am I too naive?

LegacyUser

Hey I was just looking for your thoughts. Was chatting with the girls at the weekend about relationships etc and we got talking about when our boyfriends go out alone. Just to put it in contect we're in our late 20s/early 30s and in long term relationships with our fellas. My BF goes out about 2/3 times a month to clubs with some mates on his own. He rarely texts me when he's out and could arrive home around 4/5 in the morning. Some of my mates were horrified at this and couldn't believe that I'd put up with that. Obviously when we started going out, if my BF was out without me he would text me quite regularly etc but now that we're living together I feel as if he needs this time on his own with his mates. However, after talking to the girls about this I'm starting to wonder if I'm being naive. I had one previous relationship before this and my ex was totally different than my current BF. He would rarely go out with his mates and if he did would tell me every single detail of what happened and constantly text me through the night. My current BF doesn't really tell me what happens on nights out but on the other hand I don't feel like I should demand to know his every move as he would feel smothered surely? I'm just wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation.

seahorse

Your friends are projecting their own insecurities onto you. My advice would be to not let them interfere in your relationship in this way.

Barracudaincork

You are far from naive, you are someone who is secure with themselves and someone who doesnt feel they have to be joined at the hip to their other half. Your friend is insecure in her relationship by the sounds of it and rather than grow up and accept that fact she tries to drag you down to her level of insecurity, dont let her!!!

Sanjuro

Absolutely not. Just because your friends are paranoid and don't trust their boyfriends does not for one second mean you should feel the same. If you trust your boyfriend, don't let others shake that trust. Is it me or does this seem to be a constant problem with some women?

AnonoBoy

Sounds perfectly healthy. He's not a child and doesn't need to report his movements to you if he's gone out for a few hours. And you as an adult don't expect him to.

Keep going the way you are. You sound like ye have a nice balance going.

LegacyUser

Your in the right here, not them. They are horrified because they are too insecure to trust their boyfriends. I am in a relationship and if I'm out I generally don't get in till 4 or 5 nothing unusual about that, clubs finish at 3, hang around outside with mates, go for food, walk home or go to casino etc. and I don't txt my girlfriend. In fairness the guy is going out less than once a week, its hardly over the top I would generally go out with my friends at least once a week to unwind.

miec

Hi Op

I have to agree with the other posters and think that you have a very balanced approach to your relationship, you see it as a partnership not ownership, whereas your friend or friends see relationships as owning someone.

MissFlitworth

Your friends sound very very clingy and possesive, you're not being naive. Being in a relationship with someone doesn't mean you own them and can dictate when they go out and make them text you reports every half hour, that sounds like a very sucky relationship indeed. Next time they try something like that I'd plaster an innocent puzzled look on my face and say something like 'but why don't you trust your boyfriend to be out without you, did something happen?'

RossFixxxed

I go out with the guys sometimes til all hours. She trusts me and likewise if she's off out wherever that is fine with me. We are together many years through thick and thin, sitting around being suspicious of her is not a good start. Unless you have grounds for suspicion let the guy go! It's a fantastic trait really and to be honest a relationship has to be founded on trust at the end of the day!

We all do little things in a relationship: a sneaky smoke or staying in to watch a movie rather than do something girly or whatever, but to not trust the person to go out with their own friends... Not good.

You are only being naive if there is compelling evidence he's up to something that you ignore. But him going out with the lads is cool.

Your friends are the headwreckers here, they put thoughts in your mind because they are insecure about something or they want to cause trouble for you. Are they single? Are they jealous?

LegacyUser

Thanks for this guys. Sorry for being silly, I think I just needed some reassurance