Who should say the big 'L' word first?

cakes

Ok so....

I've fallen silly hard for the bf and am almost choking myself at present trying not to say 'goodnight...love you' as if it's the most natural thing in the world.

Just wondering what everyone's opinions on this are?!

All women's lib aside and with a healthy dose of the oul fear....who should say it first? :eek:

minidazzler

Whoever feels it first and wants to say it!!

kingtut

minidazzler wrote: »

Whoever feels it first and wants to say it!!

I agree 100% with minidazzler! He has said everything that I would have said.

cakes

I know...you're totally saying what I'd say if someone asked me!

It's just the fear of putting it out there first and the risk of whether they'll say it back.

I've never done it before so I don't know if I should just wait til he says it! :eek:

Thanks for the opinions, I suppose I was just curious whether anyone had any strong views on it or horror/success stories!

minidazzler

cakes wrote: »

I know...you're totally saying what I'd say if someone asked me!

It's just the fear of putting it out there first and the risk of whether they'll say it back.

I've never done it before so I don't know if I should just wait til he says it! :eek:

Thanks for the opinions, I suppose I was just curious whether anyone had any strong views on it or horror/success stories!

TBH now, if he doesn't say it back. DO NOT FREAK OUT.

That is the only advice I will give. Because if he doesn't feel it yet, would you rather he lied?

Say it if you want to m'dear, but not because you want to hear it back!

Dinkie

I said it first to my bf.

He said it immediately afterwards and said he had been dying to say it for ages :D

I don't believe in games so if you feel it say it! However I agree with the previous poster that you shouldn't be upset if he doesn't say it back. I wouldn't have been.

Good luck

krudler

Ok I can vouch for this big time, when you feel it, SAY IT. I felt it a while before I said it to my current gf, for various reasons, didnt think she was in the same place, trying to make it during a romantic moment rather than blurting it out on the couch or something, but when it came down to it, she had been holding back for the same reason, and she was starting to wonder if I felt the same about her as she did about me, and vice versa, turns out she would have prefered it if i did blurt it out instead of trying to plan a Hallmark moment out of it, which is what happened, but I always regret not just telling her how i felt the second i felt it.

i remember the exact minute it hit me, we were lying in bed one night after she came over and was wrecked tired from work, we just spent the night having a few glasses of wine and watching tv, and as she was dozily wishing me goodnight i was spooned up behind her, not any way sleepy but just looking at her falling asleep and looking completely gorgeous wearing one of my tshirts that she always took when she stayed over, and i loved because it smelled like her perfume for days afterwards, and wham, I was in love....

god I can be a soppy ****er at times

Any key?

Just say it
I said it first I didn't even mean to It slipped out and I didn't even notice til he told me he loved me too and that was 3 years ago soooooo I don't think It matters to be honest.

In the words of Rod Tidwell ....Jerry If you love her you got to tell her!!!!

Good Luck;)

cakes

I really wish you weren't making so much sense... :P

krudler that's probably one of the nicest things I've heard in ages

I was sitting on a flight on my own recently, staring out the window as we taxied out and went 'oh my god, I love him' and then sat stunned for the hour til the plane landed...

I know what you're all saying though, it's been torture not telling him so it would've been easier to take the risk!

I'll suck it people and just blurt it out instead of swallowing what I'm saying

Thanks again, will let you know one way or the other :rolleyes:

krudler

cakes wrote: »

I really wish you weren't making so much sense... :P

krudler that's probably one of the nicest things I've heard in ages

I was sitting on a flight on my own recently, staring out the window as we taxied out and went 'oh my god, I love him' and then sat stunned for the hour til the plane landed...

I know what you're all saying though, it's been torture not telling him so it would've been easier to take the risk!

I'll suck it people and just blurt it out instead of swallowing what I'm saying

Thanks again, will let you know one way or the other :rolleyes:

Aw shucks:o

Thats usually the point you realise though, when you miss the other person

CrazyChick18

I really think if you feel it just come out and say it because you never know they might feel the exact same and be afraid to say it aswell.

I think alot of men will say it sooner then ourselves without even realising it but sure we can all do that..
Gud luck;)

Nervous Wreck

I didn't say it first to my last gf cos I honestly didn't think she would say it back. Then she said it first. I think she was lying. :mad:

Quality

Mr Quality said it to me first all those years ago...

The first time he said it, I pretended not to hear him..

The second time he said it. I said "Yeah I love me too".

The_Kew_Tour

cakes wrote: »

Ok so....

I've fallen silly hard for the bf and am almost choking myself at present trying not to say 'goodnight...love you' as if it's the most natural thing in the world.

Just wondering what everyone's opinions on this are?!

All women's lib aside and with a healthy dose of the oul fear....who should say it first? :eek:

As a male, can I just say you should just show your feelings to him and say it.

I remember I was going with girl few years back and after two months like you said she said same to me in bed and I have say I felt so happy. If he cares about then he will feel same way as I did.

Dont be afraid to do what ya feel is right is all I say.

Sephiroth_dude

minidazzler wrote: »

Whoever feels it first and wants to say it!!

+1 to this,If you love him then tell him :-).

SarahSassy

I dont think it matters.. I was with my oh only about 2 months and we were having a bbq in his place. I remember so well that he walked into the kitchen ahead of me and a little voice in my head said 'i love him'.. It surprised me a bit but went on to have a lovely night and too much wine. As soon as he woke the next morning he turned to me and said, 'i dreamt last night that you told me you loved me', and even thought i had plenty of booze I knew I hadnt... It was so bizarre and he told me about a week later and has told me every day since (even when we are rowing).

opinion guy

i haven't read all the replies but I wanted to say this.

The fear you feel about saying the L word is nothing compared to the regret you would feel if at some point down the line you haven't said it but wish you had. Don't let your fears control you!!

Sheepy99

give it a go, if not said back , chill it will be said eventually.

Seonad

I don't really see this as a gender thing at all to be honest. The onus shouldn't be on either to say it first. Just do it as it comes naturally?

Fink Goddie

Depends how long you've been going out, if ya havent been going out long i wouldnt say it, dont want to scare him off.

Das Kitty

13th of December 1999 I told a boy I loved him after 18 days knowing him. I was 19.

Didn't scare him off in the slightest. He did feel the same way.

Almost 10 years later I love him infinitely more than I did that day. Married a year and a half and currently fat with child.

To be honest, I don't think a word should hold that much power over people and if you feel it you should be able to say it without fear. Real love is in the everyday, it's in actions not words.

minidazzler

Das Kitty wrote: »

13th of December 1999 I told a boy I loved him after 18 days knowing him. I was 19.

Didn't scare him off in the slightest. He did feel the same way.

Almost 10 years later I love him infinitely more than I did that day. Married a year and a half and currently fat with child.

To be honest, I don't think a word should hold that much power over people and if you feel it you should be able to say it without fear. Real love is in the everyday, it's in actions not words.

Awwwww, that's so sweet!!

Does he remember the date??? It is only 12 days away, he should definitely do something special!!

BTW, you aren't fat, you're preggers! Not Jiggly!!

wicklori

Go for it... and like the others have said he'll say it back-in his own time.

I waited for ages after I felt it cos I didn't want to seem needy or somesuch, and then blurted it out drunkenly... He brought it up the next day and asked why I said it, I told him cos it was true. He seemed to like that and said it back.

For him that was an AWFUL big deal. To me, say what you feel. To him-well it's much bigger than that.

The best feeling in the world though when he looks me in the eye across the pillow and says it-because it really is a big deal.

Das Kitty

minidazzler wrote: »

Awwwww, that's so sweet!!

Does he remember the date??? It is only 12 days away, he should definitely do something special!!

Oh he remembers. *saucy eyebrow waggle*

Probably won't be going for a reenactment sadly this year!

Fink Goddie

Das Kitty wrote: »

13th of December 1999 I told a boy I loved him after 18 days knowing him. I was 19.

If a guy told me he loved me after 18 days, i'd think he was strange and i'd be gone like a shot, at 18 and 19 i suppose its different because you're naive, you cant love someone after 18 days.

tatabubbly

Well i'd be careful, esp. if you're only going out for a little while

My OH said it to me one day when we were getting ready in his room to go out. I was really shocked cos it was so early on when he said it! But i thought to myself "this is someone special who's the one" and said it back.... say it all the time now!

pikachucheeks

OK, off topic, but I reeeally like your username, OP

I add "cakes" on to everything... Ask any of my friends!

In relation to the big L, I'd agree with Mini and say whoever feels it first should say it.

I don't believe that it should be put down to the man, or the woman, to say it first. It's all about the individual relationship and the feelings involved.

If you love someone, don't wait for them to say it. Say it first!

samhail

Ill say it first cakes.

I love you !


i hope that makes it easier.

Fink Goddie

Everyone loves cakes

Das Kitty

Fink Goddie wrote: »

If a guy told me he loved me after 18 days, i'd think he was strange and i'd be gone like a shot, at 18 and 19 i suppose its different because you're naive, you cant love someone after 18 days.

Just because you haven't doesn't mean a person can't.

Everyone is different.

itsallaboutheL

I have nothing to add i just wanted my username to show up in this thread

Fink Goddie

Das Kitty wrote: »

Just because you haven't doesn't mean a person can't.

Everyone is different.

You cant love someone after 18 days, you wouldnt even know the person, doesnt matter how different everyone is.

jokettle

I said it first to my bf without even realising it! I was away for a few days and he phoned me, after a nice long chat we were saying goodbye and apparently I said "love you" right before I hung up. He told me about it afterwards,but we didn't really talk about it....due to nerves, on my part at least

Then a few weeks later we were having a "discussion" (which really means we were having a minor arguement about something completely unimportant, but I was right and he was wrong) and right in the middle of it he blurted it out it was really lovely, unplanned and spontaneous and true

the only downside was I had such a big smile on my face and a great big happy feeling that I wasn't able to prove to him how wrong he was about our ""discussion"

Das Kitty

Fink Goddie wrote: »

You cant love someone after 18 days, you wouldnt even know the person, doesnt matter how different everyone is.

Jaysus I haven't even met my baby and I love him.

I just think you have a strict definition of love (longterm after the first flush) whereas I would include the first flush / infatuation stage, even if it is very different to what I have now. I don't view it as less special, probably because we're still together. There aren't different names for different types of love, and I've probably experienced 100s of different types with my husband over the years.

~nop~

Das Kitty wrote: »

Jaysus I haven't even met my baby and I love him.

I just think you have a strict definition of love (longterm after the first flush) whereas I would include the first flush / infatuation stage, even if it is very different to what I have now. I don't view it as less special, probably because we're still together. There aren't different names for different types of love, and I've probably experienced 100s of different types with my husband over the years.

You guys sound like such an amazing love story I love it!

PCPhoto

Fink Goddie wrote: »

You cant love someone after 18 days, you wouldnt even know the person, doesnt matter how different everyone is.

gotta disagree with this ..... if you know ...you know !!!

hasnt happened to me but I have fallen in love with a couple of girls (different times in my life)......unfortunately none just "the one" ....YET !

PCPhoto

jokettle wrote: »

I said it first to my bf without even realising it! I was away for a few days and he phoned me, after a nice long chat we were saying goodbye and apparently I said "love you" right before I hung up. He told me about it afterwards,but we didn't really talk about it....due to nerves, on my part at least

something similar happened to me .... she wasnt my GF .... but we had met up a few times - just hanging out having a laugh just harmless flirting (she had a BF so I knew she was not available) .... but anyway .... following a phone conversation ...she signs off with "love you" ..... I paused for a minute and called her back to check if I heard right.

she realised she had said it too ...... she tried to cover up by saying she always says it (but we'd talked on the phone loads of times before and after and I havent heard her say it again)..... last I heard from her was a couple of months ago - she moved in with BF and got engaged (I've lost contact and dont want to be a distraction in their lives)

just to throw it out there (currently single)

Fink Goddie

Das Kitty wrote: »

Jaysus I haven't even met my baby and I love him.

I just think you have a strict definition of love (longterm after the first flush) whereas I would include the first flush / infatuation stage, even if it is very different to what I have now. I don't view it as less special, probably because we're still together. There aren't different names for different types of love, and I've probably experienced 100s of different types with my husband over the years.

A baby is completely different.
You said it there, its infatuation, not love! Totally different thing, there's lots of teenagers out there going out with their first boyfriend/girlfriend, its infatuation not love.

PCPhoto wrote: »

gotta disagree with this ..... if you know ...you know !!!

hasnt happened to me but I have fallen in love with a couple of girls (different times in my life)......unfortunately none just "the one" ....YET !

I think you pair read too many romantic novels, anyone that says you can be in love with someone after 18 days is living in a fantasy land imo.

Das Kitty

Never read a romantic novel in my life.

All I have to go on is my personal subjective experiences. If it's a fantasy land from your perspective I don't mind. Prefer it to your land of strict rules regarding when you're allowed to feel a particular emotion tbh

Evely016

Say it when you feel it - lifes too short!