Ex and a messy situation

LegacyUser

I would love all opinions/thoughts on my situation.
I had a four month relationship with a guy at work. We were really physically attracted to each other and had a crazy time, until he decided the spark was gone and decided to take a week to think about things (I know, should have known this was the end) and then broke up with me over the phone. I was devestated at the time, but I've since realised that we weren't really going anywhere and the break up, while he handled it badly, was probably for the best.
Anyway, a month after we broke up I met a guy at a random party, he asked for my number, we went on a few dates and really hit it off. We're coming up to five months together and from the very start I knew this guy was special. I know its only five months, but I was told "when you know he's the one you just know" and I guess its true for me and him!
When me and the ex broke up, we stayed "friends" in the sense that we work together so we have to get one, ie have lunch or coffee. I think after I met my current love, I began to phase the ex out-I just couldn't be bothered with maintaining contact (all other exes I just never stayed in touch with). I know deep down how he dumped me hurts and nobody likes being dumped, but its painful beyond belief when you have to see them all the time.
So, anyway, today the ex asked to meet "for a chat". He told me he basically thinks I'm being cold and he's really missing our chats and the fun we have, and wants to get back to "normal" friendship. I told him I didn't think my BF would be too impressed with me hanging out with my ex (this was the first he heard I'm with a new partner) but he thinks there's nothing wrong with us hanging out.
What should I do? I want us to be friends, tbh I think during our relationship the best bit was the laughs we had together and I do miss that. Should I run this by current partner or just maintain a professional level of friendship? Would it bother people that their partner was good friends and went out with an ex? I am all over the place, I don't know what I should do.
Please tell me what you think guys. I need some thoughts to decide what friendship level is appropriate.

SarahSassy

Talk to your OH and see what he is comfortable with. At the end of the day, you are still pandering a little to this guy. Put your new man first and let the other one off to his own devices. You owe him nothing

magneticimpulse

tell you ex to get lost. seriously he dumped you and you should be nice and friends with him. forget him, he prob wants to destroy your current relationship. keep well away from him. just ignore him. dont get angry or upset, just dont talk to him.

Colonel_McCoy

tell your ex to take a hike...........he dumped you, you owe him nothing. be polite to him at work and leave it at that.

dublingal80

put yourself in your OHs shoes. How would you feel if he told you that his ex wanted to meet him for coffee some time and be friends with him?
Most people would feel somewhat uncomfortable about the situation

why do you want to be friends with your ex? Its been 5 months

G-Money

What is this obsession people/society has with wanting to be friends with an ex? I've a hard time believing there are genuine unselfish reasons behind it. Often it's to massage one's own ego as they have someone else around that likes them, or it's to "prove" to their ex that they've moved on if they were the one that was dumped. Almost a form of vengeance.

Sometimes though there's no interest in each other and they are genuinely ok with being friends. No agenda, no vengeance or revenge plot hidden under the guise of "just being friends".

I don't really get why you want to be friends with this guy. Do you genuinely just want to be friends with him with no other agenda? Or are you hoping to sort of make him suffer a bit and see what he lost when he dumped you now that you've found someone else?

Just forget all about him. Or, have your new guy get in touch with an ex who he was "Crazy attracted to". I'm sure you'd love that.

I often think the best way to decide whether something is right or wrong, is to picture whether you'd want someone to do the same thing back to you. Or failing that, if you were being told the situation by someone else, a friend for example, how would you advise them to react?

LegacyUser

Hi, this is OP.
Well, it seems fairly unanimous that the ex should be left well alone. Its difficult to ignore him completely as we work together, its a small office so we can't really avoid talking to each other and its always easier to be civil.

One poster made me realise that maybe I am pandering to him! I am sitting here thinking, FFS YOU dumped ME and I'M the one being criticised for not making things easy for HIM!!!! I kind of want to tell him he lost the fun times when he decided to act like such a jerk and dump me. I guess the replies from people who are not in the situation were a needed blast of cold air.

Having said that, I would never normally stay friends with an ex, but this situation is different. My current partner knows the situation and that me and the ex would hang out a bit-we are very honest with eachother that way and he knows I'm totally committed to him. Maybe I just need to realise I lost a boyfriend and a friend and I'll just have to realise I don't have to accomodate ex's pleas for friendship!

G-Money

Seeing you work together, obviously you probably can't ignore him completely. Just be civil and professional, but nothing more. That way, you are covered from every angle but you aren't "friends".

By civil, I mean being curteous but keeping the interaction to the bare minimum required in order not to be considered extremely rude by the other person. If it were me, I'd say hello, allow a tiny amount of small talk then make my excuses and leave.