can't get ex out of my head

LegacyUser

Hey guys hope someone can help with this as I really have no idea how to deal with it and it's driving me mad.
So me and my ex broke up at the end of August, and i told him i wanted no contact and that was fine. So I havn't seem him since then.
The problem is I can't get him out of my head. I keep having imaginary conversations with him where I tell him all the reasons our relationship didn't work, and how life is going now.
I also worry everytime I'm out somewhere he might be that I'll run into him, and imagine what the conversation would go like.this includes anytime I'm in town, which is nearly every day so its quite a problem.
I've dreamed about him at least a few times a week since we broke up, always just us being friends, or once him kissing me but me telling him i dont want to be with him.
I put up with all this the first few weeks, but its been months now and it still won't go away. I have no desire to get back with him, I just want to move on. Does anyone have any ideas how I can deal with this? Sorry didn't mean for this to be so long.

LegacyUser

Elements of your story are very familiar to me.
Ex broke up with me earlier this year. It was tough. There's no chance, or desire on my part, to get back together. But a bit like your situation, I found that bits and pieces of the key couple of conversations at break-up time just go round and round and round in my head, and just refuse to leave me alone in peace!

What helped me was first writing a letter which expressed much of the anger and hurt I felt at my ex and what had happened. Critically, I didn't send it but instead shredded the letter. Combined wih a kind of Hurt Release mantra I found and said aloud around that time, I found that I did find some peace in my head.

The hurt didn't completely disappear altogether as it re-surfaces every few weeks, with less frequency though. When that happens, I just repeat the process as above and hope for the best.

That and time I'm hoping will cure the problem.

OP, August/September isn't very long ago to get over this kind of thing. Give yourself time, try to occupy your mind with other things and if you try the above, I hope it helps you out some.

Elba101

You don't wat to get back with him but you think about him every second of every day?

He was obviously a big part of your life so it's understandable to think about him. However, why do you do it so much if you don't want to get back with him? Did you break up on bad terms and feel bad about the way you left it?

jellyboy

ur mind is healing its self.. its doing it on a level that is hidden to the heart...and seeking ur approval through the dream elment....

maybe theres a part of you that wants to learn from the realship and not bring it forward to the next realship...
allow it to appen,

LegacyUser

Elba101 wrote: »

You don't wat to get back with him but you think about him every second of every day?

He was obviously a big part of your life so it's understandable to think about him. However, why do you do it so much if you don't want to get back with him? Did you break up on bad terms and feel bad about the way you left it?

hey op here, those are all the questions I'm asking myself and i really dont know the answer! I honestly don't want to get back with him, I've considered it to see how i feel about it, and it doesn't appeal to me at all.
we didn't break up on bad terms, the opposite really, except that he got quite annoyed at me insisting on no contact at all, so i suppose i feel a bit bad about that.
I suppose our break up was more due to outside factors than hating each others guts, so that might be related to it?

LegacyUser

sunders wrote: »

Elements of your story are very familiar to me.
Ex broke up with me earlier this year. It was tough. There's no chance, or desire on my part, to get back together. But a bit like your situation, I found that bits and pieces of the key couple of conversations at break-up time just go round and round and round in my head, and just refuse to leave me alone in peace!

What helped me was first writing a letter which expressed much of the anger and hurt I felt at my ex and what had happened. Critically, I didn't send it but instead shredded the letter. Combined wih a kind of Hurt Release mantra I found and said aloud around that time, I found that I did find some peace in my head.

The hurt didn't completely disappear altogether as it re-surfaces every few weeks, with less frequency though. When that happens, I just repeat the process as above and hope for the best.

That and time I'm hoping will cure the problem.

OP, August/September isn't very long ago to get over this kind of thing. Give yourself time, try to occupy your mind with other things and if you try the above, I hope it helps you out some.

thanks for the advice, i did find even writing it out on here last night helped a little bit! glad to know i'm not the only one it happens to! where did you find the mantra you used? I'm not particularily hurt to be honest, as i agreed with all the reasons we broke up, but if it might help i'll try it!

LegacyUser

OP, I'm glad to hear that writing helped you, even a little.

Below is the piece which I've used. I can't remember exactly where I found it, but saying it aloud the first time was quite emotional for me.
Based on what you said, it may not be completely applicable to your particular situation but you could adapt the words to your personal circumstances, if you felt like it.

Maybe it can help some other readers too.

OP, I wish you all the best in the future.



"I refuse to let you hurt me anymore
I am choosing to let go of the pain you have caused me, for my own sake.
I realize that letting go of this pain does not minimize or condone your bad behaviour.
It does however, validate my own worth as a person and my right to finally be free of your abuse.
I am choosing to take back my personal power so that I may heal.
I now release all the hurtful emotions I feel regarding your behaviour.
I am now free to heal and move on."