How much do you tell your OH?

pikachucheeks

I've been thinking about this for the past few days; How much do people in relationships tell each other?

Would you tell your OH everything, or do you keep some personal information private? Or are there some no-go areas? Would you discuss "secrets" your friends have told you with your partner?

What got me thinking about the topic is a close friend of mine. She's been with her boyfriend for a year (he's also a friend of mine, but we're not particularly close) and I know for a fact she tells him EVERYTHING.

I have no issue with her choosing to share all her own issues and private information with him -that's fine and pretty common in relationships, I think - but I do have a problem with her telling him intimate details about my private life, my love life, which I've specifically asked her not to repeat to anyone.

I know she tells him, because he confronts me about things and mentions things in conversation.
Ie. "How was your weekend ... You went on a date with that guy you met in X, didn't you?"
"Oh, I heard about X Y Z happening to you the other day! What's the story there?"
[EDIT: Just two examples. There are other more personal, intimate ones he's brought up with me.]

Personally, if I was in a relationship, I'd be more than willing to tell my partner about MY private life, my personal issues ... but not those of my friends. If a friend asked me to keep a secret, I'd keep it. If it's nothing to do with my OH, then why should I feel it's necessary to tell them? - A line does definitely have to be drawn, in my opinion.

What are your thoughts?

Cathmandooo

I pretty much tell him everything. I don't think it's fair to ask someone to keep something from their partner even if they're your close friend. Anything I say to any girlfriend of mine I'd see nothing wrong with her saying it to her boyfriend. But he shouldn't go telling anyone else. I don't see the harm in him asking you how a date went though, it was him being polite and taking interest. plus sometimes it's nice to have advice from a male perspective without you having to go through all the details with him.

Don't see the problem really, your secrets probably don't matter to him.

Malari

I would tell him most things. But if a friend asked me specifically not to say something particularly sensitive then I would keep it secret. I can only think of 2 instances of that happening though.

I think it's an important part of a relationship that you can discuss things with your partner. It's just normal human behaviour to talk about friends and I think it can strengthen a relationship. I know things I say won't be discussed any further.

Seems to me that your friend's boyfriend should have more tact, though I don't really think that asking about a date would be any great secret.

pikachucheeks

Cathooo wrote: »

I don't think it's fair to ask someone to keep something from their partner even if they're your close friend.

I do - I think it's perfectly acceptable to ask someone not to repeat information you've told them. If it matters to you that it's kept private, that should be respected, regardless of whether the person is in a relationship or not.

Cathooo wrote: »

I don't see the harm in him asking you how a date went though, it was him being polite and taking interest. plus sometimes it's nice to have advice from a male perspective without you having to go through all the details with him.

I do see your point, but I'm a very private person when it comes to my love life.
When he asks me about things I haven't told him, that he's heard through her, it embarrasses me.

It's my information and my life - details should be handed out on my terms, no?

As for having a male perspective, I have two very close male friends who I open up to. Outside of them, and two or three close female friends, I don't like anyone to know my private business.

minidazzler

I will answer any direct question about myself within reason.

I don't talk about other people's secrets and sh1t. That is personal, and noone but me and the person involves needs to know

Warfi

pikachucheeks wrote: »

What got me thinking about the topic is a close friend of mine. She's been with her boyfriend for a year (he's also a friend of mine, but we're not particularly close) and I know for a fact she tells him EVERYTHING.

I have no issue with her choosing to share all her own issues and private information with him -that's fine and pretty common in relationships, I think - but I do have a problem with her telling him intimate details about my private life, my love life, which I've specifically asked her not to repeat to anyone.

I know she tells him, because he confronts me about things and mentions things in conversation.
Ie. "How was your weekend ... You went on a date with that guy you met in X, didn't you?"
"Oh, I heard about X Y Z happening to you the other day! What's the story there?"

I find that really irritating too!
First of all, why would he be interested?
Second of all, I don't go randomly shouting about my details to anyone in the street, yet someone who would be a stranger to me only that he's going out with my friend knows all my details?
Third of all, I feel I have to defend what I do with my life with people I only know through my friends.

I feel like saying 'Yes I know you love him and want to tell him everything, but that doesn't mean I have to love him and share everything with him too':mad:

GAH!

betterlife

In my opinion, your friend told her OH about you because he is also your friend. She will not do that if you are a stranger to him.
But she should not disclose a secret she had promised to keep.

dublingal80

my best friend was good friends with my OH before i met him, so there are thing she would tell me that I would never tell anyone, including my oh. Its not fair on her if she tells me something privately and i go and tell my OH. its nothing got to do with me and my OHs relationship so i wouldnt tell him, unless it was something i was really worried about and i was looking for advice for him to help me

Id be afraid also, if i did tell my oh every single thing about my friends, they would stop trusting me with their secrets.

With me, my OH knows everything... some things he wishes he didnt! hehehe

pikachucheeks

Malari wrote: »

Seems to me that your friend's boyfriend should have more tact, though I don't really think that asking about a date would be any great secret.

Ah, I was just using that as one example.

To be perfectly honest, the reason I started this thread, asking how much people told their OHs, had a lot to do with something he said to me yesterday.

I don't want to discuss it in detail, but he really offended me. He'd formed an opinion of me and how I handle my love life based on snippits he's been told from her - and wasn't afraid to have his say, on something I'd never discussed with him, personally.

So, I just wanted to ask the question, do people in relationships tell each other everything - including the private lives of their friends? Do you think it's a necessary part of a relationship, to tell your partner everything? If you withhold information, is there a reason for it?

Cathmandooo

pikachucheeks wrote: »

I do - I think it's perfectly acceptable to ask someone not to repeat information you've told them. If it matters to you that it's kept private, that should be respected, regardless of whether the person is in a relationship or not.




I do see your point, but I'm a very private person when it comes to my love life.
When he asks me about things I haven't told him, that he's heard through her, it embarrasses me.

It's my information and my life - details should be handed out on my terms, no?

As for having a male perspective, I have two very close male friends who I open up to. Outside of them, and two or three close female friends, I don't like anyone to know my private business.

Different strokes for different folks.

It has happened to me before, I've never minded. But under some circumstances he should have a bit of cop on not to repeat things back to the person. Again, he was just being polite asking how a date went, I don't see a big deal with that.

Maybe you shouldnt confide things in that particular girlfriend. I wouldn't ask her not to tell her boyfriend as keeping secrets from him could be against her wishes and it's unfair to expect her to alter her relationship with her boyfriend for you.

Warfi

dublingal80 wrote: »

Id be afraid also, if i did tell my oh every single thing about my friends, they would stop trusting me with their secrets.

That's exactly what I've done. Too many times I've felt very uncomfortable with my friends and their other halves when something I thought was private was brought up for general discussion. It is very embarrassing.

I now keep information from these friends I would have happily told them before.

Malari

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Ah, I was just using that as one example.

To be perfectly honest, the reason I started this thread, asking how much people told their OHs, had a lot to do with something he said to me yesterday.

I don't want to discuss it in detail, but he really offended me. He'd formed an opinion of me and how I handle my love life based on snippits he's been told from her - and wasn't afraid to have his say, on something I'd never discussed with him, personally.

So, I just wanted to ask the question, do people in relationships tell each other everything - including the private lives of their friends? Do you think it's a necessary part of a relationship, to tell your partner everything? If you withhold information, is there a reason for it?

Yeah, fair enough. In fact I know a friend of a friend whose OH is like that. Really inappropriate questions about his wife's friends' business. :eek:

I don't think it's necessary for a relationship to function, but I do think that it's unavoidable to a certain degree. Having said that, my boyfriend won't have that much interest in my friends' love lives. But we have contemplated why one of our close friends has remained single for so long, for example.

I think, once you don't go overboard and once the boyfriend is diplomatic enough not to be asking questions he shouldn't, then you can't worry about it too much.

Khannie

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Would you discuss "secrets" your friends have told you with your partner?

No, they're secrets.

My friends trust me because they know for sure I will never tell anyone else anything that I've been told in confidence. One of the reasons I don't confide in many people is this business of "oh but she's my girlfriend" or whatever. *I DON'T CARE*

pikachucheeks wrote: »

I do have a problem with her telling him intimate details about my private life, my love life, which I've specifically asked her not to repeat to anyone.

Amen to that.

Ickle Magoo

If someone told me something in confidence then it would be treated as such, unless it put me in some kind of moral dilemma and then I might talk it over with him. TBH, he's not interested in the minuté of my friends' love lives & I don't have much interest in having discussions with him about my friends lives. If I had a particular issue then I may run it past him but he would never discuss anything I say to him with anyone else or the person in question.

I can't think of any secrets we have or have had from each other but then I wouldn't consider not discussing something private about a friend as keeping a secret from my OH.

Das Kitty

If someone asks me to keep a secret I do. If it's a secret that will affect me I'll ask can I discuss it with my OH. My OH is very discreet and if I talked to him about a non-secret issue my friend was having he'd never mention it to anyone.

I think your friend's bf is a dick Pika. How dare he bring up your personal life for open discussion, the only person who's allowed do that ever is you. Secret or not.

We all know that people will talk about us when we're not around but I hate it when someone reports back to you what's being said, even if it's positive.

pikachucheeks

dublingal80 wrote: »

Id be afraid also, if i did tell my oh every single thing about my friends, they would stop trusting me with their secrets.

Yeah. I'd feel the same!

I'm a very private person, regarding my relationships, so I respect my friends' privacy and would never repeat their business to anyone else. I expect the same courtesty.

Unfortunately, the fact I know my friend has told her boyfriend everything about me, has meant that I do trust her less. I only trust her with stuff on the condition I know she'll tell him, which is sad

dublingal80 wrote: »

With me, my OH knows everything... some things he wishes he didnt! hehehe

Aww, I think it's nice to have that level of knowledge in a relationship though. The fact that your OH knows "everything", yet he still loves you and cares for you.

It's a nice feeling, to know someone truly knows you... knows all your flaws, dirty secrets, weirdness ... yet still thinks you're great!

I'm all for being honest and open with a partner, but I do think information regarding friends should be kept private. If you can't respect anyone's privacy, why should they respect yours?

Malari

Das Kitty wrote: »

I think your friend's bf is a dick Pika. How dare he bring up your personal life for open discussion, the only person who's allowed do that ever is you. Secret or not.

We all know that people will talk about us when we're not around but I hate it when someone reports back to you what's being said, even if it's positive.

Absolutely. Even if someone tells my boyfriend something, with the assumption that he will then tell me, I would NEVER bring it up unless the person themselves told me or started to discuss it. It's just rude really.

jellie

What id tell someone Im with depends on how long Im with them. Ive told my ex stuff that ive never told anyone else including my best friends. but thats my own personal stuff.

pikachucheeks wrote: »

I have no issue with her choosing to share all her own issues and private information with him -that's fine and pretty common in relationships, I think - but I do have a problem with her telling him intimate details about my private life, my love life, which I've specifically asked her not to repeat to anyone.

this is the thing. When i say stuff to certain friends im pretty sure its gonna get on to their bfs, and for the most part i get on well with the bfs and in most cases dont mind and if i dont want it passed on ill make it clear its private. but recently i have some private love-life-related crap that i hadnt told anyone and confided in some friends, in each case saying please dont tell anyone, because it wasnt something i wanted others to know. i found out a bf had been told - by accident - and wasnt too impressed. but, ok, ill survive. what pissed ME off was that he had the cheek to question my decision on it, when it wasnt something i wanted him to know in the first place, and that i knew people would react that way which is why i hadnt told anyone! (hope im making some sort of sense)

& in the end it all blew over anyway and i ended up dealing with crap i shouldnt have it to over it. i am more careful with who i confide in now

krudler

Eh, itd depend on the person and situation, if it was a pretty important thing or something really personal then no, i wouldnt tell anyone, if its general stuff and they know the person well enough then yeah i would, just because you're in a relationship doesnt mean you have to tell the other persons everything about everything

horsebox1977

I told my wife that I was with a hooker - before we start going out and 12 years later i still get it in the neck..at that time we never even met - so lads keep your mouths shut

How Strange

If my friends tell me routine day to day stuff then at some stage it might come up in conversation with my OH and I'll mention it but if my friends tell me something that is obviously private and a secret (even if they don't say so) then I respect their privacy and I keep my mouth shut.

I once made the mistake of telling my OH something my friend told me and I mentioned to her after 'oh I told my OH about xx' she got really offended and tbh I saw her point of view.

Likewise I know secrets about my OH that I would never tell my best friend. Ever.

Secrets are secrets for a reason and if someone trusts you enough to tell you them then you should respect the person and keep them to yourself.

Cows Go µ

I tell my bf absolutely everything really, at least about me. He knows me inside out, better than anyone else in my life. But we were best friends before hand so we have always confided in each other. He's the person I've always turned to since we met. I vary in what I tell him about my friends. Most of our friends are the same people as we met in college. I tell him most things but if someone told me specifically not to, I wouldn't. There isn't really even a question in that, of course I wouldn't. He knows a lot of stuff about my best friend from school, that perhaps she might not want him to know but mostly I was talking because I was extremely worried about her and I really needed advice. It wasn't really something I could handle on my own. I don't share the things like that for no reason. I also know that my bf has enough cop on not to say anything to her about it (they have only actually met once as she's in a different country so it would be hard for him to bring it up anyway). He knows the stuff he can and can't talk about as he has a little bit of sense

skywards

I'm not really one to share a crapload of information, but I will generally answer questions xD. However, I'd never tell my friends secrets, thats why they are secrets..

NoDice

I'll admit I tell my boyfriend everything. I'm a strong believer in if either of us have something on our minds we should discuss it, no matter how little it is.

But definately, if one of my friends asked me not to say something to anyone and they were confiding me, I wouldn't even mention it to him. Not to be mean as in his defense he is a very trustworthy person but at the same time it wouldn't be any of his business nor would it help my friend.

A way to think about it maybe though, and not to defend your friend Pika, just to maybe let you know whats going through her mind -

She could be either using your stories as an excuse to have something to talk about with her OH.. Harsh maybe but it's a sad reality..

She could be trying to get another opinion on your situation? Unlikely??

Or maybe she is just a really chatty typical girl who sees him as her best friend and trusts him too.

They're not excuses girly, just might help you restrain from killing her!

Have you talked to her about it can I ask??

Floppybits

Seems to me here OP, that your friends BF is a bit of a twat. My GF tells me stuff about her mates especially if what the friend has told them is troubling here and she wants to bounce it off me. But that still doesn't give me the right to then question that friend, like what your friends BF has done. I think that the BF is just rude.

Couples are going to tell each other things even other friends secrets, its just what happens in the relationship. Then it comes down to trust in the relationship, like my GF tells me stuff but she trusts that I wont go back to the friend and start asking them about it.

OP if I was you I would let your friend know how you feel and the next time her BF asks you questions about something personal to yourself tell him to F*** off and mind his own business.

pikachucheeks

NoDice wrote: »

maybe she is just a really chatty typical girl who sees him as her best friend and trusts him too.

This one. definitely.

She's not a bad person and I know she wouldn't tell him things to hurt me, but for whatever reason, she does.

I'm OK with her telling him my business, if she really feels she must - but I don't want to be made aware that he knows. That just makes me feel like a) I can't trust her b) She doesn't take me or my private life seriously c) annoyed he knows details of my life I haven't chosen to tell him and d) embarrassed he knows intimate details about me.

NoDice wrote: »

Have you talked to her about it can I ask??

Yeah. I talked to her this morning. I've spoken to her about telling him things in the past, but I felt like it clearly needed to be said again.

I said that I my love life was private to me and anything I told her, even if I didn't specifically said it, is not meant to be repeated to anyone else.

And that I understood she was in a relationship where they seem to tell each other everything, but I'd prefer if my life and details of it were excluded from that.

I just felt it had to be said. I'm not one to lie and pretend I'm okay, if I'm not. I prefer to be honest and handle things like an adult.

Sad as it is, I'm actually pretty down about it today. Her boyfriend's comments yesterday have completely shaken me ...

As we speak, she's sitting at the computer next to me in college, and he's at the one next to her ... None of us are saying a word to each other


Oh, and just to say, I'm not trying to make this thread about my one situation - Anyone else with any experience/s is, of course, more than willing to share.

And my original questions, asking people how much they'd be willing to tell their partner, if they'd refrain from telling their partner anything ... still stands.

morninwood

pikachucheeks wrote: »

And my original questions, asking people how much they'd be willing to tell their partner, if they'd refrain from telling their partner anything ... still stands.

nothing much. i like to keep it on a need to know basis. if i'm asked for certain intel i might consider telling them but that would take some serious persuasion (or bribes :rolleyes:). other people's business is other people's business.
but that's just me as a bloke. the ladies seem to have a stronger urge to share the goss (i honestly believe it is more than a stereotype).

Edgedinblue

my bf and i tell eachother everything! itd feel weird if i kept something from him. but as far as gossiping about someone elses business then no, wouldnt go telling! hate people who do that.

NoDice

pikachucheeks wrote: »

I don't want to be made aware that he knows. That just makes me feel like a) I can't trust her b) She doesn't take me or my private life seriously c) annoyed he knows details of my life I haven't chosen to tell him and d) embarrassed he knows intimate details about me.

You know I bet she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong tbh. It's so silly and I bet he's probably in the mind frame that it'll get you and him on good terms and discussing something with you will make you guys friends or something. Hopefully he doesn't mean it in a bad way hun.

Not to sound bitchy or anything but you sound a whole lot more mature than the both of them put together. I guess ye just see things differently and on the whole I guess imo anyway it shows who you can be open with and who you can trust at the end of the day...

Sorry Pika, I'm so bad at making people feel better!! Can just share my opinion on it and my experiences!

Little Acorn

We pretty much tell each other everything. However if it was something huge like a friend being pregnant and hadn't told her boyfriend yet,or something personal from their family life or their past that they had trusted me alone with and asked me not to tell anyone,then I would never open my mouth,even if I fell out with the person I'd still keep their secret.
Have ta say though I am guilty about venting my frustration with my boyfriend if one of my friends does something that hurts my feelings,or just pisses me of.
I know when somebody does something that pisses you off,you should just confront them,but sometimes if it's just something stupid not worth having an argument over,or risking it turning into a huge thing and possibly falling out for good with the friend,I think most people might just bitch about it abit.
We hang around in a fairly close group of friends,so when you see the same people so often,they're almost like family and are bound to do/say something that irritates you occasionally. One of my own friends even admitted to me that she's bitched about me to her oh when I've annoyed her,and I admitted same to here. Our oh's are friends and have bitched about each other too. Nothing ever really nasty or anything,more along,"she was a really cheeky bitch for saying that to me,who does she think she is etc."
I think it's healthy to have a little bitch sometimes(purely to vent abit of anger and then forget about it and move on),and wouldn't even be annoyed with someone who had bitched about me if I had done something to annoy them and they didn't go overboard nasty.So to sum up,all our friends pretty know everything that's happening to each other anyways so it's very likely we might talk about each other at some stage,huge secrets though are a no-no,and there may be abit of light bitching sometimes.(Bad me:o)
Sorry if I may have gone abit off-topic,just trying to explain the context I would talk about friends to my boyfriend.:)

wonderingabout

I tell him everything and my friends know that. So if theres something they don't want him to know then they don't tell me.

I can't help but tell him stuff. We spend so much time together we're basically sharing our lives so it's hard to just omit things. For me anyway.

Raze_them_all

I keep my personal stuff to myself. Ya never know what might be used against you if you've had a nasty break up

Kate253

after 7 months i casually told my (now Ex-) BF that i'd smoked hash when in college. it was only experimental - could count on one hand. a non-smoker so wasn't into it. he broke up with me a few wks later and cited that as a reason as it bothered him so much! i was SHOCKED! now, obviously i'm better off if he's that judgmental but it still stung. i was talking about 15 years ago. better to know now than later of course but i also wonder - what if i'd never told him OR had tried to suss out his real attitiude to same BEFORE i opened up....

tanyaog2007

i tell him what he needs to know and thats all. i wouldn't tell him about my friends secrets and he wouldn't either.

Orla K

I was on the other side of this, someone told me someone elses secret(and it was a biggie) only the guys family knew and his friend(who told me) I gave out to him for telling me, it was something that I didn't want to know and still think about when I think about the guy (who's a friend of mine)

I don't know if he knows I know, he probably does but it has never been mentioned.

It did come up in a drunken night before (among other friends, neither of the two were there) someone started questioning that aspect of the guys life, me and another friend 'defended' him and we then had to figure out how much each other knew there was alot of talking using the words thing, yolk, thingie and place. It just ended with utter confusion and I realised I knew more than her. I also realised that it was her OH that told her about it (and it happens often with them)


I was also told things by friend and told to keep them a secret only later to be asked who did I tell, then why didn't I tell anyone and finally 'ah youre useless'

Novella

I wouldn't consider myself a particularly open person tbh. I do find it pretty hard to open up to people so in general, even when it comes to things about myself, there are certain areas I would classify no go's.

That said, I have met a few (well, one!) person who can make me tell him anything. I dunno what is is, sometimes I actually think he can read my mind! It's pretty weird but I guess, I would tell him anything about myself. I find myself just letting things slip out. Talking to him is just really easy.

Enough of the... sappiness... I wouldn't tell my OH something which someone else had told me in confidence. I don't think of that as me keeping secrets from him, that's just me respecting another persons wishes. I'd be a pretty sh!t friend is I told my OH the details of my friends lives, I mean, that kinda thing just wouldn't be relevant to him anyway imo.

Abi

I'm a very private person, in a relationship I don't even share a lot of info about myself. And as for friends, if they tell me something it goes no further. I'd see sharing your friends secrets / personal issues with an OH as gossipy and disloyal.

I don't think you should keep secrets from your partner.

I do however, think you should keep other people's secrets. I wouldn't expect my man to tell me personal things about his best friends and vice versa.

To be honest, he really wouldn't be interested in my friends love life/embarrassing itches etc :pac:

I think your friend is out of line. Her boyfriend should have had the cop on to keep his mouth shut aswell.

Tar.Aldarion

I tell absolutely everything. what i cant stand is them telling their friends something about you or whatever..and thinking that is fine

pow wow

My sister tells her husband everything about my private life, stuff I've told her in secret etc. etc. and he has the loosest mouth there is so he regularly spills my secrets to other people (my parents mostly, and there is stuff your parents just don't need to know!!).

I just don't tell her anything now. A shame I know, but when I had a word to her about it after he'd been running his mouth for the bajillionth time she got mortally offended that I'd even request she kept my secrets a secret from him. I don't care how honest she is with him ordinarily but there is stuff I'd only tell my sister, and I expect it to go no further.

On the other side I tell mr. pow wow what he needs to know so he doesn't make a tit of himself around my friends but other than that what people tell me in confidence I keep to myself.

The Big Red Button

Cathooo wrote: »

I pretty much tell him everything. I don't think it's fair to ask someone to keep something from their partner even if they're your close friend.

You don't see anything wrong with expecting a close friend of yours to keep her personal secrets confidential, i.e. between you and her?

Cathooo wrote: »

Anything I say to any girlfriend of mine I'd see nothing wrong with her saying it to her boyfriend. But he shouldn't go telling anyone else.

Say if you didn't like or trust the boyfriend? Is it still OK that she tells him your deepest secrets; it's enough that she likes and trusts him enough?

Cathooo wrote: »

I don't see the harm in him asking you how a date went though, it was him being polite and taking interest. plus sometimes it's nice to have advice from a male perspective without you having to go through all the details with him.

Firstly, she clearly said that this was only an example.

Secondly, if she's in such need of male perspective, I'm sure that she'd be happier to seek it herself, off her own friends, and on her own terms.

Cathooo wrote: »

Don't see the problem really, your secrets probably don't matter to him.

Exactly. Your friends secrets really shouldn't matter to your boyfriend. So why would you betray their trust for something so unimportant?

Cathooo wrote: »

I wouldn't ask her not to tell her boyfriend as keeping secrets from him could be against her wishes and it's unfair to expect her to alter her relationship with her boyfriend for you.

But it's fair to expect her to alter her relationship with her female friends for her boyfriend?

Yeah, that sounds like a really healthy relationship to me. :rolleyes:

Flat2dmat

I talk to him about everything and if there's anything of a sensitive nature then he knows not to speak about it to anyone else. never had any issues with it. but then again, we're together 10 years so we know what we're doing.
For others in shorter relationships I can see why you'd want to keep stuff between your friends private.

But for girls who don't expect their friends to talk to their boyfriends about stuff - wake up, everyone does it! it's usually single girls who don't realise that this happens in a relationship...

minidazzler

Flat2dmat wrote: »

I talk to him about everything and if there's anything of a sensitive nature then he knows not to speak about it to anyone else. never had any issues with it. but then again, we're together 10 years so we know what we're doing.
For others in shorter relationships I can see why you'd want to keep stuff between your friends private.

But for girls who don't expect their friends to talk to their boyfriends about stuff - wake up, everyone does it! it's usually single girls who don't realise that this happens in a relationship...

There is a massive difference between 10 years and 4 months though.

Would you have told your BF about your Friends private lives after 4 months?

TBH, I Lead separate lives with regards my friends and pothential partners.

I will tell my friends if I like someone, but not much about the person. If I am dating osmeone, I will tell them about my friends, but nothing that I would consider private!

Alot of people tell me alot of stuff in confidence, I don't break that trust for anyone!

Pigwidgeon

I tell my bf everything, but obviously there is a line to it.
I tell him everything about me, but if my friends ask me to keep something a secret, then I will. I wouldn't like to think that if I tell my friends things that their bf's have to hear about it. It's my life and it's private, if I wanted to share it with everyone I would.
I have two friends I trust completely and would tell anything to them, because I know it won't go any further than that.

On the other hand I have a friend who if I tell her anything she will guarenteed tell another one of our friends and her bf. So now, I just don't tell her much anymore. The big thing for me in friendship is loyalty and discretion. If they have no regard for your feelings and feel the need to discuss your private life and problems with others, then I don't think they deserve to know these things.

The only time I would tell my bf a friend's secret would be if I was seriously worried about them and needed a more outside opinion before I decided what to do.
Secret's are secret for a reason and should be kept that way in my opinion, nobody should ever abuse the trust that someone has in them.