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a freind, his girlfreind and me.

  • 04-12-2009 6:28pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Without getting into to much detail, I have a very good friend who I has been great support throughput the years to me. In addition, I get along great with his family and I feel like they treat me as a family member.
    This is were it gets complicated.. He is living away in another country at the moment with his girlfriend, and he was home for a visit last month. The thing is we both hooked up (both of us sober at the time), during this visit. We both agreed it was a once off and hoped that it would not affect our friendship.
    The thing is his family always ask me around for a drink or two on Christmas day/holiday time. However my friend will be home with the girlfriend. No one else knows what happened. I dont feel comfortable about the whole thing, being in the presence of the two. But I know if I dont go his family will be asking why I havent visited them during the holidays and I wouldnt be able to meet up with my pal either. He is saying I would be welcome to come around anyways.
    I feel very guilty about the whole thing and feel that I have messed up things due to my own stupidity .


Comments

  • #2
    Libertewhite
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 312 ✭✭Libertewhite


    Well you're a great friend:rolleyes:
    You really over stepped the boundaries there.

    A question I have to ask is, why did you do it? I agree with you there, you have messed it up. She is just as much to blame as you are in all this.

    Honestly I think you should tell him. He has a right to know!


  • #3
    Chinafoot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    Libertewhite wrote: »
    Well you're a great friend:rolleyes:
    You really over stepped the boundaries there.

    Without condoning what the OP did, her friend is the one in the relationship. Not her.
    Libertewhite wrote: »
    A question I have to ask is, why did you do it? I agree with you there, you have messed it up. She is just as much to blame as you are in all this.

    Honestly I think you should tell him. He has a right to know!

    I'd suggest you read the original post again...

    To the OP, you both made a mistake and you both agreed not to let it happen again, or affect your friendship. I understand your guilt and to be honest its good that this is how you feel about as it means you're far less likely to do it again. I'm not going to question why it happened as I'm sure you've done that yourself. (If you don't think of him that way then you can move on from this. If you're not being honest with yourself and you do have feelings for this friend then you need to address that.)

    If you start being all weird about things then your friendship will be very much affected. Go over to the house at Christmas and start putting this behind you.

    Let him deal with his own guilt and his own relationship but don't throw away your friendship over a mistake.


  • #4
    Libertewhite
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 312 ✭✭Libertewhite


    Oh I apologize. In my defense the OP didn't make it clear!

    Its somewhat different now since it's the other way around. I would have to agree with Chinafoot.


  • #5
    magneticimpulse
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭magneticimpulse


    you hooked up and still think its ok to be friends? not only that but you were sober too? i think you should avoid the house at all costs. you really want to be in the house after having sex with your "friend" and have to sit there all friendly to his girlfriend. my opinion would be to leave this friend alone, before you mess up his relationship anymore. if his family have a problem with it, tell them its cos you slept with their son and wouldnt want the girlfriend to be jealous. being honest should clear the air!!!


  • #6
    Chinafoot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    magneticimpulse wrote: »
    you hooked up and still think its ok to be friends? not only that but you were sober too? i think you should avoid the house at all costs. you really want to be in the house after having sex with your "friend" and have to sit there all friendly to his girlfriend. my opinion would be to leave this friend alone, before you mess up his relationship anymore. if his family have a problem with it, tell them its cos you slept with their son and wouldnt want the girlfriend to be jealous. being honest should clear the air!!!

    Completely unfair.

    There was two of them in it. If he's hooking up with other people whilst in a relationship then thats something he needs to deal with himself. Its not her place to do that. He is the one messing up his relationship here. She didn't force him to cheat on his girlfriend. They both made a mistake and want to remain friends. If they're both completely honest about it not happening again then they can get past it.

    To place all the blame on her, which is essentially what you're doing, is completely out of order.


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    magneticimpulse: I did not sleep with this guy. We kissed, and that was it. Although Iam feeling crap about the whole thing, it does take two to tango. I dont understand your option that "you hooked up and still think its ok to be friends?". We both know this can happen many times with single people, and they have moved on from it and still remain friends. My friend and me have both acknowledged what has happened.

    Chinafoot: Thanks for the replies and for helping me put things in perspective


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