Would it be wrong of me??

MissIT

Well, iv already posted that last week i broke up with my boyfriend.
The day after we broke up i was asked out on a date. At first i turned him down, but he's still texting and after a week of crying im starting to reconsider.

I know for a fact im not over my ex i love him to bit's and miss him loads but we broke up because i was constantly at home alone and would not see him for days or even a week or two because he couldn't make time for me. After begging him to try and make a small bit of time he said no so i finished it. He's not sitting at home crying over me why should i be at home alone again crying over him?? Now somebody wants to spend a bit of time with me.. why not?

What im asking is would it be wrong of me to accept this date knowing im not over my ex? Would it be unfair of me to go out for a night with this guy even tho i know for sure that im not going to want a relationship out of it? it's quite possible he's not going to want anymore out of it too. He's a really nice guy and i have known for a while he has been interested in me and if it wasn't for my ex i think i could have been interested in him too. Am i being selfish because i want to get out and not be at home mopping around the place hoping for something thats never going to change? Or maybe there is a little part of me that hopes my ex hears im going on a date, im not really sure.

What do you expect from a first date? Just to get to know the person a little better? Just to have a good night out? A kiss? Something more?

SarahSassy

You are not agreeing to marry him. Go out and have some fun. Take it slowly and you may get to like him. Explain you are just out of a relationship and he should get the hint to take it slowly from that.

You dont have to kiss anyone you dont want to.

G-Money

Personally, I wouldn't want to go out on a date with a girl who was pining over some other guy.

zootroid

grandmaster wrote: »

Personally, I wouldn't want to go out on a date with a girl who was pining over some other guy.

Agree completely.

He's not sitting at home crying over me why should i be at home alone again crying over him?? Now somebody wants to spend a bit of time with me.. why not?

OP, you should go out with someone for the right reasons. Why not just leave it for a while, and see if something happens down the line? If you go out with him now, how likely is it to be a fun date?

G-Money

Does this guy think he has a chance with you? I mean does he just want a ride or does he maybe want to start dating you?

If he really likes you, it's unfair I think to go out with him if the whole time you are wishing you were with your ex. Imagine the situation was reversed. Would you want to go out with him if he was still as hung up on his ex as you are on yours?

LegacyUser

MissIT wrote: »

Well, iv already posted that last week i broke up with my boyfriend.
The day after we broke up i was asked out on a date. At first i turned him down, but he's still texting and after a week of crying im starting to reconsider.

I know for a fact im not over my ex i love him to bit's and miss him loads but we broke up because i was constantly at home alone and would not see him for days or even a week or two because he couldn't make time for me. After begging him to try and make a small bit of time he said no so i finished it. He's not sitting at home crying over me why should i be at home alone again crying over him?? Now somebody wants to spend a bit of time with me.. why not?

What im asking is would it be wrong of me to accept this date knowing im not over my ex? Would it be unfair of me to go out for a night with this guy even tho i know for sure that im not going to want a relationship out of it? it's quite possible he's not going to want anymore out of it too. He's a really nice guy and i have known for a while he has been interested in me and if it wasn't for my ex i think i could have been interested in him too. Am i being selfish because i want to get out and not be at home mopping around the place hoping for something thats never going to change? Or maybe there is a little part of me that hopes my ex hears im going on a date, im not really sure.

What do you expect from a first date? Just to get to know the person a little better? Just to have a good night out? A kiss? Something more?

I think you should definately go for it. It sounds like you did the right thing breaking up with this guy. It doesnt matter whether your still into your ex because you NEED to get over him. He didnt treat you right. I honestly think that this guy will be the perfect distraction for you and give you the attention and consideration that your ex wouldnt. You deserve to go out and have fun. If its leads to something romantic thats brilliant and if not at least youve spent the night in good company. You have nothing to lose so go for it before the chance passes you by!

Wagon

first off, sorry to hear this. you made the right decision in breaking up with your ex.

MissIT wrote: »

What im asking is would it be wrong of me to accept this date knowing im not over my ex? Would it be unfair of me to go out for a night with this guy even tho i know for sure that im not going to want a relationship out of it?

In this case, yep.

it's quite possible he's not going to want anymore out of it too.

you don't know this for sure. especially considering

i have known for a while he has been interested in me

What do you expect from a first date? Just to get to know the person a little better? Just to have a good night out? A kiss? Something more?

Differs with every person and depends on how things go.

Speaking from experience it's a very bad idea to go with other people when you're still not over an ex. Unless both parties are completely sure of what they want (as in a night of fun and something very casual), then it's a bad idea. I've been in his position before and i've also been more or less in your position too. Because imagine this chap actually likes you a lot and wants more and all you want is a bit of fun and like you said, maybe even just a reaction from your ex. He's going to get hurt.

MissIT

Thanks for your replys. Think im going to leave it off don't think i would have posted here if i had been 100% comfortable or if there wasn't a part of me that thought it was wrong. I don't thi would like if it was me in his position.

NightOwl91

MissIT wrote: »

Thanks for your replys. Think im going to leave it off don't think i would have posted here if i had been 100% comfortable or if there wasn't a part of me that thought it was wrong. I don't thi would like if it was me in his position.

wow you seem lucky.
Had one guy and a potiential other hm? 1 day?
Think about it this way.. Type out your "problem" and save it..come back in a day with a clear mind and read it again. And pretend its from another girl....can you honestly say you would advise her to go out on a date after 1 DAY????
A guy asks you out? After you broke up with ur boyf ? 1day?!!!! Are you kidding me? Honestly?!!!!
If you felt any remorse for your break up, you would be sensitive and go sort yourself out and reastablise yourself again....give you and ur ex time to think and recover..
I mean, wow...do you want a rep?! Cause your asking for one....you'll be known as that girl who is never without a fella...

you have me gobsmacked...
Im sorry if im ranting but are you deadly serious? How insenstive are you? Forget insensitive...the word selfish comes to mind..
you know its wrong...because your on a chat asking for people to support you and make you feel like your not doing anything wrong...and do you think being with another fella will make you feel better? you think you will recover like that? How about you let the tears flow..and go through the process....give YOURSELF time...you dont need to be with a fella you know...:P

Your answer: Yeah, its wrong of you...to do it to yourself

1 day? serious? :eek:

LegacyUser

Eh NightOwl cut the girl some slack....

& its been a week not a day! A week of crying on her own about her stupid ex who wasnt arsed enough to give her the time of day. And she said that she wasnt even going to go anyway so no need for the "insensitive, slefish" malark your coming out with.

I think you made the right decision though not to go out with him tbh, if you need some company how bout get the girls round to yours for a movie & some munch or go out on the town this weekend, it'd do ya the world of good!! As NightOwl said have some time to yourself!!

Hope your ok!!!

Wibbs

Lets keep things chilled and civil and helpful folks. Gives better advice that way. Thanks.

Aurora Borealis

I don't think you can really berate people for how they choose to get over a breakup. You do what you do at the time because you're hurting. Might be easier on your head and heart though to give yourself a bit of space first.

NightOwl91

giveherabreak wrote: »

Eh NightOwl cut the girl some slack....

& its been a week not a day! A week of crying on her own about her stupid ex who wasnt arsed enough to give her the time of day. And she said that she wasnt even going to go anyway so no need for the "insensitive, slefish" malark your coming out with.

I think you made the right decision though not to go out with him tbh, if you need some company how bout get the girls round to yours for a movie & some munch or go out on the town this weekend, it'd do ya the world of good!! As NightOwl said have some time to yourself!!

Hope your ok!!!

A week? ooooo i see.
Still though, give it time.
Sorry for being a bit harsh, I misread and presumed it was 1 day..
but i still stand by giving yourself time...
Peace out:P

CDfm

Go on the date. You broke up because you were spending too much time on your own. Like someone else said its not a marriage proposal and it could be a pleasant distraction.

Terodil

Aurora Borealis wrote: »

I don't think you can really berate people for how they choose to get over a breakup. You do what you do at the time because you're hurting.

I don't agree. The fact that you are suffering is no legitimation to spread the suffering around to innocent bystanders.

I agree with grandmaster. You need to make sure that he understands *exactly* where he stands with you. Allusions or veiled hints (or even complete silence) would not be fair. I'm relieved that you know this yourself. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you are just out of a relationship and don't want another one straight away, then you can see where you take it from there.

Taltos

Terodil wrote: »

I don't agree. The fact that you are suffering is no legitimation to spread the suffering around to innocent bystanders.

I agree with grandmaster. You need to make sure that he understands *exactly* where he stands with you. Allusions or veiled hints (or even complete silence) would not be fair. I'm relieved that you know this yourself. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you are just out of a relationship and don't want another one straight away, then you can see where you take it from there.

+1
Also soften it by reasoning with him "would you really want to be involved with me so soon with a risk of being that rebound guy?" - everyone knows that rebound relationships rarely last (some do though)...

Try to stay friends with him, don't lead him on and who knows, once you have a chance to get your head in order he might be more appealing.
If he is any type of decent guy he will understand this totally and even respect you more for not messing him about.

Do take some time for yourself though. Get out with friends or just go out for coffees. There are loads of threads on breakups here - the key thing seems to be breaking contact and getting back into a new routine as soon as possible. Might be tough for a while and you will shed a few more tears but from your post you defo made the right choice, better doing it now than in 10 yrs when you would have still been effectively alone.

CDfm

Terodil wrote: »

I agree with grandmaster. You need to make sure that he understands *exactly* where he stands with you. Allusions or veiled hints (or even complete silence) would not be fair. I'm relieved that you know this yourself. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you are just out of a relationship and don't want another one straight away, then you can see where you take it from there.

I dont agree - its only a date enjoy it for what it is. who knows you might have a great time.

MissIT

NightOwl91 wrote: »

wow you seem lucky.
Had one guy and a potiential other hm? 1 day?
Think about it this way.. Type out your "problem" and save it..come back in a day with a clear mind and read it again. And pretend its from another girl....can you honestly say you would advise her to go out on a date after 1 DAY????
A guy asks you out? After you broke up with ur boyf ? 1day?!!!! Are you kidding me? Honestly?!!!!
If you felt any remorse for your break up, you would be sensitive and go sort yourself out and reastablise yourself again....give you and ur ex time to think and recover..
I mean, wow...do you want a rep?! Cause your asking for one....you'll be known as that girl who is never without a fella...

you have me gobsmacked...
Im sorry if im ranting but are you deadly serious? How insenstive are you? Forget insensitive...the word selfish comes to mind..
you know its wrong...because your on a chat asking for people to support you and make you feel like your not doing anything wrong...and do you think being with another fella will make you feel better? you think you will recover like that? How about you let the tears flow..and go through the process....give YOURSELF time...you dont need to be with a fella you know...:P

Your answer: Yeah, its wrong of you...to do it to yourself

1 day? serious? :eek:

This guy asked me out because he knew we broke up, I don't know if he saw it as his chance or if it was just to try and cheer me up. Anyway I turn him down because my ex is the only one I want. Then a week later he asked again and as before i declined, but there was a little bit of me cross with myself because here i was sitting at home alone crying and this was the whole reason we broke up in the first place. I don't need anybody to tell me i had no remorse for my relationship because i know the effort I put in to make it work. I begged him try a little bit harder and was told no I just have to accept the way things are, that broke my heart. So maybe I am selfish because I don't want to hurt like this but Im not sorry for it.

I was Hurt, cross, humiliated, heartbroken and a million and one other things at the same time. I still am. I still love him to bits. So ya maybe in a moment of madness i posted here to try an sort out my head. It worked didn't it? I didn't go on the date. I don't think i ever would have no matter how many posts told me to. Like i said before if i was 100% comfortable with it in the first place I wouldn't have needed to post.

Im sorry if i upset or angered anybody but loosing him is probably the hardest thing i have ever done.

Aurora Borealis

Terodil wrote: »

I don't agree. The fact that you are suffering is no legitimation to spread the suffering around to innocent bystanders.

I agree with grandmaster. You need to make sure that he understands *exactly* where he stands with you. Allusions or veiled hints (or even complete silence) would not be fair. I'm relieved that you know this yourself. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you are just out of a relationship and don't want another one straight away, then you can see where you take it from there.

Not quite sure how you're reading my post but I'm not recommending anything other than being completely honest about where she is with any prospective partners. In light of the tone responses were beginning to take my point was not to berate OP for steps taken, whether wise or unwise because it's a fragile time. I did not recommend she lead any unsuspecting bystanders astray and nor would I.

CDfm

MissIT wrote: »

Im sorry if i upset or angered anybody but loosing him is probably the hardest thing i have ever done.

Its not easy for sure. Try to do the normal stuff and going out with friends might help. When you are ready.