How important is marriage?

SarahSassy

Saw another post there where a girl is having problems with her bf cos he wants her to move abroad for his job but he doesnt want to get married. Would this bother you?

Fink Goddie

Depends on what age i was and how long we'd been going out with each other.

Malari

Aren't those two separate issues?

Is the condition of her moving abroad for him that he marries her? I mean you could easily read it that he is having problems because his girlfriend wants to get married but won't move abroad for his job?

I'm not into getting married, so it wouldn't bother me, so I assume it's the "commitment" thing that she's worried about. For me, the fact that he wants her to go with him is a big enough sign of commitment.

jenny2hat

I guess if they love each other anyway it doesn't really matter, marraige just makes it legal. Their lives wouldn't be much affected if they were or weren't married.

ash23

Having suffered the fall out of a relationship ending where we weren't married, I would be very reluctant to make any life changing decisions without being married.
Personally I moved around a lot for his job, resulting in me not progressing in my career. We also bought a house.

He left me for someone else and he made me move out with the child (not his biologically). So, he has the house (while we wait for it to sell), he has the high wage and the good pension and salary. I helped him, supported him, encouraged him and gave up a lot for him and this all helped him obtain the dizzying heights he has now reached. And I'm left with the crap job, crap house, no pension, single parenthood etc.....

I try not to be bitter and I amn't really. But I wouldn't move in with someone without an engagement. And I wouldn't buy property or have kids (planned) until I was married.
This state values marriage and legally you are screwed if you aren't married and split.

No way would I give up my life, job, family and friends for a boyfriend and his job. I would consider doing so for my fiancee or husband.
Burned once, it won't happen again!

Malari

ash23 wrote: »

Having suffered the fall out of a relationship ending where we weren't married, I would be very reluctant to make any life changing decisions without being married.
Personally I moved around a lot for his job, resulting in me not progressing in my career. We also bought a house.

He left me for someone else and he made me move out with the child (not his biologically). So, he has the house (while we wait for it to sell), he has the high wage and the good pension and salary. I helped him, supported him, encouraged him and gave up a lot for him and this all helped him obtain the dizzying heights he has now reached. And I'm left with the crap job, crap house, no pension, single parenthood etc.....

I try not to be bitter and I amn't really. But I wouldn't move in with someone without an engagement. And I wouldn't buy property or have kids (planned) until I was married.
This state values marriage and legally you are screwed if you aren't married and split.

No way would I give up my life, job, family and friends for a boyfriend and his job. I would consider doing so for my fiancee or husband.
Burned once, it won't happen again!

That's not really relevant, however, if they are moving abroad.

Some relationships are just as secure without a marriage. And even if you are married, you could still have set aside your ambitions for the sake of your partner for it all to end one day.

Clare Bear

Marriage is very important to me. I wouldn't be with someone if they didn't want to get married at some stage. I'm not bothered about the actual wedding but marriage itself is something I want. I refuse to be with someone for years without getting married, for so many reasons. Thankfully my partner feels the same as I do.

If ya like it then you shoulda put a ring on it :P

Nervous Wreck

ash23 wrote: »

Having suffered the fall out of a relationship ending where we weren't married, I would be very reluctant to make any life changing decisions without being married.
Personally I moved around a lot for his job, resulting in me not progressing in my career. We also bought a house.

He left me for someone else and he made me move out with the child (not his biologically). So, he has the house (while we wait for it to sell), he has the high wage and the good pension and salary. I helped him, supported him, encouraged him and gave up a lot for him and this all helped him obtain the dizzying heights he has now reached. And I'm left with the crap job, crap house, no pension, single parenthood etc.....

I try not to be bitter and I amn't really. But I wouldn't move in with someone without an engagement. And I wouldn't buy property or have kids (planned) until I was married.
This state values marriage and legally you are screwed if you aren't married and split.

No way would I give up my life, job, family and friends for a boyfriend and his job. I would consider doing so for my fiancee or husband.
Burned once, it won't happen again!

Tbh, your post doesn't sound like you'd need that 'commitment' to move forward, it sounds like you want more security in case it all collapses again. Which is probably not the best reason to get married.....

bronte

I don't view it as being very important to me at all.
If I love someone, that's it.
I don't need it to be recognized by a piece of paper or the state.

Malari

Malari wrote: »

For me, the fact that he wants her to go with him is a big enough sign of commitment.

I don't see how. Having someone come with to support you in a move abroad is no hardship.

Nervous Wreck

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Tbh, your post doesn't sound like you'd need that 'commitment' to move forward, it sounds like you want more security in case it all collapses again. Which is probably not the best reason to get married.....

UM I thought that was the point of marraige. To promise support to your loved one and offspring in all events.

ash23

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Tbh, your post doesn't sound like you'd need that 'commitment' to move forward, it sounds like you want more security in case it all collapses again. Which is probably not the best reason to get married.....

Not true. I always wanted to get married. It was a huge issue in my last relationship as he didn't believe in marriage.

If the guy was on the dole, hadn't two pennies to his name and I was loaded, I would still want to get married as it is something I believe in and want.

I was giving practical advice as it's not a gushy OP about romance and love and the like.
Marriage is about far more than romance and the big day. In the case of the girl in the OP she (imo) would be mad to move abroad with a guy who doesn't want to get married.

I think when you've been down the road of splitting from a LTR where property and children, pensions and wages were involved, the importance of the legality of marriage would be more of a real issue to a person.

Similarly a person who was married and divorced and lost a lot, may be put off marriage.
It's all reality.

I can go on about the fluffy stuff too but I'm too cynical!

Jemmy

Threads like this irritate me, every situation is different imo. If I was with a guy and he asked me to marry him and I was happy then yes I would. But if I was happy with a guy and secure etc and he didn't want to get married I wouldnt see the problem tbh. I wouldn't leave him if I loved him just because he didn't want the piece of paper to say we are legally bound!

I've seen many relationships and marriages go sour these days for me to be dead set on having the big day and the piece of paper! There is commitment and there is marriage, very different imo.

But like I said just me!

How Strange

SarahSassy wrote: »

Saw another post there where a girl is having problems with her bf cos he wants her to move abroad for his job but he doesnt want to get married. Would this bother you?

The concept of marriage as such isn't that important to me (even though I'm getting married next year :rolleyes: ) However, if my OH wanted me to make a life changing commitment to him in the form of moving somewhere for his sake and to further his career then I would expect a life changing commitment from him in return. I can't think of any other life changing commitments other than marriage so yes, that's what I would expect. Why? Because if it went t1ts up then I'd want the security that I have some legal protection and any assets that we earned during that time were half mine.

It might not be romantic but you've got to be pragmatic in cases like this. If he expects you to do something big for him then he has to do something big back. Of course this is definitely from the perspective that you're in a good relationship where you see yourselves being together in the longterm anyway.

Jemmy

How Strange wrote: »

The concept of marriage as such isn't that important to me (even though I'm getting married next year :rolleyes: ) However, if my OH wanted me to make a life changing commitment to him in the form of moving somewhere for his sake and to further his career then I would expect a life changing commitment from him in return. I can't think of any other life changing commitments other than marriage so yes, that's what I would expect. Why? Because if it went t1ts up then I'd want the security that I have some legal protection and any assets that we earned during that time were half mine.

It might not be romantic but you've got to be pragmatic in cases like this. If he expects you to do something big for him then he has to do something big back. Of course this is definitely from the perspective that you're in a good relationship where you see yourselves being together in the longterm anyway.

Totally agree with this, if I was in a committed relationship and asked to move away and make that commitment then I would want some security incase as you put it...it went 't1ts up'.

Malari

Moonbaby wrote: »

I don't see how. Having someone come with to support you in a move abroad is no hardship.

I know what you mean, but I guess it depends on the relationship then. I saw it as "I don't want to leave unless you come with me".

stovelid

For men, you get automatic guardianship of your children.

Rayne

Marriage isn't as important to me as it used to be. I'm in a very stable, very loving LTR and can say i'd comfortably stay like this forever.
I used to think marriage was a thing you HAD to do when your with someone for a certain time but I can honestly say I'd be happy to stay the way we are forever. Its enough for me.
But saying that, if he proposed to me tomorrow, I'll say yes.
My favourite part about marriage is the party and the day that you get to spend with family and friends and loved ones and tell people you married your childhood sweetheart!

ash23

I also think I should add, that I would be ok with being in a happy remationship for a number of years without being married.
It would only be if he wanted to progress things (such as wanting to live together or buy a house or have a child) that I would want to be looking at getting married.

The moving in thing might not be a big deal to some but for me (as I have a child) it would be a huge thing. I wouldn't take moving in together as lightly as I used to. This would be bringing a man into the home as a father figure which is very different to deciding to get a place with a guy.

NothingMan

I am in a LTR but have absolutely no inclination towards marriage. Certainly not in the near future if ever. I have no belief in the Catholic Church and have defected so God or religion is certainly a non issue in how I feel. I know my OH would like a proposal and marriage etc.. but I think it's important for both sides to want it or it won't work.

if my OH wanted me to make a life changing commitment to him in the form of moving somewhere for his sake and to further his career then I would expect a life changing commitment from him in return.

I think that is crazy! Surely if you love and trust someone and want to be with them it wouldn't matter if you're married. But to use marriage as some sort of barter ie. Well i'll do this for you, if you do this for me, is completely missing the point of marriage. Shouldn't marriage be when 2 people want to express their commitment to each other in this way, not one person wanting it and trying to get it by doing something for their OH in return.

SarahSassy

I guess I just have this vision of marriage as the ultimate sign of a committment.

Nervous Wreck

Moonbaby wrote: »

UM I thought that was the point of marraige. To promise support to your loved one and offspring in all events.

I don't see why you need to be legally binded to a person to promise to support them and your offspring in all events. Far as I can see, married couples who are happy and in love would be no less happy and in love if marriage didn't exist. Married couples who are unhappy and regretful would be a LOT happier if marriage didn't exist.

Also, I don't know how convincing a 'promise' is when you have to 'prove it'.

ash23

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

I don't see why you need to be legally binded to a person to promise to support them and your offspring in all events. Far as I can see, married couples who are happy and in love would be no less happy and in love if marriage didn't exist. Married couples who are unhappy and regretful would be a LOT happier if marriage didn't exist.

Yes, but on the flip side, talk is cheap. Someone can swear to love you forever and look after you and the offspring. And then a few years later can be making you leave the house and refusing to see the child. Or in the case of a woman, perhaps preventing you from seeing the child.

Nervous Wreck

ash23 wrote: »

Yes, but on the flip side, talk is cheap. Someone can swear to love you forever and look after you and the offspring. And then a few years later can be making you leave the house and refusing to see the child. Or in the case of a woman, perhaps preventing you from seeing the child.

A wedding ring won't make someone love you forever.

shellyboo

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

A wedding ring won't make someone love you forever.

It gives you the tools to legally care for your partner forever, though. Your kids as well.

ash23

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

A wedding ring won't make someone love you forever.

I don't believe I said or implied that.
The thing is if you're married and they stop loving you, then the law is there to stop the crap that can go on with unmarried couples.

Nervous Wreck

shellyboo wrote: »

It gives you the tools to legally care for your partner forever, though. Your kids as well.

I'm not sure what you mean.

ash23 wrote: »

I don't believe I said or implied that.
The thing is if you're married and they stop loving you, then the law is there to stop the crap that can go on with unmarried couples.

And enforce a whole other litany of crap. So, am I right in saying then, that marriage for you is more a business transaction than anything else? As in "I realise that you love me now but if you ever stop loving me, I want to be sorted in the case of x,y,z."? I'm not saying this in any sort of pedantic way, that's a serious question. If that's your approach to marriage, it's a solid and very smart one. A little hollow though, no?

Wantobe

As a solicitor I advise all my female friends and relatives not to become a stay at home mom and give up their career unless they get married.

If they don't get married, and the relationship breaks up they are not entitled to get maintenance for themselves., only the child is entitled to be maintained by the father.

It's not very romantic but it is practical. Other than the legal and tax benefits I see no difference in marriage as a commitment than any other kind of relationship- you're either committed or you're not. But for women, marriage is a kind of insurance against the bad times. Unfortunately it is usually women who sacrifice their career to have children- though not always of course. It works the other way around too but this is rare.

And yes, sure men aren't entitled to automatic guardianship of a child unless they are married to its mother- however in 99.9% of cases if they apply to court for guardianship they will be granted it- not the same thing. Women will never be entitled to maintenance for themselves if not married and no application to court will fix that.

ash23

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

I'm not sure what you mean.



And enforce a whole other litany of crap. So, am I right in saying then, that marriage for you is more a business transaction than anything else? As in "I realise that you love me now but if you ever stop loving me, I want to be sorted in the case of x,y,z."? I'm not saying this in any sort of pedantic way, that's a serious question. If that's your approach to marriage, it's a solid and very smart one. A little hollow though, no?

I believe I already answered that in post #12

How Strange

NothingMan wrote: »

to use marriage as some sort of barter ie. Well i'll do this for you, if you do this for me, is completely missing the point of marriage.

I don't think so, I think that is exactly the point of marriage. The commitment to each other comes before marriage, you both know you're committed and you see a long term future together. If you decide to get married then you're entering into a contract with the other person which is based on give and take and which is legally recognised. A marriage is definitely about both parties doing things for the other all the time.

that marriage for you is more a business transaction than anything else? As in "I realise that you love me now but if you ever stop loving me, I want to be sorted in the case of x,y,z."? If that's your approach to marriage, it's a solid and very smart one. A little hollow though, no?

Again yes, I think marriage is a business transaction of sorts.
If the couple have children then marriage affords both parties legal protection that they wouldn't otherwise get. It offers legal and tax benefits while married. It offers inheritances rights if either party dies.

I don't know why you're so appalled at the idea of it. I think there would be far more healthy marriages if people went into them with a bit of realism rather than expecting every day to resemble something from an american sit com full of happy ever afters.

I actually think you've got quite a noble yet naive view of marriage.

Nervous Wreck

How Strange wrote: »

Again yes, I think marriage is a business transaction of sorts.
If the couple have children then marriage affords both parties legal protection that they wouldn't otherwise get.

Our lawyer friend above pretty much debunked this....

How Strange wrote: »

It offers legal and tax benefits while married.

Fair enough yeah.

How Strange wrote: »

It offers inheritances rights if either party dies.

A simple will could sort that though...?

How Strange wrote: »

I don't know why you're so appalled at the idea of it. I think there would be far more healthy marriages if people went into them with a bit of realism rather than expecting every day to resemble something from an american sit com full of happy ever afters.

I agree. I'm not exactly appalled by the idea of it but I have definite reservations in the areas of:

1. Religion
2. Proof of love (wtf?)
3. Proof of commitment
4. Guarantee of 'happy ever after'

How Strange wrote: »

I actually think you've got quite a noble yet naive view of marriage.

Thanks? :P

shellyboo

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

I'm not sure what you mean.

What wanttobe said, basically.


Controversial as this may be, marriage turns you from 'people who live together' into A Family in the eyes of the law. Familes have a special and protected status in this country. It's good legal and financial sense to marry if you do intend to stay with someone forever.

It also means that when you're lying in intensive care on your death bed, your life partner will be beside you, holding your hands, carrying out your wishes - not out in the hall because they're not a relative.

Nervous Wreck

shellyboo wrote: »

What wanttobe said, basically.


Controversial as this may be, marriage turns you from 'people who live together' into A Family in the eyes of the law. Familes have a special and protected status in this country. It's good legal and financial sense to marry if you do intend to stay with someone forever.

It also means that when you're lying in intensive care on your death bed, your life partner will be beside you, holding your hands, carrying out your wishes - not out in the hall because they're not a relative.

Forgive my insolence but, when it comes to love, I don't give a flying fúck about the eyes of the law in this country. Look as far as I'm concerned, intending to stay with someone forever and actually doing it are two different things. If I intend on staying with someone forever, I don't need the 'safety net' of a wedding band to keep me confident in my feelings. As far as the law is concerned, yes it does afford the couple a few rights to each other etc. But those rights can be attained without marriage. I'm honestly not arguing that there are positive legal aspects to marriage but I do genuinely believe that the cons outweigh the pros. I also believe that making a commitment to someone you love should be an emotional/spiritual commitment rather than a legal one.

EDIT: Also, apologies if any of this post is off-topic or rambling, I'm really distracted and haven't read back over it or anything...!

Cool Mo D

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

...But those rights can be attained without marriage...

No, they can't! That is the whole point! Families get special protection in law, and while you might not need them in the good times, if something bad happens to one or both of you, you could be up faeces creek.

For example, if you are an unmarried couple, and your partner dies, you can't inherit their property without paying a load of tax.
If you don't get on with your partners parents, they take you to court over the will, and drag it out for years, as they, not you, are the next of kin. If you don't have a will, you are not entitled to possessions in your partners name

If your partner gets seriously injured, you will have no right to visit them in hospital, or have any part in critical decisions concerning things like organ donation, or even whether to keep them on life support.

If you are a man, your rights over your own children are not guaranteed.

Even on a more mundane level, you will pay a fortune more in income tax if you don't have a piece of paper from the state saying you are married.

What it boils down to is that marriage is official recognition from the state that you and your partner have decided to enter a partnership with each other, that grants both of you important rights and responsibilities.

Marriage is not necessary for love, or a good relationship, or children, or happiness, but if you are certain that you want to spend the rest of your lives together, in my opinion, it would be very foolish not to get married.

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

I also believe that making a commitment to someone you love should be an emotional/spiritual commitment rather than a legal one.

Obviously the emotional commitment is why people get married. There would be nothing without that. But you have to consider the practicalities of the thing too - love alone is not always enough, you need to be prepared for what life can throw at you.

I do have a question though - what is it you feel about marriage that takes away from the emotional commitment of a relationship? I do not see how a legal commitment can diminish an emotional bond.

994

No-one's mentioned the many reasons why a man wouldn't want to get married - look at Berlusconi's wife looking for €43m a year!

Nervous Wreck

Cool Mo D wrote: »

No, they can't! That is the whole point! Families get special protection in law, and while you might not need them in the good times, if something bad happens to one or both of you, you could be up faeces creek.

For example, if you are an unmarried couple, and your partner dies, you can't inherit their property without paying a load of tax.
If you don't get on with your partners parents, they take you to court over the will, and drag it out for years, as they, not you, are the next of kin. If you don't have a will, you are not entitled to possessions in your partners name

If your partner gets seriously injured, you will have no right to visit them in hospital, or have any part in critical decisions concerning things like organ donation, or even whether to keep them on life support.

If you are a man, your rights over your own children are not guaranteed.

Even on a more mundane level, you will pay a fortune more in income tax if you don't have a piece of paper from the state saying you are married.

What it boils down to is that marriage is official recognition from the state that you and your partner have decided to enter a partnership with each other, that grants both of you important rights and responsibilities.

Marriage is not necessary for love, or a good relationship, or children, or happiness, but if you are certain that you want to spend the rest of your lives together, in my opinion, it would be very foolish not to get married.

This is literally the only part of your post that would cause me to agree with you. Believe it or not (and some won't), I really couldn't give a shít about the rest of that stuff (the thing about kids aside as our solicitor friend, as I said, basically debunked that).

Cool Mo D wrote: »

Obviously the emotional commitment is why people get married. There would be nothing without that. But you have to consider the practicalities of the thing too - love alone is not always enough, you need to be prepared for what life can throw at you.

I do have a question though - what is it you feel about marriage that takes away from the emotional commitment of a relationship? I do not see how a legal commitment can diminish an emotional bond.

I don't think I said it would diminish an emotional bond (I certainly didn't intend to, at least), I just resent the fact that some people believe that marriage is necessary in proving/maintaining said emotional bond. That particular way of thinking can be diminishing of an emotional bond though.

princess-lala

I need a man first but I really do want to get married! Have always said it

Silverfish

994 wrote: »

No-one's mentioned the many reasons why a man wouldn't want to get married - look at Berlusconi's wife looking for €43m a year!

Once again, if you want to discuss this from a male point of view, please use the forums provided for that purpose. This is the Ladies Lounge.

Kya1976

Marriage isnt important to me at all. I have been married but I didn't get married for 'traditional' reasons.
Doubt I'd ever get married again.

994

Silverfish wrote: »

Once again, if you want to discuss this from a male point of view, please use the forums provided for that purpose. This is the Ladies Lounge.

I know, but it's not the sort of thing which can be discussed from a single-gender viewpoint, and ultimately a marriage contract is a financial document

Joey the lips

Marriage was very important to me. I dont know why. If i am being truthful because I usually look at things in a financial sense.

For example my day involved the hiring of suits and cars. The hiring of a room photographer,Stupid customs like paying for someones dinner then buying them a drink:)


But then I love my wife. Truly mad about her and I am religious(Yes I know) so on both them grounds I realised if i did not marry my wife I would never be comfortable with our relationship. Additionally I did not have any kids till we got married. Dont get me wrong I am not judgemental but I realised that if i had kids before I could never justify spending all that money on a wedding when my kids have wants.

So how important is marriage. Not to important but no more understandable than why we love someone. We just do!

Silverfish

994 wrote: »

I know, but it's not the sort of thing which can be discussed from a single-gender viewpoint, and ultimately a marriage contract is a financial document

So why not actually contribute something instead of making snide remarks?

jenzz

Marriage always was very important to me. Until.....
Having suffered the fall out my views totally changed. I now see it as better to be there because you want to be not because to have to be. & similarly better for your partner to want to be there with you not because they have to.:):)

CeNedra

I think this is a pretty polarising question. Anybody who has been married and it ended badly will not have a good opinion of it regardless. Anybody currently in a good marriage will think everybody else is unfortunate not to have what they have.

I think if it is something you want, and it is important enough to look for opinions on, then you should ask for it. If the partner is not on for it, then this is a big difference within the relationship and it would be very very hard to get past it. Would you really move to another country with such a gaping difference in your relationship hanging over your head?

I am happily married. My husband left his job and his home and moved down the country when we got engaged. It made sense to pool resources and save so that we didn't have to go into debt for a large wedding, and so we could have a good start to our life together. Very practical reasons for living together, and marriage just made sense to both of us. They key point here is we were in agreement that it was something we both wanted.

Assets Model

SarahSassy wrote: »

I guess I just have this vision of marriage as the ultimate sign of a committment.

Yeah me too I feel very slightly different afterwards. More like we've ticked something huge off our todo list and people stop asking us. I think it's handier legally moving to a different country if you need visas and the like.

pikachucheeks

Personally, I like the idea of marriage, being committed to a person and sharing your life with them ... But honestly, the amount of people who enter the sanctity of marriage without taking it as seriously as it should be taken - and the high rate of divorce has demeaned it somewhat, in my eyes.

Sure, there are couples, like my parents, who make it obvious than when done right, marriage is an amazing thing and when you truly love someone, marriage can be the best form of honouring your committment to each other, but there are so many horror stories about people getting married to get green cards, people getting married for personal, selfish gain ... Whatever happened to people getting married for love? - the primary reason the ceremony exists.

Stories like that make it seem much less important or serious as it once was.

Malari

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Whatever happened to people getting married for love? - the primary reason the ceremony exists.

It may be now, in the western world, but it wasn't always. The idea of marriage for love is quite a new thing.

pikachucheeks

Malari wrote: »

It may be now, in the western world, but it wasn't always. The idea of marriage for love is quite a new thing.

It's a shame when people get married for reaons other than love and genuine want of committment to the other person.

Malari

pikachucheeks wrote: »

It's a shame when people get married for reaons other than love and genuine want of committment to the other person.

I don't agree. Well, at least I only agree in part. I think there are some cross-purpose arguments going on here.

If you are of the romantic notion that one day you will be proposed to by your true love and he ends up just saying "we'd better get married to keep you happy" that's a shame.

If you are in love with someone and perfectly happy without being married, but you are buying property, worried that they are going to die and you will have to dispute owenership of property, or if you have children and want to protect their interests, the REASON for marriage isn't purely love but I don't think there's anything shameful in that.

Then there's this "proof of commitment" thing that people who lean towards the first scenario think is a powerful show of love, and people in the second scenario see as self-interested protection.

Khannie

I think it depends on the couple. If you're happy in your relationship I think that's all that matters. If you both think that marriage will add to it, sure why not then.

I'm married. I wanted to get married when I did and I'm glad that I did. I feel like it strengthened the bond we have and I think it probably adds a sense of security for children when there are children involved (whether that security is actually there or not depends on things that the kid(s) wont be aware of generally).

Cool Mo D wrote: »

Even on a more mundane level, you will pay a fortune more in income tax if you don't have a piece of paper from the state saying you are married.

The tax benefits are pretty miserable these days. Actually, for us it ended up costing us money. Actually getting married has ended up providing some other legal headaches. Still....I had a great engagement, wedding, honeymoon, the lot. It was nice to celebrate our relationship like that.

For me...in no particular order

Pros:
Strengthend our relationship
Nice way to celebrate your relationship
Enjoyed proposing / getting engaged
Enjoyed the day immensely
Small tax benefit
Nice to have the anniversary each year
Added some security for my step-son
Honeymoon was total win
Wife looked MEGA HAWT on the day

Cons:
Flipping *enormous* cost. Once the "W" word is involved the cost of everything seems to double. Also, it's difficult to keep the numbers down.
Organising a wedding is very *very* stressful stuff
Ended up affecting our income negatively (long story)
Bit of a legal headache associated with us being married which we're only getting around to starting to solve now (another long story)

I'm sure there's other pros and cons, but they're the ones that jump out.

I agree with Pika too....I think that the advent of divorce has meant that there are some pisstake marriages which devalue marriage generally. My mums friends daughter got absolutely shafted by a guy....he was having an affair behind her back the whole way through their engagement and ended up continuing it after they got married. Left her 2 months after they tied the knot. What a tosspot. Standing there on the alter, lying his f*cking teeth out. Grrrr. :mad:

Degsy

I was engaged once but i didnt get married because i found i really couldnt trust the girl..this lack of trust led me to behave in a similar way and it spiraled out of control and we split up amidst much acrimony.
Loyalty and trust are immutable conditions in marraige and if they're not going to be observed there's really no point as you're both only fooling yourself.