Midlife Crisis at 36

iguana2005

at my wits end..am 36, single, working but not a career, no kids or savings. I have travelled the world and lived abroad so had my fun times in my 20's. Am home now a few years and life is getting unbearable. Am he oldert person in my job and dont get asked out to any of their nights out. Work my ass off for a bunch of **** with no thanks. All my friends are getting reaady for xmas with their kids and im so lonely. will go hme with my parents who are alcoholics for the day. have dne online dating and met no one. Been back to college and got me no where. Went to the gym which i loved but that waas it - was hoping to meet some new people but didnt work. Notice too am loosing my looks at 36 - looads of wrinkles and saggy skin. Weight is starting o catch up on me too. All the young kids at work wear and can afford clothes- i look so frumpy.

Anyone else feel the same? I dont know where to go from here. I cant see my being here next year - i would love to be diagnosed with some kind of terminal cancer - lost 2 friends to this and their joy before dying was amazing. i think if i knew i was dying i would make the most of it. at the moment i just see me getting lonlier and lonlier with no hope at all..suicide is an answer but am too chicken being honest but its n option.

are some people luckier then others? would love 'normal' problems...like my friends with kids..they are so lukcky to have a partner and gorgeous kids..they all hang out together and all i seem to do is work work work nd get nowhere...they go on meternity and get married and buy houses..normal things...i cant ever afford to get my rent sometimes

Fiend-Foe

This isn't a midlife crisis, you are suffering from depression. You need to go talk to someone.

If you get help and sort yourself out it will not only help you to be happy and solve the problems in your life but it will help you to make friends and meet people.

You'll also have more luck romantically, people can pick up on these things and will be able to tell you are not happy in yourself. No matter what image you think you are projecting.

Speak to your GP and they will be able to recommend someone to talk to, or maybe medication for a while. Its horrible to see you talk about dying and wishing you had terminal cancer etc, you have to see that this is just a slump.

Things will improve, you will find love and you will be looking back at these days and see them as the events that helped form your character, that made you strong.

This is a test, you can get through it. Everybody has one. Please get some help or talk to someone and sort yourself out, because your life isn't going to magically improve itself. YOU have to do it, you have to MAKE it change.

I wish you the best of luck, I know you can find happiness.

iguana2005

thanks for your reply..am not depressed at all thats the funny thing...have loads of energy and sleep like a log most nights..this is not the first time i have been through stuff/depression. its common place wit me and looking back at 2 years ago life was pretty similiar except a differnt country.
i wonder did i do something bad in a previous life matbe? happenness genuinely seems to skip me ever since i was young and its getting worse.. maybe is my life to end it and leave a legacy? who knows..thank you though.. good luck to you

Fiend-Foe

iguana2005 wrote: »

thanks for your reply..am not depressed at all thats the funny thing...have loads of energy and sleep like a log most nights..this is not the first time i have been through stuff/depression. its common place wit me and looking back at 2 years ago life was pretty similiar except a differnt country.
i wonder did i do something bad in a previous life matbe? happenness genuinely seems to skip me ever since i was young and its getting worse.. maybe is my life to end it and leave a legacy? who knows..thank you though.. good luck to you

Well you're living your life wrong then. Make some drastic changes, stop doing things that make you unhappy. Try make a fresh start, a new beginning.

What you are talking about is the most drastic change possible, there's no undoing it. There's always a solution, always an answer.

There is a way for you to be happy, you just have to find it. Maybe try do something new this weekend, try get out and make new friends.

Don't give up and please just keep looking, of course you can be happy. Everybody can, it's just harder for some to find.

Lana80

Hi there
The best legacy you could leave is to try and live your life the way you want to live it.You've done it before.Travelled the world and had a great time.
You're only 36.Try and look beyond the wrinkles and saggy skin.There's so much more to you than that I'm sure.
Look at your own life not others.

Nevyn

Do not dispense on line diagnoses.
DO not state that someone is depressed from reading a post.
It is unhelpful and Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Munstermad

This is a very hard time of year to be alone, I am also not in the best place at the moment. Same age as u but different problems.

This won't last forever, it will get better.
And knowing that there are also many other people this christmas in very difficult situations helps keep me going.

So you are not alone in how you feel although I'm sure u are feeling very alone, Please talk to someone, Gp, Samaritans, friend?

You may well not be depressed but you must agree that suicidal thoughts are not a healthy state of being?

And what you are considering is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

You are worth so much more, you sound like a decent, sweet guy who is just a little off track at the moment.

Draw a line under 2009 and make 2010 your best year yet, if there is 1 thing I've learned in all my drama, its that only I can make me happy.

Only my opinion mind, but set treats or aims for the new year, do something extraordinary, take a break away if it can be managed?? that's how I'm managing.

I wish you all the best and every happiness, don't give up, you are worth so much more.

LegacyUser

Hey OP

Sounds to me like you need a little inspiration in your life.

Have a read of this guy, he won one of the toughest foot races in the world at the age of 60! He started running at the age of 26 fair enough but what an amazing humble and inspiring man. http://www.runtrails.org/articles/?p=754

I wake up so many mornings OP thinking the most negative of thoughts. Sometimes I wonder if my mind will ever be free from anxiety. Some days are such a struggle if only people knew what really went on in my mind. All my friends are settled and I've become so very alienated to them as our priorities are so different now. But I know I need to keep on top of my life and keep active. Other people seem more interested in me when I have achieved something good or even done something a bit different. Exercise is key it really is and you can take up so many sports at any age.

You say you are going to the gym but would you try doing something in the fresh air?? You can't beat proper fresh air to clear the head. Maybe you could start going for a walk at lunch hour during work, get a break from the office. Spending too much time in an office would zap anybodys will to live. Keep your body in shape as much as you can, just keep on top of it and you wil start to feel better.

If it is company you are looking for why don't you go to one of the boards drinks night?

You really do sound like a lovely man. And don't be comparing yourself to your friends there are so many people in dire straights and huge debt right now you are lucky to not have these commitments. Try to start saving to give you that bit of security for when the day comes when you meet a lovely lady.

There is so much loneliness in the world OP there are so many people in the world who would love your company

LegacyUser

Or have a read of the story behind our very own Pat Falvey - another true inspiration. Self confessed as being suicidally depressed at the age of 30 when he lost all his money but took a walk up a hill one day and went on to become Irelands first to climb Everest.

http://patfalvey.ie/profile/patfalveybiography.html

I don't know if this helps OP but I'm just trying to get two points across that you are not the only one and that it is possible to make changes in your life.

The Bishop Basher

You'll probably think i'm nuts for suggesting this but I really do feel it's what your searching for right now.

http://www.shamanlinks.net/Soul_Retrieval.htm

PM me if you want to know more.

ali.c

iguana2005 wrote: »

at my wits end..am 36, single, working but not a career, no kids or savings. I have travelled the world and lived abroad so had my fun times in my 20's. Am home now a few years and life is getting unbearable. Am he oldert person in my job and dont get asked out to any of their nights out. Work my ass off for a bunch of **** with no thanks. All my friends are getting reaady for xmas with their kids and im so lonely. will go hme with my parents who are alcoholics for the day. have dne online dating and met no one. Been back to college and got me no where. Went to the gym which i loved but that waas it - was hoping to meet some new people but didnt work. Notice too am loosing my looks at 36 - looads of wrinkles and saggy skin. Weight is starting o catch up on me too. All the young kids at work wear and can afford clothes- i look so frumpy.

Wow thats a lot of aspects of your life that you are not happy with. I would suggest that you make a list of the things in your life that you want. For example, What is your dream job? what steps can you take to achieve this? My sense from reading your post is that you dont necessarily know what you want. Define your success by what you want not by what your friends are doing.

Anyone else feel the same? I dont know where to go from here. I cant see my being here next year - i would love to be diagnosed with some kind of terminal cancer - lost 2 friends to this and their joy before dying was amazing. i think if i knew i was dying i would make the most of it. at the moment i just see me getting lonlier and lonlier with no hope at all..suicide is an answer but am too chicken being honest but its n option.

Why wait to be diagnosed with a terminal disease? Go for what you want now- you have mentioned that you feel suicide is an option so regarding these feelings I think you should look to getting some help, samariatains gp etc.

are some people luckier then others? would love 'normal' problems...like my friends with kids..they are so lukcky to have a partner and gorgeous kids..they all hang out together and all i seem to do is work work work nd get nowhere...they go on meternity and get married and buy houses..normal things...i cant ever afford to get my rent sometimes

I dont necessarily think so- I am in my mid twenties and to be honest I am jealous of my friends that our off travelling etc. It may be when they come back that they may be jealous/envious of some aspects of my life, neither is necessarily better but they are different paths. Its easy to look at other peoples lives and think how easy it must be but what you see of their problems and what they experience are not always the same thing. So you havent meet someone to have children with but meeting the right person will not fix the other aspects of your life that you are not content with and does not equal fiancial security either.

I dont know if this makes sense or not but I do think that you could benifit from changing your perspective of things.

krudler

iguana2005 wrote: »

at my wits end..am 36, single, working but not a career, no kids or savings. I have travelled the world and lived abroad so had my fun times in my 20's. Am home now a few years and life is getting unbearable. Am he oldert person in my job and dont get asked out to any of their nights out. Work my ass off for a bunch of **** with no thanks. All my friends are getting reaady for xmas with their kids and im so lonely. will go hme with my parents who are alcoholics for the day. have dne online dating and met no one. Been back to college and got me no where. Went to the gym which i loved but that waas it - was hoping to meet some new people but didnt work. Notice too am loosing my looks at 36 - looads of wrinkles and saggy skin. Weight is starting o catch up on me too. All the young kids at work wear and can afford clothes- i look so frumpy.

Anyone else feel the same? I dont know where to go from here. I cant see my being here next year - i would love to be diagnosed with some kind of terminal cancer - lost 2 friends to this and their joy before dying was amazing. i think if i knew i was dying i would make the most of it. at the moment i just see me getting lonlier and lonlier with no hope at all..suicide is an answer but am too chicken being honest but its n option.

are some people luckier then others? would love 'normal' problems...like my friends with kids..they are so lukcky to have a partner and gorgeous kids..they all hang out together and all i seem to do is work work work nd get nowhere...they go on meternity and get married and buy houses..normal things...i cant ever afford to get my rent sometimes

There are probably plenty of people who have kids and jobs and mortgages and "normal" lives who would change it and spend years travelling the world as you have, a house is just that, a house, its no substitute for life experience and seeing other countries and cultures, why dont you go travelling again?

iguana2005

thanks for all the replies..by the by im a GIRL!!

iguana2005

Swanner wrote: »

You'll probably think i'm nuts for suggesting this but I really do feel it's what your searching for right now.

http://www.shamanlinks.net/Soul_Retrieval.htm

PM me if you want to know more.

Interesting! Thanks for that link...will have a read first

Ellechim

Hi Iquana.

I think it is really hard for single women in their thirties in Ireland particularly as our society is veyr much geared towards couples, having kids and so on. I really think you have to work very hard at making the life you want. However, this is the case for everyone. The kind of life you want doesn't come up to you on a plate - you have to decide what you want and go for it.

There are other things to life beyond marriage and kids! There are other paths and other ways of living. The problem with marriage and kids are that you need to find the right bloke and to be frank they are in short supply and it's a bit of pot luck whether or not you find one - and then even when you do believe me marriage never turns out to be what you think as actually nobody is perfect. In all honesty it is easy to look at other people's lives and think they have it all sussed and rosy but if you get to talk to people you will find that most people have some or many aspects of their lives they are unhappy about or burdens they are carrying - they don't share it with others or volunteer it - our egos don't allow us to be open about things in that way with others so it's easy to think you're the only one in that position.

What can be really frustrating is recognising that there are aspects of your life that you're really unhappy about but because you are so unhappy and close to the situation it becomes hard to see any other possibilities or make any changes. Talking to someone, a professional, helps you see what those possibilities are because they remind you or question your thinking so you begin to see what is real, what is good in your life and what your choices are.

I do think listening to your post that if you're at the point of wishing you had a terminal illness then you really need to talk to someone. A counsellor would be a good start.

Please do get some help. If you want to pm me in terms of being pointed towards a good counsellor I have some contacts that might be of use.

All the best, i really hope that things get better for you very soon.

Munstermad

iguana2005 wrote: »

thanks for all the replies..by the by im a GIRL!!

Sorry Iguana2005, don't know why I assumed u were a guy, all the same, you seem like a deacent sweeet gal!!:D With a keen sense of humour;)

sunnyside

krudler wrote: »

a house is just that, a house, its no substitute for life experience and seeing other countries and cultures, why dont you go travelling again?

I'm 31, female and single. I own a house and I have come across people being jealous. It was my decision, all I wanted but now I wish I didn't own it. Almost everything I earn goes on mortgage and household bills. I work just so that I can keep the house, when Cork was flooded 2 weeks ago I spent sleepless nights worrying in case flooding happened to me. When things break I have to find and pay a carpenter/electrician/plumber to fix them. I long for the days of calling the landlord with my household problems.

I was reading a thread in another forum on here about plans for 2010. Most people are talking about travelling and concerts. Home ownership means I can't do those things any more and that made me a bit miserable.

There really is no point in comparing yourself to other people, nobody seems to be truly happy with their lot no matter how good it might look from the outside. Just do your own thing.