ex back in touch, ulterior motive or genuine interest?

LegacyUser

well that is excatly it!

Long story try to make it short...was long distance for a while years ago with an irish guy, Im not but european anyway.
So, we were going out for few years, I always wanted to move to Ireland, way before I met him so it took me some time to manage to do it but got my head around it and after 1 break up and getting back together I finaly set a time, except that by then, HE broke up with me after we finaly spent some few weeks together and had none stop fights. I guess it can be normal as when you are long distance you only have happy times together and you can get extremes from a week here and there to nothing to 24/7 together can be a pressure. Anyway, he didnt pretend or made any excuses when he broke up (we only broke up once before and it was me who did it and asked to get back together as i was missing him)
So his reason for the breakup was that he loved me and had no doubts about it but it wasnt what it used to be and he couldnt go on like that and pretend, think it was trigger with al lthose fights we had when finaly spent 3 weeks together. I had become friends with few of his friends and know for a fact there was no one else involved. I think the pressure of me finally moving after 3 years long distance must have weight in but I still wanted to move regardless so I waited to get over him to move which seems to be the most logic thing to me for my well being. The had break up hurt me of course so I needed time and space first to move on.

A year later I moved, I never contacted him after the break up, I have common sense, I felt like if he didnt have the same feelings for me and broke up then why would I ask him to get back together.
He kept in touch with me, mainly friendly messages on messenger and emails here and there. when I moved here few of his friends told me he would sometimes ask about me and drop hints to find out what was up in my life.
He called me to say he was seeing someone, as I said we were on "sort of friendly" terms so I thought after that the no contact should be in effect, not for me so much, I was ok with it but I truly believe in "dont do to others what you dont want to be done to you" and that it wouldnt be fair to the girl he was seeing. For me, all was good too, I was new here and dating away, loving the irish boys...anyway, happened that none of his friends liked her, so of course i get told and asked the few friends not to tell me anything cos it was none of my business.
The day he broke up with her, 2 years ago now, he messaged me and try to get friends again. I did sort of but again, always let him do the move as I didnt know what he wanted, be true friends? ego boost?...god knows so ..forward to now, like I said 2 years later...

We are broken up 3 years now....been in touch really like every 9 months or so, mainly when there is a sport event with my country, light texts nothing else.

NOW for the past 3 weeks there has been a lot more contacts, II started when I had called him to get an opinion as an ex-boyfriend as my latest bf and i broke up I needed advice, light advice but as I was already talking the ears off my girlfriends I figured an objectif view from an ex would be perfect.

Anyhow, he gave good points I have to admit, and I thank him, but then, a week later, out of the blue, he told me his friends were telling him whatever happened between us, why did we broke up and never work things out. This was by text so I didnt want to get into it and ask silly questions like...why did you say back, etc. No point at this stage.
But somehow, since then he has been more in touch and calls and asked me for coffee which I agree once and it was just catching up hows your family etc.. type of things. we did that last year too so I thought it was gonna be a yearly thing!;)
It didnt show any signs of anything else before you ask. he is not a party guy, hes gonna be 30 in 2 months and sure all or most of his mates are settled and some with kids, he is one of those guys that are young but with an old man mind if you know what I mean, hes not a party guy, of course the nights with the lads here and there but he has a routine and looks a lot older than his age, funny as I am 6 years older than him everyone as always thought HE was the older one!

Anyway, we always were best friends back when we were together but those things as you all know fades when you break up with someone, so now, he randomly call me last night and I did asked him why, why so much contact now and he had few drinks in him so just said there was no ulterior motives and I am one of his really good friend and that he wanted to be in touch. I'm ok with it to a certain extend, I mean, if I was such a great friend than why were we not in contact more before now then, I know he made the effort more than me but like most people I find it strange to stay "close friends" thats all! you can stay friends and be in contact like we have, here and there text and its fine, but when it become more regular and "lets be great friends" like we used to its odd for me, am I wrong here!??

He also sent me a request to be friends on the damn facebook thingy. I have not accepted yet cos I dont know what to do really!

I think part of me thinks that he just wanna know what is happening in my life, the curious him that he is, or get an ego boost too and he is the king of stubborness too, no joke!!! I promise you he is the most stubburn and proud guy you would ever meet so not sure if is trying to see my reaction and let me bring things up.....I really just dont know.

Before anyone ask how I feel about him now I honestly don't know, all this sudden contacts brings a lot of memories back on which is why I am now posting about it but in regards to my feelings I'm numb really right now.

ps. when he called last night he asked if I accepted his friends request, I was honest and said not yet as I havent been on in 2 days, and again asked why he would want to me on my friends list, he only has like 80 friends and doesnt go on it often himself so whats the point but to know what or who is around me. He also said that he did asked me for coffee last time and that I havent ask him for coffee too in return! like it should be my turn.

I am sorry to have made it that long, if you feel like giving me your opinion or if you have had the same experience please share with me as I really dont know what to think or do.

Thanks everyone for reading the epic.

magneticimpulse

hi, 1st of all you might not get mainly replies because it is a long post (i know as it happened to me when i posted my problem).

anyway i know exactly how you feel, sort off. i too am 3 years away from ireland. my ex lived in ireland and me in france. it was hit and miss with are meet ups this year. i was very stressed with my final year studies. we could have one great weekend and then one crappy weekend (just because of food poisoning, hotel mix up etc), this created a lot of stress.

you seem to like this guy and from what i gather it seemed like just the stress of long distance which tore you apart and the stress of it all. you dont happen to be french? as i can see why the sudden contact with you after the football match. you mention you only here from him when "your country" plays against ireland. the only really big match recently was "that one". anyway we wont get into it.

i think he might still like you, why not be his friend on facebook and go for coffee? you seem to manage it the past few years. he is suggesting that maybe you go for a coffee soon and not leave it longer til next time. it depends how strong you are. as for being 30 and settled down. haha this is prob not true, my ex used to say the same and now since we split up he is partying more then ever and has found "single" friends to hang out with.

anyway, yeah if you think you can handle another coffee with him why not? go with the flow.