Alcohol and your kids

SLUSK

I was just wondering, did any of you ever give alcohol to your kids before they were 18? In this case, why did you do it?

Would you ever get drunk in front of your kids? In this case, why?

Nevyn

How about telling us what your motivation is for this thread?
An particular reason you are quizzing the parents who post here on this?

Cabaal

I grew up in a pub/shop
1 I never saw my parents drink and/or drunk and wouldn't want to
2. My parents never offered me drink until after they retired from the business at which point I was well past 18

Mr Benevolent

As an aside, the legal age to consume (not buy) alcohol in private is 14.

Rabies

Thaedydal wrote: »

How about telling us what your motivation is for this thread?
An particular reason you are quizzing the parents who post here on this?

But strong off the mark, no? Not like its a new poster.


Anyway.

Growing up, my parents were never drunk in front of me. We had alcohol in the house, but never consumed on a regular basis. Only events like christmas or funerals etc.
I was allowed (and my brothers/sisters) a glass of wine or beer at events like previously mentioned. But no more. We were all allowed to go to the pub/club from the age of 16/17 as long as my parents knew, but if we didn't get in, then we'd go home. Same for some of my mates, That way none of us went knacker drinking.

Joey the lips

SLUSK wrote: »

I was just wondering, did any of you ever give alcohol to your kids before they were 18? In this case, why did you do it?

Would you ever get drunk in front of your kids? In this case, why?

No to alchol before at least 17/18 and yes! Generally at weddings and christenings I drink in front of my kids. At home I drink and they are in bed before I am drunk. I do not get drunk but more tipsy or do i get plattic as I generally fall asleep. My kids are hard work and I usually get up with them. On a more serious note. I am often afraid of having to rush to the hospital so would never get drunk drunk.

As asked and now that I have answered, why do you want to know.... Or is this an issue that should be in humanaties or ranting and raving....?

maryjane007

for halloween, christmas & new year id buy a bottle of bucks fizz or west coast cooler just for my daughter, she has one glass. she is 15. i know she doesnt drink anyhere else and she is happy with the fact that she can have a drink on special occasions. although halloween isnt a special occasion a lot of local teens would drink (and get very drunk) and shes happy enough just drinking her one glass.

the rason i do this is because i would rather she not drink on the street and this may sound crazy but i want her to build up a tolerance for want of a better word. i hate the thoughts of her reaching the age where she can legally drink and going out and having a few and not knowing her limits.

tomcollins97

SLUSK wrote: »

I was just wondering, did any of you ever give alcohol to your kids before they were 18? In this case, why did you do it?

Would you ever get drunk in front of your kids? In this case, why?

I was given drink if I wanted it before I was 18 - sometimes I took it, more often not. this did not do me any harm or make me drink more with my mates 'knacker drinking'. Quite the opposite. Alcohol was no big deal – I couldn’t see the point to be honest. I drink now, probably heavily if I listen to Drink Aware! But in reality, I don’t drink Sunday – Thursday, apart from special occasions, and I really don’t care what I consume on Friday/Saturday. Some weekends a lot, some feck all. It is not an issue. I can take it or leave it but if I decide on a night out to have 6+ pints I don’t blame my parents for giving me booze when I was younger!

Yes – they would get tipsy in front of me, but not raging drunk. In the context of your question, how would you define drunk? This word means many different things to many different people.

As an aside, if you are wondering what to do with your own kids re alcohol here are my thoughts:
Growing up my parents would always say that they never missed a days work through alcohol, that a hangover is not a valid excuse to renege on your responsibilities. I suppose a bit like the ‘don’t drink and drive’ message from the government they said this often enough that the message got through and somewhere deep in my sub-conscious I detest the thought of missing college/work because of a hangover. This is turn guides my drinking. If I can I will drink, if I have things to do I won’t. Therefore drinking stays sociable and doesn’t affect my ‘performance’ in life.

When I was in my late teens and in college I was never ‘allowed’ to lie in bed half of the day. Mid-day/1pm was reasonable. Thus, I knew that if I had a heavy night I would pay the next day when I was dragged out of bed to do whatever work around the house was demanded! Kids these days have it too easy in my opinion – who would drink ridiculous amounts if they though that they would be hovering a hall, stairs and landing at lunch time the next day??

Khannie

Rabies wrote: »

Not like its a new poster.

I think that's the point exactly.

Ickle Magoo

My kids have barely started school so we haven't introduced them to the joys of alcohol yet. I'll probably do the same as my parents and introduce diluted wine or champagne with restaurant meals and at special occasions from 12-13 or so onwards. Depends on how mature I think the kids are as well and if they show no inclination to try it, we won't be pushing it but I certainly favour the Mediterranean style of alcohol introduction/consumption to the alcohol is evil/drink to get drunk that seems to be prevalent here & in the UK.

Joey the lips

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

My kids have barely started school so we haven't introduced them to the joys of alcohol yet. I'll probably do the same as my parents and introduce diluted wine or champagne with restaurant meals and at special occasions from 12-13 or so onwards. Depends on how mature I think the kids are as well and if they show no inclination to try it, we won't be pushing it but I certainly favour the Mediterranean style of alcohol introduction/consumption to the alcohol is evil/drink to get drunk that seems to be prevalent here & in the UK.

I never thought of that aspect.That is interesting.... Every parent techanically who gives there child a taste of the froth is actually giving them alcohol. So really you introduce your child to it from prob 7 onwards when they get curious. The question is when is a responsable age to let them tray a "Drink" I would agree on the tolerence thing that early would build a tolerence but still think 17/18 as i orig said.

After all although not the same dangers why not introduce smoking to them early so they build a tolerence.... Because we accept the health aspects of smoking but we dont with bear... perhaps?

I would also think it interesting that although stats seem to indicate that a high proportion of working class drink. The same stats also indicate that per head the highest proportion of alchoholics is in the rich and young class.... Is there a correlation between how we treat drink around kids and the effects it has on them? Or is it as it seems.... Having drink ready available in a house is the dangerous aspect....?

stovelid

Not sure really.

I think when the age comes, judging by own teens, that my boy could be tempted to start drinking outside the house, I'll let him have (a controlled/limited one) with us in the house/in a restaurant.

Khannie

I would drink in front of my kids but never approach getting drunk. Mostly I don't really get drunk anyway. The youngfella is showing an interest in tasting stuff now at 12. I'd let him have a sip so he knows what something tastes like but that would be it. In terms of openly drinking a few pints / cans / glasses of wine in front of me; I'd say 17. I'd prefer the Mediterranean style of dealing with drink too.

He's making his confirmation this year and I put to my wife (and got agreement) that he shouldn't take the pledge. I want him to be able to taste wines, see the differences between them, how different wines go with different meals etc. without it being all "omg, you broke your pledge!!!".

Rabies

Should the pledge not be his choicem once he fully understands what he is doing.
I knew one or two kids in school that held to it until the age of 18.
Not doubting the way you're doing things.. just wondering thats all

Def agree with the Mediterranean style introduction of alcohol. More sensible approach. If its hidden away, then it leads to more curiosity and possibly a higher chance of abuse

Khannie

Rabies wrote: »

Should the pledge not be his choicem once he fully understands what he is doing.

I don't think at 12 he can fully understand what he is doing / what lies ahead of him in his teenage years. Also I want to educate him about wines a bit. I actually disagree with the church having the confirmation at 12. I think if they waited until people were 15 and less concerned with fitting in there would be a *dramatic* fall off in the numbers participating. It's probably worth a thread in its own right.

Anyway, if he pushed the issue with me or I thought he'd actually keep his pledge I'd give way, no problem. He doesn't seem bothered.

Rabies wrote: »

I knew one or two kids in school that held to it until the age of 18.
Not doubting the way you're doing things.. just wondering thats all

Ah yeah, no problem at all with asking. I'm actually surprised at how much parents in here differ in their approaches to stuff where on the face of it (in the real world) there's quite a bit of conformity. This forum has been an eye opener.

Ickle Magoo

Joey the lips wrote: »

After all although not the same dangers why not introduce smoking to them early so they build a tolerence.... Because we accept the health aspects of smoking but we dont with bear... perhaps?

My introducing them to alcohol has nothing to do with building up a tolerance, it has to do with moulding their attitudes towards drinking, removing some of the glamour and taboo from a "banned" substance that nearly all the adults they know partake in. Smoking hardly has the same health or social implications, it's not something I would advocate in moderation or otherwise.

Joey the lips wrote: »

I would also think it interesting that although stats seem to indicate that a high proportion of working class drink. The same stats also indicate that per head the highest proportion of alchoholics is in the rich and young class.... Is there a correlation between how we treat drink around kids and the effects it has on them? Or is it as it seems.... Having drink ready available in a house is the dangerous aspect....?

Statistics are skewed by all kinds of influences. Many people have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol due to emotional issues, perhaps a genetic predisposition or because drinking heavily or in binges is an acceptable past-time in their social circle or even demographic.

Personally, I don't think drink is dangerous to have in the house any more than I would ban sweets from my house for fear of my children becoming obese. I would hope to instil in them the benefits of a healthy life style and that chocolate can be very much enjoyed when eaten in moderation. I don't think either extreme leads to healthy attitudes tbh, which is why I'd rather try and walk that line between liberal and responsible.

Cookie Jar

I used to go the pub with my parents every saturday evening, say 6 - 9. Now thats about 8 years ago. Thats probably the only time I saw them drinking. Unless at an occasion. They never drank at home.
I was about 13 at the time and they used to let my older brother 15 at the time taste their drink. I did once and never liked the taste of it.
I was then on holiays when I was 15 and I was allowed the 2bottles of smirnoff ice per night.
That was the same then for any occasion. Then at the age of 16/17 I was allowed drink in the pub with them or go out with my friends (no more than once a month).

I think my parents approach was a good one. "knacker drinking" never appealled to me and when I was allowed out with my friends I took it easy as I felt it was unfair to get wasted while my parents trusted me enough to let me go out.

Joey the lips

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

My introducing them to alcohol has nothing to do with building up a tolerance, it has to do with moulding their attitudes towards drinking, removing some of the glamour and taboo from a "banned" substance that nearly all the adults they know partake in. Smoking hardly has the same health or social implications, it's not something I would advocate in moderation or otherwise.



Statistics are skewed by all kinds of influences. Many people have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol due to emotional issues, perhaps a genetic predisposition or because drinking heavily or in binges is an acceptable past-time in their social circle or even demographic.

Personally, I don't think drink is dangerous to have in the house any more than I would ban sweets from my house for fear of my children becoming obese. I would hope to instil in them the benefits of a healthy life style and that chocolate can be very much enjoyed when eaten in moderation. I don't think either extreme leads to healthy attitudes tbh, which is why I'd rather try and walk that line between liberal and responsible.

I was not actually argueing with you so to speak. In fact i liked your approach. I was just throwing in another side. As drink is generally not a problem in my house(It never lasts) and smokeing is not(Dirty habit) I was trying to look at the whole side objectivly.

smelltheglove

I can see this thread creating arguments.... Ok so, I saw my parents drink and be drunk on holidays and from time to time at events or parties when I was young. My parents split when I was young and my dad was quite strict. When visiting my mother she would always have a bottle of wine handy, she met and lived with a man who had alcohol issues, they could be drinking in the middle of the day. I was never bothered by it, they wouldnt be drunk but I was never fond of the smell of alcohol lurking. My dad never drank at home and wouldnt have been fond of us doing so either.

As we got older our dad would allow us 2 drinks in the pub on holidays. I was never fond of beer so 2 ciders would be mroe than enough for me, no alchopops then. The odd time we'd accopmany my dad to the pub after a match we might get one drink. By the time I was 16 I had a brother of 20 and sister of 17 so I as allowed go to the pub with them. My brother had to be prepared to look out for me which he always did. By the time I was 18 I had the choice to go out when I liked.

The pros, I didnt 'knacker' drink with my friends, I may have gone along the odd time but I never sat in a field hammered, at a disco I'd be more likely to be helping my drunk friends than joining them. At the pub when I was older I was always looked after by my brother, never had to worry about anything, he'd make sure to bring me home and wouldnt let any guys even talk to me so I was safe. I think my dad had a safe attitude towards drink, he didnt over drink, he drank socially and encouraged us to enjoy our drinks socially with friends and not by sitting around the house drinking alone. I was always welcome to have a drink in my mams if I wanted, but I cant actually remember having drinks in her house before I was 18, I dont think I ever bothered, I'd have been mre likely to watch tv or go to bed than sit getting drunk for no reason.

The cons, actually I cant really think of any, I have always been able to control my drink, I know when Ive had enough, I dont like to think of myself being silly drunk so I try not to get silly drunk. We drink from time to time at home now, but more socially as sometimes it is too expensive to go out so friends come over. My kids have seen us drink at home but not drunk, they have seen us drunk on holidays, they would have alcohol free cocktails and join in the fun and karoke. The kids are well aware that we dink and enjoy the odd get together that we have, usually just family and a couple of friends. I would never get drunk on these occassions myself as I would prefer to make sure they are ok.

eviltwin

This is a tough one.

Obviously like any parent I would be happier if my kids waited until they were 18 but being realistic thats unlikely to happen

All I can do is hope that when they do start they are responsible enough to know their limits and not allow their drinking to become a problem.

My eldest is 12 and they do talk about alcohol in school from time to time but according to her its very preachy..it seems to be "do as I say not as I do" and there has never really been any mention of the realities of the drink, nothing about drink driving, addiction, the risk of std's / pregnancy etc. No mention of how even having a few drinks on a regular basis can have an impact on your health. Its all abstainance focused rather than looking at responsible drinking and telling teens "dont drink" just isnt going to work

I want my kids to have a realistic view of drink in other words to enjoy it in moderation but not to allow it to become a problem. If that means letting them have a few drinks at home with us then so be it. I'd much rather have them do it under my roof where we can talk about it than in a field somewhere

MelissaLahive

My Dad used to give me a sip of his Guiness when I was younger although it was just a tiny sip and I only asked because I loved the moustache!

When I turned 16 I began to drink behind my parents back and when I was 17 I told my parents that I wanted to go to the local pub with my friends who were all a year or two older than me. They just accepted it as long as I didn't get paralytic which I didn't.

Ickle Magoo

Joey the lips wrote: »

I was not actually argueing with you so to speak. In fact i liked your approach. I was just throwing in another side. As drink is generally not a problem in my house(It never lasts) and smokeing is not(Dirty habit) I was trying to look at the whole side objectivly.

Sorry I was a bit abrupt, I was running out the door to pick up my daughter from Montessori.

Wantobe

I won't be giving my children any alcohol at home, or anywhere else, until they are 18.

My parents wouldnt have given me any, I didnt drink until I was 21 by my own choice.

Now I only drink wine, no interest in any thing else. I drink max of two glasses of wine, my husband is the same. When we do drink it is with a meal and just after at weekends. We do not get drunk but if I had two glasses of wine I would feel pleasantly relaxed.

I hope I will set a good example for my children, I think alcohol should only be consumed by adults. I feel that allowing them to have alcohol before 18 is setting a tone that I condone them having alcohol perhaps when out with their friends which I would not be happy about.

Khannie

Just out of interest wanttobe....what age do you think your kids will start drinking at?

smelltheglove

Wantobe wrote: »

I won't be giving my children any alcohol at home, or anywhere else, until they are 18.

My parents wouldnt have given me any, I didnt drink until I was 21 by my own choice.

That obviously worked for you. I can see the reasoning why my dad took the approach he did. my dad managed young football teams, he was always very popular with his own age and those younger, even know with such a big role in his club he would often sit and have drinks with people my age or younger even. When I was young he was well aware of what kids my age were doing, he knew from dressing room talk what the boys were into and that would have been his reasoning for being very strict on me in other areas.

I agree completely witht he approach my own father made because I know it worked for me. There were so many of my pals that would be going out drinking and getting so drunk they couldnt stand, caving into drugs etc etc, I had one pal that got so bad he had to be brought to hospital to have his stomach pumped. None of these pals were allowed to have a drink under supervision. They were rebelling against their parents, doing what they were told not to do. I felt that my dad was a very respectable person and in turn he treated us with the respect to allow us to make our own decisions as we grew older and in that sense we did not want to disappoint him.

In my own experience growing up I definitely would be going forward with my dads choices however it is nice to see that the strict rule has worked for some too, unfortunate it didnt work amongst any of my pals.

amdublin

Confab wrote: »

As an aside, the legal age to consume (not buy) alcohol in private is 14.

Is this correct?

Do you have a link to your source for this?

Ickle Magoo

amdublin wrote: »

Is this correct?

Do you have a link to your source for this?

Actually, I can't find mention of a minimum age..

(2) It shall not be unlawful for a person (other than the holder of a licence of licensed premises) to purchase or deliver intoxicating liquor for consumption by a person under the age of 18 years in a private residence with the explicit consent of that person's parent or guardian.

http://www.irishstatutebook.ie/2003/en/act/pub/0031/sec0013.html#partiii-sec13