Reprecussions of abuse?

LegacyUser

When I was younger a female member of my family used to do not-nice things to me, and encourage me to do similar things to her. Because of this, I developed a fear of close-personal-contact with other people, particularly females... Nobody in my family know what happened. I dealt with it through counselling, and was getting a bit better.

The past few months I've been admitted to hospital with unusual tummy pains and between specialists etc, they've narrowed it down to gynae problems. Now when I was younger, I was in a physical relationship, but since that ended I haven't been physically intimate with a man. Yes I've had relationships and whatever, and we've been sexually close, but I've not had penetrative sex since myself and my ex boyfriend broke up 5 years ago. I just have a fear of anything going anywhere near that area, including certain female hygiene products.

I saw the gynae specialist a few weeks ago, and he asked if it was okay to do an internal examination, he took my reluctance as me never having had intercourse. I have, but it was years ago, and it was before I really came to terms with what happened as a child. Basically since I confronted my past (as in said "yes, that happened") I've had a fear of sex.

What do I do. I've to go back to the gynae in a few weeks - should I tell him? It's a genuine fear that I have. I really thought I was over it and tried to have sex a few times with my most recent boyfriend, but the pain was unreal. I'm not even sure if it was physical or psychological pain. But because I couldn't talk to him about why I couldn't shag him, we broke up. I am really at a loss as to what to do.

Nevyn

Go talk to your gp and look at getting help to deal with what happned to you and work on the issues which are keeping you from getting medical care and from being in the type of relationship you want.

LegacyUser

I've been to counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists... I've come to terms with what happened, and I no longer blame the family member and am able to talk to her now. I don't really feel comfortable talking in real life about it - do doctors hear this sort of thing all the time? And should I talk to my GP before I go back to the specialist?

LegacyUser

If you don't feel comfortable talking about the abuse in real life- you don't have to. What you're describing is actually pretty common. I've never been abused but developed a similar problem (really bad pain during sex, which ultimately lead to a phobia of sex because of the pain, which kept getting worse because I was afraid, etc). It happened while I was in a very bad relationship with someone- not going to go into details but eventually I couldn't even insert a tampon, I would clench up so badly and the pain could linger for hours. I probably wouldn't have ever gone to the GP were it not for my stupid partner threatening to dump me- but at least I found out that it is a very common problem and one your gyno and your GP has probably seen many, many times. If you're still seeing your counsellor it could be worth mentioning it to them too, they could have advice to offer from a mental perspective.

I would go back to your GP about it and explain the situation- you don't have to mention the abuse if you're not comfortable, just tell them what is happening to you physically, and tell them your fears- they will probably be sympathetic, especially as this is causing you difficulty with getting medical procedures done (I have a fairly high pain tolerance- but I've almost had to be physically restrained when getting a smear done, and cried my eyes out) he or she may be able to prescribe something specifically to get you through the procedure in the short term, and advise you on how you can overcome this in the future, if you wish to.

My GP was willing to refer me to a physiotherapist but ultimately I found breathing exercises and relaxation techniques a HUGE help, it took time and didn't happen overnight. Best of luck OP.