Why is she doing this?

LegacyUser

I need to go unreg for this.
I've started college this year and met a lot of really great people. We have a group of about 13 that all hang out together etc.
Recently however, one of the girls, the one who lives near me, keeps trying to exclude me from everything everyone else does together.
As I'm on a different course to the others, I usually ring one of them to find out where they are when I'm out of lectures but when it comes to her, she hangs up on me, ignores my texts or tells everyone I said I'm gone home when I haven't
Even on nights out, if it's a night Im working, she knows I wont be ready to go into town til about 11, so she arranges to meet everyone at ten, then texts me(while Im in work, I get it when I leave) that she's on the bus and for me to jump on at my stop, or if Im not working, she'll go ahead into town and then text me that she forgot to tell me she was on the bus.
If I ring her, she'll put on a 'Oh I didn't know, I'm sooo sorry' act.

I have a feeling it has something to do with the guys in our group as I'm closer to them than she is but still it's beyond the point of annoying me and I don't know how to handle her anymore.

Is it me? Am I overreacting?

ElaElaElano

You know the exact same thing happened to me when I was in college, and the mistake I made was letting it get to me and not talking about it- so you've taken a crucial step here, fair play to you.

The unfortunate reality is that some people are just vindictive, maybe they paint a picture in their head of you as something and when you turn out to be something else, something better, they're irritated by it and take steps like this girl seems to be doing to ruin things for you. Don't get too down about it though, obviously it's not particularly nice to be fcuked around like that but see it as a compliment- if you were insignificant she wouldn't be doing these things.

As for approaching it, personally I wouldn't bring it up with the rest of the group initially. Go directly to her, ask her can you have a chat and explain how you feel and see how she reacts. Don't be angry, keep your composure and see what she comes up with. She might go on the defensive and say you're overreacting, well politely point out to her the different things that have happened and stress that you wouldn't be addressing it if you didn't feel strongly about it. She might put a front in there and then but thinking about it herself might realise you have a point and put a stop to it.

Addressing things like this might be a little embarrassing but if it resolves the problem, surely that's a better option than letting it escalate?

nesbitt

The best way I have found to deal with someone who behaves in the way you have described is to take the power they seem to have over you away.

You can do this by not using this nasty person as you line of contact with your group of friends.

Check in with someone far nicer in the group regularly and get the heads up on what is going on and when you are meeting up etc. Let them know what your hours of work are and availability that way they can be clued up as to what suits you etc.

Avoid contact with this person just be real casual with them whilst in the group and be nice but superficial. Organise some stuff with your group yourself and start being more in control of what you are doing.

I would avoid a direct confrontation as this person seems to be game playing with you and knows the score already, and as suggested could have an agenda for excluding you for loads of reasons, like petty jealousy.

Make other friendships outside of this group too, that will be healthy for you. Sometimes the dynamic of a group can be complicated. So work on taking this power away from this person and you will feel alot happier.

BaZmO*

Why are you using this girl as your point of contact in the group?
If she's being a b1tch to you don't rise to it, but equally don't let it continue. There are enough people in the group that you can contact to find out what everyone is doing.

MistyCheese

OP, is there a reason why this girl is your point of contact? Because if not I would definately not rely on her anymore in this regard. Accident or not, she's not reliable when it comes to arranging your meet-ups.

I would consider adjusting your preception to her and stop considering her a friend if you don't get on. Just consider her to be the friend of some of your friends. She'll still be there but you wouldn't have direct contact, like doing something just the two of you.