Good excuses for getting out of something

electrogrimey

Seeing as the last thread was a good while ago and just ended in everyone slating the OP for trying to get out of 2 weeks, thought I'd start a thread for the best excuses people have come up with for getting out of something.

I'm pretty proud of the one I just used: Sorry I can't come in, my house was broken into last night and I have to wait around the let the guards in to look around.

Resulted in a sympathetic 'you're grand, sorry about the house'. Bingo.

Anyone have any other good excuses?

ScumLord

I'm a racist/paedophile/rapist/foreign/frisky/flatulent/religious when do you want me there?

biko

My/your mum is calling me/you

Cookie_Monster

I just don't care enough to be bothered

Run_to_da_hills

A guy in my class told the teacher that he couln't do his ekker because a horse grabbed his copy book and ate it as he was waiting for the level crossing to open on the way home from school.

Poor Uncle Tom

The last time I tried that the Leprocy flared up......

orourkeda

Sorry. I couldn't be bothered, F*ck off. Usually works for me.

Long Onion

I once told the boss that my granny had died, they found out she was still alive though so I told them it was actually my other granny. Problem was they found out this was a lie too so I told them my OH had a miscarriage, then I resigned.

That_Guy

When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

Hazys

I must go now, my planet needs me.

Crow71

betafrog wrote: »

A lad in school told the teacher he hadn't done his homework as his granny had died. Man was he embarrassed when she actually died the following week.

Was his name stephen ireland by any chance?

Funglegunk

I have explosive diarrhoea.

Jackeenboy

Im too tired.

Kazooie

Shut Up, Thats why!!

electrogrimey

Kazooie wrote: »

Shut Up, Thats why!!

Kazooie? Is that you?

That_Guy

electrogrimey wrote: »

Kazooie? Is that you?

Don't be silly. Bears can't talk... unless of course they're smarter than the average bear.

Sleepeee

A good one for work is a tooth absyss as they are utterly utterly painful.

For general going out "I have a really horrible cold sore which is not making me very asthetically pleasing and hence please don't put pressue on me to go out, you know how sensitive I am about these things"

Long Onion

Sleepeee wrote: »

A good one for work is a tooth absyss as they are utterly utterly painful.

Deep man, deep ...

Kazooie

electrogrimey wrote: »

Kazooie? Is that you?

Good call. What a game that was.

Doyler92

A simple but stern 'No' usually works.

TobyZiegler

The old floods, as awful as they are, can come in handy for getting out of things!

That_Guy

Sleepeee wrote: »

A good one for work is a tooth absyss as they are utterly utterly painful.

For general going out "I have a really horrible cold sore which is not making me very asthetically pleasing and hence please don't put pressue on me to go out, you know how sensitive I am about these things"

Somebody's learning something in their English Leaving Cert.

GrizzlyMan

Honesly I would, if I could, but I cant!

Hazys

This one usually works when my ex-bosses ask me to do something I'm too lazy to do:

Boss: Could you please run a report on blah blah blah...
Me: :rolleyes: *Lick finger and wipe on Boss' face
Boss: *Stunned look and eventually walks away
Me: :cool:

HermitHorace

Just go odd is my approach:

"My dog licks my nuts."


Conversations usually stop after that.

Sheepy99

Crow71 wrote: »

Was his name stephen ireland by any chance?

badum-tish !

RMD

My menstrual cycle's acting havoc right now.

Didn't work for me last time I tried, being a guy and all, can't beat the look on a bosses face though when you say it in all seriousness.

millimetres

My hamster suffers from depression and is having a particularly hard time of it right now. I don't think it's such a good idea to leave him by himself.

clikityclak

TobyZiegler wrote: »

The old floods, as awful as they are, can come in handy for getting out of things!

indeed... the train was so late/ dropped my phone in the flood etc

HermitHorace

I'd love to but I'm on Jihad tonight AAAAAALLLLLLLLAAAHHHHHHHH AAAAIIIEEEEEEE!

marcsignal

I remember seeing Spike Milligan being harranged by journalists outside the BBC after he called prince Charles a 'grovelling little bastard' They were crowding around him demanding a comment, and blocking his way as he was walking out of the building, and in typical Spike style, he started shouting:
"Fuck off !! I've got AIDS ! I've got AIDS!!"

.

consultech

I find "I don't get paid enough" works a treat, as you get to strike. Myself and a few others did this recently, worked a treat.

Sleepeee

That_Guy wrote: »

Somebody's learning something in their English Leaving Cert.

Oi! You and Long Onion! What's with the abuse??? So I can't spell tooth abscess and aesthetically pleasing and I don't know how to multi quote both of ye on one post!

Sorry Sir, I can't come to school today I'm getting abuse from that guy with the long onion stuck up his a$$

The Big Red Button

When chuggers try to get me to sign up for stuff, I often use the "sorry, I'm only fifteen" excuse.

It always works, coz they're never going to say "but ... you look really old!" Although they always look a little confused when I say it!

Bajingo

millimetres wrote: »

My hamster suffers from depression and is having a particularly hard time of it right now. I don't think it's such a good idea to leave him by himself.

D.A.H.O.R(Depression Among Hamsters and Other Rodents) is'nt a joke I lost two hamsters to this condition..

Im broke usually works a treat and for the vast majority of times it's used..it's true! No one needs to 'pretend die' for you to get out of something!

mink_man

Long Onion wrote: »

I once told the boss that my granny had died, they found out she was still alive though so I told them it was actually my other granny. Problem was they found out this was a lie too so I told them my OH had a miscarriage, then I resigned.

y is this so funny?

4leto

Asthma inhaler has got me out of a lot of shyte, its even got me half days from work, either I am having an asthma attack or I forgot my inhaler and I have to get one. Which is an excuse because I don't have Asthma, but I do have an inhaler.

Xinkai

Yeah boss i'm up in the *Insert location here* already, you just mustn't have seen me.

Back to bed

The Thing!

Why can't you stop being so pathetic and just say no? Why are people so weak?

msg11

Sorry, I am washing my hair..

mink_man

i used the jacks as an excuse for getting out of my chair!

Useful.Idiot

FRAG OUT!

rafared

I saw a note a mother had written for her daughters teacher explaining why she hadnt done her homework...........
It read " Please excuse Mary for not having her homework done but she was sore from Jim"
She should have spelled it Gym of course.:D

Duggy747

"NO!"

That usually does it.

But for the sneaky route if you get caught with someone you don't wanna be around set the alarm on your phone to go off 1 minute later with your ringtone as the alarm.

Act like it's a phone call from home, disappear, have a fag, come back and say "I gotta go, something urgent", and skip off home.

CyberGhost

I have to return some videotapes.

DazMarz

Duggy747 wrote: »

But for the sneaky route if you get caught with someone you don't wanna be around set the alarm on your phone to go off 1 minute later with your ringtone as the alarm.

Act like it's a phone call from home, disappear, have a fag, come back and say "I gotta go, something urgent", and skip off home.

Haha, I use that WAY too much!:D

CyberGhost wrote: »

I have to return some videotapes.

Why Mr. Bateman, good to see you!

I also use the excuse when approached by charity do-gooders/panhandlers of: "Pardonnez moi, j'ne pas parle Anglais!" and a slight, apologetic shrug of the shoulders... tho this back-fired beautifully on me one day when the woman exploded with: "Ah, trés bonne..." followed by a string of French. I sheepishly backed away...:o

kumate_champ07

mink_man wrote: »

y is this so funny?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Ireland#Controversy

jd007

rafared wrote: »

I saw a note a mother had written for her daughters teacher explaining why she hadnt done her homework...........
It read " Please excuse Mary for not having her homework done but she was sore from Jim"
She should have spelled it Gym of course.:D

Maybe Mary really was sore from Jim (not gym;))