Feeling lost, social isolation

I'm not sure if I'm even looking for any particular advice here, just need somewhere to vent. Firstly, I highly suspect I have Asperger Syndrome but am not officially diagnosed - long story short, a psychologist wouldn't assess me. This might make some sense with what I'm saying here.

I've been on a downward slope for the last few months caused by a few different things but they're all connected. I've been feeling extremely lonely for the past 4 months or so. The thing which sparked it off was when I went to my brother's wedding. I was the only one in the family who didn't bring someone, everyone else had their girlfriends or just brought someone along. I'm effectively a hermit once I get home from work; I don't do any social activities or interact with anyone. This seems to be my natural instinct - to lock myself away from the outside world. Also, in recent times I've stopped doing things I used to enjoy doing and it seems I just spend most of my evening online. It's much easier for me to communicate online rather than in person so I suppose I hide behind it.

But I do know why I do this. I know it's completely stupid but I get the impression that people who I don't know are out to get me or to hurt me. I always did and it goes back to how I was treated by other kids in school. Last September I had a run-in with an irate customer in work and it left me in a bad state. That event seemed to confirm and reinforce this thought in my mind so I think this is the reason I've withdrawn myself even more recently. Instead of going out more I'm now going out less. It feels like I've lost confidence in my job and I'm not even phoning my family as much as I used to.

Despite this I still long to be with someone but it looks as if the odds are stacked against me. I'm now 25 and while I have had the occasional fling I've never been in a true relationship and recently I've lost interest in flings as they tend to make me feel "dirty." I only have a very narrow spectrum of interests and none of these would be generally appealing to women. I'm very much in my own world so can appear to be quite withdrawn at times. Also, I can't read jokes very well so humour tends to either go over my head or even offend me. There is one woman I've known online for almost 7 years who shares some of my interests and even referred to me once as her soulmate, but she lives in the US and is in full time education for the next 3-4 years so it doesn't seem likely that I could make it happen. I'd be willing to try but it sounds very difficult and I know someone would tell me I'm wasting my time.

I don't really want to be a recluse all my life but due to my "natural instinct" I mentioned above, I really have to force myself to socialise. And when I do, it feels so awkward that I don't want to keep it up. I'm not good at talking to people unless they start on me first and it also depends on what way they approach me.

I think I'll leave it at that, if anything else comes to mind I'll surely mention it.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

I don't know enough about Aspeger's Syndrome to make a call, but it sounds more like a combination of depression and paranoia from waht you've written.

Why woulod a psychologist not diagnose you? Also, have you considered going to a different psychologist? Or your GP to see if he can recommend anyone?

As for the scoial life - this may sound a bit obvious but perhaps you're going to the wrong places? I used to hate the pub scene in Ireland, but when I did different things - social clubs, evening courses, sports/arts clubs - I found it much easier to relax and approach people.

Is this a possibilty?

DubLass

Hey OP you are not alone in feeling awkward in social circles, but sometimes you have to make yourself do little things if you want to break out of the rut you are in. Lots of people find it easier to be able to communicate very well online and to be honest, you sound like a nice, intelligent, open kind of person and if you can do it online you can be the same "out there" its hard but try to make the effort if you want to change things. Good luck.

Thanks for the replies. I'm feeling a little better right now, last night I managed to get some sleep while on Thursday night and Sunday night I got none at all. I never get 8 hours, more like 5 or 6.

I did suffer from depression for a long period from when I was 15 until about 23/24 so it could be a relapse but I hope not. And I suppose the "everyone's out to get me" bit does seem like paranoia. The psychologist wouldn't assess me for AS as he "didn't want to put a label on me." That was three years ago and I'm now in full time work so I'd need to see someone outside of the usual work hours if I were to go down that path again.

I've been talking about swimming and walking groups for the last year or more but haven't been able to push myself to take part. My motor skills leave a lot to be desired so I don't really feel comfortable playing, or have any interest in, sports. I'd be willing to try swimming if it wasn't for this feeling of something trying to stop me from doing social activities.

It's really strange, I complain about being lonely yet in work today I was trying my hardest to avoid having to phone someone. It's a constant battle.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Karsini wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. I'm feeling a little better right now, last night I managed to get some sleep while on Thursday night and Sunday night I got none at all. I never get 8 hours, more like 5 or 6.

I did suffer from depression for a long period from when I was 15 until about 23/24 so it could be a relapse but I hope not. And I suppose the "everyone's out to get me" bit does seem like paranoia. The psychologist wouldn't assess me for AS as he "didn't want to put a label on me." That was three years ago and I'm now in full time work so I'd need to see someone outside of the usual work hours if I were to go down that path again.

I've been talking about swimming and walking groups for the last year or more but haven't been able to push myself to take part. My motor skills leave a lot to be desired so I don't really feel comfortable playing, or have any interest in, sports. I'd be willing to try swimming if it wasn't for this feeling of something trying to stop me from doing social activities.

It's really strange, I complain about being lonely yet in work today I was trying my hardest to avoid having to phone someone. It's a constant battle.

Ok, sleeplessness might be an issue - it has been known to induce paranoia.

I'd go for the walking more than the swimming. Would hiking be an option? I say this because you're more likely to kave people start talking to you while hiking than while swimming. Unfortunately, you do need to push yourself. That's one thing there's not really much anyone else can do about, sorry.]

The phone thing is also interesting. But you have to picture yourself on the other end of the phone. How would you raeact if someone said they were scared or worried about calling you?

Anyway, I hope that helps. All the best - will keep an eye on the thread.

LegacyUser

Karsini wrote: »

I don't do any social activities or interact with anyone. This seems to be my natural instinct - to lock myself away from the outside world.

never too late to start. you just have to 'throw yourself' at some social activities then. book a scum air flight and go hang around in random hostels or otherwise put yourself in a situation where you are forced to interact with people. in time your skillz0rs should improve

rfc1288

rfc1288 wrote: »

never too late to start. you just have to 'throw yourself' at some social activities then. book a scum air flight and go hang around in random hostels or otherwise put yourself in a situation where you are forced to interact with people. in time your skillz0rs should improve

I have to say, that's the sort of thing that would cause an anxiety attack for me. I've never even been out of the country!