Big dilema whether to be honest from start

Framed10

This has been playing on my mind for a while
and I cant decide whats best to do.
Bascally I met a really nice man on holidays this summer, nothing happened at the time but I had a feeling he liked me and I did too.
We have kept in contact since June, on the phone all the time, texting every day etc.
Now we have decided to meet up in the new year (im going over to him).
He is very keen on me.
He talks about how he cant wait to see me again etc.
He is divorced.
We have had great fun on the phone, from laughing, chatting for hours, flirting to hot phone sex.
The texts have been 'hot' and dirty as well.
I really like him.

The problem is he cant wait 'to make love' to me 24/7 as he
says and that it will be the best ever.
The problem is im just turned 31 and still a virgin.

I have had a few short term boyfriends but never got to have full sex with them.
With one particular guy we got drunk one night and woke up naked, but i couldnt remember if id had full sex with him or had I fallen asleep fooling around.
I swore Id never let that happen again
So now I like to wait a while to make sure I want to sleep with someone, but I still havent had that opportunity.

With this new guy I def know he's the one.
The question is should I tell him Im still a virgin?
He has built me up alot
(from the phone sex, texts etc where I have had no inhibitions)
and Im worried that when I sleep with him Ill let him down in his expectations.

Ive said it to him not to build me up too much before i come over.
But he just tells me 'Im Magic' and that he loves me.
Also I suppose Im feeling a little bit embarrassed
I am going to book my flights this
week and Im thinking maybe I should tell him before I book them.

I dont think he will mind that Im a virgin
but he might b disappointed Im not what he had in his mind?
Also for my own sake I might be more relaxed if he knew and I wont
have such expectations weighing me down.
I really dont know what I should say or do?

what do you think?

Contessa Raven

Hi OP,

If you think that telling him before you have sex will relax you then I think you should tell him. If this guy is "The One" and you want it to be special well then being worried about it will take away from the experience. Also, losing your virginity can be painful (for most, not all) and it would be better to tell him so that he knows to be aware of it.
IMO if this guy loves you as he says then you being a virgin will not matter.

The above is just my feelings towards the situation. I hope it helps.

CR

DubLass

I think you should tell him and take it from there, you will probably find its not the problem you think it might be, good luck

magneticimpulse

i think there is no harm in telling him. i think he will go more gentle, whereas if you dont tell him you might be in complete shock as to what is happening and might not be able to go ahead with it or feel relaxed. if you have fooled around before i dont think it will be painful.

my 1st time was not painful at all. in fact i didnt tell the guy and i was viring and was in shock afterwards as he had absolutely no idea i was a virgin. i regret not telling the guy as i had waited such a long time, it was quite a big deal to me that i had just lost my virginity.

OxO-CuBe

Sure tell him. I cant see him having a problem with this. If you are worried about your performance watch a couple of (ahem) movies and see if you can pickup a few tricks. When you get over to him dont be worried about lack of experience or how you might measure up to other girls hes slept with. What you lack with experience you can make up for with enthusiasm

Sleepeee

OxO-CuBe wrote: »

What you lack with experience you can make up for with enthusiasm

So true.

Imo if you are going to be spending time with this guy it's going to come up in conversation either way that it was your first time. And a first time is very special so no point hiding it. If he really is the one he will surely enjoy knowing you have chosen him and he will want to make it as special as he can for you too. I'm sure at his age he is not expecting to have sex with a virgin he might find that very sexy!

krudler

From my own point of view, if a girl told me she was a virgin and had been waiting for the right person, I'd be absolutely flattered, its a huge deal to lose your virginity, and kudos for keeping it until you wanted to do what felt right for yourself. I cant imagine why any guy would have a problem with it tbh

Framed10

magneticimpulse wrote: »

..i regret not telling the guy as i had waited such a long time, it was quite a big deal to me that i had just lost my virginity.

I hadnt really thought of that, it might be nice if he could knowingly share in celebrating my experience.

Thanks to all for the support and thoughts, Ive decided I am going to tell him tomorrow.
I think i honesty is the best policy.
Fingers crossed...and a large brandy to hand