Child Access and Visitation for Absent Parents -Dads Mothers Et al- Xmas Holidays etc

CDfm

I spent today with my son and daughter 19 and 16 respectively and we were plotting Xmas holidays when they are coming to stay. Very different to when they were little.

Every Christmas in Ireland single and seperated fathers/absent parents don't get access to their kids even if they are in possession of a court order or custody agreement granting access. This affects grandmothers and grandfathers, aunts ,uncles and other relatives too who might expect to see the kids buy gifts or provide accomadation.

It also affects the kids whose holiday or access gets cancelled.

With a court order a person should have a reasonable expectation for enforcement. You get prosecution for illegal parking, speeding and TV licence but you dont get enforcement of access orders at Xmas.

The reason for starting this thread is to share resourses in a practical way and not to have a moan about society or the government or the womens movement or whoever.

Its about the do's and donts and support groups available and the court remedies.

For absent parents -if you have not made plans or alternatives you should be addressing it.

j4supporter

Hi CDFM,

I like many other single/unmarried/seperated fathers out there won't be seeing my child this christmas. It was a year in September since I was able to see my son. He will be 3 next March. Im currently waiting for my court date to come around so I try and get granted access to see him.

Meanwhile, I (my parents, siblings & new partner) are spending another christmas without seeing him. I have always paid my maintenance and have never missed a payment. Always paid money towards doctors costs/medication and anything else that came up.

However like so many others out there, I know regardless of the outcome in family court, I know that my son's mother will make it difficult for me to see him.

Spoke to local TD's/ anyone else around and get the usual dribble from them. Still feel like i'm being punished for the failing of a relationship that had 2 people bring it to this level.

CDfm

Its a b****.

Went thru it a few years back.

I handled a lot of the applications for access and enforcement myself. If there was a breach of an order I would apply for enforcement. I did the same if I was refused holiday access etc.

I suppose the judges thought I was an annoying but eventually things happened. Now my kids are older 19 & 16 but were 4 and 1 when we split.

So the best thing you can do is educate yourself on the family law system and use the facitities available.

There are a few groups active

www.usfi.ie

www.amen.ie

Its worth making contact with them as its better to compare notes with people in a similar situation to yours and find out what worked for them and also can tell you what to expect in court so the process is familiar.They also can offer court accompanyment and offer help in drafting court applications and how to instruct your solicitor.

You might only get a few hours to give christmas presents to start with but even that is a start.

Most guys get stuck with the anomalies of family law and the unfairness of the system which is all very well. When all you need to know is what a particular order means and how to go about making a particular application.

Its good to try to get around the mystery behind the system. Do you have an order for access.

The first thing to get used to is that both you and your child are legally entitled to see each other.

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/birth-family-relationships/unmarried-couples/access_to_children_and_unmarried_couples

ani_mal

thank God that there are people who can help. my husband's ex is breaching the access since July where she AGREED herself in the court for access, yet she never showed up. We are in court 1 a month since then and it is just taking TOO LONG!!
4th of Jan is next preliminary hearing, but I dont know whats going to happen as we still await for report from Social Services (we were granted section 20).
its like hell..
how to apply for enforcement?

star-pants

It is rather insane that ye don't get to see your children - my godson, his parents broke up when my friend was still pregnant.
No offence, his father was always a bit of an idiot, but that never stopped my friend giving him and his family access. The dad was such a bully to my friend, was out of line on many things, didn't pay maintenance for years, barely even pays much now (even though he was court ordered to), she foots most of the bills for school and child care etc.
But even though he wasn't a great guy and they never got along, she's never once with held his son from him. AFAIK they alternate Christmas, she had him this Christmas, as he had him last Christmas. Like my godson would be in whomevers house on the Christmas Eve until maybe the evening of Christmas day and then go to the other. She felt it was fairer on the child that way.

I feel so sorry for those that don't get to see their children often/at important times just because there might be a personal grudge somewhere along the line

CDfm

Animal - thats always difficult. If you have a preliminary hearing you can use that to get enforcement.

However, you should look to get support from from Amen www.amen.ie or www.usfi.ie