GF going travelling - Am I being immature?

LegacyUser

Hey,

Some background 1st. With my GF nearly 2 years now. She is going to go travelling with a group of her friends next summer "for a year or two".

I may be going travelling myself separately or I may be staying here depending on my getting into a course. Either way, I won't be going with her.

Now, she keeps talking about travelling all the time, in the kind of "Oh I can't wait to go to Oz" etc or "I wish I was in Oz" and for some reason this is grinding my gears. I don't avoid talking about her travelling but we haven't decided where it leaves us (even though being honest I know that once she books a flight and makes it absolutely definite that there's a large chance I'll break up with her - not trying to be an A-hole but I have to be honest, I won't do long distance.) or any of that side of things. We touched on it but all she said is "I don't know, I wish you could come and meet me along the way". She did also say that she's glad I'm not going travelling the whole way along with her as she wouldn't l;ike that as she wants to find herself etc etc, which is cool because I'd like to do my own thing travel wise also. However I feel like if it were me going travelling with my mates I'd pay more consideration to her and what it does for us. The way it's being handled right now feels like "I'm going - deal with it."

So the thing is, she keeps talking about it and every time she does I just get annoyed. I don't want her to stay here for me, but I guess I just wish she wouldn't be so damned excited about it!!!

Am I being immature by A) getting annoyed when she talks about it and by not telling her that I'll likely end the relationship when she books her trip (I feel very vindicated by not mentioning this to be honest but just want to throw it in while I'm on the subject) and that I won't necessarily be here for her in "a year or two".

This whole subject is just causing me (and her I guess) a whole lot of stress. The relationship itself is great, we get on great, do lots of things together but still give each other a lot of space and freedom and we're going away together again just after Christmas. We also give each other a lot of emotional support and overall we're very happy together. It's just I guess I feel like there's a timer counting down on our relationship even though nothing is set in stone just yet.



Thoughts please?

magneticimpulse

its depends what she trying to get from reminding you she is traveling. i used to say this to my ex...yeah i might work somewhere like new zealand after my studies. if i was still with him i would not have done this. im not with him and still might not do this. anyway the point was, i was trying to get feedback from him about what our future plans might be. i was acting as if i was not so interested in him and was independent and had my own future plans. i was kinda hoping he would butt in with some alternative.

but really maybe it is what it is and she wants to travel and find herself. it seems a long time to travel separately. you seem young too. i definitely think you should both travel, maybe not together but you wont have an opportunity to travel again in life. theres always time to settle down with someone new if it doesnt work out with her after you have seen the world.

advicewhore

tell her how you feel, that if your going travelling seperately that you don't see the two of you staying together...then see what she says. she might likely turn around and decide to only go for one year, or less or definitely try to get you in on the plans, to meet half way etc! thats if thats what you want! maybe you'd prefer to travel alone and not to be with her (you seem to have decided that in your head already!) and your just annoyed at the fact that you're not the one talking about going away the whole time instead of her! if you're genuinely not bothered about breaking up with her as soon as she makes plans or not bothered waiting around for "a year or two" (especially if you're going to be off travelling too!) then maybe you should sit down and have a talk and sort it all out now!

G-Money

travelproblem wrote: »

she wants to find herself etc etc

If I was a betting man, I reckon this will involve her hooking up with other guys. It always seems to be the case to be honest. It might not be, but just be prepared.

LegacyUser

grandmaster wrote: »

If I was a betting man, I reckon this will involve her hooking up with other guys. It always seems to be the case to be honest. It might not be, but just be prepared.

Well actually, whilst this might be the case, she has said that she doesn't want to lose me and sounds like she wants to do the whole long distance thing.


She's not exactly inexperienced (nor am I) so I'm not sure it would be that whole play the field thing.



BTW I'm 25, she's 24 for the other poster who asked about age.

CDfm

OP - both of you are heading of doing your own stuff. So the problem might be even that you know about it you dont want to be apart.

That part of it is a dealbreaker and you havent said that to her.

At 24 she should be well aware of who she is and anyone who says they are going of to find themselves is well dodgy.

bSlick

travelproblem wrote: »

Well actually, whilst this might be the case, she has said that she doesn't want to lose me and sounds like she wants to do the whole long distance thing.


She's not exactly inexperienced (nor am I) so I'm not sure it would be that whole play the field thing.



BTW I'm 25, she's 24 for the other poster who asked about age.

Time to wise up, when people go off to Australia for a year or two to 'find themselves' it usually is the case that they can only find themselves by having sex with some hot stranger(s). Seriously, if and when she goes off to Oz just break it off with her and get on with your life. You don't want to be one of the guys coming on here complaining about how you waited patiently back in Ireland like a gentleman while you gf was off finding herself only to find out that she has been riding all round her down in Oz. Btw, doing the 'long distance thing' just means she has you waiting for her when she gets back so she can pick up where she left off.

LegacyUser

OP Im a guy around a similar age and plan to do the whole travel thing in about a year or so. I agree the Long distance thing is a non runner. I also think that going travelling like that you want to have the independence to maybe hook up with people you like along the way. This doesnt mean that this is the main reason for travelling or anything close to it, I think it just ties in with feeling of freedom and adventure that goes with travelling.

I think the best way for you to look at it is, accept your gonna be apart for a certain amount of time eg 18 months, then when your back home and you still want to be together, you will know it is something special. You will both have experiences of a life time and wont resent each other for holding either of you back. It doesnt matter that she is 24, travelling is obviously something she wants to get of her system.

The thing about her mentioning how much she is looking forward to it cant be nice. I would just say next time she is going on about it how much you are dreading it and you dont like being reminded of it so much (in a more subtle way, maybe). She might not realise that she is being hurtful, but if you let her know she is she will most likely tone it down.

Wibbs

grandmaster wrote: »

If I was a betting man, I reckon this will involve her hooking up with other guys. It always seems to be the case to be honest. It might not be, but just be prepared.

True but not always and you may be one of those couples who do thrive regardless of distance(I've known two), so try and put that notion out of your head for the time being.

magneticimpulse

someone says shes 24 she should have "found herself by now". thats BS as im nearly 29 and i have to say this past year at 28 ive totally found myself on a whole another level which i never knew before. i dont think people really know who they are until they are around 30 - 32. 24 is still so young to settle down for the rest of your life with the one person. she is exactly doing the right thing and traveling. but i dont think it means hooking up with lots of people. when you travel you spend most your time in hostels sharing with people...so it depends how brave you are for the hooking up situation. i think its once in lifetime opportunity to travel and i wouldnt let anything hold me back. best to end it now. maybe possible to get back later who knows

Wagon

travelproblem wrote: »

She did also say that she's glad I'm not going travelling the whole way along with her as she wouldn't l;ike that as she wants to find herself etc etc

Break it off with her. It's safe to assume she just wants to fúck other men. Lets face it, 80% of the time that happens.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Think you should tell her you're not going to do long distance. Its completely reasonable if she's going away for 1-2 years. I think the notion of finding herself kind of implies there's a high chance she might find out she doesn't want to be with you.

Explain you're not trying to guilt her out of going,(though she probably won't believe this) and you're just being honest.