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Boyfriend prefers to go out with other girls rather than me.

  • 04-12-2009 11:42pm
    #1
    Liberty77
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4 ✭


    With my boyfriend with last 3 years, at the moment looks like we're breaking up as I cant handle the fact that he won't socialise with me only his friends. He is 36 and currently spending a lot of time with a 21 year old girl he used to work with. This girl also has a boyfriend whom he also worked with. He doesnt tell me when he is meeting her as he know's I will have a problem with it. They have been out 5 times over last 2 weeks that I know of. Cinema, drinks and a meal. He swears blind that they are just friends and he needed someone to talk to about stuff.

    He is from a place 90 miles away from where we live and he sees her down there. I know this all sounds so like he is doing the dirt but I actually don't think he is. He has always had more female friends than male.

    But to me this is just wrong, all my friends and family think so. This is why i told him that I could no longer be in this relationship if that is what he wants to do. To make matters worse found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago. This is what he said he was discussing with her as he is freaked out by it.

    Just cant be happy putting up with that, would love to know other peoples opinions on this.


Comments

  • #2
    Nettie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 119 ✭✭Nettie


    It does seem rather unfair. Of course he's allowed to have female friends, but if he's confiding in them in important couple issues (such as feelings on your pregnancy) then that's not on.

    Tell him how you feel. Tell him he should be able to talk to you about his worries on the pregnancy.

    If he persists like this, then it might be time to move on.


  • #3
    Liberty77
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4 ✭Liberty77


    Thanks, lot of the problem is he doesnt go out with his girlfriends to the pub, but he can go with other girls, no an ex of his and he has always been like this. Last time we did anything together was September, really hurts that he can go all these places with her and not with me.


  • #4
    cafecolour
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,328 ✭✭✭cafecolour


    If he hasn't gone out with you since Sept, that's presumably before he knew about the pregnancy. And he's now heading out with other girls instead?

    It sounds like he's no longer interested, tbh, and is staying with you until he finds something else. I'd say you mind want to leave, tho the child complicates things.

    If you want to give it a last chance, ignore her for the moment, and schedule a 'date night' for the two of you. You may be able to judge by the chemistry on it (is he making an effort or is he not) whether there's any chance. And if he refuses or keeps putting you off, it's probably done.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    cafecolour wrote: »
    If he hasn't gone out with you since Sept, that's presumably before he knew about the pregnancy. And he's now heading out with other girls instead?

    It sounds like he's no longer interested, tbh, and is staying with you until he finds something else. I'd say you mind want to leave, tho the child complicates things.

    If you want to give it a last chance, ignore her for the moment, and schedule a 'date night' for the two of you. You may be able to judge by the chemistry on it (is he making an effort or is he not) whether there's any chance. And if he refuses or keeps putting you off, it's probably done.


    This is good advice. I can't imagine how hurtful his behaviour is right now, but sometimes you just have keep the mouth shut and focus on you and him. A date night is a really good idea and as above poster said, it will give let you see if he's still prepared to try.

    Sorry to hear you're going through this, its really tough.


  • #6
    kittenkiller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,433 ✭✭✭kittenkiller


    Of course he's allowed female friends, but when it starts bothering you to such an extent I think you should let him know and ask if you could come along for the next few visits.
    That way you're mind will hopefully be put at ease and he might see how silly these 180 mile round trips are.

    If he puts up a fight, personally i'd start to worry a little bit.
    But as the soon to be mother of his child, he should take your feelings into consideration more than that of a 21 year old girl from miles away.

    Best of luck and congratulations on the good news, I hope it all work out wonderfully for you.


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