Christmas alone

SUNSHINEIRELAND

Where do you go for Christmas if you are a bright, intelligent, funny, good person who has a difficult family?
That you would rather spend it on your own then in an environment where there is fights, stroppiness and tantrums.
I'm in my 30s (and single) and trying to figure out what I am going to do at Christmas.
Anyone else in the same boat? or similiar?

I haven't told my friends. I'm really embarrassed. Basically, my mum always starts fights with me..its quite amazing
hows she finds things to fight about. Always saying that I did something on my brother or I ignored her when I play with
my sisters baby... you get the drift. Last year I came home from travelling for a few weeks and stayed with my mum.
(my house was rented out) I was there 2 days and she threw me out... I had to stay at a friends. I was there for 4 weeks.
My friend was amazing but I dont want to have to do that on her again. Its embarrassing.
To be honest I know I probably wont be invited for Christmas...its happened before and I stayed with my dad but he is on
the other side of the world now and Im at college at the moment (no money).

SarahSassy

Stay wherever you are living now?

LegacyUser

for different reasons same here

A friend invited me over to her family down the country its cool, but in a way I wish I could do my own thing

Dont stay at home on your own tho I spent easter like that and it really wasnt a good idea

SUNSHINEIRELAND

Thanks for the advice. I just see how it goes. I might tell one of my friends.

I'd say it to someone you feel comfortable with.

Judging by your username and the way you worded your post, i'd imagine you're not the worst in the world, so I doubt any close friend would mind helping you out.


As someone who spends most christmases alone feeling sorry for himself, i can assure you, you'd be better off just saying it to a close friend.

It's not embarrassing either, by the way. No one has a perfect family, and if you don't feel comfortable or like you can enjoy Christmas in your own house, then that's perfectly fine. No one, especially a friend, is likely to judge you on your famlies merits.

However, in saying that, If you plan to stay at your friends for Christmas, have a bit of decency and say it to them now, so they can let their family know and prepare accordingly. A bit of notice goes a long way. At least if they know in advance then they can get everything sorted and prepared for having another person in the house.



Regardless of what happens though, don't worry over it, and have a nice Christmas time.

itac

Hey Sunshine,
Just to say I spent an Xmas on my own in 2004, and have to say, it was probably one of the best ones ever. I decided I was going to have the "anti-christmas" day (presents and telly aside!) and made the day all about me, rented out some of my favourite dvds, stayed on the couch in my pj's for half the day, cooked spag,bol. for myself, chocolate cake for dessert, then made hot ports all that arvo. and stayed on the couch again watching silly Xmas tv and my dvds in front of a fire...it was bliss!

Maybe try something similiar for yourself? Or plan a little mini-break somewhere if you have the funds? Or as KKV says, if you've a friend who you think you'ld enjoy staying with, speak with them, giving them plenty of notice.

Either way, do something that you think will keep you happy, there's not much point in going home if it'll make you miserable, so make this an Xmas you'll enjoy, either with friends, or by yourself!

All the best for it, hope it's a great one for you:)

Emme

I spent Christmas on my own in 2006. Had a great day! I was in Dublin so went to the RDS and volunteered my services to help serve Christmas dinners to the homeless. That was a great experience.

Afterwards I went for a walk along Sandymount seafront and then headed back to the apartment and chilled out with some mulled wine and a nice dinner (no turkey, ham, stuffing or brussels sprouts).

If you can't afford to go away get in a few DVDs and a nice bottle of wine. Go for walks - it's amazing how different the place looks over Christmas when nobody's around.

You'll have a great day.

SUNSHINEIRELAND

Thank you everyone for writing back to me!!
I feel a 100 times better about this now!! I will let my best friend know soon and see what she says but I have to say, I'm very happily prepared to be on my own on the day too. All the advice is spot on!! :):)

xxx

thermo66

i agree with everyone who says its not a big deal to spend it on your own. I will be with the parents but once the dinner is over i'll be retiring to my room to watch whaever sh!te is on telly . It really wouldn't bother me if i was on my own all day, im comfortable in my own company and often times prefer it especially to being among a crowd. I think this is a good thing, its better than being depressed out of your head as most ppl would be on their own at xmas. Get your self plenty of goodies and stuff yourself silly, get a good fire going and chill out. Xmas is so overrated, the only positives for me is the food and occasional classic on tv. Its really just a day... and you can think of all the ppl around the country who will be ready to tear their hair out having to spend the day with family!!!!

LegacyUser

Hi there
It is important I think to have something to lookforward to after Christmas, eg big night out planned with friends just after Christmas//new years or some small trip just after Christmas etc, nothing to break the bank, but to break up the holiday.
even plan for a long walk on a couple of days or whatever
Possibly some college clubs/ societies have trips/ excursions planned for just after Christmas, maybe worth looking into it to see if anyhing suits.

best of luck, enjoy it and if you have been busy in teh run up to the 25th you might be glad of the rest.
P

Taltos

That sounds awful for you.

There is loads to do if you want.
Make sure to do something for you - start a new tradition - make sure you celebrate Christmas and mark it as the 1st without any tantrums...

But get out there and do something. Not sure where you are but if you are close to the coast then in most towns there will be some form of Christmas swim as well - usually loads of folk.
Even see if some of your mates would be interested.

Or go out for some crazy hike - somewhere stunning (but safe) - no need to call out emergency services on Christmas day cause someone got turned around on a mountain.

But be sure to let your friends know your plans. You never know - one of them may be in a similar position where they prefer to spend it away from family and would just love to meet up and do something different (as above).

Best of luck.
T

spillanetheman

Snap! exact same scenario - perhaps we find a few more of us and have a party somewhere ? Though about volunteering at a homeless shelter but even they seem to be oversubscribed . I've no intention however of turning up at my married friends house like some sort of lost soul to be pitied - rather sit in my car and eat beans from a tin than do that - in fact may not be such a bad idea! :-)

MysticalSoul

I'm in a similar scenario, and am debating over whether to visit my parents or not. Unfortunately, at any family gatherings my mum will start dishing out loads of put downs - last Christmas, for instance, she kept on at me about my weight for 5 hours straight, and no matter how I tried to tell her how it felt, it continued, till I ended up in tears. I am by no means overweight, she seems to think that somehow I should be the same size I was when I was 18, despite being in my 30's. A few years ago, it would have been I needed to put on weight, and half a clothes size of a difference, and it switches :rolleyes:. The crunch, I feel, was at a family function last month, when she kept on about my weight, not only to me directly, but to other family members too - which was hurtful, and to me, it shows how little she respects me - I feel I do have a choice on whether to put up with the emotional abuse or not, even though if I do decide not to go to my parents for Christmas it will be hard, as I would be close to my dad, but I do feel I need to make a stand for her to realise I am serious. My mum doesn't take on board whatever I say to her, so feel that action is what is needed for her to realise what is or is not acceptable.

spillanetheman

I agree, this is not right you should not have to put up with those sorts of humilliating comments when you go home and should definately make a stand on it this year. If you do not go home though I suggest your reasons for not being there known to your family perhaps in a card or letter. I imagine you mum probably isn't even aware how hurtful her comment are upsetting you and if asked would probably suggest that she was doing it because she is worried about you. Remeber her behaviour is more of a reflection on her own insecurities not on you so remember that. What she hs never learned is that every person a right to be accepted for who they are as individuals rather than their shape or size you are what they do, who they dress, what they believe in or who they go out with. The important thing to her should be that you're happy and feel good about yourself if she hurts you then thats wrong and your dad also has as responsibility to speak up as your father. That's why I think it's important to write these things down camly and rationally and rise above mudslinging like your mum. If they have a problem with you making your genuine feelings known then that's their issue not yours. Personally you sould like a really cool person to me and if I wasnt sitting in my car eating baked beans on Christmas day I'd say you'd be fun to hang out with. Perhaps next year someone could organise an "orphans" chrimbo dinner for single people who needed time out from family christmas but didnt want to spend it alone. There most be so many people out there in the same situation if you think about it. Irish people are really judgemental and seem to think that if you can't get on with your family you must have an issue when in reality it's almost always the other way around - at least you have the presence of mind and courage to know you don't have to put up with that crap whereas most family members are cowards about it. So hey whatever you do on Christmas day I'll be sending you good christmas karma and the rest of you who are in the same boat as me this year :-)

RossFixxxed

I spent a christmas alone, as I was sick and not up for travel. I stocked up on sweeties, goodies, DVDs, games etc and had a great time.

You don't have to put up with that rubbish. As others have said, tell them in advance, in writing or a phone call. Make up your mind what you will tolerate and be prepared to walk. It's a bloody stressful time of year as it is without that. Keep your head high!

What about agreeing to meet a mate or two during the day and go for a stroll/drink/eat or whatever, spread yourself across a few people so they can take the time out. Xmas is a great excuse to reconnect with people and have fun.

Nolanger

Head out to the RDS for the homeless Xmas dinner. The TV cameras will be there and your family will get some shock when they see you!

Bob_Harris

Nolanger wrote: »

Head out to the RDS for the homeless Xmas dinner. The TV cameras will be there and your family will get some shock when they see you!

Free meals ftw.

LegacyUser

what would folk think of going to a hotel alone for dinner?

Dave!

If you don't fancy staying there alone, then maybe you could look into going away for the Christmas? Maybe go to Barcelona or somewhere for a few days and do some touristy stuff.