when her sister pipes up with "that girl in the house behind you is walking about totally naked with the curtains wide open" - apparently she was a cracker of a brazilian au pair who had moved in with the neighbours.
His missus goes into the living room to the husband and relays the info to him.
Yer man never lifts his eyes of the tele and replys " sure she's been doing that the last 2 weeks!!"
He gradually went bright red as he realised his sister in law was standing there giving him daggers!! Quality.

Have you ever opened your mouth and uttered something then realised "shít, that should have been on inner monologue"??

brummytom

To my auntie

"Ugh, I'd rather kill mys..."
/deadly silence

A month after her brother hung himself.


I do it all the time actually, normally about people who've died. Not good

mfceiling

brummytom wrote: »

To my auntie

"Ugh, I'd rather kill mys..."
/deadly silence

A month after her brother hung himself.


I do it all the time actually, normally about people who've died. Not good

Remember when my cousin hung himself a few years back and i stroll into my aunt's house for the wake...met my cousin (deceased's sister) and caught for words says "so how's things with you"?. Could have punched myself in the face for my tactless intro!!:o

admiralofthefleet

i was selling numbered balls in work for a cancer charity. i only had a couple left so i asked one of the more tightfisted customers if he wanted one.
he said no and i said 'come on frank its for a cancer charity'

he tore into me telling me that he cant 'get giggy' with his mot because he only has one bollock after losing one to cancer but i replied 'all i wanted was for you to buy one ball' before realising what i said. i dont know how i held in the laughing but he didnt catch it because he had a few on him, thank god:o

Arcade Panda

When I was younger I used to work in a horseriding place...I worked with a girl called Sarah who was forever fighting with her mother and then repeating what was said back to me.

One day I asked "So you never fight with your father?"

Turns out he had died of cancer two years previoulsy....I caught her in the bathroom crying about an hour later:(

To this day I never ask about people's parents...lesson learnt.

Gummy Panda

I wanna see the naked brazilian au pair

Fear Uladh

mfceiling wrote: »

The missus has a mate living in artane.
The other night she was having a coffee in her kitchen with her sister when her sister pipes up with "that girl in the house behind you is walking about totally naked with the curtains wide open" - apparently she was a cracker of a brazilian au pair who had moved in with the neighbours.
His missus goes into the living room to the husband and relays the info to him.
Yer man never lifts his eyes of the tele and replys " sure she's been doing that the last 2 weeks!!"
He gradually went bright red as he realised his sister in law was standing there giving him daggers!! Quality.

Have you ever opened your mouth and uttered something then realised "shít, that should have been on inner monologue"??

*Grabs binoculars*

Were does she live?

admiralofthefleet

mfceiling wrote: »

Remember when my cousin hung himself a few years back and i stroll into my aunt's house for the wake...met my cousin (deceased's sister) and caught for words says "so how's things with you"?. Could have punched myself in the face for my tactless intro!!:o

just as well you didnt say 'howz it hanging'

Riddle101

I got lucky for this but. A guy from my old school's brother died after he was doing work on the school roof. He slipped and fell from it and died. I had no idea that a)Someone actually died, and b)that the guys brother was in my class. Lucky enough the guy wasn't there to hear it. But I said something(can't remember what it was now), and the whole class looked at me with angry expressions before someone said that's no funny. I realised what happened and of course felt bad for saying what I said.

brummytom

Oh not me, but I've never felt more embarrassed on someone's behalf.

A 'mate' of mine was having a laugh with a girl, then kept saying "Ya Mom, Ya Mom, Ya Mom" in a jokey way over and over.
After he'd said it about the 5th time, he realised what he'd actually said. The girl's mom died last year from leaukaemia.

The lad looked like he was going to cry, he felt so bad. The girl wasn't arsed

_Roz_

I put my foot in it regularly over small things. I know I've done it too with serious things, but I seem to have repressed the memories...

Atavan-Halen

My auntie was shopping in a shop and they were doing a charity thing where you could donate a euro.

Staff: Would you like to donate a euro to charity?
Auntie: What charity is it?
Staff: Children with autism
Auntie: Oh, no thank you

She only realised afterwards that it sounded really mean. She shouldn't have asked what charity it was :P

Novella

A while back in work, a man, in his forties I'm guessing, asked me would I ring another store to check if they had a pair of jeans in a particular size for the girl he was with.

I said it was no problem, went away, made the phone call.

I constantly forget what the customers I am dealing with look like so I walked up to a man and instead of talking about the jeans, as I wasn't sure it was the right man, I said, "Sorry, was I ringing about jeans for your daughter?".

He didn't say anything to me but a while later, I saw him and the girl, aged in her teens, kissing. Guess it wasn't his daughter afterall!!! Everyone thought it was hilarious and now I never know what to say to customers!

Four-Percent

Pulling a blind woman around during the Torchlight procession in Lourdes:



"Isn't that lovely Mary, would you look at that?"

_Roz_

Is it wrong that I'm laughing hysterically at most of these?

brummytom

_Roz_ wrote: »

Is it wrong that I'm laughing hysterically at most of these?

I thought the same

I must have a really evil sense of humour but these are hilarious

Aodan83

Do it fairly often myself as well.
Once in school one of the lads royally put his foot in it though. One of our teachers' wife died a few weeks previously (long term illness I think) and the teacher was singing along to some song, takin the piss out of one the lads. My mate,completely innocently, looks up and says " Do you serenade your wife like that sir?" and goes back to his work. Cue me and everyone who heard it just starin at him. He apologised, but the teacher said he didnt hear what he said, so twas all good. It's funny now, but we all felt so bad at the time.

PirateShampoo

Got caught drunk driving in Crete on a moped (pretty funny at the time), when i came home i told the tale of my adventure to the lads on the job only to be reminded afterwards that a guy who we work with(who was listening) 2 young children had been maimed for life a few months earlier by a drunk driver in the same resort in Crete.

sillyputty

My cousin recently had his foot amputated due to diabetes complications, being the thoughtful relative that i am i got him a get well soon card. Gave him the card expecting a thank you or similar. Instead he just looked at me and laughed - on the inside of the card it said "Hope youre back on youre FEET soon"

Varyn

My aunt died from cancer 3 years ago and the funeral was on christmas eve..she was quite young and also had a young son so needless to say it was a very sombre affair. When I was leaving I was saying goodbye to everyone and I gave my other aunt (her sister) a hug and said "hope you have a good christmas" WTF :eek: I still get embarrassed thinking about it

Big Nasty

If anyone knows the village of Stepaside they're used to be two pubs either side of the road: the very busy Step Inn with a small car park and the very quiet Mountain View House with quite a large car park. It was a regular occurance for customers of the former popular pub to park in the car park of the latter, more quiet pub, especially during Sunday lunch. On one such Sunday afternoon I did just that and as I was about to cross the road an old man wearing a cap tugs out of my arm and asks me 'are you going across the road son?'. Thinking the poor owl divil's sight was impaired I proceeded to help him across the road when he shouts at me, 'I'm not ****in' blind son, I'm the car park attendant!'

Fukuyama

Not me, but to a friend from school. I was like 14 at the time.

I'm bored, sitting at home so I decide to give him a buzz to see if he fancies a game of football or something. I get about four rings in and he cuts me off.

Next day in school he came up to ma and told me what had happened.

He had gone to a funeral (friend of his moms) and they were all standing around the coffin as you do. He's a fan of 80s songs n such so when I rang him "Ah AH ah Ah, Stayin' alive, stayin' alive' blares out of his phone. He's desparatly looking for it in his jacket pockets as the women shoot disgusted stares at him and a few of the men hold back the laughs.

Classic!

Bob_Harris

I let slip to a kid suffering from cerebral palsy that there was no Santy.

Poor kids last few Christmases were not what they should have been.

mud

I was chatting to a friend whose da had just had his leg amputated and due to a stroke would be in a wheelchair forever,

Fairly heavy stuff right? So I tried to cheer her up with a joke,

Had gone to the point of no return when I realised what the **** I was doing!

Telling the Christopher Reeves joke?

As in what's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken :pac:

There was an awful silence as I tried to stop my heart beating; death was preferable to her look of disgust :eek:

JCDUB

I've been driving around Artane for the last hour and a half hanging out me car window with a pair of binoculars.

Still no Brazilian au pair:mad:

Tommy_NDX

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

i was selling numbered balls in work for a cancer charity. i only had a couple left so i asked one of the more tightfisted customers if he wanted one.
he said no and i said 'come on frank its for a cancer charity'

he tore into me telling me that he cant 'get giggy' with his mot because he only has one bollock after losing one to cancer but i replied 'all i wanted was for you to buy one ball' before realising what i said. i dont know how i held in the laughing but he didnt catch it because he had a few on him, thank god:o

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

just as well you didnt say 'howz it hanging'

Could say the same for you.

The Express

Calling the teacher 'mam' was always a great one!

_Roz_

I called my Art teacher mum once. And my employer, another time.

cloneslad

A former shop owner in my town lost his testicles in a bomb in the 70s.

Anyway, my mate worked with the local milkman and hadtold him a joke in the van while doing deliveries to the houses. The milkman thought it was hilarious and went into the shop where he saw the owner and said to him, and I quote "come here till I tell you a joke...it'll blow the balls of you" :eek:

This is the same guy who, when it was snowing, took a big run up to kick a football covered in snow in one of my friends gardens, turned out the football was actually a concrete ball and he broke his foot in bits!!

brendansmith

Woke up this morning put on one shoe and said to the OH wheres my other shoe?
Says she "Over there!"
So I pit my foot in it.

Boy was my face red :mad:

cloneslad

brendansmith wrote: »

Woke up this morning put on one shoe and said to the OH wheres my other shoe?
Says she "Over there!"
So I pit my foot in it.

Boy was my face red :mad:

I would be too if I PIT my foot in it

Agent Smith

brendansmith wrote: »

Woke up this morning put on one shoe and said to the OH wheres my other shoe?
Says she "Over there!"
So I pit my foot in it.

Boy was my face red :mad:

/me watches tumble weed roll past

kumate_champ07

I was at a party and sat down at the kitchen table with some lads, was fairly hammered. I asked a mate where another mate was and he said he wasnt sure, so I said "he's prob upstairs ridin da hole of his girlfriend". I didnt realise her brother was right beside me, had never met him before, that was awkward

kumate_champ07

I was with some friends in a car going to a nightclub in naas. I had tried to get it one time and the bouncers stopped me. as we approached I made a 'joke' that I should pretend to be retarded.., actually the joke was pretty retarded, anyway nobody laughed and then my mate a few mins later says his girlfriend who was with us has a sister with downs syndrome. felt like an ass.

simonw

not really so much funny as it was horrifically awkward...

In an old job, a few days after the christmas party, and I was in the locker room talking to a mate who hadn't been in work since then. Another lad who was a bit of a knob had got absolutely ****faced and couldn't remember anything after a certain point in the night. One of his mates told him the next day that he'd scored another guy from work, who was a very effeminate, shy, gay guy. and who was ever so quiet...
so anyway, I'm relaying this story about how the drunk guy was now more or less convinced he'd kissed the gay dude, and how he was pretty homophobic, and his reactions at being told were priceless. The guy i was telling the story to started acting strange, and i continued for probably 15-20 seconds before turning around and realising that the gay guy had walked in at some point was getting changed a few feet behind me... now that was fun to explain to him...

starbelgrade

I was left with the babysitting duties of my nephew & niece during the funeral of their granny a while back.

The youngest (5), kept asking me to tell her jokes & laughed at every one that I made up (none of which made much sense, or were even funny). Jokes like - "why did the monster have 3 ears? Because he was eeeeeeeerie".

Stupid, but you gotta remember the audience. Then I kinda killed the fun with this one.. "why didn't the chicken cross the road?.. coz he got hit by a car on the way over".

Her granny was killed crossing a road. My niece looked at me with a very confused & sad face. I felt soooo bad.

brendansmith

Agent Smith wrote: »

/me watches tumble weed roll past

Good one!

liamygunner29

My ma said to her friend(whos husband had shot himself a few years back) about sum incident where she had previously put her foot in it "I felt like shooting myelf"

My Da an Arsenal fan met a lad that delivered to his work and who he had the football banter with every Saturday and this Saturday United had one the league. This unfortunate cnut had a head that wouldn't stay up straight and was always hanging to the side. Some neck problem. Anyway he says something smart to me Da bout United been great and my Da in one of the most horrific moments I've witnessed, slow-motion and with devilish purpose said "you have some neck walking in here and saying that". Your man was proper hurt. His rarely funny and he had no idea how bad it was.

Lastly and most impressivley and my greatest story of all. I was working in a chip van at Glastonbury earlier this year. Harry Enfield came and orderd some burgers for him and these 2 kids. He asks me did I see anyone good I said "I was working and only saw Lilly Allen and Bruce Springsteen so far, Lilly Allen is ****e but pretty hot so was ok". At this my collegues(who were watchin the transaction) all went quite and Harry Enfield went quite and the kids went nuts.

I was latter informed that Harry Enfield was Lilly Allens step dad and also that the 2 kids were her step brother and sister (or something to that effect). Harry Enfield is the biggest ledge ever dough cuz I think he knew I had no idea and he was was loving it. He gave me a 17 pound tip!!!!!

kumate_champ07

liamygunner29 wrote: »

Harry Enfield came and orderd some burgers for him and these 2 kids. He asks me did I see anyone good I said "I was working and only saw Lilly Allen and Bruce Springsteen so far, Lilly Allen is ****e but pretty hot so was ok". At this my collegues(who were watchin the transaction) all went quite and Harry Enfield went quite and the kids went nuts.

I was latter informed that Harry Enfield was Lilly Allens step dad and also that the 2 kids were her step brother and sister (or something to that effect). Harry Enfield is the biggest ledge ever dough cuz I think he knew I had no idea and he was was loving it. He gave me a 17 pound tip!!!!!

awesome!

DO'Carlo/Wex

Told a joke in my work canteen one morning before we all started about a missing person.
It could've been ANY missing person but like a klutz, the one I mentioned just HAD unbeknownst to me to be related (1st-Cousin) to a member of staff who was sitting in front of me.
Had the joke told & it went down like a lead-balloon. Seemed like I was only one NOT to know.
Was subtly informed after why it eh, didn't work & aplogised & kept distance.

Another time, I was walking up the stairs & an unreal looking bird with cleavage that she didn't mind displaying & a backside you could fry an egg on (that's a good thing right?) was walking up ahead of me.
A fellow male colleague was walking alongside me & I say "Ain't God good to us all the same creating the female form like that?".
He then interjects that he's her' UNCLE!
I near enough fell backwards & then remembered that this was this guys 2d Time Around in my workplace & that he'd told me this that time a few years' previous so I'd really no excuse bar a bad memory!

artanevilla

mfceiling wrote: »

The missus has a mate living in artane.
The other night she was having a coffee in her kitchen with her sister when her sister pipes up with "that girl in the house behind you is walking about totally naked with the curtains wide open" - apparently she was a cracker of a brazilian au pair who had moved in with the neighbours.
His missus goes into the living room to the husband and relays the info to him.
Yer man never lifts his eyes of the tele and replys " sure she's been doing that the last 2 weeks!!"
He gradually went bright red as he realised his sister in law was standing there giving him daggers!! Quality.

Have you ever opened your mouth and uttered something then realised "shít, that should have been on inner monologue"??

Holy **** where!?

seanybiker

was talking to the barman in me local a few months back. Turns out I knew his wife to see from years ago. Me being nice asked him how she was keeping. Turns out she died 2 years ago.

congo_90

To a barman I worked with.
That blonde is f*cking hot! I'd well bend her over!

His reply:

Thats my sister :eek:

Callin a teacher mam before.

when i stand in dog sh*t.. yea thats puttn your foot in it.

Tilt Gone

Proceeding to tell a few of my mates in the pub all the evil perverted things I would do to this hot girl at the end of the bar. Couldn't figure out why everyone was laughing until one of the guys perks up and says " That's my baby sister dude".

Scarlet I was!!

sam34

i remember reading a similar thread here in ah a few years back, and a guy posted how he had accidentally opened an umbrella very near a work colleagues face (outdoors, though) and apologised saying "oh sorry, i nearly took your eye out".... turned out your man had a glass eye!

Abi

I have put my foot in it a couple of times. I'll have to think of an example, but I'm always at it. That said, I'm a bit of a waffler and know how to dig my way out of it convincingly :pac:

Canard

I did it myself once sort of. I kept slipping out 'my parents' when my mam died a while ago..>.<

Also, one of my friends' dad is dead. I know this guy who did his leaving last year..I swear, he looks about 40, no joke. They were hanging out and one guy asked him (in front of BOTH of them) 'haha is that your dad?' 'my dad is dead'
It was sorta hard not to laugh at how he noticed how old the guy looked, but the joke really wasnt funny.

I cant think of anything else atm but I remember I would ALWAYS put my foot it in when I was younger.
(Also, I was lol'ing at this whole thread :'D)

GavRedKing

Had a very bad one a few years back in college. There was about 10-15 people at my buddies college house and I must of known at least half of them.

About an hour before we were going to hit town and a few drinks into the night, a Britney Spears song came on and the topic of her kids was brought up and I piped up stating I dont think I could raise somebody elses kids because I couldnt treat them as my own and I couldnt trust them to which one of the girls I dont know said she felt closer to her step father as he was in her life since she could rememebr and thought of him as her father.

I only wish I had been to drunk to forget it and claim it didnt happen.