am I paranoid?

LegacyUser

I have been going out with my bf for a few years, we broke up for a month a two about 6 months ago and since then every time we bump into people he works with he always "forgets" to introduce me.

It doesn't happen very often that we see them, but when we do I always end up standing there like an idiot waiting to be introduced ...... when I confront him he says he just forgets and that he doesn't mean it, but gets kinda annoyed when I press the issue. Should I be paranoid? I don't know what to think .. anyone else have the same issue?

Yep. Bad sign. When my ex-boyfriend started doing this, it was a sign for me that things would finish very soon. He didn't want people to know he had a girlfriend, he obviously hadn't mentioned me to people and then when we bumped into them it was awkward. I mean, a guy should be proud to introduce you as his girlfriend, why wouldn't he be unless something was going on?

LegacyUser

Did your ex eventually say that's why he didn't introduce you? I mean i texted my bf tonight just saying that it upsets me and asking why he does it, and he just says " I don't mean to" and then I said " maybe you do mean to" ...just suggesting to him that maybe there is a reason he "forgets", but he got all sarcastic and then I ended up saying sorry ..and now he is not replying to me.....I feel like a nagging psycho!

ugh !

SarahSassy

He is manipulating you pretty well by turning it round on you. Why did you text him about it - face to face was the best option here.

shellyboo

Why are you standing there like a spare part? Introduce yourself, we're not living in Victorian times!

I had an ex who was really terrible with peoples' names and he never ever introduced me to anyone simply because he didn't know who he was talking to half the time. I got upset about it but then I realised it actually means nothing... and just started to introduce myself. He was delighted cos he got to learn all these people's names again!

confused1987

confused1987 wrote: »

Did your ex eventually say that's why he didn't introduce you? I mean i texted my bf tonight just saying that it upsets me and asking why he does it, and he just says " I don't mean to" and then I said " maybe you do mean to" ...just suggesting to him that maybe there is a reason he "forgets", but he got all sarcastic and then I ended up saying sorry ..and now he is not replying to me.....I feel like a nagging psycho!

ugh !

No of course he didn't. He always had some excuse, like he forgot, he forgot the other person's name (when I'd hear him using it 2 mins later), he didn't think it was necessary. Strange how he couldn't wait to introduce me as his girlfriend at the start of our relationship, but when he was looking for an exit (i.e another girl), he acted like I didn't exist. Now, some people are really bad at introducing people, but he wasn't, so this was a major red flag. And he also used to turn it around on me, acting like I was a nag and a bunny boiler. That's what men like this do, they make you feel like it's all your fault and your problem and you're being oversensitive. I am normally quite a calm and rational girl and he had me driven mad. I'm with a different guy now, and I never, ever feel like that. He takes all my concerns seriously, and reassures me rather than calling me crazy, and actually takes into consideration what I've said. I feel a million times better.

Wibbs

shellyboo wrote: »

Why are you standing there like a spare part? Introduce yourself, we're not living in Victorian times!

I had an ex who was really terrible with peoples' names and he never ever introduced me to anyone simply because he didn't know who he was talking to half the time. I got upset about it but then I realised it actually means nothing... and just started to introduce myself. He was delighted cos he got to learn all these people's names again!

That could well be the issue. The only thing against that is it seems to be happening since the last break. I could be wrong, but it doesnt sound like she noticed this before. Its the change thats worrying her. Id be a bit dubious myself if there is a change. There's a reason for it, innocent or not.

shellyboo

Wibbs wrote: »

That could well be the issue. The only thing against that is it seems to be happening since the last break. I could be wrong, but it doesnt sound like she noticed this before. Its the change thats worrying her. Id be a bit dubious myself if there is a change. There's a reason for it, innocent or not.

Totally. But an easy way to find out is to stop just accepting it. She should start introducing herself to these people, as his gf - if he has a problem with that he'll soon let her know. And the problem will come to light.

LegacyUser

Well I'm still being ignored! anyway I suppose I am being a bit paranoid and really I do have issues with his work people ..I mean the straw that caused us to break up was because he had a party with his work people, they stayed in his house all night till the next morning...but he failed to tell me it was just 5 girls from his work no guys....I felt very betrayed by this. he was like just party etc etc but ya I ended it then.

We worked it out and got back together but I guess I'm still a bit sensitive. I do get offended that I don't get invited to his work nights out, I know I shouldn't cos everyone has the right to separate nights out and all that.

And if he did get with one of them while we were broken up and thats why he is cagey..I mean that doesn't bother me I mean we were broken up and I kissed someone as well...I guess Ill just have to wait and see what happens!

Sorry for the spiel! seems like I don't know my own mind!

gaybitch

Introduce yourself when you first start to feel awkward. Make eye contact with the person at the start of the conversation, then at some point into the conversation join in and add "Oh, I'm Yourname, by the way, nice to meet you!"

It's just polite and good manners to introduce yourself and say "nice to meet you", so it won't seem out of place. If that annoys your boyfriend, perhaps you are right to be suspicious, but if this is passed without comment (as it should be) then you'll know his lack of introductions are completely innocent.

On a side-note, if you broke up about his work people having a party in his house (which seemed fairly innocent - if it had been one female staying over you may have the right to be annoyed, but 5? I mean, looking at it logically, did you think it was some sort of orgy scenario? :rolleyes:) and are now giving him a bit of hassle about them again, I could see why he may be becoming edgy. Why not try to handle these issues casually and without attacking him - by not stressing and not making a deal about things, but just talking them over normally, you're more likely to get a positive and constructive response from him!
Good luck anyway, hope it works out for the best

Liam Byrne

confused1987 wrote: »

I mean the straw that caused us to break up was because he had a party with his work people, they stayed in his house all night till the next morning...but he failed to tell me it was just 5 girls from his work no guys....I felt very betrayed by this. he was like just party etc etc but ya I ended it then.

If you'd broken up with me over this then I wouldn't have gone back. Who cares whether it was guys or girls ?

Guys and girls CAN be just friends, y'know.

If he's given you no other reason to doubt him, I'd reckon you were being way OTT; you didn't trust him then, and now you don't trust him either.