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I fancy my lecturer

  • 11-12-2009 10:37am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    I'm in college, and have a bit of a problem, I fancy my lecturer. I'm 20 and he is 25. Liked him since the first day of term but last weekend was out with friends and ran into him in a club (we were both kinda drunk) and we ended up scoring. It was really intense and passionate and he said he really liked me. However, it didn't go as far as sex (although it would have if my friend had not pulled me away) I just don't know what to do now, it's strange going into lectures and seeing him there and it must be the same for him with me. Are there rules against lecturers and students getting together? I mean I know it would be wrong if much older lecturers were trying it on with young students but this guy is the same age as, or even younger than, most of the guys I'd be interested in anyhow. I dunno, I'm very confused!!


Comments

  • #2
    Emme
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    A+Student wrote: »
    Hi,

    I'm in college, and have a bit of a problem, I fancy my lecturer. I'm 20 and he is 25. Liked him since the first day of term but last weekend was out with friends and ran into him in a club (we were both kinda drunk) and we ended up scoring. It was really intense and passionate and he said he really liked me. However, it didn't go as far as sex (although it would have if my friend had not pulled me away) I just don't know what to do now, it's strange going into lectures and seeing him there and it must be the same for him with me. Are there rules against lecturers and students getting together? I mean I know it would be wrong if much older lecturers were trying it on with young students but this guy is the same age as, or even younger than, most of the guys I'd be interested in anyhow. I dunno, I'm very confused!!

    I don't think it was be very responsible of him to score you from a professional point of view but agewise you're pretty well matched. It's a tricky one and not a situation I'd advise.


  • #3
    Das Kitty
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 17,231 Mod ✭✭✭✭Das Kitty


    Some universities have policies against fraternisation and some don't. IMO it was unprofessional of him to kiss you whilst he is actively teaching you regardless of the policies in place. It's ethically dodgy especially if he's going to be marking your exam.

    I do think you should talk to him about it and perhaps there's another lecturer teaching the same class that you could transfer to. If not he really needs to get someone else (possibly an extern) to mark anything you submit.

    If there's a mutual attraction strong enough it'll last through the second term until the conflict of interest is no longer an issue.


  • #4
    Moomoo1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,960 ✭✭✭Moomoo1


    A+Student wrote: »
    it's strange going into lectures and seeing him there and it must be the same for him with me.

    I wouldn't be so sure: when you give lectures to large numbers of people you are blind to their presence, maybe you engage with them occasionally if you are a really good lecturer; and you focus anyway on what you are saying and doing and not on who in the audience you have feelings for...


  • #5
    Overheal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    I had to tell my brother the same thing when he started falling for one of his employee's: Fire her or transfer her to another store, because when his superiors found out about it (and eventually they would) he would be out on his ass.

    You need to see about transferring to another class.


  • #6
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,731 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    Overheal wrote: »
    I had to tell my brother the same thing when he started falling for one of his employee's: Fire her or transfer her to another store, because when his superiors found out about it (and eventually they would) he would be out on his ass.

    Harsh, illegal and irrelevant, I should think.

    Try find out what the college official line is on student-lecturer relationships and if it's likely to cause him trouble, call it quits before it puts his position at risk or you have no option but to change course.


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  • #7
    Moomoo1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,960 ✭✭✭Moomoo1


    pickarooney wrote: »
    Harsh, illegal and irrelevant, I should think.

    Try find out what the college official line is on student-lecturer relationships and if it's likely to cause him trouble, call it quits before it puts his position at risk or you have no option but to change course.

    In practice, such relationships, as long as they are conducted outside work hours, are difficult to find out, and even harder to prove.

    It's hard enough to discover them at school, even with police involvement... when it's not a crime that would be close to impossible.


  • #8
    JonathanAnon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,718 ✭✭✭✭JonathanAnon


    Overheal wrote: »
    I had to tell my brother the same thing when he started falling for one of his employee's: Fire her or transfer her to another store, because when his superiors found out about it (and eventually they would) he would be out on his ass.

    I have to agree with this even though the mod may not agree. It's the easiest way to avoid it blowing up in your face, even if it is not necessarily fair.

    regarding the lecturer, it's a tough one. Might be just best to leave it as a one night thing. If it's becoming a real problem, you could just dodge his lectures and get the notes from someone else.


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