Take him back?

LegacyUser

Basically boyfriend was going away for a lads holiday, decided to go on a break before he left for various reasons. I think we both needed time and space to take a breather and think about things, though the timing left a lot to be desired! I pretty much thought about him every minute of every day while he was away, didn't do as everyone suggested and go out and meet other guys (actually turned down someone who I'd liked for a very long time as I didn't feel it was fair as I wasn't emotionally stable). Upon him returning home, I've found out that he did indeed have sex while on holidays. We chat on the phone, text etc as we always vowed to be good friends, and it's not awkward at all! Now I still care deeply about him.. Would probably go as far as to say that I still love him and I know that he has feelings for me as well. Me question is should I follow my heart and get back together with him? Or follow my head and cut all emotional ties?

extrinzic

Don't go back with him. While you were sitting at home, he was off sleeping with other people. Seriously.. at least wait a year or something, you need distance to think about this really seriously.

davyjose

It's called a break cos it's broken, OP. I wouldn't necessarily criticise the guy, but I would say that there was a reason he was off shagging other girls and not you. You might not like that, but have a long think about it before getting back with him.

Phlann

Isn't it a tad coincidental that this break happened just before he went on this lads holiday?

Was it his idea?

LegacyUser

It was his final say, however it was first suggested/insinuated by me! To be perfectly honest if I were him, I would have done the exact same things (down to the details of the situation which I won't go into!) And I'm not mad at him at all (other details etc) however I'm scared if we get back together he'll always think that him going away and sleeping with other people was acceptable? I'm only accepting it for a few personal reasons (sorry for being so vague!) I know there's still something there on both of our parts and for some reason I really think that we could be as strong as we used to be (neither of us are people who hold grudges, tend to take things as they come). It's just the logistics of the situation I can't get my head round. On paper I know it's wrong to even consider going back to him, but because of the circumstances in which it occured I'm thinking it would be alright?!

CDfm

OP if you like him as much as you say then you should tell him. There is nothing to forgive as no-one has done anything wrong.

Ultimately. he has a say in whether he wants you back.

So discuss it with him. Breaking contact is something you do if you are not comfortable with him dating or you dating other people.

MissMotivated

Hi OP
I'm pretty sure I read your other post on this.
Look whatever the reasons for ye're break up, if he cared about you that much he would not have gone off and slept with someone else on holidays just after ye decided to take a break, a break that by the way I think he only wanted so he could be single on holidays to do as he pleased. Seriously be honest with yourself here, you deserve better. I wouldn't dream of stayin good friends with someone who slept with someone else the minute we broke up. I think breaks are a load of sh*te too. And on the cutting ties thing in my personal opinion I don't think exes should ever stay in touch and I think the only reason they do is if they hope to get back together, that's just my opinion.
Don't let him think he can drop you and pick you up again whenever it suits him, have some respect for yourself pet because he clearly doesn't.

Barracudaincork

Confused44 wrote: »

however I'm scared if we get back together he'll always think that him going away and sleeping with other people was acceptable? I'm only accepting it for a few personal reasons

It is my understanding you had broken up and therefore both of you are free to sleep with whom they like, or have i missed something? IMO he has done no wrong, he has not cheated.

However, he has done damage to you emotionally (regardless if he knew he would or not) , as you are hurting he could jump into bed with someone so quickly after you. You are entitled to feel hurt, however you are not entitled to feel cheated etc as you were on a break.

LegacyUser

girl i dont know what you are not seeing here, ye had a beak before he went on a shagging spree on holidays while your sitting at home thinking he loves you and would never hurt you. Take him back and guess what? he is going ot do it again, he wanted to get his end away with other people and i didnt hear you say he felt like crap about it or was begging for fogiveness and begging to come back. Never im a million years would i be as desperate as i would go back to the likes of that. Life is too short

CDfm

I am with MissMotivated here. But the break up was initiated by the OP.

While I dont feel strongly either way -I do think OP you need to chat to him about the future as you seem to have changed your mind.

LegacyUser

OP, I remember your original post on this and the overwhelming response was to move on. Doesnt matter who instigated it but he ended it so he could get his end off while away with his mates...

Why would you take him back??? You are disposable and dispensable to him. If he was mad about you he would not have 'freed' you for 5 minutes nevermind weeks. You deserve someone who doesnt want to let you go.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the support guys. I know in my heart and head the right thing to do, as you all seem to say, is to move on! It's really helped hearing it from people outside of our social circles/friends (they're pretty similar!). Btw for all the replies saying he has done no wrong/cheated as we were on a break I completely understand and agree with this. It's just how its emotionally affected me that's all! Thanks again