Very confused..help

LegacyUser

Hi there,

Just looking for some advise. I am just out of a long term relationship, and I havent wanted to meet anyone. However I have a male friend who I do spend a lot of time with whom I have known for years, we are great friends now, and the problem is I am starting to become very attracted to him, and think about him all the time. There is one problem he is bi, and was with a male recently, and most of the time I would consider gay. Look I know what you will think that I should move on it wont ever happen, and believe me I am trying very hard to the point am considering not remaining friends with him, as it is getting hard. Now this guy has no idea, and flirts with me like mad, and acts like he is into me, which doesnt help the situation. Anyway it will be hard to stop being friends as we work together, and have to. So I am at a loss...
any advise greatly appreciated.

thx

Terodil

If he's bi, then I don't see a problem with a possible relationship. If he's bi that doesn't mean that he'd be unfaithful.

I agree with sunflower27, I'd be a bit wary of a possible rebound.

LegacyUser

I have to agree with sunflower there, when my LTR was off, guy I knew started flirting with me a little more than usual, he used to before but I took no notice just a bit of fun, and anyway it went from there we would spend alot of time on MSN etc chatting and flirting.

Eventually we decided to meet up and ended up kissing. night was fine bit of fun, I went home. Anyway he never texted me afterwards and well I didn't go on MSN much after that ..was waiting for him to text, he didn't.

I guess really although I just wanted a bit of fun I realised I was a bit of an old fashioned gal :P and had sorta ruined an okay friendship with someone for nothing really. I mean in reality he knew I was on rebound, I knew I was the rebound...but in the end I was a bit offended, It got awkward and now we don't chat so much anymore.....silly right?

Not sure if I'm making my point here ! I guess what Im trying to say is, if you wanna connect with someone at the moment don't do it with a friend. Last thing you want now is complications.

LegacyUser

Hi,

thanks for your replies...

In some ways I agree it could possibly be a rebound thing, I split up with the ex about 6 months ago, it was my decision I was very unhappy for a long time, but stayed as we have a child together.

I think I am going to just try and get it out of my head, I cant cut him off as I have to work with him as well. It is mad as when I did not find him attractive he used to call me and meet up with me all the time, and now that I have feelings he doesnt call as much, I am affraid he may be getting a vibe...I hope not, I have been told that I am like the ice queen most of the time, and usually when I do like someone I tend to hide my feelings a lot more...so I cant imagine he knows.
I was out with him recently before he split with his partner, and he kept saying to me that the partner was a blow in, and flirting with me, and then they broke up, and now thats all he talks about is the ex. I think he was just trying to be a tough guy and pretending he wasnt mad about his ex...
I find now I am hoping he will call, and want to meet up. He asked me to meet him today, and I was gonna, but couldnt earlier, so I was gonna tonight, only to find he was meeting the ex for a chat. I have to say I was kinda jealous.

god I hate having these feelings, I am hoping they will pass, and it is just me being insecure at he moment.

sorry for the rant, guess it is annoying me more than I thought :-(

LegacyUser

just another update,

I end up having a sort of text fight the weekend with him, I got annoyed with him for no reason, and I almost told him how I felt, I am so glad I did not.

I have to see him in work tomorrow...god I just want things to go back to normal...

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

Hang in there. It will pass. This is a temporary feeling, although I know it feels like you will never get over it.

When I think of the losers I've wasted tears on in my life, I actually cringe

thx Sunflower...its really hard.
We were messaging in work and with each other all week, and on Friday we were sending messages and having the usual flirt and laugh, and then I decided to mention it as fun, so I said to him...I have to tell you something, I really like you, and he made a joke, and then I said don't laugh I am serious, so then he goes on for ages, about how we are just friends, and that I know he is with a guy etc, and he couldn't change even if he wanted to....
So I left it for a while to respond, cause I was really hurting, I then messages back and pretended it was all a joke....he half bought it, as we always play games like that.
He then said I think there is some truth in it though, as we are always flirting, I was sick I had opened my mouth, as I knew he was testing me.
Then I just responded well you flirt with me as well, and you done fancy me etc...he then said I never said I didn't fancy you, but we are mates and need to stay that way, I just laughed the whole thing off, and I think he bought it. He came over to walk me out of work, and we just laughed, and I said to him don't worry I am not gonna attack you, I was only kidding....I don't fancy you etc etc...
He was over with his bf last night, and it was so weird, we are actually still cool but inside I am dying. One because I said it and two because I know now he really sees me as a friend.
I know I should be okay with this, even though he claims he is bi, I really think he is just gay, and I should know you just don't go there.
But it still hurts, I really want these feelings to go away...but as long as we do so much together I don't think they will.
I am also in a business with him, and I don't wanta give it up...
what to do....has anyone ever been in this situation, or I am just sad..