Sad

LegacyUser

I'm sorry in advance for a topic that you have had many times before, I'm just not sure what else to do at the moment. I don't really have anyone I can talk to and I am feeling pretty desperate. I'm so completely miserable I don't know how to continue. Nothing in particular has happened - I'm just really really sad, all the time. I am 27, female, single, living away from home, overseas, for about 2 years now. But this feeling was there long before I moved abroad. It's hard to articulate how I am feeling, except to say that absolutely nothing seems to make me happy. I have a mother who loves me, though we do have issues, I have a few friends, I have a permanent job. But I am so rarely in a good mood I can't remember what genuine happiness feels like. Any time I feel happy or positive, there's a voice in my head saying 'Stop being so ridiculous. You have no reason to be happy'. It's exhausting. I struggle each morning to get out of bed and when I do, my main thought is of that evening when I can go to sleep again. Sometimes I pray I'll get food poisoning, or something stupid like that, so I can spend days in bed alone. It's pretty obvious to me writing this that I'm depressed - I went to a counsellor a few times last year but we didn't 'mesh' well and I stopped going - I came to dread the sessions after a while and since then I am hesitant to try anyone else. I honestly don't know what to do. I'm incredibly lonely, I don't think there's a single person in the world, apart from my mother, who genuinely cares about me, and I am just so, so sad.
I'm really sorry for this rambling, nonsensical post, I just have had all these thoughts for so long and haven't really voiced them. I don't know what I am expecting here - maybe reassurance that I am not the only one, or kind words, or advice. I am not sure. But thank you, anyway, for the chance to waffle.

Overheal

Just because you didnt Mesh with one counselor is not cause to give up on the endeavour.

I know you dont mention this anywhere in your post but I reccomend forgoing all consumption of alchohol. Aside from maybe what averages to once a month, I no longer drink since living in Ireland, where I always remember being a very depressed individual; to the lapse of one stage where I just locked myself in a box shaped room for several months and refused to deal with my issues. I only ever got out to go to work or drink. And the thought of death or suicide was one which was frequently on my mind at the time.

Perhaps its time to give counselling another shot? You can also speak to a GP about anything that can be done to treat your systems while you explore therapy.

LegacyUser

OP, I think you may be depressed. Let me reassure you that you are not the only one. It is not your fault and it is not just something you can snap out of, it is an illness that people need help dealing with. Please speak to someone, a doctor, your Mum or a friend about how you are feeling. If you can, try and get yourself some counselling. I had some a few years ago when I was really struggling with some issues and although I was sceptical at first, it was amazing the difference it made. It is completely different to speaking to a friend or relative, they are trained to help you see things in a certain way and enable you to handle the feelings you are having. Please try to act on this soon, it sounds like you are in a horrible place and the sooner you get help the better. Once you start feeling better you will hopefully feel like getting out and about more and that should alleviate the loneliness. Take care.

merlie

Hello Op,

Please understand that you are not alone. You are feeling down at the moment. Your thoughts are rambling in your mind over and over and it is most likely they are negative thoughts. You will have to try and train yourself to think differently. I understand also your sleeping habit of wanting to just shut everything out, because it is the easiest way, so you do not have to confront any of your current issues.

You really do need to talk about this to someone otherwise you may find that it will get worse not better. You can look for another counsellor and you will find the right one who will gel and understand your situation. You need to give it a chance, giving up now would be the wrong thing to do for yourself.

You have a lot to look forward too in life and you need to start making plans to insure that you do, first step: talk to a counsellor and then you will start to feel better.

I do not know what country you live in but look up the phone directory, it is quite possible they may have an organisation for to help people with depression.

You WILL be ok. But you need to take the steps to get yourself there. Be kind to you and look after yourself,

Best of luck

kjl

OK OP, it is not normal to think this way. Depression is caused by serotonin being reuptaken into the brain. This makes us feel very sad, despair and pretty much your entire post. You have a severe case of depression, you need to talk to someone about it, I am certain you will find happiness in your life again, but you need to get cured first.

Sometimes its easy to understand it as a chemical imbalance, life is never as bad as it seems.

LegacyUser

Hey OP

Very sorry to hear about your sadness. I have been through something similar. Where everything in my life on the outside seem fine but I struggled so much in my head. Didn't feel like I could talk to anyone as thought no one would understand as they were all happy. I felt so totally alone. I had nothing to feel happy about. I withdrew from people around me and I was pretty much on self destruct mode.

I made some step by step changes in my life that have helped immensely:

-I started with a counsellor, we didn't really gel but it was still beneficial. I would recommend you trying out another one.
-I was far too lonely living with just one person so had to move into a house with more people.
-Although I am not an avid spiritulaist or anything, I do like to read some bits and pieces of buddhism and other spiritual teachings. I find it helps to relax my thoughts and helps clear my mind. Would you consider going to some type of retreat, learn how to relax with your own mind?
-Exercise also helped very much.
-Another thing that helped is learning new things. I actually used boards.ie as a starting point to get ideas of what to learn, for example the thread on photos that shook the world. The more I read the more I realise I don't know and have almost come to the stage where there is not enough time in the day to learn everything I want to learn!
-I write a diary of my sad thoughts (thoughts I need to get out of my head when I have nobody to talk to), and someday I hope to share this diary with somebody - even if it's somebody who is going through the same as me.

I didn't gel with my counsellor either but it was definately a good starting point. But the above has helped me so far. I still feel lonely. But the difference between me now and before is that I have an appreciation for life and now I want to achieve so much more, and I want to be happy.

Very best of luck to you

LegacyUser

The advice here is very good. I would also add
- go to a GP get diagnosed and try medication if it is recommended.
- get a book about depression so you can read that it is so common and what you might do. Depression for dummies is very good actually.
- talk to someone close to you and your mum seems the obvious choice.
- do some exercise and build it up.
- they say you should build and maintain connections with other people either through a club or organisation or whatever. the more connected you are the better.
I know exactly how you feel cause I feel the same particularly since the Summer. I havent worked it out yet but Im still hoping.
Let us know how you get on.

magneticimpulse

I know how you feel. I am also overseas for past 3 years. I agree with the above posters and talking to someone. Do you have a good friend which you can join some clubs? Climbing, Badminton, cycling? meetup.com is international and although more popular in ireland I found a language group on there which i attend. They could have groups or clubs in your area. I suggest joining something at least to meet people.