Just figured out someone with a big mouth is going around saying she pities me!

LegacyUser

A colleague of mine who I have always found 'hard work' has just returned to work in my building from another one. In the past because we worked physically together I was forced to endure a lot more of her company than I wanted. She is a very 'high maintenance' person and very difficult/impossible to 'phase out' -so I endured her as best I could.

She was always under the impression we were 'friends' and for many reasons it was easier to leave it that way, although for me I more endured her than anything else. She was very controlling and irritating to me. I am an introverted person and prefer my own company or the company of one or two quality friends. This other girl lived for 'keeping up with the Joness' etc and was very pushy to me in many ways invaded my space and life etc but so volatile when rejected I had difficulty keeping her off me.

She also went through an ENDLESS hellish ordeal to get pregnant which I had to hear on an minute by minute basis whether I liked it or not. She really used me as a crutch and I never want to go through anything like that again, in fact it put me off having 'friends' as it was all about her 24/7. I also had to hear about her affairs which I was extremely uncomfortable with but she just wouldn't ever cop on that I was a person with rights who should not have had to hear that crap. I hated working with her and was ecstatic when she was moved.

Anyway, when she was gone I was so happy and relieved to be finally free of her and to have my thoughts to myself. And now that she has returned here again under different work circumstances I can finally put some distance between us with firm/pleasant assertiveness.

She is not a person who takes rejection at all well and would used to cause a huge scene if I ever tried to escape her. But nowadays a different situation is established and I am able to keep her at arms length.

She is somewhat fixated on me unfortunately. I heard back through a colleague recently that she has been talking. She believes the reason I am keeping my distance from her is that I am hurting because I am childless and she has a baby! I am so embarassed, besides being typical of her jumping to hilarious conclusions its not true. I am pretty sure I dont want kids and my fella is much the same. I would never rub this in peoples faces as I am quite private and its a personal thing.

I can see it now when I am talking to her she treats me with pity which is at the same time funny and irritating. I can see she is trying to pull me closer and wants to have a big conflab about it. I dont want to go back to that though. she was always the one obsessed with having kids and I listened to her out of politeness. She would find it unbelievable that someone else did not think the same as her so I would never be able to get it accross to her.

What am I going to do. She also has got it into her head that I am leading a sad and lonely life and am some sort of loser. But I love my life, I have a really happy love life which I never would brag about because I would never want her to feel bad (her and her husband dont have sex any more much as I never wanted to know that) so I never speak about that.

I enjoy my freedom and am happy with my decision not to have children. I am not that young any more and when myself and my fella discussed it before and thought about it I felt opressed with the thoughts of the responsibility/loss of freedom and financial worry. It was such a relief when we both decided against it.

I only own a small place with a small mortgage so have only small money worries which I am grateful for but she bought lots of property and expensive cars and now she is up to her neck in it. I don't care about these things but on the other hand this girl is going around talking about me like I am a charity case to be pitied. I just want her to stop but I dont want to have to become some sort of smug ass issuing statements on my happiness. I want to be left alone!

I can't start boasting about how happy I am but on the other hand I cant let her go around mouthing about me (she has a mouth like the channel tunnel) without setting her straight but she is so volatile and quite a deluded person always believing she is right. What do I do?

Warfi

content now wrote: »

she is so volatile and quite a deluded person always believing she is right. What do I do?

I'd say you're not the only one to notice this. People like this stick out like sore thumbs to everybody but themselves. You can be sure that nobody else believes her routine either.

She's trying to pretend that everything's great in her life and her new tactic now is to compare her supposedly 'fabulous' life to your 'less than fabulous' (according to her) life. Also, as you know yourself, she wants you as a friend and is playing the role of 'caring friend'.

Tell her you don't appreciate her going around talking about you as if you were a charity case. Your life is going along just fine and you don't want her sticking her nose in. I think being blunt is the best way to go, otherwise you'll never get through to her.
Good luck

hobochris

I bet with your choice not to have kids your social life is a lot better then hers. I'd maybe use that to knock her down a notch or two.

When she says about you not having kids just say "Yeah, but I love having the time and money to go out and do what i want when I want without being tied down."

I know the type and this will be kryptonite to them.

pickarooney

Why would you even bother? She's not spreading vicious rumours about you just some meaningless prattle about you being lonely which nobody will pay any attention to because they're doing everything they can to tune out the flap-jawed basket-case.

wylo

i can assure you ,if she really is the way you say she is, then every time she mentions you to other people , its not you they are feeling sorry for , its her. Most people that are beyond their teens see right through that carry on.

My advice ? leave her off, shes only damaging herself.

I know a fella like that, and like you, i had to slowly phase him out. He was completely self centered and always went on about his own problems, all day long. I am pretty sure he says stuff like that about me too but the funny thing I really genuinely dont care because I know that other people feel the same way about him, so when hes saying that stuff to people I know for a fact its him their laughing at not me.

Regarding the kids thing, i.e. her thinking your jealous,etc, that would genuinely make me laugh. If she said that to people I can assure you its her they feel sorry for.

RossFixxxed

Just tell her about your awesome, kid free night out you went on, or your entire weekend of NO RESPONSIBILITY or boredom....

Or, even better IMO, just ignore it, smile and nod. Wait for the horror stories about little Jimmy to start and then laugh and say 'thank god I don't have any' then bring up your awesome life.

Even better again... Just ignore it and let her think whatever the hell she wants. It's a free world and everyone can suck if they want to..

I've learned one thing, the hard way, on this: the second you start trying to act differently or not yourself because of her is the second you start causing yourself stress and anxiety. Keep to what you do and do not try to change your personality (seem happier etc.) and let her pass.