Told a girl I fancied her

LegacyUser

Ok so here's the the thing I've just started college and I slightly fancied a girl there. We seemed to get along, joke and have fun together. I thought she was way out of my league anyway, as she tends to go out with really confident athletic/ rugby- loving type guys (which I'm not really at all- just your average height/weight slightly nerdy fun loving guy). Anyway last week I was out with my friends in a nightclub. I was slightly drunk too and having fun. Suddenly we happened to bump into each other, and we were talking, dancing for a bit and having a laugh. Then all of a sudden (don't know what provoked it..alcohol perhaps!?) I whisper in her ear that I liked her. She told me on the spot that she liked me but only as a friend. I told her that it was ok, she made a gesture to shake my hand and I walked off. (Just to give you a heads up I don't have much experience in telling girls that I like them, I kinda tend to shy away from that. Previous girlfriends have made that first move lol)

The next day me and a few other people met up, including the girl. It genuinely didn't bother me that much, but when everybody met up. I went to say hello to her and a few people. She was barely able to look at me, let alone say hello. That was the only communication between us.

Do you think I should try to say something? to be honest we're not really great friends, and we didn't really know each other that well bare college and stuff, so maybe what I said was a bit sudden. The way college is going I probably won't see her frequently, so it doesn't really matter. I'm only thinking of when I bump into people from college and we kinda have to get along. Awkwardness is something I can't deal with well... it tends to make me act a little weird and talk too fast, if you get me?!..

Thanks

Abi

collegprop wrote: »

Ok so here's the the thing I've just started college and I slightly fancied a girl there. We seemed to get along, joke and have fun together. I thought she was way out of my league anyway, as she tends to go out with really confident athletic/ rugby- loving type guys (which I'm not really at all- just your average height/weight slightly nerdy fun loving guy). Anyway last week I was out with my friends in a nightclub. I was slightly drunk too and having fun. Suddenly we happened to bump into each other, and we were talking, dancing for a bit and having a laugh. Then all of a sudden (don't know what provoked it..alcohol perhaps!?) I whisper in her ear that I liked her. She told me on the spot that she liked me but only as a friend. I told her that it was ok, she made a gesture to shake my hand and I walked off. (Just to give you a heads up I don't have much experience in telling girls that I like them, I kinda tend to shy away from that. Previous girlfriends have made that first move lol)

The next day me and a few other people met up, including the girl. It genuinely didn't bother me that much, but when everybody met up. I went to say hello to her and a few people. She was barely able to look at me, let alone say hello. That was the only communication between us.

Do you think I should try to say something? to be honest we're not really great friends, and we didn't really know each other that well bare college and stuff, so maybe what I said was a bit sudden. The way college is going I probably won't see her frequently, so it doesn't really matter. I'm only thinking of when I bump into people from college and we kinda have to get along. Awkwardness is something I can't deal with well... it tends to make me act a little weird and talk too fast, if you get me?!..

Thanks

Sorry I don't mean to be patronizing, but I found your post kind of adorable lol

Look theres nothing to worry about, yeah your reactions could have been a bit better the next day or whatever.. but look shes only human. Theres still a possibility to walk up to her if you see her out in a group or whatever and say 'look sorry bout that night, think you're a great laugh - didn't mean to make it awkward'.. and that should reset things. Obviously you stunned her a bit, and wasn't expecting you to say what you did.. so she didn't know what to do with it exactly. But its ok, and repairable. Once you've said your piece, walk away back to friends / class etc., and she will be back 'in balance' with you again. Just be the good guy you are about it (if you weren't you wouldn't ask about it) and you're sorted.

The thing about meeting girls is, it can't be faked. Its such an over used statement, yet true. Just be yourself and relax.

LegacyUser

Thanks very much Abigail..Yeah I tend to say a lot of things which seem 'adorable', so it's grand. lol Oh yeah EDIT: I did shake her hand when she said she saw me as a friend (forgot to mention that) so I didn't just walk away (story telling error). I honestly don't know what provoked me to do that in the nightclub there and then, but she didn't seem too phased by it in the nightclub. So I really wasn't expecting the awkwardness.. but it happened. Anyway thanks again.

blaz

What is your ultimate goal with her? Do you want to be friends with her or would you like her to become your girlfriend?

If you are OK being just her friend, then do what Abigayle told you and the awkwardness should disappear.

If you believe that there is a chance you will become friends first and perhaps something more later, then I will tell you straight out: it will never ever happen, just forget it. In this case it doesn't matter if she's awkward around you, as you won't be and shouldn't be seeing her much anyway.

Very blunt translation of the moment you told her you fancy her: You told her "I would like you to become my girlfriend at some point." She told you: "I don't want to become your girlfriend ever." Yeah, I know, that's very blunt, but it's the truth. Face it.

LegacyUser

Yeah I know for definite that she doesn't see me in that way Blaz. I kinda knew before hand anyway that she wasn't into me. However we seemed to be getting on really well, so I didn't know what to make of that. I decided in that moment to take a chance and it didn't go in my favour. I'm ok with that, but I'd still like to be able to salvage something of a friendship or even just to be civil when we're around the same people, if it's possible. If not then I'll just have to take it as a learning experience

If you actually read my post I said that I'd like to be able to get along with her, and perhaps still be friends (if we actually were in the first place- maybe I was too sudden and waited till I was sure of something specific).Again another learning experience. If not like I said above just to be even civil when we are in the same group of people. I can't deal with awkwardness, and I don't want to find myself in a situation where I'm avoiding people just because she's there, as that would just be stupid.

Carsinian Thau

OP, I can't advise you any better than Abigayle already has so I'm not even going to try but I would like to tell you that you really are very mature and are handling this very very well.

You're far more mature than I was when I first started college and you're probably more mature than I am now.

mr_edge_to_you

Fair play to you chief! You took a chance and it didn't work out. All part of life. At least you had the goolies to say it. No point keeping it to yourself!

Snowie

Op

stop thinking about it. now. you get nervous enjoy being nervous beleave me the best way to cure it is bye enjoying it.

As for the girl fair play to you for saying it tho its not always the best thing to say, once a woman knows she can have you she loose's interest well i think so.

There not much you can do she'l probably be feeling as uncomfortable as you are.
I personally wouldnt do anything huge and just take it as it goes shoot from the hip...

Its a good tp experence this and to be honest, rejection sucks but theres millions of other women out there

blaz

collegeprop wrote: »

If you actually read my post I said that I'd like to be able to get along with her, and perhaps still be friends (if we actually were in the first place- maybe I was too sudden and waited till I was sure of something specific).Again another learning experience. If not like I said above just to be even civil when we are in the same group of people. I can't deal with awkwardness, and I don't want to find myself in a situation where I'm avoiding people just because she's there, as that would just be stupid.

The trap in all of this usually is that most men think "yeah I'm fine with just being friends with her" but deep inside themselves think they might be able to win her over, given enough time.

So the most important aspect of all this is that you are true to yourself. Do you really think you can handle that girl being just your friend? How about seeing her kissing other guys in your presence? You would be ok with that?

There is no need to avoid other people or even avoid her, just don't think you'll be able to be her friend, because you won't. Your feelings will always get in the way.