What the hell is my ex playing at?

LegacyUser

Ok first off - we went out for 2.5 years, very intense relationship to start out, the last year was very on/off - always him breaking up with me on impulse, then we'd get back together. We broke up 2 years ago but were occasionally sleeping together and still being eachothers best friend for about 13 months after the break up. We last slept together in June and he was planning to move to America for a year last August.

I have always been the injured party, always wanted to get back together and i've always let him treat me like dirt as a result. Anyway, I was looking forward to him going away because i felt the distance would do us good and would give me a real chance to move on. I asked him for no contact in the run up to his departure. A few nights before he left I'd a missed call at 5am from him, followed by a text saying he'd gone out for leaving drinks and didn't invite me incase i thought it was weird, he'd some stuff belinging to me for ages that really did need to be dropped back so he said he'd call over with it the day before he left. He did, and he stayed 4 hours - i really got the impression he wanted us to sleep together but i don't know for definete and i wasn't giving any signs.

Anyway, a few weeks after he landed in America I got a msg asking me frantically to call him, that he needed to hear a friendly voice - over the next few weeks then i got a series of messages saying I was the only thing he missed from home and he broke up with me so many times because he wanted to be single - not because of me. He said all the reflection had made him realise a lot. He also that that he knew telling me these things was probably not a good idea.

I was there for him but the distance meant i eventually chatted to him less and less. I started fnacying someone else and we got together - i still had the odd email conversation with my ex but we drifed apart, on one of these emails he mentioned he'd a new girlfriend, i was happy that it didm't really affect me bad and I told him about my new relationship.

Next thing i know Ex is giving up the job hunt and heading home, he was home a week before i heard from him, he said he was depressed missing his new girlfriend and didn't wanna talk to anyone. He emailed me a picture of the 2 of them looking really loved up - that hurt a little - but i didn't react....isn't that weird? Sending a pic?

I met him for lunch after a few days and he was showing me messages she'd sent him telling him she missed him and then today he randomly told me that he'd given the big cosy jumper i bought him for his bday last January (when i was crazy about him) to his new gf in America...

?

Is it just me or is all of this rubbing my nose in it a little bit too much? I was trying to hang on to my pride but ended up blurting out on my twitter. He instantly emailed me asking iof my tweet was directed at him...I said "LOL, I'm not even going there with you" He replied to my email but i didn't have the courage to open it - so many of his emails have cut me lately.

Before anyone says it, IO am in a new relationship - for 8 weeks with a guy and i'm seeing where it goes, it's early days and we are taking things slow. I need to move on but it's hard not to let this stuff get to me.

Do u think my ex is that stupid he doesn't realise what he's doing is insensitive?

Barracudaincork

OK, im going to put my harsh but fair hat on and tell you, the only reason all this stuff is happening is because you let it! Why on earth do you keep in such contact with someone like that? its messed up big time!

Come on OP, the relationship was flawed and the friendship is too. I dont know what game he is playing but you too are playing a game entertaining it all.

You have started a new relationship and you are not being fair to your new partner, if you are thinking and spending time and emotions on your ex. You know you wouldnt like it if your boyfriend was doing this with his ex. I know you say its early days, but its early days of your future, while your ex is late days of your past.

Cut all ties, move on and give your new life and relationship a chance it deserves.

advicewhore

i agree with the above

why are you even talking to him? let alone letting him send you pictures of his new girlfriend or emails about your twitter or whatever! who cares!! seems to me the whole relationship and "friends" thing ended a long time ago!

as you said yourself you were always the injured party...why do you still want contact with someone like that?

he probably does realise what hes doing is insensitive and thats why hes doing it because he sounds like a nasty piece of work to me!
you both have new people in yours lives so move on and let him move on to! your entertaining this ridiculous carry on by letting him contact you. just dont answer his calls, or his emails and he'll eventually get the picture that he cant rub you up the wrong way again! pity he didn't stay in america is all i can say!

SarahSassy

I could ask 'what the hell are YOU playing at?' Why dont you just lie down on the side of the road and let him pee on you. He is treating you apallingly but you are letting him. Delete him - from your phone, facebook, bibo, email and your life. He is poison.

LegacyUser

OP Here,

Thanks all. We aren't friends on Facebook anyway because we couldn't handle it. I used to get upset when i saw things or we'd fight and i'd delete him etc - that's why i think it's odd he seems to be acting like he assumes i'm so so over him showing me pics msgs' etc is acceptable.

I know what he's doing is awful, and i have fully decided and feel like i am very ready to move on, delete and ignore.. ..

I suppose i was just wondering if i was just being over sensitive and if it was a possibility he could ust be genuinely sending me all this stuff innocently.

I guess not...

magneticimpulse

I would just dont contact him again. Move on. It obvisously still upsets you and you dont need that if you want to make a fresh start. Cut him out of your life.

advicewhore

OP, even if he is doing it innocently...you still don't need all that information so whether he realises or not its bad form so you should just forget about it and avoid him at all costs and im sure he'll stop contacting you then too!

daisybelle2008

Headwrecked09 wrote: »

OP Here,

Thanks all. We aren't friends on Facebook anyway because we couldn't handle it. I used to get upset when i saw things or we'd fight and i'd delete him etc - that's why i think it's odd he seems to be acting like he assumes i'm so so over him showing me pics msgs' etc is acceptable.

I know what he's doing is awful, and i have fully decided and feel like i am very ready to move on, delete and ignore.. ..

I suppose i was just wondering if i was just being over sensitive and if it was a possibility he could ust be genuinely sending me all this stuff innocently.

I guess not...

His objective is to get a reaction from you. The cuddly jumper story and the happy couple pic., give me a break!

His previous form is that anytime he dumped you on impulse, you chased him down massaging his ego. He was testing your devotion (not in a good way).

Just like splitting up with you in the past, he does not have a reason for his current behavour but the intention is to have you react so he can feel good about himself. Really he is not a friend you should want in your life.

He probably is not even aware he is doing it, but his unhealthy need for an ego boost is not going to change or do you much good.

iheartny

I agree with the last post. It sounds like he was testing your devotion to him.
The snuggly jumper story needn't have reared it's ugly head - sure you've both 'moved on' but I get the impression there's more to that story.
Sounds a bit like he might be trying to justify his new relationship to you, for his own piece of mind. If my boyfriend and I split up and we remained friends afterwards there is no way on earth I would tell im i left the teddy bear he bought me with my new boyfriend so he wouldnt miss me too much. what a slap in the face.
I reckon he's just unsteady on his feet and it would hurt him to see you happy if he wasnt happy, so he's just making sure you know he's happy!
It's not nice though and I'd say you're nose is getting rubbed in it a bit. But ask yourself why he's saying the things he's saying... )