No love life AT ALL?!!!!

NightOwl91

Soo, I have a problem.
I am 18 and confused at the moment.
I can never seem to interest guys. Never had a boyfriend or even a casual "date" that lasted more than 5minutes....
I draw sly horrible guys who screw me over within 5minutes of knowing me.
I am a virgin so its not like guys sleep with me etc.
I have confinded in my friends and they told me straight out I look like a model and I am "sound" ..They always say lads are p**ks and thats that. I dont believe this. At this stage, I reckon my friends are lying now..I mean, every guy I meet cannot be a p**k!! I believe I must be doing something wrong. Either that or there is a secret code....
When guys are around, I am not bitchy or anything! I consider my behaviour pretty friendly and I do joke around but not overly joking if you get me...
And I dont play dumb,I consider myself smart and I take an interest in what people say etc..
I just dont understand...
The line I always get is: I just want to be friends
I mean, its at the stage where I dont even "play the field" because when I am out, any guy I try to talk to..he looks through me and eyes someone else:(
You guys might be rolling you eyes, but this is really hurting me....

I have tried the usual advice: Joining sports, not being easy yada yada yada......but, none of it makes a difference.

Dont get me wrong, I dont define happiness by having a boyfriend etc but who doesnt want that closeness? Im not insecure before you guys think I am...Im just out of excuses and speculations here

Really need help It gets me down...please someone just be honest with me ...

LegacyUser

You're only 18, don't worry!! I'm 26 now and both myself and many of my friends didn't meet guys until we were in our twenties. I'm not a bad looking girl myself at all and have tons of friends etc, and excluding my debs I didnt have a date until I was 21. Since then I've had a fair few flings, lasting only a few months maximum.

The thing is I think Ireland is a bit different to other countries when it comes to dating and relationships. I think it might be because alot of people go to single sex schools but alot of people are in college when they start dating. and having sex. I think the culture here is different in general though, Irish guys aren't as forward as guys from other countries in general except when they are drunk and sleazing on you!!

And as for all guys being pr*cks, they aren't all bad but saying that a lot of 18 year old boys can be!! It does get marginally better as you get older!

NightOwl91

83 views and no word? do i presume no one has an answer or...?

phic

wrote a big long answer, then deleted it by accident! Sorry!
Basically, getting a boyfriend is one of those things that gets easier the more times you've done it, so you just have to get one that first time!
Sounds to me like you're being friendly to these guys and all, but you're not really letting them know you're interested in something more. Most guys are incredibly bad at realising when a girl is trying to flirt with them. And most girls are incredibly bad at flirting in a noticeable manner! Every boyfriend I've had, I've practically had to spell it out for them before they realised i liked them.
Are you actually telling guys you like them/asking guys out or just trying to act in a way that will make them ask you out?
try put yourself in their shoes, no matter how nice/good looking/smart a guy is, i'd never ask him out unless i was 90% certain he would say yes.
Hope this helps, keep the chin up and you'll find someone!

opinion guy

Aww sweetheart go easy on yourself. you're only 18, these things will come together in time and u are only starting out in this dating thing.

What I think thou about your problem ? Hmmm I think you are probably more mature than most guys your age. The cliche is that guys mature slower anyhow - well I think its a cliche with a certain element of truth attached. I've read some of your other responses to other people and I must say I'm surprised you are only 18. (Now they weren't all so level headed so don't go feeling too grown up just yet :P, but I'd say you are more emotionally sophisticated than the average 18 year old guy).

So I think this is probably more the real problem than you having any issue with yourself. So for the first thing - go easy on yourself. Stop giving yourself such a hard time. And don't be in too much of a rush to get serious-relationship-ville. You know the whole virginity thing etc. It will happen when the time is right, when you meet the right guy, when you are ready for it. And besides another cliche with a grain of truth to it is that you usually only find these hings when you stop looking for them! So try and focus on other things. Take stock that you are on the right track and concentrate on school/college and enjoying ur friends etc.

Thats what i think anyhow. i hope its useful

NightOwl91

opinion guy wrote: »

Aww sweetheart go easy on yourself. you're only 18, these things will come together in time and u are only starting out in this dating thing.

What I think thou about your problem ? Hmmm I think you are probably more mature than most guys your age. The cliche is that guys mature slower anyhow - well I think its a cliche with a certain element of truth attached. I've read some of your other responses to other people and I must say I'm surprised you are only 18. (Now they weren't all so level headed so don't go feeling too grown up just yet :P, but I'd say you are more emotionally sophisticated than the average 18 year old guy).

So I think this is probably more the real problem than you having any issue with yourself. So for the first thing - go easy on yourself. Stop giving yourself such a hard time. And don't be in too much of a rush to get serious-relationship-ville. You know the whole virginity thing etc. It will happen when the time is right, when you meet the right guy, when you are ready for it. And besides another cliche with a grain of truth to it is that you usually only find these hings when you stop looking for them! So try and focus on other things. Take stock that you are on the right track and concentrate on school/college and enjoying ur friends etc.

Thats what i think anyhow. i hope its useful

hey. thanks oh goodness my replies were wrong sometimes and had to be edited because I read the problem tooooo quickly lol I misread.. but anyway, yeah I just feel something is missing. I mean, its hard. When guys (even on a friends level) dont wanna talk normally at a party or what not because another girl has their attention. Im not jealous at all, like, I just talk to guys with no romance on the mind and they just...dont wanna know so im left feeling...wait, what?! Its so frustrating that a guy cant ever have a normal human conversation with me theres a code isnt there!?:p
Ive had this from guys since I can remember so ....Im just frustrated

starttheend

All I would say is relax, you seem like a very intelligent and interesting person, your also good looking. These are qualities in a girl that terrified me(and prob quite a lot of boys) when I was 18 to try actually have a proper conversation with them, as previous poster said, boys take awhile to mature. Now 5 years later they are the exact things I look for in a girl. Point being be yourself, there is no secret to things, unfortunately, the right person will come along, and all the frustration etc. suddenly seems worth it

Other point I'd make, from reading your posts, is there anyone you meet who you actually find yourself really into straight away. If not perhaps sometimes boys pick up a not interested kinda vibe from you and don't persue things, just a thought

Wibbs

OK step back a second. Look at why you think this is happening. Chances are you have way more of an idea than anyone else. We all generally know what the real issue is, even if we don't believe in ourselves or our insights enough.

NightOwl91

Wibbs wrote: »

OK step back a second. Look at why you think this is happening. Chances are you have way more of an idea than anyone else. We all generally know what the real issue is, even if we don't believe in ourselves or our insights enough.

Why this is happening? I actually dont have any idea.

NightOwl91

starttheend wrote: »

Other point I'd make, from reading your posts, is there anyone you meet who you actually find yourself really into straight away. If not perhaps sometimes boys pick up a not interested kinda vibe from you and don't persue things, just a thought

How do you mean? :rolleyes: Sorry, I just need you to expand a bit more lol :P

LegacyUser

NightOwl91 you postet in an other thread here on boards that you have had a bf already. So I am a little confused!? How did you meet him? maybe you will find a new bf the same way. just my 2 cents

How Soon Is Now

Ok Nightowl i aint much older then your self im 23 and i can kinda understand a bit how you feel.

Number one i know this is easyer said then done i mean i taught it was my only problem in life when i couldn understand why i was alone around that age but you really have to get yourself back up and just find things to keep your mind off it.

Go out with your friends first this is a big thing the more you s get into nights out partys things like this more people you will meet trust me ok.

Things are usually best not planned at this age because you dont have any experience and it feels like a nightmare when slightly thing goes wrong just go with flow and be yourself ok dont put to much pressure on your head thinking you need to do all these things by certain age. Most fellas and girls i know didnt do much when they were under 18 or 18 this time is really for going out there and just enjoyin yourself make most it by time u get 21 22 you will know what i mean when i say life just ****ing goes crazy all a sudden lol.

Im tellin ya you will look back at this stage your life and think why did i worry? You be fine i can promise you that get on with your life and things will happen these things take time dont push them cause no matter how hard u try and force yourself into gettin boyfriends girlfriends and so on at 18 it just happens.

Good luck and dont wreck your head worrying to much lol

NightOwl91

guest2109 wrote: »

NightOwl91 you postet in an other thread here on boards that you have had a bf already. So I am a little confused!? How did you meet him? maybe you will find a new bf the same way. just my 2 cents

yeah....it really doesnt count as it was a huge mistake. he was my boyf for like 2days and gave me the aul "lets be friends" becoz of distance so...:P he wasnt really a bf in my eyes now lookin back

mrDerek

hows about a picture of ya ms owl

Silverfish

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Thanks.

LegacyUser

like others have said your still young and plently of time to find someone right for you,you just gotta continue to be yourself and be patient and someone will definatly come along.i think thats the best advice any of us can give you without knowing you etc but good luck anyways!

LegacyUser

NightOwl91 wrote: »

any guy I try to talk to..he looks through me and eyes someone else:(
...

Hi Op,

I can relate to you. I'm 28 and all my life the above has happened me. I was kinda shy when I was younger, and I suppose I had zero confidence and flirting skills. You're different in that you sound like you're chatty and confident. The fact that you're not having much luck tells me that you are similar to me in one way, i.e you're a bit too nice for your own good. If they are looking through you and eyeing other girls, then to hell with them, you're are better than them. THis can also be down to immaturity and they may be eyeing the stunners all night thinking that they can get them. Not all fellas are like this, and when the immature ones hit their mid 20s they'll start to go after personality. Not saying you are not an attractive girl, I'm sure you are!! I used to analyse where I've been going wrong and why I'd get ovelooked for my friends, and to be honest I think it's down to behaving a bit too sincere and nice if you get my drift. Not that either of us are boring, it's prob just that we prob both come across a bit too serious in the moment, and subconsciously we come across like we're 'looking' for someone.
My advice would be to relax, stop thinking about meeting someone, and believe me, you will find that you will be that 'other' girl that these fellas are staring at simply because your'e chatty, and perhaps joking around, but most importantly you're not giving off the "I'm looking for a man vibe".

Good luck.

magneticimpulse

hi, dont worry about it. i lost my virginity the night i finished my 4th year exams in university...i was 21 nearly 22. i was so disappointed as i had waited so long for the right guy or the one and in the end i got pissed and had a one night stand. it was then 5 months after this i found a boyfriend and i waited a while before sleeping with him. i dated a few guys between 20 to 21 but nothing serious. a lot of guys admitted to me that they were virgins too and they found it just as hard to meet girls. i went to a single sex school til 18. in college, i made lots of guy friends, but enjoyed their company and never wanted to sleep with them. they were really good friends. im 28 now and ive still not met the one. do you really want to settle down and get married at 18? i bet not. you change as a person over time. just enjoy it and dont rush into anything. really theres lots of time later to catch up on things. better to have less baggage then have lots of ****ty crappy relationships to cope with. have fun, it will all happen eventually when the time is right

LegacyUser

Hi,

You're only 18. I'm a 21 year old Cork guy and I was probably the same as you when I was 18, no GF, found girls didn't talk to me much etc. It gets easier with time trust me, don't be so hard on yourself. Play it cool and have some fun on nights out and you'll be fine.

babyinacorner90

magneticimpulse wrote: »

hi, dont worry about it. i lost my virginity the night i finished my 4th year exams in university...i was 21 nearly 22. i was so disappointed as i had waited so long for the right guy or the one and in the end i got pissed and had a one night stand. it was then 5 months after this i found a boyfriend and i waited a while before sleeping with him. i dated a few guys between 20 to 21 but nothing serious. a lot of guys admitted to me that they were virgins too and they found it just as hard to meet girls. i went to a single sex school til 18. in college, i made lots of guy friends, but enjoyed their company and never wanted to sleep with them. they were really good friends. im 28 now and ive still not met the one. do you really want to settle down and get married at 18? i bet not. you change as a person over time. just enjoy it and dont rush into anything. really theres lots of time later to catch up on things. better to have less baggage then have lots of ****ty crappy relationships to cope with. have fun, it will all happen eventually when the time is right

Im a virgin too. And I can so relate to this statement. But, is it awkward as time passes, finally admitting to a guy your a virgin? Or is that just irish society and the virgin topic..? Just asking....I mean, I wouldnt mind admittin it if i was in a good relationship eventually but..why is it like..a shameful thing to admit to nowadays?

magneticimpulse

i dont think its awkward at all to tell guys that you are a virgin, as i found out, many were virgins too. for me,back then at 21, i just thought everyone had lost their virginity and thought why im i the last one left? i look back now and I think what was the big issue? so silly. in a way im still waiting for the one! but i think because i lost my virginity in a one night stand, that stuck with me for years and it didnt help other relationships. if i had the choice again, i would have stuck it out a bit longer to be with someone who i loved and was a boyfriend.

babyinacorner90

I can relate so much. What exactly are guys looking for at 18? And do they realise how they look through us? Or is it done unknownst? :eek:Boys are complex!!!

magneticimpulse

when i was 18, i got really upset about guys. I took it really to heart, but in some ways i wish i kept some attributes from back then. Like i said i was a virgin, and I think that guys lost interest and went with other girls who would have sex with them. I remember one short term boyfriend dancing with the girl in the next dorm to me and they hooked up. I walked off crying. However their relationship was just as short term as mine was with him. So it didnt make much difference, was just the guy himself.

Another guy just seemed to date other girls...go on a date with me and then date other girls again. I look back and realise i was so patient with all of this. However I think guys at 18 just want to feel like men, have sex and enjoy this feeling. Its not all guys of course. The nice guys remained my friends (and virgins as they were so shy). Majority 18 year old guys, dont want a "serious relationship". I think its the benefit of being older, now guys are expecting a serious relationship. People are just figuring out themselves. They are arriving into adulthood.

So just enjoy your youth, stop wishing your life away. You will be old and wrinkles one day and look back and think why did you worry about such things. Dont have regrets, make the most of being young, free and single. ;o)

Overheal

There could be lots of reasons that stem from dissimilar interests to personality conflics, shyness, etc. so you cant base it on any one thing.

I leave my profile on PoF to fend for itself. But about 6 months later I get this message from some girl wanting to chat, so I write her back a couple hours later and then: nothing! thanks for stopping by :pac:

You cant get hung up on this ****. You also cant just be looking for guys that interest you. Then you forget how to be interesting yourself. Do stuff that makes you feel happy which does revolve around finding other people to make you happy for you. Guys are looking for the same thing in girls that girls are probably looking for the same thing in guys: Interest.