Bored of life, don't know what to do....

LegacyUser

Don't know where to start really. I know there are people worse off in the world and I shouldn't really feel the way I do but I can't help it. There just seems to be one thing after another the past few years and its just getting too much lately.

Cousin was killed in a car crash, mate of mine commited suicide in a not so pleasant way in march, and a few months back my other cousin hung himself. I have no job, I am hopeless at communicating with people, extra hopeless with women and I feel like a right waster.

I see other people my age (24) enjoying life and I say to myself that should be you. I just feel as the prime of my life is being wasted. I have thought about suicide but the thought of what it does to families is what stops me. Not that I care about me but what it would do to other people close to me.

Another thing is, I keep all this to myself. I am in no frame of mind to drink, my mates constantly say ah come on down the pub etc and Im always saying no. It got said back to me a while ago that someone said I was boring. It really got me down, I wouldnt be boring if I could help it. But I am sure you can see why I think my youth is passing me by.

I have tried some things to help. One was I joined a sport a while ago, I would really like to compete in this sport but the instructor thought I was not ready, as a result I have stopped going. How I can I keep training if the instructor thinks I am not ready. I wanted to say to him that I disagreed for a few reasons, one was the day he judged us I had the flu and he has said I was absent a few times and he would need to see more commitment. I wanted to explain to him that it appears I have serious depression and can't always be in the frame of mind to give it my best, that the day he judged us I had the flu (the fact I went with the flu I thought that showed commitment, obviously not) and so on but my lack of confidence stops me from saying these things. I got talking to a few people in the club and was asked out for drinks etc but again I dont feel I am in the right frame of mind to drink and people wonder why I dont go out.

When it comes to women I am hopeless. Well not the actual sex part, that I can do, its the bits before that doesn't go too well. I have very low self esteem and I would feel that a girl is takin the piss more so than being serious if she is into me, although I do actually know I am not ugly and not fat etc have a good dress sense and so on I just lack confidence big time. Anyway this week for example I got invited out by a girl who I find VERY attractive and I found it very difficult what to say. I would have liked to say eh no I would like to go out but I cant because I am just not in the right frame of mind. And I am sure she would think eh weirdo! Which to a point she would be right. So I just kind of said thanks but i'll be such and such this weekend. So she probably thinks I am not interested when I think she is the hottest girl in forever......

And heres another one, when it comes to girls I am extremely jealous. This is not good and stupid, yes but another reason why I tend to not get involved. I haven't had sex in over a year, yes there are people who have gone longer etc but you get my point. It seems women who are just up for fun are the ones I would be happier with if you get me as they are the only ones I am able to deal with. I don't know how to have a serious relationship.

I had a female friend who I was real close with a few years ago, and I, as most boy girl friendships go, started to feel I wanted more. I borught it up and she was clear that she just wanted to be friends. I did want to be her friend but I just couldnt, couldnt for the simple reason of the way I felt when I saw her with other blokes. So we started to spend less time together, she thought she had done something and I never really got to explain to her what my reasons were, even if they were immature etc. And now we dont even talk. Not that we fell out but just drifted apart. I can see what my lack of communication skills do but I can't seem to do anything about them.

Going back to the job thing, I had it good for a few years, real good and money was never a problem. Like most people due to the recession it suffered, real bad, and now I am on jobseekers. I find this degrading, no offence to anyone else on it but I do. I am back living with my mother and I just feel like a sponge. A waster. This is so not me. cant get my head around it, and I sit back and say too myself where did it all go wrong. Back then I would tend to go out and get pissed more and have the laugh. Now I just have no interest in doing anything, the boredom and lonlieness are really getting me down.

I have talked to the doctor and he has advised anti depressants as have some counsellors but I dont want to go down that road. I dont know too much about them but I know they work by altering the serotonin levels in the brain, as does ecstassy, and no I dont want to go down that road.

These all might seem like small things, maybe they are but I am extrememly unhappy and lonely. There are other things I haven't posted up but these are the basics.

Victor

Do you have someone you can talk to? You mention counsellors, but that doesn't seem to be in the present. Even if its over a cup of tea with your mother or instead of pints, go for a coffee or a film with the lads. Do avoid the alcohol as it doesn't help with low moods.

As for that girl, I think decide for yourself to go do something with her. It doesn't have to be a big date or anything. Just arrange to meet up and go window shopping on a Saturday afternoon.

Recession - how about doing something with it? Learn something new. Help someone out.

auerillo

FeelDown wrote: »

... it appears I have serious depression ...I have talked to the doctor and he has advised anti depressants as have some counsellors but I dont want to go down that road. .

Your post is eloquent and wonderfully written, so why you say you are not a good communicator is a mystery!

If you consider you have serious depression, but don't want to go down the road of anti depressants, what other help has your doctor suggested?

Depression can be a crippling illness, and perhaps it's important to talk to your doctor about why you don't want to use anti depressants, and discuss the pros and cons with your doctor, and also ask what else can you do to help.

Remember that many people who once had depression have been cured, and if you are not happy with the responses of your doctor, then change your doctor until you find someone who can work with you towards a cure.

You could also try one of the helplines which are there to help;Shine can be contacted on 1890 621 631, or Aware on 1890 303 302, or have a look at this thread to see a number of other resources designed to help all of us who, from time to time, may need them; http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055685061

coldwood92

volenteer or try something new

magneticimpulse

Hiya
I think everyone can get this way at times. In the 90s, early 00s, there were alot of deaths in my family, cancers, suicides etc. It didnt get me down at the time, but I do get worried about myself and how easy it could be to go down that road.

1st of all you have to get out of the rut. Its difficult but you can achieve it. Dont let it get the better of you. Like others suggested, are you continually talking to someone each week? If not please do this as a start.

At least join a fun sport, which does not have to be competative. Cycling, running, surfing, swimming, hiking, football, motorbike, badmington, tennis. Whatever that gets you out and meeting people to keep your mind off things.

Join meetup.com and try to do something new each week. Set yourself weekly goals. Learn a new language. Help out with a charity, homeless groups. Maybe there is a holiday you can plan? Ski holiday with friends?

There is a whole thread here on Relationship issues and alot of people havnt a clue what to do either. Im the same too. They work fine in the beginning, then someone finds out about my past obsession over an ex and then im single again. Really put it down to the meeting the wrong people and that your not wrong. Aim to be a better person. At least go to the cinema with this girl. If you are chatting to a councillor each week,maybe you can go through this with them. Or chat to a friend if you feel you are getting jealous.

Smile - Even if you dont mean it, try to force yourself to smile each day.

Make sure your diet is healthy. Im veggie and was missing out on alot of protein and was very moody. Now i make effort to eat soya everyday and its worked wonders. Take vitamins, berroca, vitamin B. Go into Holland and Barrett and see what they have. I take 5-HTP, i cant say whether it works or not, but im definitely overall feeling better. Its an amino acid, essential for making serotonin. If you are lacking this source of amino acid, it could be why your down (again amino acids are from protein).


Oh yeah and after spending 7 years studying, im same boat as you. I will soon be jobless. Theres not much you can do there, because the government messed up, banks etc. If it really gets you down, maybe consider going to Australia, or some other european country like France or Germany (however be aware you would have to make new friends if you go alone).

Semele

FeelDown wrote: »

I have talked to the doctor and he has advised anti depressants as have some counsellors but I dont want to go down that road. I dont know too much about them but I know they work by altering the serotonin levels in the brain, as does ecstassy, and no I dont want to go down that road.

This is a massive source of irritation to me- not having a go at you OP, just at this attitude in general. Why does the fact that antidepressants alter serotonin levels seem so suspicious to you? Educate yourself on how they work (from reputable sources btw!), talk to your doctor about your concerns, etc.

Long-term depression, even if it starts as a reaction to personal circumstances, causes depletion of serotonin levels in the brain. This depletion is itself a cause of low mood. Depression, regardless of how it begins, becomes a self-maintaining circle. Anti-depressants return serotonin to within normal limits and this has a knock-on effect on mood. What sounds so suspicious about that?

The experience of being on antidepressants is nothing like ecstacy. Ecstacy causes a massive and short-lived surge in serotonin that makes you act in ways you normally wouldnt. SSRI antidepressants (the type that affect serotonin production- there are many different types btw) NORMALISE serotonin levels over a long period of time.

Don't continue to suffer out of ignorance and embarassment, talk to your doctor honestly about your concerns.

LegacyUser

auerillo wrote: »

Your post is eloquent and wonderfully written, so why you say you are not a good communicator is a mystery!

If you consider you have serious depression, but don't want to go down the road of anti depressants, what other help has your doctor suggested?

Depression can be a crippling illness, and perhaps it's important to talk to your doctor about why you don't want to use anti depressants, and discuss the pros and cons with your doctor, and also ask what else can you do to help.

Remember that many people who once had depression have been cured, and if you are not happy with the responses of your doctor, then change your doctor until you find someone who can work with you towards a cure.

You could also try one of the helplines which are there to help;Shine can be contacted on 1890 621 631, or Aware on 1890 303 302, or have a look at this thread to see a number of other resources designed to help all of us who, from time to time, may need them; http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055685061

Thanks, I can write stuff, I know in my head what I would like to say to people. Its the actualy sayin it that doesnt work. I tried to go to an aware meeting but I just stood at the door and walked away. Doctor has suggested counselling, I wont go though because it means taking a handout off my parents, I feel bad enough as it is livin in my mothers house. Plus its all well and good saying this but its the actual talkin that I can't do.

As for the why does the antideps and altering of serotinin levels seem such an issue? Well because it is. I have read pages and pages on info on them, it also is sort of an acceptance then to myself that if I do take them, yes its official your nuts.

Sleeping is still all over the shop, I am up until 6 or 7am and then sleep until 4pm, then I stay up for two days trying to tire myself back to sleep. If I was invisible Id go to the aware meetings. My mother even broke down today and said it breaks her heart to see me wasting my life i.e. depression getting the better of me.

I appreciate the other post saying try new stuff, travel etc. I am all for that but my mates seem to have a problem seeing life beyond thursday to sunday pints in the local. Not that I need them to go but the fact they'll be 35 one day down there and not have done anything, would be nice, wishful thinking yes, if one of them was actually up for something. It was when we were travelling last time that the other chap decided to kill himself. He didnt mention he was feeling down etc and when I asked him what was wrong he said he was just tired. Still can't get my head around that one.

LegacyUser

i'm new to this whole boards.ie thing. but had to reply to this message.


I know its really hard to see the light now but it does come back on. you will find it.

A family member died just before I started college. so off i went to college, thinking new start la al etc. I will be a have a bach degree this year, hopefully. anyways I have fully lived my 5 years in college .

last year, when i seen a lad i had been seeing on and off at a party. it clicked this guy was actually saving me from myself. unknown to him. when he was there i was stable when he wasn't there i was a in coppers 24/7 or in temple bar or being with random guys CUZ i was afraid, lonely, confused felt like so weirdo.


then i began to fell like you did, 24/7.

went to a psych whatever you call them. it mad me feel mad angry for being depressed, but the one thing he said was it is NORMAL to feel like this, thats all i needed was for someone to say it. that day i went up to my close friends that i can trust and told them. a few weeks later i told my sis, she cried i cried but it felt so good just to tell her. they reacted a lot better than i thought. my friends did, my sis is oooh so busy being a DR.

anyways you said you did sport. I run and swim always did. i still do. healthy diet, never used drugs not even hash. loving family, good home life yet..

i have thought of every possible way to die. the outside world might say i have as once quoted by a pal "perfect life". i spend most my time with other people, i'm more afraid of me that a serial killer. I do find that when i have no goals that it spirals etc.. i still feel like this and sometimes i think i am just one of those people that will have bad days. i don't think others understand unless they have been there. i don't feel as bad as i use to. i guess i have learned to live with it, its part of me having auful days but i know what to do, you have to find what that is for you.


change your GP the old ones like aka my dad don't deal with depression that good part the old culture and for men to have it not so pc for some. they see it as a hidden family issues. as i heard when he referred to a guy i know having hidden issues. A young GP up to date with research will prob be better:D


look feeling like this is part of life its what makes us who we are, this girl might be good for you. plus you like her. so tell her you like her. go for a meal a gig whatever. have her as a friend at first.

Go back to college if you can. do something you always wanted and never had the balls to do before.

depression doesn't have a age barrier a gender differ or a class differ its part of being human.

LegacyUser

FeelDown wrote: »

Thanks, I can write stuff, I know in my head what I would like to say to people. Its the actualy sayin it that doesnt work. I tried to go to an aware meeting but I just stood at the door and walked away. Doctor has suggested counselling, I wont go though because it means taking a handout off my parents, I feel bad enough as it is livin in my mothers house. Plus its all well and good saying this but its the actual talkin that I can't do.

As for the why does the antideps and altering of serotinin levels seem such an issue? Well because it is. I have read pages and pages on info on them, it also is sort of an acceptance then to myself that if I do take them, yes its official your nuts.

Sleeping is still all over the shop, I am up until 6 or 7am and then sleep until 4pm, then I stay up for two days trying to tire myself back to sleep. If I was invisible Id go to the aware meetings. My mother even broke down today and said it breaks her heart to see me wasting my life i.e. depression getting the better of me.

I appreciate the other post saying try new stuff, travel etc. I am all for that but my mates seem to have a problem seeing life beyond thursday to sunday pints in the local. Not that I need them to go but the fact they'll be 35 one day down there and not have done anything, would be nice, wishful thinking yes, if one of them was actually up for something. It was when we were travelling last time that the other chap decided to kill himself. He didnt mention he was feeling down etc and when I asked him what was wrong he said he was just tired. Still can't get my head around that one.

Look buddy, depression is an illness - there should be not one ounce of shame put on your part. You have done great to realise you are not happy and not to just ignore it over a few pints like many others. So why not justgo that extra bit and move forward to try to better yourself proactively. Short-term pains will save alot of agony in the long run.

You seem to be stuck in a bit of a 'small-town' rut and it is great that you have bigger ambitions. I imagine that alot of your pain would stem from being disconnected and wanting to have a better life - that can be a great realisation but a painful one if it is not looked at positively. It doesn't eactly sound that your friends are having an amazing life so try not to focus on them - focus on what would keep YOU happy, whatever that is - even if it is different to your surroundings at the moment. That can all change in time.

But firstly, you have mentioned a few traumatic events and it seems that past events coupled with some recent situational events have sent your mind into overdrive. That is what depression does - it is not your fault - it tells the mind crazy things - but you have to try to ignore that crazy monkey - because you are not your mind!

So I strongly recommend some form of counselling. You did fantastic to get to the Aware meeting - open the door next time and Im sure youll find a very welcoming and understanding support group. Hopefully this and other things will help to bring back the confidence in your life - you are clearly an intelligent and articulate person but you just have to believe in yourself and ignore the self-doubt. I imagine that is also causing a lot of pain for you - the gap between what you believe you can do and what you interpret around you - again thanks to the old black dog on your back at the moment.

Sorry if this is long-winded but I have been there myself believe me - know what the 16hr stints in bed and the spiralling thoughts can do. Luckily with some determination and support both those close to me and professionals, I turned the corner to what at one stage was a very vulnerable part of my life. I am 100% positive that you can do the same. Of course it wont all sink in now, but start from step one buddy and I wish you the best of luck.

jjg

Hi, i just had to reply when i read this..
I thought your post was very eloquent too(",) its strange,I feel the same way about everything(",) i cant be bothered going out at the moment because my head is not in the right place for it, and i just end up getting too drunk and then depressed the following day after drinking..i really cant take hangovers anymore.. and too there was this unbelieve guy who asked me out, just really a great guy i know, best looking guy that ever liked me and i just said it'd get too messy because we have a few mutual friends and he is good friends with one of my siblings, when really i would love to be with him but i'm just not in the form for it at the moment... dont worry it'll pass soon though,i'm sure you'll get a job as you seem very intelligent, and when i get like this it always passes in the end, it just goes in cycles... you should give that girl a call too, i wish i did now! take care(",)