Embarrassed by friend?

LegacyUser

I have a very close friend that I live with as we go to the same college. I have been friends with him since we were young.

The problem is that lately I've become embarressed by him. I know it sounds mean but I don't like being with him in public. When I chat with him one to one he's great, sound as you can get. But when theres a group of people (i.e. me, him and someone else) he acts like a fool!

He says stupid things and tries to be funny, but I find it embarrassing.

Another thing he has started doing is making friends with my college friends. A few times he has invited himself out to class nights out or when I would be going out with my own friends.

He has his own friends and just feel like he's barging in on my life.

I don't try to pal around with his friends, mostly because they are his friends. Sure I'd chat to them if they came over to the house, but I'd leave him and his friends to themselves because thats what I would want.

It seems like he always wants to be the centre of attention, doing stupid things and trying to befriend all my friends.

Maybe I'm overreacting, but is it me or him that has the problem? Maybe both?

Thanks.

cafecolour

If he's a good mate and you live with him, it wouldn't be that abnormal for him to tag along with your mates. A lot of folks are pretty fluid with friend circles - his friends might be thinking you unfriendly since you don't socialize with them when they're over.

The fact that you are embarrassed by him seems like you feel his behavior reflects on you. Most folks don't generally transfer 'responsibility' like that with friends tbh. Now if you were dating him it might be a different story

The more integrated he becomes in your social circle, in fact, the more people will just think of him as 'one of the group' and not your mate.

If it really bugs you - or if you're starting to snipe at him because of it - I'd have a talk with him. Simply say "You're a great mate and all, but living with you and going out with you all the time is getting to be overkill. I'd prefer if we hang out at home but socialize separately."

LegacyUser

if you're really great mates you should be able to say what are you at you fool. The fact that this is such a big deal and you're typing on here instead of saying it to him would make me question how "great" your friendship really is. I have a group of girlfriends that i've know since I was about 3, we all do different things and behave in different ways. One girl can be a bit loud in public if we're out and i'd have no problem saying it to her or if one of them was annoying me or doing something I found embarrassing i'd say it straight out to them. Similarly one or two of them call me a prude from time to time, but hey we're all different if we all behaved the same ways and practised the same behaviour it would be a pretty boring life. Friends are friends regardless of their flaws. If he was as good a mate as you say you should be delighted your group of friends get on with him. I think there is more to this, perhaps you expect him to adapt your ideas of public behaviour. Just go talk to him.

LegacyUser

The reality of the situation is that your friend is a normal, sociable sort and a good mixer, and you are probably a touch protective and jealous. Just relax, enjoy yourself and the company yuou keep, and dont worry about other people.

Nobody is judging you by your friend. More likely you'll end up being judged by your actions and reactions towards you friend, which do seem very childish.