No social skills present.

LegacyUser

Hello there.
Here is my story Im a guy in college.I have literally no confidence in a classroom or any group environment.My grades are good and i can talk well to someone one on one or with two people but when Im in a group i just freeze,say nothing and just fade into the background.I cant voice my opinion and i just feel like im disolving.Did anyone face an utter lack of confidence and what did they do to combat it?thanks.

Soul Cake Duck

I am, to others, considered a very shy person...to my friends..not so much. But I totally understand where you are coming from. I found that I became consumed by the fear of it but believe me I have come on a long way. For 'phobias' a person is not actually frightened of the object, for example…small spaces, but is afraid/ stressed about the reactions as a result of the fear. I ramble!

What I'm trying to say is try not to dwell on the fact that you freeze, blush, don't know what to say etc. as this will only add to your stress and worry of the situation. Try, when you are in a situation where you feel these anxieties to concentrate on something totally different and relaxing...like your breathing...(you might find this ridiculous but..) if you put your hand on your stomach and concentrate on your breathing, counting in your head it may divert you thoughts/worries...or do something else that changes your thought tracks from anxiety...slowly build up confidence by listening to people and gradually making remarks to the conversations going on around you or talk to a person in the group one on one. I'm rambling a lot today...anything than do my essay!! But its not a quick, one answer cures all but one step at a time…starting with changing your feelings of negativity about group situations and your interactions within them…be positive like you sat within that group and listened/laughed/were comfortable etc.

mrsberries

nocajones wrote: »

Hello there.
Here is my story Im a guy in college.I have literally no confidence in a classroom or any group environment.My grades are good and i can talk well to someone one on one or with two people but when Im in a group i just freeze,say nothing and just fade into the background.I cant voice my opinion and i just feel like im disolving.Did anyone face an utter lack of confidence and what did they do to combat it?thanks.

Hi there

I feel your pain! Im 32 and am naturally shy. However, I was painfully shy when I was younger. I would absolutely "die" with embarassment when someone spoke to me when I was in school and college and always felt a little on the outside of things. The good news is things have improved significantly over the years, and im sure they will too for you! Ive a great social life and friends.

As the previous poster said, the fear of what other people thought of me was probably bigger than the actual shyness itself. I think once I became used to the idea and accepted that I do blush and started to ignore it and not dwell on it, did it become a non-issue!! In fact its something I now point out to people and make a joke of.

Another thing I think has helped over the years is doing things that push me out of my comfort zone. I have to say Im still not comfortable in crowds of people, even friends and family, However I push myself to join new clubs/groups and do different courses - anything from personal effectiveness to presentation skills. The confidence you gain from doing things like this is worth the pain you feel at first!

Hope ive made some sense. Its not a quick solution, just believe that things will get better and never, ever let shyness stop you doing anything you want!! Nobody dislikes people because they are shy so try and not to get hung up on social awkwardness Life is too short